I had a comment/question which I took a while deciding how to answer. I thought the question and my answer may be worthy of a post.
Speaking of the submissive mind it’s amazing what a feeling I get from her just telling me she wants me wearing her panties for the day. That constant reminder through the day is the closest thing I get to having a real bitch status in our relationship. But then this is shot down by her not doing anything dominating while I am in this state. A text message, a comment….anything to reinforce that she has that power over me would then complete what I think putting me in panties was meant to do in the first place. I’m trying hard not to “top from the bottom” as they say, but it’s so frustrating to start off a morning with a command like that from her and not get any more mention of it again through the whole day. You would think she’s just not that into it, but she does have such a dominating type of personality. She just seems content enough to use my submissive side for constant back and foot massages. She never really orders the massages, more like asks me to do it. The simple “can you” at the beginning of her words makes such a big difference. Maybe it’s from being exhausted from work & then taking care of the kids after that she just doesn’t have the energy to want to “play”. I can’t figure out why she’s so reluctant. She knew of my submissive side before we got married and has bought “toys” herself for us, including a whip and collar. But she has never really used them on me. Writing all this down it makes me think she is doing all this just to make me happy. What do you think? Is there any way to get her to the next step? Thank you for taking the time to respond to my first comment/question. Again, from reading your blog, the way your mind works is the “perfect storm” for a submissive mind that can’t resist giving in to anything you desire. Your ability to put it on paper is the icing on the cake.
I have thought for days about how to answer you questions. I have decided that all I can do is relate to you elements of the progression of bitch-boy and I.
Bitch-boy has always loved me completely and unconditionally even before our DS ‘got serious’. There was a point when I was very similar to your wife. One day he sat me down and said to me that I was missing out on just how much adoration and devotion he was capable of. That he already knew that I felt utterly loved by him and that that would never change, but that as a submissive at his core, he was capable of outrageous and absurd levels of adoration and devotion and that I would really love that if I had it. (He was careful to make it clear this was not an ultimatum and that I would lose nothing of the wonderful relationship I had, if I stayed the same, but that an even better life for me was possible. I did already love my life.) He said I could try it and see if I liked it. That would mean a step change in my behaviour. From your examples – the text messages, the comments, the instructing instead of requesting. He made it clear, if I tried it and it did not work for me, then I would lose nothing and he would not resent me in any way. So I tried it. I loved this new level of adoration and devotion. Flowers and gifts for no reason. Offering to help me in all ways. Spotting ways I had not considered where he could make my life easier or better. I also found that I did enjoy issuing a curt instruction, rather than a request and seeing it eagerly obeyed.
There were times I slipped back to the old me and he would gently remind me that the outrageous and absurd levels of adoration and devotion could only be maintained by me having my new persona. That this was not a threat or blackmail – but how he was made. If he was dominated ruthlessly, he could not help himself but proffer the outrageous and absurd levels of adoration and devotion. Without the ruthless levels of domination, these would fade from him but he was keen to point out he would still love me every bit as much. I soon found myself in the habit of texts and comments and instructing, not asking, and enjoying the feeling of such dominance and the benefits of the outrageous and absurd levels of adoration and devotion. The next stage became punishments for disobedience. I learned that the punishment had to be so bad that he genuinely with all his heart would try to avoid the punishment. And I learned that it was OK to be a sadist during this phase. It can be very difficult for some women to accept that it is 100% OK for them to take true pleasure in inflicting physical or mental pain.
Two things your wife might really like. AUTOMATIC REPLENISHING and TIDYING UP AFTER. Automatic replenishing means nothing your wife wants ever runs out. So if chilled wine in the fridge is running low, a new bottle is put in the fridge to chill – ready for when needed. If her phone battery is running low, it gets recharged. Fuel in the car is low, it gets a refill. Basically nothing she ever needs runs out. Once you have experienced this as a wife, it is hard to go without it. It can also be a great way to invoke punishment. So many things need replenishing each day/week – if the slave forgets one ever – serious punishment time! And it is the slave’s job to predict what and when – not the wife’s.
Tidying up after is also addictive. I use the bathroom and leave it in a mess, it had better be tidied to perfection before I use it again. I change out of my work clothes and throw them on the bed – they better be hung up and tided away PDQ. I do some baking which I enjoy – and leave the kitchen in a terrible mess – it gets tided up PDQ. I read the weekend papers and supplements and throw those I have finished with on the floor or wherever – they get tidied up. I do my exercises and drop sweaty clothes and socks and trainers on the floor wherever I take them off, they get put in the laundry. I open a package received in the post and drop the packaging to the floor – it gets picked up and dealt with. So anything I leave out gets put away, any mess I make gets cleaned up. In your situation, this might help your wife feel less tired too.
Of course, bitch-boy would now like to turn the clock back! Be careful what you wish for, should be the mantra by which bitch-boy lives. Perhaps it is!