Film: The Duke of Burgundy

I watched this film with Lexi and it is worthy of comment. The title is bizarre given it is about lesbian domination and submission. Involved in the writing was obviously a truly submissive woman. The film is a paradox of enjoyment and sadness because some of the scenes are, at first viewing, truly perfect and arousing examples of erotic dominance, behaviourally and aesthetically. However what becomes revealed is that the film is about topping from the bottom and a frustrated submissive and a pretend dominant who tries her best but lets herself down. (I don’t think I have plot spoiled for anyone because the film is old and also because I think most people would appreciate forewarning that a film starts off brilliantly and then becomes sad!)

It is a PERFECT education piece for a frequent sad scenario I come across. Someone who wants to make their partner happy, having found out their partner is submissive but they themselves are not naturally dominant. The submissive and ‘dominant’ both making fatal mistakes preventing progression to where the would both be happy. In the film, the submissive’s big mistake is to specify what she wants to happen in fine detail and become annoyed and frustrated when the scene is not perfectly executed to her ‘script’. This is a fatal flaw and whenever this happens in a relationship it is doomed to be unsatisfying for both partners. And in the film, the dominant’s shortcomings are firstly, excessive caution. There is a golden rule in dominance – asking one’s self only one question, ‘will what I am about to do damage my submissive?’ That is ALL one needs to ask oneself. The words that a submissive truly HATES to hear beyond all else from their dominant  are the words- ‘Are you sure you will be alright with this?’

The biggest step-change and evolution to paradise for bitch-boy and I, was when I moved to an attitude where, when I was about to embark on something that I believed would press bitch-boy’s buttons, to  think to myself simply:- he is not made of porcelain, what I am about to do won’t break him. It might be extreme, but it won’t break him. In two or three hours, or days, at most, it will be like it never happened.

And in the film, the dominant’s second shortcoming was failing to embrace the pleasure and benefits of dominance and submission.  But this was not surprising because instead of doing what she wanted, she was doing what the submissive wanted and worrying whether she was getting it right. When I first started having bitch-boy do the housework, I would worry whether it was pushing his submissive buttons or not. He probably picked up on this and so it  was not real or satisfying for either of us. The big change came when I insisted he to do the housework and I did not care whether it ‘pressed his buttons’ or not. 99% of the population would find REAL PLEASURE in being freed up from housework. I certainly do! So I began to really enjoy him doing it. And the irony of me not caring whether it ‘pressed his buttons’ or not, was that me not caring – DID ‘press his buttons’. It became REAL DOMINATION, REAL EXPLOITATION – making him truly feel controlled, helpless and exploited. Punishment for housework not done properly then follows. And when it is punishment the submissive will truly do anything to avoid, their submissive buttons are pressed further and the housework becomes perfect. (And in the dominant, by punishing to this standard, a taste for sadism develops.)

And what the submissive has to learn is that scenarios might not go as they fantasised about, and also, things might sometimes go wrong. A recent example for me is when I had bitch-boy in TSD bondage while I was ‘playing’ with Lexi for many hours. I messed up the heating controls in the house and bitch-boy became very, very cold in the part of the house he was in. He knew, once I had reminded him, that these things happen in our lifestyle. That in order to experience being truly dominated to an extent that overall brings complete peace to a submissive soul, some days some things will not be perfect. The submissive has to accept that is part of the total package.

I have rambled rather a lot. Apologies.

(I should just add that while Lexi and I were cuddled up on the sofa watching the film for an hour and a half, before we went up to bed together, poor bitch-boy was dressed as a little girl, sitting on the floor and doing colouring-in with his big dolly Suzette Simperkins, facing Lexi and I. He was ignored throughout.)

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8 Responses to Film: The Duke of Burgundy

  1. sissy jamieanne says:

    A lovely post Mistress Scarlet! Your insight into the psyche of the submissive male is in my opinion (from years of reading Femdom literature) matched by very few! Your bitchboy is rightfully both awed and frightened by You because You so thoroughly and totally understand him!

    In respect,

    sissy jamieanne

  2. Steve says:

    I love reading about bitch boi – the things you do to him -the things you make him do. Then the light went on and I realised I wished I was a bitch boi. And I wondered if it was 50/50. 50% of readers wish they were in your place and 50% in bitch boi’s. ??

  3. maid kimmie says:

    A brilliant insight. Thank you for sharung this with your loyal readers.


  4. punkahwallah says:

    What a gorgeous movie, beautifully photographed and acted. You are right, a cautionary tale for the Dominant, not to let the submissive rule the roost.

  5. Sweep says:

    Dear Ms Scarlet,
    I thought your readers might be interested to know (those who can access UK television at least) that “The Duke of Burgundy” is showing on Film Four this Thurdsday evening – our video is set to record!
    Best wishes,

  6. Pingback: Thursday – film showing on UK TV | Real Life Female Domination

  7. slave N says:

    A wonderful post Ms Scarlet, i hope bitch boy was reduced to tears for yours and Lexi’s amusement and pleasure. kneeling slave N

  8. westfalen says:

    Such a key and insightful diagnosis of the major fall-down point for beginning F/m-D/s relationships, especially when it seems the sub is more into and experienced in this lifestyle than for example new and beginning Domme.

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