Break him?

I received the following question from Tomilina. I thought my answer may be worthy of a blog post.

If I may ask, Mistress Scarlet, do you ever fear that one day bb might just “:break” and lose all sense of shame? Might he one day just go through the motions so to speak, become stoic having no spirit whatsoever?

I think if he was enduring my humiliations and torments literally 24/7/365 he might break with the result you suggest. Might. But he runs his own business and we have vanilla friends and vanilla family contacts. So he spends some days, most weeks, interacting in circumstances in which he is well respected and considered very successful and intelligent and wise. He gets a lot of self esteem from these interactions, as he should. In addiction, in challenging circumstances he is a rock. He is my rock. He is cool and calm in a crisis. He is mentally strong and calmly and doggedly assertive. In addition there are evenings and weekend city breaks  when I tell him I will be using him for his vanilla company. Then I utilise that he is well-read and cultured and witty and entertaining. So as things stand, there is always plenty of self respect within him to be eaten into, to be ground out of him, by the extreme humiliations I put him through, together with my Domme friends.

In addition I am aware of the power of tedium. During holidays like the Christmas week just gone, and in the remote countryside cottages for our long summer holidays in the heat of the Southern Mediterranean, he goes day after day without anything building or maintaining his self esteem. I have noticed the powerful effect of telling him, for instance, he will be colouring-in with his dolly for a couple of hours for, say, the fourth or fifth morning consecutively. The tedium, on top of the extreme humiliation, appears to create an extra level which I think he would find hard to ‘manage’ and be stoic about whatever the circumstances.

However, all things change! By next Christmas I will have given up work – hopefully long before next Christmas! This will mean the time he spends in business mode will be greatly reduced, while his durations and regularity of humiliation will greatly increase. Will he ‘break’ then? I have to say I doubt it. He will not stop being highly intelligent. He will not stop being my rock when I need one. I doubt that he will stop being the rock of friends and family and business acquaintances when they need one – because I will allow that. So I do not think he will ever ‘break’.

Reading of the plight of those submissives who have been the subject of years of actual 24/7/365, they still do not seem to ‘break’. I think this is the reason Dominants like myself look for submissives who are intelligent and full of genuine self esteem. There is so much more to tear down!

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14 Responses to Break him?

  1. rubbermark says:

    Hello Mistress Scarlet,

    I have just discovered your blog and I have to say I am thoroughly aroused in reading it! I hope this is the best channel through which to contact you.

    I would identify as a switch male with stronger sub tendencies and the endurances that you put your slave through strike a real chord deep within me. I am particularly enamoured by your assertion that your slave has absolutely no say in what happens to him. The total sensory deprivation is a fantastic addition to the armoury of a Mistress and I truly believe he is a very lucky slave to be subjected to this.

    I had a couple of question that I hope you don’t mind me asking:

    1. Have you ever considered subjecting your slave to enema torment? Forgive me if I am teaching you to suck eggs, but a strong soap or lemon juice enema can be an incredibly stimulating experience, particularly if its retention is forced through the use of a double balloon nozzle whilst he is suitably restrained. I suspect your slave would very much fear the application of an enema.

    2. Does your slave ever wear high heels? I realise that you like to sissify him as a girl so perhaps heels do not fit with that persona. However, high heels, particularly extreme heels like ballet boots, have a fantastic effect on a male. Being locked into them and forced to wear an item intrinsically aligned to the female form is completely emasculating. They have the added bonus of making movement difficult, providing an additional element of restraint.

    I can certainly say that having personally experienced both of these activities the impact was significant in increasing my submissiveness.

    On a related note, if you have not come across Mistress Astrid previously you may wish to see her site. She has kept her slave in constant chastity with literally no release, for a number of years. She engages in heavy teasing and edging sessions with him. I thought this may be of some interest to you. http://chastitymistressastrid.tumblr.com

    Please keep up the good work and keep tormenting your lucky, lucky slave!

    Yours respectfully,

    rubbermark

    • I have always thought enemas are too much work and mess for the Domme. I would not rule them out though in the future.

      bitch-boy has a pair of 5 inch heeled stilettos with no platform which I padlock onto him from time to time. His tribulations in them feature in detail in a number of my published journals. Any time over about half hour and he is begging to have them unlocked. He often has to do a big pile of ironing while wearing them.

      Mistress Astrid’s site (and behaviour) looks fantastic. I will peruse the site, thank you.

  2. rubbermark says:

    Thank you for your very prompt reply Mistress Scarlet.
    I do agree about the mess side of things, however, you might find that your slave is better placed to do the cleaning up. And if he were to do a bad job of it then I suspect you would be able to find a suitable punishment for him!

    He is a lucky slave to get locked into heels. I’m surprised that he is begging to be released after only half an hour though. Having read your blog I suspect his pleas fall on deaf ears.

    Thank you for taking the time to reply.

    Yours respectfully,

    rubbermark

  3. sissy jamieanne says:

    Thank You for this insight, Ma’am…The effort You put into ensuring bitchboy suffers for Your amusement and his constant improvement as a slave is beyond compare and a thrill to read about! I have no doubt You have the skills and knowledge to ensure he never “breaks” or becomes stoic…he will no doubt suffer when You deem it appropriate!

    And…the “balance” he has in his life surely helps…I love your quote…”So as things stand, there is always plenty of self respect within him to be eaten into, to be ground out of him, by the extreme humiliations I put him through, together with my Domme friends”…a sort of “build him up to break him down” mentality…You are indeed a cruel Mistress…and most respected, Ma’am!

    In respect and admiration,

    sissy jamieanne

  4. john says:

    Thank you for the compliment in Your prior post, Mistress Scarlet. It is very interesting when You describe bb in his “vanilla life” as being a leader type. i believe that to be very similar to my life. i have had my own business and have a job now that is considered powerful. In my family i am turned to often to plan things and be in charge. Then in my sex life i want to be dominated by a female. The strange thing about when a person like me (and possibly bb) reaches an orgasm the submissive side goes away for a little while and my urge to do any vile thing my mistress could come up with temporarily escapes me. So for instance if i had an orgasm and then my mistress were to push my face into a toilet to drink her pee, it would be much harder for me to do. This to me would borderline on a mistress being even more sadistic because a slave being kept in chastity is going to keep having those submissive urges to keep him going through the orgasm denial. So do You think bb would be able to stay in line if You were to give him say three orgasms a day (not having to be pleasurable) and still put him to all the rituals he hates most throughout those days. This is just a question that’s crossed my mind before which to me goes into the paradoxical side of s/m behavior. The arrangement between mistress and slave that keeps the slave on constant “edge” seems to work out obviously better for the slave’s overall happiness as opposed to having orgasms in abundance. But if a mistress wanted to be particularly cruel i guess, then a torment that is administered after an orgasm would seem to be much worse. Interested to hear Your thoughts. Thank you.

    • A complex topic, perhaps difficult to write concisely about. Firstly it is true that a sexually desperate submissive is much more submissive than one that is not as sexually desperate. That seems to be a fact. Were a Domme to be ignorant of this and have the slave cum and then expect deeply submissive behaviour, she would be disappointed.

      EXCEPT! If the slave knows that the Domme knows this, and the Domme nonetheless has the slave cum and then continue an abuse of the slave, the slave can immediately become very submissive because the cruelty is so severe, and the heartlessness of the Domme so apparent. It becomes a submissive feeling born of awe of the Domme’s sadism and dominance and heartlessness, rather than submissive born of sexual desire. It can be achieved but the knowledge that the Domme knows exactly what she is doing must be obvious to the sub. In my experience of doing this, the sub takes only about 20 seconds to understand and then become submissive and in awe. I hope this makes sense.

  5. john says:

    i believe i understand what You are saying, Mistress Scarlet. i thought of this question because of what Tomilina asked about the possibility of “breaking” bitchboy. i believe the way You are practicing the lifestyle with him by administering orgasm denial is the safest way of not “breaking” a slave of their spirit to serve. It is using the way he was created to Your full advantage which is actually very exciting for a submissive to know that someone is in fact taking advantage of their “predicament” in life. The other way You talked about would be almost like a person made into a slave against their will. In this scenario i think a slave has a much better chance of being “broken”. In relation to pretty much all male / female relationships it would suit the female so much better if they took control of when their male partner has orgasms. Some are very much aware of their natural power over males by keeping them only aroused, but most are not. i think the world would have so many more dominant women if more of the norm was females using orgasm denial on their male partners. Thanks for Your thoughts.

  6. Diane says:

    Great answer. A completely “broken” submissive as Tomilina suggests in the question to you would be of no value to me, or likely any other Domme. If you could contact me via email Scarlet, I have a question for you that I’d rather not ask here. Thanks.

    Diane

  7. "Shirley" says:

    MS SCARLET:

    You Write:

    “So he spends some days, most weeks, interacting in circumstances in which he is well respected and considered very successful and intelligent and wise. He gets a lot of self esteem from these interactions, as he should. In addiction, in challenging circumstances he is a rock. He is my rock. He is cool and calm in a crisis. He is mentally strong and calmly and doggedly assertive. In addition there are evenings and weekend city breaks when I tell him I will be using him for his vanilla company. Then I utilise that he is well-read and cultured and witty and entertaining.”

    and

    “He will not stop being highly intelligent. He will not stop being my rock when I need one. I doubt that he will stop being the rock of friends and family and business acquaintances when they need one – because I will allow that.”

    and

    “I think this is the reason Dominants like myself look for submissives who are intelligent and full of genuine self esteem. ”

    Thank you Ma’am for writing these words. Just because we “submissive” men appreciate a strong and dominant WOMAN, and wish to serve her, worship, obey, love and adore her, in a slightly different way, does not necessarily mean that we are weak, wimpy, doormats of the male gender. It is possible and more than ;likely that we are very special as well….it does take a strong man…one that knows himself very well…and is comfortable with who he is, to offer the gift of submission to the WOMAN he loves.

    • Apologies, I like to reflect real life and I HATE steriotyping so:

      I would not say its more than likely that submissives are very special. There are good ones and bad ones. Equally they are not all strong or know themselves very well, not all comfortable with who they are – some have these traits some do not.

      I also do not think they gift their submission. They are lucky to find someone to dominate them in a sane way.

  8. "Shirley" says:

    Thank you for your prompt response Ms SCARLET. And of course you are correct. I concur with you that my comments were a generalization from my own experience. You are far more knowledgeable than me. And i am certain you are correct that there are good and not so good submissive men. Thank you for sharing with me.

    And yes, again I stand corrected. You are right about being “lucky” for a submissive man to find a WOMAN to dominate him in a sane way. Not many capable and dominant WOMEN like you around: Much to the regret of many of us submissive men.

    Thanks for your thoughts and insight. Much appreciated. Enjoy the evening.

  9. John says:

    Dear Ms. Scarlet,

    I have been following your blog for quite a while now. While I don’t claim to understand the more extreme dynamics of your lifestyle (although my girlfriend/keyholder and myself live in a FLR as well) I almost always find your postings fascinating and intriguing and sometimes also educational.

    Your post about Breaking him raised a few questions with me, if you don’t mind.

    You mention that your BB is your rock during “vanilla” time. I wonder if he doesn’t need a rock himself from time to time, especially when he has been in “subspace” for a while? Do you fulfill that role for him, e.g. by providing aftercare and maybe also during hard times that have nothing to do with the femdom relationship aspects? I find it hard to understand that he wouldn’t need that kind of support sometimes even though he is mentally strong and submissive to his core.

    Secondly, you mention that sometimes you use him for his vanilla company. Do you really mean “use”, i.e. “one way” or does this also imply simply enjoying each other’s company in an affectionate (not necessarily sexual/sensual) manner ?

    I’d really appreciate if you could give your insights.

    Best regards,

    John

    • He needs a rock very rarely because he is so strong mentally. But on the very rare occasion he needs one, yes I am there. He is me precious toy and I get so much pleasure from him – I do not want him permanently broken for some reason.
      When I use him for his vanilla company that means we enjoy each others’ company in a non sexual/sensual manner.

  10. john says:

    Even a so called “intelligent and strong male”, who is really deep down submissive, will be put quickly in their place and to their knees by a dominant female who knows how to push his buttons. There is no escaping being that “weak, wimpy, doormat” if that’s what your Mistress wants you to be, if your truly submissive. To me that’s the reality of it.

    Mistress Scarlet, i believe You are saying that bb is the way he is in his “vanilla life” because You enjoy that part of it still. If You chose to disrupt that part of his life too, i believe You could easily make it happen. The bottom line is things are the way they are because as You said, “allow that”. You even push bb’s submissive buttons i bet just by saying, “I will be using you for your vanilla company tonight”. Key word – USING. Brilliant!

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