What a good sub needs to be

I answered a comment recently giving my suggestion as to what character traits make a sub ideal for a Mistress and how a sub might find one. It went as follows;

First, acquire as many useful skills as possible. Ironing, cooking, cleaning, cunnilingus, massage, etc. And it helps to be earning a decent salary. Second look for a woman who is quite independent. She need not appear assertive or dominant but is likely to be comfortable with herself. Third, if you broach the subject, be very subtle. Just talk about how you find it difficult not to do as you are told when confronted with a bossy woman. Do not talk about whips and chains and chastity. Next, be ultra-chivalrous and wait on her hand and foot, so she gets used to it and would miss it if it stopped. Especially make sure she has many oral orgasms to only a few or no orgasms for you. Tell her your pleasure comes more from giving her pleasure than sating yourself. Use contact websites and visit places like Club Pedestal and Club Black Whip.

I subsequently entered into an exchange with another sub and after three exchanges, realised my original answer had missed a very important trait. I quickly realised that this sub did not give a moment’s thought to what I might want from the exchange. His focus was 100% on what he wanted.

So I thought about bitch-boy and I realised possibly his most important trait, which was evident on our first date (before BDSM arose for us), was that he continually put himself in my shoes, with considerable accuracy, and imagined what my wants and needs were at any given moment. He still does so, and is correct in his imaginings 99.99% of the time.

On our first date, within five minutes of us sitting at a table with our drinks, he noticed I was a little cold. I had said nothing about this. He immediately suggested we move, so I could sit directly next to the open fire crackling in the large grate. I was so impressed! I think his fate was probably sealed then! Over a decade later, it is fair to say that bitch-boy knows me inside out and upside down. He will notice a review of a DVD I would love, he knows which flowers I like, which underwear, he will notice a review of a restaurant I will like, which make/model of car I would like next. Proactive things on his part that go beyond what I can acquire from him through dominance alone.

So, I add to the comments above, that, in my opinion, a good sub who would be attractive to a Mistress, possesses:

– the selflessness, the perception and, in time, the knowledge – to be able to correctly second guess all his Mistress’s wants and needs and act upon that, without prompting.

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11 Responses to What a good sub needs to be

  1. jeff says:

    I think that is great insight. Too many so-called submissive men just attempt to fill their own desires. True male submission comes when a man places his Mistress’ needs and desires (even her small desires) above his own needs (forget about his desires). In a true femdom relationship the slave’s main purpose is to ensure his Mistress’ comfort and pleasure, no matter how difficult that may be on him.

    I love reading about how you keep your man in his place.


  2. stu says:

    What a wonderful insite into looking for a Mistress and doing the correct things to make her life more pleasurable. I do so agree that so many of the so called subs only have the end focus what they require and not being useful to their owner.

    I did leave a comment before, that I was sent on a manicure course to tend for my Mistresses nails, it never entered my thoughts that this was for my benefit in anyway. In fact it was quite humiliating being with 8 young ladies who practiced on each other. I was lucky enough to have a model to work witk, forget about a young beauty, think more of a Penelope Keith look.

    Another way I have been used is after cleaning my Mistresses leather coat, She showed my work off to Her Mother whom in turn asked me to clean Her’s. Again I was very happy to do this, just the pleasure of being of genuine service.


  3. tedsubby says:

    Sometimes the line between romantic and submissive is blurred. With my Princess, who is my dominant wife of over 15 years, I do not know whether my motivation for pleasing her is romance or submission but I know that it is always love.

  4. boylongingtobeowned says:

    This is a lovely message. i thoroughly enjoyed reading the loving side of Your relationship, it truely shows in Your writing.

    Thank You

  5. carl says:

    Isn’t what you describe what every girl wants, whether she be sub, domme or vanilla ?

    • Good point – that may well be the case. However, I was giving my opinion of the attributes required of a sub that a Mistress would find attractive. So I guess, if a sub is looking for a Mistress and the sub does not have:

      the selflessness, the perception to be able to correctly second guess all his Mistress’s wants and needs and act upon that, without prompting,

      then unless they acquire that attribute through personal change, then they are less attractive to a Mistress than they might be.

  6. Ayesha says:

    Yes, that sums it up quite well for the vanilla femdom world.

  7. Tracee says:

    It’s remarkable in favor of me to have a site, which is good for my knowledge. thanks admin

  8. sissy jamieanne says:

    My Mistress/Wife and i have lived a “Femdom” lifestyle almost since we married (1981). For many years this involved a lifestyle very similar to that which You share with bb…I was dressed as a sissy maid, wore shame outfits, had almost never ending welts and bruises on my bottom and thighs (She was an absolute expert with the cane)…but in the end, it has always been about service to Her and making Her life as easy and pleasant and luxurious as possible!

    Pleasuring Her with oral sex (front and rear) with my own clitty safely locked away, full body massages, preparing Her clothes for the day, running Her bath water, bathing Her…standing by with a warm towel when She got out of the bath, preparing and serving meals, doing all of the housework and laundry…the list goes on…The point…slavery is not about my own fantasies, titillation and pleasure, but about service to my Superior…anything less is just a kinky game!

    You may have noticed that I spoke in past tense above…unfortunately “life” has tempered our extreme “Femdom” lifestyle…my Wife has some significant health issues now which unfortunately have depleted Her energy as well as an adult child and grandchildren moving back into the home…but that aside, the “service” part of our relationship continues on…my Wife still does not lift a hand to help with the house work or meal preparation (unless She specifically desires to) and i still serve Her meals and clean up after, still do all Her laundry, change bed linens and obey…because really…it’s all about service and serving our Superiors!

    Thank You Mistress Scarlet for Your wonderful blog! It is a wonderful service to the Femdom community, and in reading of bb’s plights, i am reminding of my own place in the scheme of things…i am a servant, a toy and a slave.

    Most humbly and respectfully,

    sissy jamieanne

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