Domination Guidance Manual

I am thinking of writing a guidance manual on Domination. I have had a number of requests to do so. It would be a guide for the beginner couple and also for those who want to go to the 24/7/365 extremes.

I would like to write the this manual, because, if you read this blog, you know a huge number of innately submissive people exist who need to be dominated to feel truly, deeply content. I wish to contribute to bringing them that contentment and bringing contentment to the dominant who dominates them too. Through interactions, face to face, and through my blog and social media, I have learned that these innately submissive people discover their submissiveness before puberty and it is likely to be mostly genetic and perhaps sometimes a little through upbringing too – but mostly it is how they were born. So this manual would seek to assist in creating symbiotic relationships of innate submissives and dominants – both parties deeply content. This manual would work for male and female dominants and it won’t matter whether they have male or female submissives. Every possible combination should get a lot from this manual I am thinking of writing.

I believe almost anyone can be a dominant. I also believe as I have written before, shocking as it might be, that anyone can be a sadist, taking pleasure from inflicting physical and/or mental pain on another.

There is a point I have made before but must reiterate: There will be people who cry out on reading what is written so far that I am simply proposing the selfish exploitation of submissives’ nature for dominant’s own perverse pleasure and that submissives should be helped to lose their submissiveness. To those that say this I say, SHAME ON YOU! You are no different to someone who thinks gay people can be ‘cured’ of being gay. Innate submissives cannot be cured, they do not want to be cured. They want to be dominated and thereby be content. I believe in 50 years time submissives, like gay people now, will have a right not to be discriminated against because of their sexuality and lifestyle.

The manual would also include a few passages similar to how my journals are written. Detailed Descriptions of scenarios. Do any of my blog followers have suggestions for what should be included that I may not have thought about.


33 thoughts on “Domination Guidance Manual

  1. Wow! You go on with your plans of this manual! I think this would be great. I also have a blog :, if you want to use examples from this blog, feel free to do so. Best regards Madame Sime .

  2. Your idea is wonderful, Miss Scarlett . I write from Italy and I bought all yours diaries . I think the manual should talk mainly about everyday life . Of how it performs a D/s relationship in everyday life.
    Its splendid diaries speak mostly of what happens to Bitch-Boy with Governess Lexy or on days when encountered other Mistress.
    The manual should be, in my humble opinion, an explanation of how to be always exercised domination on the subject .
    I apologize for my bad English and presuming to write You
    An humble greeting
    angelo form Italy

  3. Mistress Scarlet, both Serena and i are most enthusiastic about the prospect of a guidance manual. In our case we are relatively experienced, but are gradually extending our lifestyle to 24/7, 365. So, guidance on such would be useful.
    Your blog and Journals have proved to be a boon to our relationship. We think a guide giving tips, suggestions and observations would be perfect. Additional material could include suggested timings and expectations & scenarios ( punishments, periods in bondage, chastity, dressed or gagged etc.), and the use of specifics ( nipple clamps, canes, whips etc, electrics, dildo sucking and so on )
    There are Guides currently available and all have good and bad elements, but based on your blogs and journals, your followers would prefer such a guide written & edited by your good self.

  4. There’s three major issues / areas of focus that I would keep in mind while writing such a guide:

    1) Know your audience:

    You state that you are writing a guide for both the beginner couple, as well as the 24/7/365 extremes. I would suggest that these are very different audiences, who are looking for widely divergent information.

    The beginner couple – people just looking to ‘dip their toes in’ – are probably looking for a general introduction to BDSM and domination. They’re likely searching for a de-mystification of the terminology, an introduction to the basic concepts, and perhaps a ‘how-to’ for certain simple, relatively pedestrian techniques. Anything complex, requiring great commitment, or appearing too ‘niche’ is likely either to scare them off or go over their heads.

    The more ‘advanced’ reader, on the other hand – the ones interested in a lifestyle like that described on your blog – are probably not interested in such an elementary overview. A quick run-through of the basics probably wouldn’t hurt, but one would expect that theses people are already familiar enough with the fundamentals that taking the ‘kid-gloves’ approach with them, as with the beginners, would probably only bore them.

    I would recommend picking one audience and tailoring the guide to their needs and expectations.

    2) Take care in selecting your tone:

    There are a number of ‘BDSM / Domination’ guides on places like Amazon, that despite their title, really end up being a roundabout form of erotica. The content within is so poorly informed or unrealistic that it couldn’t possibly be taken as actual advice (and woe to person who would take them as such), but they do make for decent, to put it bluntly, ‘jerk-off material’.

    It’s certainly not as laudable a purpose as creating an actual informative guide, but it certainly has the potential to be more lively than a dry informative guide, and I don’t think that there’s anything inherently wrong with making erotica dressed up as a guide.

    So, in this aspect, I would say that it’s important to decide before you start writing – is this going to be an informative guide? Or do you wish to play up the associated erotic aspects?

    3) The compromise issue:

    There seems to be a substantial number of people who are in close, loving relationships with individuals who happen to either not share their BDSM proclivities, or who are much less enthusiastic about them. You might have, for instance, a sub who is totally gung-ho about having a 24/7 femdom relationship, married to someone whose position leans more toward the ‘fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold’ side of the equation.

    If this is an informative guide, then explaining ways to deal with such incompatibilities is an important subject. Some readers will be looking for ways to introduce their significant other to the lifestyle, or to build toward a certain consensus on the amount and level of play. On the other hand, there’s also a need for management of expectations and development of alternatives – what can a person do if their significant other just isn’t interested in the kind of play that they propose? What are some coping strategies for this?

    4) Be Pluralistic:

    We all have a natural tendency to write on what interests us. But guides are more than personal documents – they should ideally speak to a wide spectrum of people with diverse backgrounds and interests. So, for a ‘domination guide’, while it’s entirely acceptable to write on the fetishes and practices that interest you, it is also important that you address topics that lie outside your own personal experience. Don’t expect that all readers will be interested in reproducing your own personal trajectory with ‘bitch-boy’; some will be looking for a similar experience, but many others will be seeking a different road to dominance. Try to include a diversity of content (fetishes, methods, philosophies, etc.), so that you don’t inadvertently exclude some of your potential audience.

    1. I have wrestled with all of these issues. You are astute to raise, them.
      1. This is the hardest. I think I have a way to help both beginners and the experienced without the experienced having to read the beginners sections and most importantly, without the beginners being put off by what they might read in the experienced sections. If it does not work when I draft it, I will produce two separate books.
      2. This is going to be an informative guide first and foremost. I am likely however to distinctly separate small infrequent sections of erotica to demonstrate guidance, (particularly using verbal abuse.)
      3. I think this is where my experience comes to the fore and I can be the most help. There will be a lot in this area.
      4.Equally here, because of my contacts, what I have witnessed, and my extensive reading I will be covering areas which I do not practice myself. (My elder sister, for example, will be a first-hand source of cuckolding your slave with other males. If you read my journals you will have found she has disappeared from recent volumes. There is a reason for this!)

  5. I absolutely love the idea of a manual written by You, Mistress Scarlet! Your methods, Your innate sadism, Your full and complete understanding of the submissive psyche make You uniquely qualified to write such a manual, Ma’am! As a submissive, I absolutely adore You for Your understanding of, and Your ability to describe in words the true nature of the submissive…how he/she can only be contented when his/her submissive nature is fully exploited…Please write it, Ma’am!

    Humbly and respectfully,

    sissy jamieanne

  6. Dear Mistress Scarlet,

    You are so right. There are many submissive males looking for a Dominant. And, you are right about someone switching roles, especially females who become Dominants. I know several who LOVE dominating men. And, they are turned on by seeing men in pain.

    I suggest you take a look at the blog posts of Mistress Ivey. She is a Dominant female who has helped many females learn how to dominate their husbands.

    I believe your last volume of your journals was your best.


  7. I would think that would be next to impossible. Why I am saying that is the fact that people are so uniquely different. You would be able to manipulate some of the general needs of a sub but to “create a manual” would imply there is a cookie cutter method of dealing with subs .

    1. I have stated my view that there are some high level rules which ensnare almost all innate subs because they have the same high level needs.

      The fact that my manual contents list so far covers so many different regimes for subs, I think keeps me content that it will be the opposite of a cookie cutter approach. It will have more things which I do not do, or even enjoy than things I do and enjoy. I may publish my contents list on my blog soon and you can see if you still feel the same. Thank you for your input.

  8. I do agree that it would be awesome, although I may be at odds with one specific point of your philosophy. Just as I agree the innate submissives need to be dominated, I also believe that various dominants and various subs have varying degrees and flavors of kink. One dominant female HATES feminization/sissification where the male sub is dressed like a girl, while the next female dominant can’t get enough of it.

    Also, since I believe many submissive males submit specifically due to sexual weakness and their perceived need of orgasm, and therefore orgasm control, I also believe the domme in their case would improve her power by learning what makes the submissive tick and use it to weaken him while improving the results she gets out of what she likes. (If she constantly does things that he not only dislikes, but also is sexually turned off by, there is a huge possibility of him losing interest in serving her to the point that he doesn’t care what she does to coerce or even blackmail him to remain under her control.)

    I’ve had two different ladies tell me almost the very same thing: “The strongest domme is the one who knows her slave’s desires and uses them to control him to their benefit.”

    The key is, she uses his desires to her benefit in the way she sees fit. She does not, though, play to his kinks for his fun or benefit.

    With that said, in the end, you and I both agree that the domme always gets the final say and what she wants had better be obeyed or else.

    Your thoughts on this, Mistress?

    1. This is at the heart of my manual. How the Dominant, while remaining in charge and with their own agenda, gets the data he or she needs to know the sub inside out and upside down, and use that data to both ensnare the sub and have them addicted and the dominant get exactly what they want out of the situation too.

      The words from your ‘two different ladies’ were wise indeed.

      1. Wow. I don’t know if I’m relieved that I am not your sub or if I am distraught that I am not enslaved by you. I should have never even used the words “I may be at odds…” in my response to you. I’ve seen others type this and I am going to readily agree: You are the most amazing dominant in thought and deed that I have seen represented on the Internet.

        Although I have avoided being ensnared by a dominant woman my entire life and am somewhat proud that I’ve retained my freedom, your blogs (as well as lesser female domination and female supremacy sites) are making it more and more difficult to ignore my submissive needs. The idea of being seduced more and more into a deeper submissive role until there is no other option but to fulfill my destiny, doing nothing other than obeying one woman is very powerful. To be trapped in my need to please her in all ways. I am teetering on the edge of my life as a “free male” and feel very vulnerable. It is intoxicating.

        Thank you for that, Mistress.

  9. Dear Mistress Scarlet,

    Being a graphic designer myself, I have to respectfully point the importance of good design. Have an experienced professional (who understands the subject) design the book. This will ensure a number of things; firstly, it will provide the book with a higher aesthetic which will not only compliment your words but also, if done well, make sure that the information in the book will be delivered to the audience in a visually efficient way.


    1. For reasons of privacy and confidentiality, I am afraid I can see no way of having an experienced professional (who understands the subject) design the book. To be honest my overwhelming problem is the structure of the chapters rather than its aesthetic. It will be no good looking great if the chapter content structure is all over the place. You have given me food for thought though, especially about the cover. Thank you.

  10. Hi MsScarlett, I have read ingrids book and though I had finally found a way to train my husband but then she threw in all the comments about not letting them drop the slave ID and returning to the husband. I wanted to be able to do that and at least have a husband I could talk too and have someone to protect me if I needed it. So I just dropped the whole idea. I need a step by step training program that would teach me how to bring him inline with what I want and how I want him. I want to bring him down and then build him back the way I want him. I know that sounds corny but I need to break him of some of his habits and to be able to concentrate on retraining him back to a slave that wants to please me but can also be my husband or change to husband mode If I want him too. I have no problem putting him on Ingrid Bellemares program as he is more than willing. I just don’t want to do it wrong. I hope and pray that maybe you can come up with a program I can follow and turn him into the slave/ husband that I want. Please let me know what you think and let me know if this is what you can help me with through your new book. I’m not into having him playing with dolls or the baby thing, but feminization is fine with me. Sorry for the rambling on but I had to write and see what your thoughts are. Thanks, Pam

    1. I developed a simple mechanism to achieve what you wish for, I believe. Let me know if I have got the wrong end of the stick. I have mentioned the mechanism in my advice to others who found it useful.

      When I want to enjoy bitch-boy’s vanilla company. When I want his wit, or intelligence or problem solving for a few hours or a meal out, or a whole day, I say to him, ‘I will now be using you for your vanilla company and attributes until further notice.‘ He understands that 24/7/365 I see him as my property to do with as I wish and if I wish to use him for his vanilla attributes for a while I will do so. He has no choice in that; just like he has no choice if I want to put him into sensory deprivation bondage for 6 hours while I play with my girlfriend. So even when acting, on the face of it as my equal, he knows I am in control and I am using him for what I want but there are no overt signs at all that I am in charge. I hope that make sense.

  11. I also believe as I have written before, shocking as it might be, that anyone can be a sadist, taking pleasure from inflicting physical and/or mental pain on another.

    If you’ll excuse my saying so, I don’t believe this at all. Apart from anything else, it directly contradicts what you say about submissives being ‘born’ that way.

    And I gotta say, I can’t see my wife feeling the way you describe. Ever! She’s a good sport and tries to play along, but she’d make the world’s worst sadist…

    1. If you’ll excuse my saying so, your ability to follow basic reasoning is completely flawed. The contention that submissives are born as such does not mean people who adopt dominant behaviour must too be born that way. Why should it mean that? If a creature is not born a cat, there is no reason it must be born a dog. The one does not mean the other must happen.

      Most research shows that while most gay men are almost certainly born that way and there is a mainly genetic reason, very few gay women are born that way and that being a lesbian is rarely genetic. Things are more complicated than the simplistic ‘this so that’ logic you incorrectly employ.

      In addition I will say that while I believe all people have it in them to be dominant, some are unable to because some people, without the correct coaching and support, cannot throw aside the fettering shackles of societies most pointless rules of behaviour. To throw these rules aside requires strong levels of courage, boldness confidence and self esteem.

      Obviously in my manual I will go into this in more detail. I truly apologise that my brief reference to it in the blog post upon which you comment (as with this response) does not carry the full justifications of my beliefs.
      I will also say that you picked your wife. If she is unable to be who you want her to be, it is absolutely not her fault. She does not need the very patronising words, ‘She’s a good sport and tries to play along.

  12. Hi Scarlett, I think I understand the way to make him into husband mode and back to slave. I guess he has to understand that that is part of him being a slave. I still wonder what you thought about Ingrids style of slave training. Do you believe in bringing them down like she suggests or do you have a better way. I have no problem with supplying pain and the bondage training like she suggests. I just want a husband that minds me and is somewhat afraid of me. What are your thoughts on this. I wait for your reply and am really excited about your book. Thanks, Pam

    1. Yes he does have to understand that.

      The regime should be one that the Domme finds pleasurable and meets her needs. Ingrid’s is fantastic if that meets your needs and is pleasurable. If it does not, it is not the right regime for you. You could for instance adopt my first piece of advice and also have a second element to the regime; of making it clear to your husband that any infractions will be dealt with by a severe punishment. You then have to make sure he truly hates your punishments and will do anything to avoid them. You will then have REAL POWER and he will have the feeling of being helplessly under another’s control which is what submissives crave.
      Having written all that, from your few brief words, I really don’t have a detailed understanding of your current regime and what you want and what already affects him and makes him feel submissive.

  13. I have tried the Dom/sub lifestyle. I get frustrated and quit. I need advice on how to do it day by day. We both work and that causes issues with having time to get everything done that life throws in the way. I feel like it has to be 24/7. That is impossible. I would like a guide that takes real life into account. With ideas for 15 min to an hour for training. Is that asking to much? Can a sub be trained in that amount of time, if done daily? Can you please help? My sub has wanted this lifestyle for 40 years. Thanks

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