On my advice pages I have added, at the top of the page, a further account of a couple who sought my advice recently. It is very interesting I think and Madame Vittoria is a pretty awesome Mistress I have to say. It is a shame the Atlantic separates she and I as I feel sure she would be a truly excellent collaborator in double-domming our respective, reluctant sissies!

Here is a link to some photos from her.

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16 Responses to Again I say, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!!

  1. pat5681 says:

    My wish…
    A cruel CBT
    But more on my cock…
    And at the end… I need you cut it off my cock and cook it for the diner.. And i need to taste my cock..
    I’m so serious…

  2. Hello MS Scarlet,

    I am very curious, if You are right, with be careful….

    Because i search for a Mistress, Nanny, Aunty, Nurse,… in The Netherlands of …..) who likes to educate, a male (age 52) in to Her diapersissyslave.

    Who likes to use lockable plastic panties, bondage, babydresses and more, to give me a feeling that She is the Boss.

    I search further………..

    Greetings melissa

    • I suggest you work hard at perfecting skills like cooking, housework, laundry, ironing, massage, pedicures, cunnilingus, yard work, gardening. That you earn good money, and are physically fit – that you are not obese. Then seek a mistress by sensitive wooing. In all things, be tolerant, be patient, act with kindness, maturity and wisdom.

      If you are dating a likely candidate, serve her, for instance – start by opening all doors for her, waiting on her hand and foot, doing chores for her, giving her lots of orgasms while you have none, buy her flowers and gifts for no reason. (Do not buy chocolates or candy if she is trying to lose weight – that is lazy and insensitive). Keep all this up until she would miss such devotion were it to stop, then gently introduce the subject in tiny increments.

      If you are not dating, then I suggest BDSM contact sites, but it seems there about 100 submissive men for each dominant woman – so you are in a competition – you have to deserve a Domme to get one. You may perfect all the skills I mention and still not be lucky. Good luck and best wishes.

  3. westfalen says:

    Yes as noted above the BDSM dating sites do much more to excite the new sub male re the whole fantasy, than to actually do much of anything to deliver on that, as the ratio you note MsScarlet seems about right or even worse!…….and even so those Dommes seemingly available on such sites are , how might it be said, not generally a very desirable match for many subs for often a host of reasons……i have been successful myself over the decades mixing your advice/tips above with just my normal dating habits in vanilla land and Voila!- some nascent Dommes seemed to appear…..they are out there but as you say, require sensitive attention and wooing by the candidate male sub.

  4. miles says:

    i can not thank you enough for sharing everything from your lives on this page. I always viewed my self as a true submissive among other things. the truth is i have a lot of mental issues from childhood and growing up the way i did that i feel have made me this way. Throughout childhood i was made fun of and bullied by all the kids i grew up with and adults as well. Growing up i was very smart, artistic and talented in other areas as well but i was also the fat, girly looking kid which made me a target. Infact the only person who really cared about me or was nice at all to me was my mother but while i was growing up she was a big time crack addict and extremely depressed and constantly in and out of mental hospitals and drug programs. My father along with most of my mothers boyfriends as well as all the kids i knew growing up constantly picked on me for being fat or weird, ect. this gave me a constant feeling of feeling worthless and i always felt i only deserved to be treated poorly. Around my mid teens i grew about 12 inches and snapped on some bullies in high school and finally stopped taking abuse from any one(or so i thought), during my mid-late teens i became a very talented drummer in a extremely fast and heavy metal band which upped my popularity. The music scene showed me the joys of alcohol, drugs and slutty women. Now sadly despite all the crap i had to deal with growing up, i had to luck out and have a joke of a penis(yay me!!!) now as i was hooking up with girls around 16-17 i discovered the joys of humiliation, being cuckolded and submission. I am a handsome guy and i have the build and attitude of an alpha male but behind closed doors and only with women i noticed i was pretty submissive. Around 17 i became involved with the neighborhood slut and with help from all the drinking and drugs i fell in love with her. She hooked up with me on and off but wouldnt have sex with me. She would vanish for a few hours while hanging out with friends and i and go off with some guy or guys and come back and climb all over me making out with me, spitting in my mouth all the while acting like nothing ever happend and with out me completely knowing what she was backwashing or spitting in my mouth (she would do this infront of the guys she hooked up with and by their reaction i would figure out what happend). Around when i was 20 i met another cruel love interest who loved sleeping with me in only her thong but would not hook up or date me probably because she felt my small hard on through my pants.she would sleep with everyone and then tell me that she was sorry but she felt she had the right to hook up with my friend. i dealt with her for 2 years and by the time i was 23/24 all i watched was snm and cuckold porn. ive had a bunch of relationships since these two but they both i feel brainwashed me into feeling the need of being a cuck. in the past few years ive gone from wanting to be dominated during sex, to being fucked with a strap on, to being completely humiliated in the house, and being cuckolded.Recently i met a woman like me but as a dom. One of the last times we hung out she ordered me to stick a butt-plug in me, made me go to the bank, drive her around (only bumpy roads), get lunch with her and then went back home with me so she could use the strap on. after an hour of that we ended up hanging out and drinking which got her more horny. Before i knew it she had a man i had never met in my house. 5 minutes later she whispered to me to put the butt plug back in. When i got out of the bath room the living room was empty and within minutes i heard her screaming her head off lol. After about 45 mins to an hour i passed out and awoke to a very satisfied drunken dom ordering me to get on my knees. once on the floor she removed her pants and underwear, sat on my back and let all of his cum drip on to my back. While sitting there she also removed the butt plug and came as close as she could to fitting all of her fingers/fists up my ass all the while telling me how pathetic i truly was for letting another man come over to fuck her while i had a rubber sex toy up my ass and then let her wipe his cum on me. After this and a few other events like this i had been constantly thinking and looking to get into a 24/7/365 D/s relationship. That is until i read this along with one or two other sites and realized that there was no way i could be fully submissive like Bitch-boy to my girl friend or wife 24/7. Thank you so much for helping realize this. I really felt i wanted it until reading everything here and have the reality kick me in the ass. I guess i am not a true submissive. the idea of living this life style is a huge turn on and being cuckolded, humiliated and tormented as bitch boy is as well a huge turn on but to not have any control is way to scary for me and thank you for showing that to me before i got myself in way to deep!

    • Just three things for you to think about.
      First, the overwhelming evidence I have gathered from truly submissive people is that they were born that way. Your unfortunate upbringing probably has nothing to do with you being submissive. You may be able, more easily, to let all the bad stuff go, if you accept that.

      Secondly, you have already allowed a number of women to dominate and abuse you and you have stuck with them while they did. Don’t blame them for that, you could have walked away at any time. You chose to stay with them. Your choice, not theirs. They did not brainwash you, they simply exploited your submissiveness and you found you needed them to do so. While it disgusted your logical self, it satisfied your submissive core. Blaming others tends to cause negative emotions you need not hold and none of us want to hold negative emotions we need not.

      Lastly, submissives like bitch-boy that give themselves up to losing all control forever are actually very brave when they take that step. It takes courage. They generally do so because they have reached an age and experience level to know that they cannot ever live a really contented life (paradoxically) unless they have all control taken away and they are used and abused. You are wise to realise that it is a massive and significant step. You may find it tough to not be dominated though. I have heard of some relationships where the couple agree a set period say six months or a year of total domination and at the end of that period, there is a one-off opportunity for the submissive to cancel the arrangement. That might be a good way forward for you because I fear you will not be able to live contentedly without being dominated. Very good luck for your future.

      • miles says:

        Hello mistress scarlet, first off I really 7nnhope i didn’t come off as being rude or offensive to you. I think i kind of went off on a rant after a while lol but i fully agree with you. Bitch-boy is EXTREMELY brave for going through with and sticking with your arrangement. I cant imagin the dedication it takes and how frustrating it must get for him to never have sex with you or anyone ever again. Ever since i got into the idea of 24/7 lifestyle and the cuckold lifestyle that has been the main issue bothering me. lol i,m a Scorpio lol, Ill always need sex but i guess every couple makes their own set of guidelines, rules and fetishes they want to play around with. Sorry i know i,m ignorant with all of this, I,m just figuring it all out. In fact you are the first person iv,e spoke to about 24/7 life.. BTW when i said brainwashing i was kidding for the most part. i feel those two women totally got me to love cuckolding and humiliation as well, not my submissiveness. I was only trying to imply that i figured out i was a sub during that time i think. ill be honest its 6am and it was around 4am when i wrote it so i was probably a bit out of it. I cant say if i am a true submissive but thinking back i have been submissive since i can remember. i was two years old and i let the babysitters daughter beat on me and remember enjoying that the girl was in control lol so maybe i was born submissive. As for the rest of my early upbringing i have gotten over those scars and memories but iv,e always felt a strong connection with the way i was treated as a child and the sadistic and humiliating treatment i get off on nowadays, it may of came off as me blaming but i really didn’t mean to. I am pretty sure i always a sub but i did adapt other aspects of it i.e. cuckolding, humiliation, chastity, pegging, torture, on and on and on. It really is so much easier to have women in charge and just give me orders than for me to figure everything out and then do such nonsense but oddly enough during the day and i guess with men in general i am very dominant, aggressive and even cruel & sadistic yet a woman could get me to submit to a guy and do what ever it would take to please her with him. I wish i could sit down with a cup of coffee and pick your brain. I,d probably learn more about myself in 1 hour with you then i would with any psychologist. Thank you for getting back to me so quickly

  5. westfalen says:

    Re your point MsScarlet about genuine submissives being born that way as you say, that may be true, and/or something occurs in their environment or upbringing at such an early age that it is not part of their conscious memory and so it seems their sub-ness was always there with them………that may seem like a fine point and for the practicalities of RL FemmeDomme relationships it is, but it is something which sometimes comes out should one do personal therapy in exploring one’s obsession with this relationship/life style. i.e. early life hospitalization with traumatic painful therapies applied by a slew of female nurses as one real life example, etc.

    • On a point of interest, hidden memories recalled in therapy have now been roundly condemned as absent of veracity and of no impact on personality – I reject that stuff like all the leading experts in the field who are interested in science before client’s money. Also even if there is a correlation between someone with early pain via females and submissiveness in maturity that does not show a causal linkage. The person could still have been born submissive and the early pain via females an irrelevance. Correlation does not prove or demonstrate a cause and effect. You may be able to tell, you have touched two nerves about, crude profit driven psychoanalysis and, the internet disease of mistaking correlation with proof.

  6. westfalen says:

    That is the reason if you review my comment, i specifically used the words ‘may’ and ‘and/or’ in it, as i am well aware of the error of conflating correlation with proof . Much (not all) of male submission is exhibited via specific behaviors as we see in your blog here regularly, and in most cases, male submission is imperceptible from general personality, so that point about hidden memories was not meant as a point regarding personality effect.

  7. westfalen says:

    Oops….forgot to add proof ‘of causation’ above. Actually my understanding of the recent experts’ views on the hidden memory stuff, is that they can be often unreliable for complete accuracy, which does not mean they are completely invalid in every case and to complete degrees.

    • No, much worse than ‘unreliable for complete accuracy’. Experiments proved that many alleged hidden memories never happened at all – were completely made up, often as a result of the therapists suggestions as to the assumed patient’s past. Often they were completely invalid. Given they often were completely invalid, it is folly to have any regard for them. Otherwise regard may be taking account of a meaningless fantasy.

  8. westfalen says:

    Agree with your description of what often happens here, but you draw too strong and universal a conclusion from it, as your inclusion of ‘many’ and ‘ Often’ means de facto that some of those memories are in fact true and accurate (sometimes to a certain degree meaningful). The problem becomes in differentiating which ones are which, requiring hard and honest work by the therapist , which as you point out, many are not up to the task, the worst of whom actually prompt the patient in manufacturing false ones, etc. One cannot just assume (echoing your main point imo), that all or even most of these hidden memories are valid and accurate, but going to the other extreme of dismissing them all a priori, also falls short of the truth.

    • 2 things.
      First, there is no evidence that the hidden memories are ever true. The evidential situation is that many have been proved to be false, but because they cannot all be proved false does not mean that any are true. Some cannot be proved false because there are no records of the time allegedly remembered.

      Second, no matter how much hard and honest work there is by the therapist, it is IMPOSSIBLE for the therapist to differentiate. They have no facts, no evidence. If they determine an alleged memory is true, they are a quack, and they may be reinforcing an untrue and manufactured memory and causing untold damage. So there are NO reputable therapists working on (alleged) hidden memories any more.

      • westfalen says:

        Excellent points indeed and well taken here.

        One valid approach by a therapist, which i experienced, was for he/she to refrain from and not ‘determine’ as you say whether an alleged memory is true, as you well explain that is impossible, but to allow such judgments and conclusions one way or the other, exclusively to the patient themselves.

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