I received the following question from Tomilina. I thought my answer may be worthy of a blog post.
If I may ask, Mistress Scarlet, do you ever fear that one day bb might just “:break” and lose all sense of shame? Might he one day just go through the motions so to speak, become stoic having no spirit whatsoever?
I think if he was enduring my humiliations and torments literally 24/7/365 he might break with the result you suggest. Might. But he runs his own business and we have vanilla friends and vanilla family contacts. So he spends some days, most weeks, interacting in circumstances in which he is well respected and considered very successful and intelligent and wise. He gets a lot of self esteem from these interactions, as he should. In addiction, in challenging circumstances he is a rock. He is my rock. He is cool and calm in a crisis. He is mentally strong and calmly and doggedly assertive. In addition there are evenings and weekend city breaks when I tell him I will be using him for his vanilla company. Then I utilise that he is well-read and cultured and witty and entertaining. So as things stand, there is always plenty of self respect within him to be eaten into, to be ground out of him, by the extreme humiliations I put him through, together with my Domme friends.
In addition I am aware of the power of tedium. During holidays like the Christmas week just gone, and in the remote countryside cottages for our long summer holidays in the heat of the Southern Mediterranean, he goes day after day without anything building or maintaining his self esteem. I have noticed the powerful effect of telling him, for instance, he will be colouring-in with his dolly for a couple of hours for, say, the fourth or fifth morning consecutively. The tedium, on top of the extreme humiliation, appears to create an extra level which I think he would find hard to ‘manage’ and be stoic about whatever the circumstances.
However, all things change! By next Christmas I will have given up work – hopefully long before next Christmas! This will mean the time he spends in business mode will be greatly reduced, while his durations and regularity of humiliation will greatly increase. Will he ‘break’ then? I have to say I doubt it. He will not stop being highly intelligent. He will not stop being my rock when I need one. I doubt that he will stop being the rock of friends and family and business acquaintances when they need one – because I will allow that. So I do not think he will ever ‘break’.
Reading of the plight of those submissives who have been the subject of years of actual 24/7/365, they still do not seem to ‘break’. I think this is the reason Dominants like myself look for submissives who are intelligent and full of genuine self esteem. There is so much more to tear down!