Wannabe 24/7 submissive men

I receive a lot of comments from submissive men who want to be in a 24/7 relationship with a dominant woman and cannot make it happen. Although I am poorly qualified to give it, possessing almost no scientifically derived data, nonetheless – here is some advice.

Some research I did read many years ago estimated that, because of society’s stereotyping, there are between 10 and 100 submissive men to each dominant woman. Wonderful (smug) for us Dommes, a problem for male subs. But there it is. So it is a competitive situation. As a male sub you may be competing with between 9 and 99 other sub men to secure your spot in 24/7 enslavement. How do you win the competition? What follows are my suggestions – obviously they may not be right for all other Dommes.

Learn to be excellent at housework, ironing and laundry. Learn to be an excellent cook. Perhaps learn about wine and cocktail making, giving pedicures, massages, get good computer skills. Get good at yard work and gardening, at decorating and DIY. If you are excellent at some or all of these things remain very humble about that!

Learn to talk less and listen more. Get physically fit. This does not mean become a muscle man. Some Dommes do like a muscle man but many, like me, do not want to see big muscles. However we are unlikely to want to see obesity and much more importantly, you have to be able to run up a few flights of stairs without getting out of breath. Good sexual oral skills and being content giving far more sexual pleasure than you receive  is important. Earn a decent wage. If you do not, go to college, get some more qualifications, get a better job. This takes time so you will have to spend less time reading blogs like mine! So if I have already put you off – you probably are not going to win the competition. If you take the advice so far, but still fail to win, well you will be a better, and probably happier person anyway – as a side-effect.

You may be married or in a serious relationship and hope to ‘turn’ your woman into a dominant. Do not show her extreme things from the internet. Start off by waiting on her hand and foot (with some dignity – not cringeworthy creepiness) – cook, clean, buy flowers, give compliments, give much more than you receive in the bedroom. You may reach a point whereby she would miss all this lovely attention and graft if it stopped. You might at this point subtly talk about being submissive to women.

WARNING – All of the above may not result in what you want. For a woman to become seriously dominant and cruel she either has to be very brave (as in my case) to go against all of society’s rules and morals and traditions, (particularly overt sadism as well as the female being in charge rather than the male),  or has to be the sort of woman who does not give a damn about society’s rules and morals and traditions. Many, many woman are not brave enough and do very much give a damn, so will never become seriously dominant and cruel. DO NO RESENT THEM! It is how they are made and you chose them. Deal with it with good grace.

I would love to hear from other Dommes who could provide advice and I will amend this post with any I receive.

Please, male subs note – I have a sub (bitch-boy) who I have been training and subjugating for over a decade. I do not need another sub and I have no intention of replacing bitch-boy, so there really is no point in asking if you can be my sub, although it is flattering to be asked.


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17 Responses to Wannabe 24/7 submissive men

  1. Ross K says:

    My God, the years it’s taken me to learn this! And my lady is not always naturally dominant, so I’ve had to work so hard not to resent her for it. I’ve been the creepy, wimpy turn-off boy, I’ve been the look-at-all-the-extreme-stuff-we-should-be-doing sub, I’ve been through the realization that I like serving, and I like my lady, and that’s where I am. The answer to expressing your submissivenes lies within. She treats me to some abuse now and again, for which I’m grateful, and I try to treat her to everything. Wonderful post!

  2. Simon says:

    Ms Scarlet, thank you so much for your blog and your books, I very much look forward to the publication of volume 7, hopefully the event is not too far away? Regarding this post, as always there is much to consider and it seems to make a lot of sense, if I may ask one or two related questions – how and where could one find a person such as yourself? Do you think, on balance it would be more successful to engage in a vanilla relationship and attempt to introduce the changes, or seek to find a non consensual relationship from the start? Do you have any thoughts for those situations where although one does, indeed has to, accept with good grace that your partner will or cannot be sadistic and cruel, what one might do then?
    Again, I cannot thank you enough for your writing, I eagerly await each update and publication and I am, as I am sure many readers are, rather, no, completely in awe of you, albeit from a safe distance.

    • I think the best option to find a Domme is BDSM contact sites on the web.

      I cannot say what should happen for those situations where ‘although one does, indeed has to, accept with good grace that your partner will or cannot be sadistic and cruel, what one might do then?‘ It must be each case on its merits. I would however always caution against ‘the grass is greener on the other side‘ syndrome.

      Volume 7 is likely to be published in about one month.

  3. PinkPantiesonMe says:

    I don’t think most men could handle being a 24/7 sub. Real life situation, me, totally submissive married 22 years, 5 kids, job,house, 2 cars, yard work, cooking, dishes,laundry,grocery shopping,running errands. Then I have to please my wife in the bedroom. About all we manage is for me to be in chastity and panties 24/7 and we average about 2 to 3 full out days a month where we are free of kids for more than 12 hours.

    BTW Mistress Scarlet thank you for your idea with the inter-dental picks! My wife was at a local pharmacy and they apparently carried a combo- inter dental pick flosser. If you can imagine a front fork of a bicycle about 2.5 to 3″ long ,floss on one end between the forks and the pick on the other. She has managed to spread the fork to where it can be placed within my chastity cage. Very very irritating an d unfortunately for me it stays in place.
    On another note; in our last session, she allowed me to use just my fingers ,fore and index only to penetrate her to orgasm while I remained in chastity. She soaked the sheets and I ,not so much, but that was just fantastically agonizing for me to feel her orgasm and to be able to smell her and watch her. Very frustrating for me I just wanted it to be my cock in her so much! Then of course I had to clean the sheets which after 2 hrs were literally just dripping wet. Her scent all over them just flooded my senses again as well as my cage.

  4. tomilina says:

    Any chance, Mistress, that we might soon get another installment of Journal entries? I personally would LOVE to hear more about “Girl’s Night IN”! Would you ever publish something from his point of view (e.g. how he feels humiliating himself for you and others)? I am certain many would love to hear that!. Thank you, Mistress Scarlet, for what you have shared with us
    up to now.

  5. slave05 says:

    Maam..said with respect.
    love ur writing n advice..thanks!!!
    Love to b real time slave..(not Yours:-) since u have one)
    Have a few draw backs..lack of money..age 60..n Gods will for me to be an owned slave..with out that never will happen.

    sny way
    Thanks. slave barry

  6. Cats slave says:

    Insightful as ever. I would also like to add, as I have known I was submissive since childhood, be honest with potential partners from the start. Don’t try to “groom”your wife/girlfriend into being the Mistress of your dreams. My first marriage failed because of this. I learnt the hard way and when I met my Mistress For Life I was completely honest from the start….I had nothing to l lose and didn’t want another unfulfilling relationship where neither party could offer what the other really wanted. It worked for me,I belong to the woman of my dreams and we married on 30th May!

  7. burke lang says:

    Would it be possible for your slave-husband to post blogs that describe some of the events that You blog about from his point of view? For example, In your second journal you describe a trip with a friend to Spain or France. You describe some fascinating activities. It would be almost as fascinating to have bitch-boy describe the same events from his point of view, maybe through an auxiliary blog. (The professional mistress i see made that suggestion after i showed her Your blog).

  8. burke lang says:

    i have a second suggestion that i forgot to include in the first post. One of the many intriguing subplots in your narrative is the involvement of your sisters, mother, and your sister’s Pakastani friend. Would it be possible to describe in some detail how You interested Your female relatives: What conversation occurred? What was their initial reaction? How would You describe Your underlying relationships? How did the friend react? You must have an incredible relationship with Your mother to get her to be interested in what You describe. How did that come about? Did seeing this interest Your family? You allude to their trying these things with their husbands? What kinds of steps have they taken? Please forgive my curiosity, but your material is amazing.

    • The introduction of these women to my lifestyle is covered in the journal entry – Girls’ Night In – in Volume 1 of my journals. Their initial reactions were shock but they adapted very quickly. It is/was a perfect storm for bitch-boy for the following reasons.

      We, as could be expected, have very similar character traits. We all have a steely, mercilessness in certain scenarios. For instance, if any of us are crossed by genuinely unjust bad behaviour, we have no mercy in how we secure ‘justice’ or in how much the offender suffers. We are all pleasure seeking hedonists. The combination of these traits results in taking maximum pleasure from exploiting bitch-boy with no mercy at all. The four of us are very, very close. Sarah’s friend is quite different to us in many respects but happens to share the mercilessness trait and has a spiteful edge to her with no regard to society’s morals.

      I never have or will go into the relationships of these women with their men. That is a no-go area.

  9. westfalen says:

    I agree with the comment above by Cats slave that one should be upfront with one’s submissive desire right from the start to avoid disappointment down the road for both parties. Also since i have had a few F/m relationships over the years with these types of women, i know there are some naturally sadistic or cruel as you say women out there who also do not quite know what to do with their desires given as you note all the societal prohibitions against them acting in this way …..but when they meet a willing maso sub gent whom they like for his vanilla side anyways, who gives them the green light on these inhibited sadistic desires of theirs, then those prohibitions can quickly fall by their wayside as they pick up their whips:)……..these undiscovered gems of Dommes are not common but they are out there………

  10. punkahwallah says:

    I enjoyed this article, thank you.

    In all, it looks like very good advice for any married man: “Be excellent at housework… talk less and listen more… start off by waiting on her hand and foot”.


  11. John says:

    Great advise. I especially agree with the pedicure idea, I started doing pedicures when I was 15 (very badly back then!) but learned to give 5 star spa quality pedicures and that skill set has helped me to meet many dominant women and be allowed to give many many pedicures to beautiful girls. Its not that hard, but it takes practice and a true dedication to doing them well.

  12. sissy jamieanne says:

    Your words are as usual wise, Ma’am! I believe Your advice to the male who wants to be a sub is excellent…and rightly, it focuses on service and servitude! As a sub/slave, I expect to do all of the housework, laundry, ironing, garden/yard work, et. al. And…the life of a submissive is about making the life of the Dominant party pleasant and easier…not about having all of his fantasies and needs catered to!

    Thank You, Ma’am for the service that You provide to the Femdom community…both Dominant Woman and submissive…You are a wonderful, shining example and an amazing teacher!

    With humble respect,

    sissy jamieanne

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