Monthly Archives: May 2015

Becoming a Domme

I had a comment/question which I took a while deciding how to answer. I thought the question and my answer may be worthy of a post.

The question.
Speaking of the submissive mind it’s amazing what a feeling I get from her just telling me she wants me wearing her panties for the day. That constant reminder through the day is the closest thing I get to having a real bitch status in our relationship. But then this is shot down by her not doing anything dominating while I am in this state. A text message, a comment….anything to reinforce that she has that power over me would then complete what I think putting me in panties was meant to do in the first place. I’m trying hard not to “top from the bottom” as they say, but it’s so frustrating to start off a morning with a command like that from her and not get any more mention of it again through the whole day. You would think she’s just not that into it, but she does have such a dominating type of personality. She just seems content enough to use my submissive side for constant back and foot massages. She never really orders the massages, more like asks me to do it. The simple “can you” at the beginning of her words makes such a big difference. Maybe it’s from being exhausted from work & then taking care of the kids after that she just doesn’t have the energy to want to “play”. I can’t figure out why she’s so reluctant. She knew of my submissive side before we got married and has bought “toys” herself for us, including a whip and collar. But she has never really used them on me. Writing all this down it makes me think she is doing all this just to make me happy. What do you think? Is there any way to get her to the next step? Thank you for taking the time to respond to my first comment/question. Again, from reading your blog, the way your mind works is the “perfect storm” for a submissive mind that can’t resist giving in to anything you desire. Your ability to put it on paper is the icing on the cake.

My answer
I have thought for days about how to answer you questions. I have decided that all I can do is relate to you elements of the progression of bitch-boy and I.

Bitch-boy has always loved me completely and unconditionally even before our DS ‘got serious’. There was a point when I was very similar to your wife. One day he sat me down and said to me that I was missing out on just how much adoration and devotion he was capable of. That he already knew that I felt utterly loved by him and that that would never change, but that as a submissive at his core, he was capable of outrageous and absurd levels of adoration and devotion and that I would really love that if I had it. (He was careful to make it clear this was not an ultimatum and that I would lose nothing of the wonderful relationship I had, if I stayed the same, but that an even better life for me was possible. I did already love my life.) He said I could try it and see if I liked it. That would mean a step change in my behaviour. From your examples – the text messages, the comments, the instructing instead of requesting. He made it clear, if I tried it and it did not work for me, then I would lose nothing and he would not resent me in any way. So I tried it. I loved this new level of adoration and devotion. Flowers and gifts for no reason. Offering to help me in all ways. Spotting ways I had not considered where he could make my life easier or better. I also found that I did enjoy issuing a curt instruction, rather than a request and seeing it eagerly obeyed.

There were times I slipped back to the old me and he would gently remind me that the outrageous and absurd levels of adoration and devotion could only be maintained by me having my new persona. That this was not a threat or blackmail – but how he was made. If he was dominated ruthlessly, he could not help himself but proffer the outrageous and absurd levels of adoration and devotion. Without the ruthless levels of domination, these would fade from him but he was keen to point out he would still love me every bit as much. I soon found myself in the habit of texts and comments and instructing, not asking, and enjoying the feeling of such dominance and the benefits of the outrageous and absurd levels of adoration and devotion. The next stage became punishments for disobedience. I learned that the punishment had to be so bad that he genuinely with all his heart would try to avoid the punishment. And I learned that it was OK to be a sadist during this phase. It can be very difficult for some women to accept that it is 100% OK for them to take true pleasure in inflicting physical or mental pain.

Two things your wife might really like. AUTOMATIC REPLENISHING and TIDYING UP AFTER. Automatic replenishing means nothing your wife wants ever runs out. So if chilled wine in the fridge is running low, a new bottle is put in the fridge to chill – ready for when needed. If her phone battery is running low, it gets recharged. Fuel in the car is low, it gets a refill. Basically nothing she ever needs runs out. Once you have experienced this as a wife, it is hard to go without it. It can also be a great way to invoke punishment. So many things need replenishing each day/week – if the slave forgets one ever – serious punishment time! And it is the slave’s job to predict what and when – not the wife’s.

Tidying up after is also addictive. I use the bathroom and leave it in a mess, it had better be tidied to perfection before I use it again. I change out of my work clothes and throw them on the bed – they better be hung up and tided away PDQ. I do some baking which I enjoy – and leave the kitchen in a terrible mess – it gets tided up PDQ. I read the weekend papers and supplements and throw those I have finished with on the floor or wherever – they get tidied up. I do my exercises and drop sweaty clothes and socks and trainers on the floor wherever I take them off, they get put in the laundry. I open a package received in the post and drop the packaging to the floor – it gets picked up and dealt with. So anything I leave out gets put away, any mess I make gets cleaned up. In your situation, this might help your wife feel less tired too.

Of course, bitch-boy would now like to turn the clock back! Be careful what you wish for, should be the mantra by which bitch-boy lives. Perhaps it is!

Depravity Day Equipment

The visit of Mistress Jane and play-toy was a huge success. One unexpected issue of such depravity days, for me anyway, is the need to have double the items of key equipment. The day beforehand I did think about this and had bitch-boy cobble together a second funnel gag, but the bottom line is, today I will be ordering a proper second funnel gag, a second posture collar and a second waist belt – generously supplied with D-rings.

bitch-boy was secured on a bed and often ignored for hours and, during that time, play-toy was also secured on a bed from time to time. Hence the need for the doubling up of key equipment. I like absolute helplessness and immobility when dealing with a bound slave and a good posture collar is an essential item for my standards of bondage. A posture collar also ensures the slave cannot move their head from side to side or down or up when a funnel gag is in use. By funnel gag in use – I mean with urine from a large syringe, spitting or a urine ice chunk.

play-toy experienced first time yesterday, via her funnel gag, spit and a little diluted urine from a syringe. Poor bitch-boy must have drunk a pint of undiluted urine over the 7 hours of his torments. Mistress Jane seemed to like nothing better than sit by his head with a full syringe and slowly squirt the entire contents into his funnel gag – with the sweetest most satisfied smile as she did so – taking her time and verbally abusing him as she pushed the plunger down. Sometimes her urine, sometimes mine and toward the end a cocktail of both mixed together. I will be writing a very long journal entry to detail the very many things we got up to yesterday.

bitch-boy probably thought the extended session of deep humiliation in front of Mistress Jane, play-toy and I, was the worst thing in the world. But after that session, when his stiff little clitty (already covered in nasty bumps from lots of earlier nettles use) was pushed into a fabric pouch full of fresh nettle leaves – well I think he then thought THAT was the worst thing in the world. The three of us did laugh at his histrionics!

A perfect perverted day!

This weekend, play-toy is visiting on the same day as Mistress Jane. I cannot wait! bitch-boy will be in sensory deprivation bondage while Mistress Jane and I use and abuse play-toy for a number of hours. During this phase, Mistress Jane will from time to time, leave play-toy and I to it, and go and abuse bitch-boy on her own. He is so frightened of that! I feel so powerful that I can subject him to the heartless cruelties of Mistress Jane, all on his own and vulnerable, while I indulge in sexual perversities with my female lover. Sex with another person for me and he never has sex with me.

Then after a good few hours of these perversities, play-toy will end her submissive role and bitch-boy will be subjected to three spiteful, heartless Mistresses. First he will be in his little girl outfit playing with his dollies – probably tearfully! Then, as the weather looks to be fine, he will do some rotary clothes line duty. Finally, up onto the BDSM bed for him. Legs wide apart in the gynaecological stirrups, funnel gag in place. There will be nettles – probably in the pouch for his clitty and he will be enjoying the flavour of Mistress Jane’s nectar as well as mine. Play-toy has also promised to rub his nose in his cuckolded status throughout. (bitch-boy has to refer to play-toy as Governess Lexi).

Mistress Jane and play-toy are so delightful! I am very lucky to have found them! How bitch-boy wishes I hadn’t!!!! LOL.

Chilli Pepper CBT

Play-toy visited last weekend and it was a wonderful, long day of perversion. I had bitch-boy in TSD bondage for around 4 hours in a remote bedroom while I used and abused play-toy around the house. She is such a pain slut! Then, when she and I were sated in our very different ways, it was time to dress in the clothes in which I would be taking her back to the train station, and then time for the pair of us to abuse poor, cuckolded bitch-boy for an hour or two. (The whole day forms a very long and detailed journal entry for Volume 9 of my journals which I think will be published in late June.)

In the run up to play-toy’s visit, she had expressed an interest in using the flesh of fresh chilli peppers on the flesh of bitch-boy’s little clitty – just to see what effect it would have. Sexualities are so complicated aren’t they. I don’t like labels but for the sake of explaining this, I would say she is a lesbian submissive masochist but, given absolute power over bitch-boy, becomes a very sadistic dominant. Delightfully enjoying, in equal measure, causing him physical and / or mental anguish.

My report is that the flesh of a freshly halved (long ways) chilli pepper rubbed meticulously into the shaft of a stiff, hard, little clitty takes longer to start burning than Deep Heat embrocation cream but then, when fully burning – burns as much as Deep Heat Muscle Rescue – the most powerful of the Deep Heat range. The burn also seems to last a little longer. So much sobbing from poor bitch-boy and not a scintilla of mercy or guilt in play-toy. Just big blue eyes glittering with pleasure, sadism and fascinated amusement. As she and I left the house on route to the station, his desolate, pitiful sobbing could still clearly be heard! Poor bitch-boy.

Love and Respect your slave?

I often get comments on my blog questioning whether I have any love and/ or respect for bitch-boy. Below are two recent examples.

Do you ever wish that you would have married vanilla or dominant manly masculine man that you could respect and love instead of weak sissy BB? If you could choose again, would you marry submissive man?

Do you ever show any kind of affection towards BB (I mean like hugging, kissing, cuddling, saying that you love him etc.) or is it just constant cruelty and disdain towards BB 24/7?
And do you love BB? I don’t mean to be rude but when you write about things like having zero sympathy towards him when his sick etc, that question arises. Do you still have any romantic feelings toward him or do you view BB as subhuman?
I’m myself young submissive man, and although I am often in awe of your dominance, it also frightens me so much. I would like to submit to a woman who would still love and respect me and luckily most of blogs by dominant women so also that tender side, but yours show nothing like that.
I hope that I am wrong about that (I mean you mention sometimes that you do have vanilla moments etc.), but I am just curious so that’s why I am asking about it.

I always answer these comments but I thought, this time, I should write a definitive post on the subject and perhaps put it to bed once and for all. The words below, which I shall now expand upon, are already posted on my ‘LADIES ADOPT THE LIFESTYLE’ page.

Several times I have posted on women’s blogs who are playing at domination or chastity control and, in response to a question they pose, I have set out a view of taking the steps required to move from a game to real domination. I often receive the response – I want a husband, not a doormat.
If only these women understood that a man dominated, punished and humiliated at home (or at selected friends’ homes) can still be your knight in shining armour when the need arises. My bitch-boy happens to be the most intelligent and courageous person I have ever met. Should we find ourselves in a dodgy part of a city at night, for instance, there is no one I would feel more secure with. If I have a tedious problem to resolve, he takes on anyone or any organisation on my behalf, with assertiveness and solutions to problems.
So I say to these women that play games. You can have your cake and eat it.

So, to expand on the subject further I will start by saying that bitch-boy and I have lives split into two. BDSM and vanilla. I never write about the vanilla aspect because I think most readers will find that very boring. When in vanilla mode, bitch-boy still serves me – but in ways that cause me to respect him. He is a fantastic cook – he prepares all the meals. He is a fantastic project planner – planning work on our old cottage or complex, exotic, touring holidays, etc. He deals with all the boring utility companies, the financial services companies, etc. and when there are problems he is assertive, resilient, patient and diplomatic and wins the day when many others would not. So all these burdens are lifted from me and he gains my respect because of his attributes. He is the most intelligent and courageous person I have ever met. When we are travelling in dodgy countries, he makes me feel safe. He is full of wisdom – helping friends, family and myself with issues to do with health, work or anything else – his wisdom is sought often. Working minimal hours, he runs a very profitable business. I could go on but hopefully you get the picture. I respect the vanilla bitch-boy and I love him – I love the life he brings me. For instance, walking along a beach during a beautiful sunset, I will hold his hand and tell him I love him.

However none of the above prevents me from treating him very, very badly to satiate my dominance and sadism. (Walking along a beach during a beautiful sunset, I will hold his hand and tell him I love him but that does not mean I will release him from his chastity device!)

He is deeply submissive, (has been since the age of 10), and so, unfortunately for him, when one of my mistreatment sessions is all over and the dust has settled, then the worse I have treated him, the more he is in awe of me and I exploit this fully. And sessions can last many days at a time. On holiday in a Mediterranean cottage for two weeks, he is mistreated all day, every day for two weeks. When I give up work (soon) the same will happen at home for many consecutive days at a time.

To recap, we have a vanilla life during which he serves me (and is in chastity) and yet his vanilla conduct fills me with respect for him. And we have a BDSM life during which I treat him appallingly. Very painful punishment and torments – the deepest humiliations imaginable – hours of tedium in TSD bondage, or playing with his dollies dressed as a little girl, sexual denial, cuckolding, etc. He begs with all his heart (even with tears) for me to cancel some of his profound humiliations in front of other women but this does not move me to mercy – it turns me on!

Since I found bitch-boy, I live a perfect dream life. It is complex and somewhat paradoxical – but it is how it is.

Temporary Rules become Permanent

Those of you who read Volume 6 of my journals may recall that in the Autumn of 2013 I was very sad that I was about to be deprived of two of my favourite things until the next summer. Those things being using nettles on bitch-boy’s bottom and clitty, AND having him do hours of rotary clothes line duty. To make up for my loss I introduced Winter Default rules.

Well these rules applied all winter just gone and summer is now all but on us, but to bitch-boy’s dismay I have decided the default rules now apply all year round.

An edited excerpt from Journal 6 now follows explaining the rules.

‘So bitch-boy, all the default rules apply while you wear any item with a hem, including an apron. So that includes, your Victorian maid outfit, your sissy maid outfits, your prissy sissy outfits and your school girl outfit – and anything else with a hem that I have failed to remember.’

‘The first rule relates to what is now referred to as your little clitty bells. Before I have finished dressing you in any outfit with a hem, you must have two little bells tied by pieces of six inch pink ribbon, to the frenum piercing ring in your little clitty. I may remember most times but if I ever forget you must politely ask if you may wear your little clitty bells. That’s whenever you are dressed in anything with a hem, do you understand?’ He again looked like he might burst into tears as he whispered his acquiescence.

‘If I forget and you do not remind me, and I subsequently remember, it will be thirty with the cane. I may test you on this by pretending to forget. The next set of rules relate to deportment. Whenever you are wearing any item with a hem including an apron, you will walk by placing each foot directly at your centre line and your steps will be of no more than 15 inches. In addition whenever you walk with both hands free, they will be holding your hem at your sides and raising that hem upward and outward. And your little pinky fingers will be pointed outward. If you are walking with one hand free, that free hand will be holding your hem at your side and raising that hem upward and outward. And your little pinky finger will be pointed outward. When you are standing still in front of me receiving an instruction or for any other reason, you will be holding your hem at your sides and raising that hem upward and outward. And your little pinky fingers will be pointed outward. ‘ I paused and sipped my coffee. Again he was slowly shaking his head from side to side.

‘In addition, whenever you hand something to me or take something from me, you will use both hands and you will bend at the waist because I will not be reaching toward you. Now we come to curtseying. You will perform a full curtsey whenever you enter or leave a room occupied by a superior female.’ He was now clearly overwhelmed and thoroughly horrified. I was having delightful fun!

‘The final curtsey rule relates to my shoes and boots.’ bitch-boy’s face again acquired a quizzical mask.

‘Whenever you pass a pair of my shoes or boots which I am not wearing, you will perform a quick bob-curtsey to them. Because they are superior in status to you aren’t they. They are more important than you, aren’t they! So I guess it will be in your interest to put them all away whenever you get the chance.‘ I laughed loudly. He was close to a state of disorientation as the full horror and pervasiveness of all the new rules sunk in.

‘Be clear that all these rules will apply when we are alone and, when we have any superior female guests visiting. And remember each infringement will mean 30 with the cane and I won’t care if you end up with 300 strokes in an afternoon. Now repeat all of the deportment rules to me.