Love and Respect your slave?

I often get comments on my blog questioning whether I have any love and/ or respect for bitch-boy. Below are two recent examples.

Do you ever wish that you would have married vanilla or dominant manly masculine man that you could respect and love instead of weak sissy BB? If you could choose again, would you marry submissive man?

Do you ever show any kind of affection towards BB (I mean like hugging, kissing, cuddling, saying that you love him etc.) or is it just constant cruelty and disdain towards BB 24/7?
And do you love BB? I don’t mean to be rude but when you write about things like having zero sympathy towards him when his sick etc, that question arises. Do you still have any romantic feelings toward him or do you view BB as subhuman?
I’m myself young submissive man, and although I am often in awe of your dominance, it also frightens me so much. I would like to submit to a woman who would still love and respect me and luckily most of blogs by dominant women so also that tender side, but yours show nothing like that.
I hope that I am wrong about that (I mean you mention sometimes that you do have vanilla moments etc.), but I am just curious so that’s why I am asking about it.

I always answer these comments but I thought, this time, I should write a definitive post on the subject and perhaps put it to bed once and for all. The words below, which I shall now expand upon, are already posted on my ‘LADIES ADOPT THE LIFESTYLE’ page.

Several times I have posted on women’s blogs who are playing at domination or chastity control and, in response to a question they pose, I have set out a view of taking the steps required to move from a game to real domination. I often receive the response – I want a husband, not a doormat.
If only these women understood that a man dominated, punished and humiliated at home (or at selected friends’ homes) can still be your knight in shining armour when the need arises. My bitch-boy happens to be the most intelligent and courageous person I have ever met. Should we find ourselves in a dodgy part of a city at night, for instance, there is no one I would feel more secure with. If I have a tedious problem to resolve, he takes on anyone or any organisation on my behalf, with assertiveness and solutions to problems.
So I say to these women that play games. You can have your cake and eat it.

So, to expand on the subject further I will start by saying that bitch-boy and I have lives split into two. BDSM and vanilla. I never write about the vanilla aspect because I think most readers will find that very boring. When in vanilla mode, bitch-boy still serves me – but in ways that cause me to respect him. He is a fantastic cook – he prepares all the meals. He is a fantastic project planner – planning work on our old cottage or complex, exotic, touring holidays, etc. He deals with all the boring utility companies, the financial services companies, etc. and when there are problems he is assertive, resilient, patient and diplomatic and wins the day when many others would not. So all these burdens are lifted from me and he gains my respect because of his attributes. He is the most intelligent and courageous person I have ever met. When we are travelling in dodgy countries, he makes me feel safe. He is full of wisdom – helping friends, family and myself with issues to do with health, work or anything else – his wisdom is sought often. Working minimal hours, he runs a very profitable business. I could go on but hopefully you get the picture. I respect the vanilla bitch-boy and I love him – I love the life he brings me. For instance, walking along a beach during a beautiful sunset, I will hold his hand and tell him I love him.

However none of the above prevents me from treating him very, very badly to satiate my dominance and sadism. (Walking along a beach during a beautiful sunset, I will hold his hand and tell him I love him but that does not mean I will release him from his chastity device!)

He is deeply submissive, (has been since the age of 10), and so, unfortunately for him, when one of my mistreatment sessions is all over and the dust has settled, then the worse I have treated him, the more he is in awe of me and I exploit this fully. And sessions can last many days at a time. On holiday in a Mediterranean cottage for two weeks, he is mistreated all day, every day for two weeks. When I give up work (soon) the same will happen at home for many consecutive days at a time.

To recap, we have a vanilla life during which he serves me (and is in chastity) and yet his vanilla conduct fills me with respect for him. And we have a BDSM life during which I treat him appallingly. Very painful punishment and torments – the deepest humiliations imaginable – hours of tedium in TSD bondage, or playing with his dollies dressed as a little girl, sexual denial, cuckolding, etc. He begs with all his heart (even with tears) for me to cancel some of his profound humiliations in front of other women but this does not move me to mercy – it turns me on!

Since I found bitch-boy, I live a perfect dream life. It is complex and somewhat paradoxical – but it is how it is.

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11 Responses to Love and Respect your slave?

  1. armando says:

    This is absolutely beautiful. All the extreme Femdom is amazing, of course, but the fact that there is so much love there too is what makes what you have so profound. It is a joy and a privilege to hear you tell it. Thank you so much for giving us a glimpse into your lives.

  2. del says:

    Thank you dear lady. I was curious about this myself. I as podsted over at Kara’s : Submissive does not mean weak.

  3. Ms Tammy says:

    Very well said, I couldn’t agree with you more. It mirrors my life with my boi in alot of ways.

  4. donald says:

    Thank you soo much for your personal life with b.b. You put out the best blog I have ever read. I think I speak for everyone here. I look forward to all your statement. I don”t think I could be half a slave that b.b is for you. You do have a perfect life Thanks again Ms Scarlet.

  5. westfal says:

    A wonderful dual life for you both and compliments on how you both manage and balance so well the duality of vanilla and intense F/s-BDSM life:)

  6. westfal says:

    oops…misspelling as meant ‘F/m-BDSM life’ not ‘F/s’ in above post

  7. ds says:

    Dear Ms. Scarlet,
    Thank you so much for this post! So glad to know that there is love and respect in your relationship. It makes the Domme aspect in your life so much more real and titilating. I love your blog more than ever!

  8. mddiane says:

    Thanks for sharing your feelings with such an excellent post. I used to become annoyed at comments on our blog that touched on this subject, i.e. treating my husband like a doormat, having a lack of respect for him/her, etc. Over time I’ve become more tolerant. Relationships like ours are and the dynamics they entail are complex. I understand why others don’t understand. Posts like yours are extremely helpful in clarifying how these relationships work and why they’re so beautiful. I also feel like I’m living a dream life. I’m quite sure my sissy wife does too.

    • John says:


      You mentioned a blog of your own. I’m interested in reading it. It doesn’t seem to be under your screen name here. Would you care to share it? Thanks.

      Sincerely, John

  9. westfal says:

    The paradox you mention in describing your relationship above Ms Scarlet would seem true, but mainly for the vanilla crowd, as for those of us both genuinely Dominant and submissive, and sadistic and masochistic as you and bb are and many others of us, it really is not paradoxical but the good lifestyle to balance and integrate both sides of one selves with the necessary and desired more normal lives that wel lead also.

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