A comment from Nonce provides a nuanced addition to the principles I set out in the first post on this topic. I paraphrase him.
While the Mistress remains completely within the bounds of self control, a momentary, animal like, intensely aggressive and hostile, concentrating facial expression appears, particularly when she is close to orgasm.
I have seen this expression and demeanour on Dommes I have collaborated with. It is 100% intensity and spiteful focus to cause discomfort and by so doing gain their own fulfilment. It is erotic and, for the submissive, very frightening.
On a different note, this sequence of posts could not be complete without a contribution from the wonderful Mistress Margret.
Sometimes when I am halfway through a punishment session with the cane I will stop and make a phone call to a friend or a family member.
I will laugh and chat away while sometimes pinching the welts on his sore bottom or just sit where he can see me and completely ignore him.
sissy has told me he finds that when I do this laughing talking and planning shopping trips and whatever is hard to endure and knowing that there is more strokes of the cane to come makes it even worse and just prolongs the punishment session.
A huge thank you to all those who responded to my research request in my previous blog post. It seems I was spot-on in my advice. I provide some of my (edited) favourite excerpts of the responses below.
The casual application of pain and discomfort whilst distracted by other more interesting going ons, is more humiliating for the submissive. The not particularly interested, just doing it ‘cos you are there and I can, rather than showing any emotional attachment to proceedings, is very belittling….
……………..The times she visibly enjoyed most were the times I found hardest; when I gagged on what I was eating, when my eyes were full of tears, when I blushed crimson and shook with shame,……………………She didn’t once smile in a normal, friendly way. But she laughed a lot when she was enjoying herself. Not manic laughter but wicked, smirking snorts. ……….it was indeed, effective, as she sat back, smoked and relaxed, while I suffered……
the Mistress very casual or uninterested and the slave truly suffering…….. This slave has to admit to having read such similar occasions to this already in Your journals Mistress Scarlet.
…..demeanour and method of communication are vitally important, I could never submit to an ‘angry screamer’…
…..I agree totally. My wife used to sing quietly as she liberally coated my penis with an embrocation stick. Round and round and up and down…
I am still open to more views on the topic.
I would like to do some research. My manual is perhaps 90% complete now. I have just finished a small section and I wondered if you wonderful blog readers agree with the content. If I have got it wrong I would like to know. It is to do with the affect on the submissive of the style of sadism the dominant might employ.
………..Maximising the affect of sadism for the submissive
I have mentioned that I think this is all about the power; but not just for the dominant. As I mentioned in the prologue, the true submissive can only be genuinely content, and sleep with real peace and tranquillity, if they feel they are helplessly in the power of another and what could more clearly demonstrate to them that they are helplessly in the power of their dominant, than suffering physical discomfort and pain simply for the pleasure of their dominant.
Because of my behaviour and what I have witnessed when other women have inflicted their sadism on my husband, I believe the power involved can be further demonstrated to the submissive if the dominant demonstrates that they are utterly relaxed and enjoying themselves. I consider this can be achieved by the following things I do or have seen other sadistic women do.
- I often make a cup of coffee or pour myself a glass of wine before I begin a torment session. Once I have begun the session, I can sense the feeling of helplessness and, I think awe, when I pause and my husband sees, or hears, me break off from my fun for a moment to take a leisurely sip of wine or coffee. (When blindfolded, he notices the pause and he hears the mug or glass being put back down on the marble topped nightstand).
- I have witnessed another woman humming contentedly to herself while applying a nasty thick coating of embrocation cream to my husband’s cock.
- With Governess Lexi, I have engaged in a relaxed conversation about a forthcoming holiday while I was preparing a stinging nettle pouch and she was slowly tipping from a jug neat urine into my husband’s funnel gag.
- I mentioned earlier in the manual one acquaintance of mine who used to tie up and genitally torture her first boyfriend when she was just fourteen! Visiting me when she was 21, (detailed in Volume 10 of my journals) I witnessed her, a very serious sadist, inflicting an inner thigh whipping to my husband with a dressage whip. I mention it now because despite the activity being so excessive, she showed zero embarrassment or inhibition over her desire to inflict pain for her pleasure.
- And to continue, she was completely calm. There was a full second, perhaps two seconds, between each stroke. A couple of times my sobbing husband began to close his thighs together so as to halt the pain onslaught. Ignoring his sobbing, and in the calmest and most patient voice you could imagine, she would instruct him to reopen wide his thighs. Then she would continue the whipping.
- When I have my husband sobbing with ongoing pain, I often pause, calmly tell my husband how much making him suffer so much arouses me and then I use a massager to give myself a loud orgasm. Once I have recovered, I return to torturing him.
So to summarise, I think displaying the following mind-set components of the dominant during torment, increases the affect on the submissive and causes them to feel even more in awe of the dominant.
- Utterly relaxed – humming, sipping from a glass of wine, etc,
- Calm with voice and demeanour,
- Unembarrassed about being a sadist,
- Unembarrassed about becoming sexually aroused by sadism,
- Unhurried and taking one’s time.
I will finish this piece, (to ensure you avoid working against the advice I have just given in the preceding paragraphs), with a very brief reminder of the essence of Top Tip 4, I mentioned previously in the manual; do not appear to find something only funny. Make sure your submissive knows you are getting sadistic pleasure too, even if it is funny.
Now we move onto techniques for inflicting physical discomfort and pain……………
Please note that the hyperlink to Volume 10 is just for blog readers and there is no hyperlink in my manual.
I should add to yesterdays post that the apron I bought bitch-boy in August is superb to help keep his outfits clean while allowing the outfit under the apron to remain visible and thereby maintain humiliation levels. (Obviously should he fail to wear it when he should and a stain resulted, he would be punished very harshly.)
The apron I bought is actually more see-thru than the one pictured.
It was fairly cheap so I am thinking of buying a second apron with which to increase the humiliation further. I am not sure how practical it will be to do, but I have read a number of times of forced sissy males with aprons, where the apron has a small hole in it perfectly located through which the male’s shaved genitals can protrude. I have read of the hole having a drawstring arrangement to keep the shameful package in place. The penis can be left bare to emphasise its below average size, or can have a ribbon tightly tied on it for extra sissyness.
I know like me, many Mistresses have invested either considerable time or money, or both, into some delightful humiliation outfits for our slaves. Outfits they hate which makes the outfits delightful. So these outfits can become quite precious, particularly if budget is limited. (The previous post is an example of one of my investments.) I am keenly aware of this for two reasons. (1) I am giving up work soon. (2) When I do I will be acquiring the skill of using a sewing machine as one of my new hobbies. (So, for instance, bitch-boy’s schoolgirl pleated gymslip, which currently reaches down to his knees, will be shortened so it only reaches down to his hips. I want it done more neatly than him hand sewing it.)
Well sometimes, inevitably, these precious outfits may become the subject of a little stain or mark which cannot be removed. Or even a quite large stain. When this happens you need not condemn the outfit to the trash. What I do is add an accessory to cover the stain. Items like those shown below from eBay can be sewn over a stain and simply enhance the shame of the outfit; making it even more fussy and elaborate. And of course your slave can be trained to do the sewing too.
A small stain near the tip of a Peter Pan collar? Well a ribbon bow gets sewn onto the tip of the corner of both collars (for symmetry) and the outfit actually seems even more humiliating – and the stain is hidden. There are small ribbon bows, HUGE ribbon bows and rosettes on eBay and they are very cheap! A large stain just off centre on the front of an outfit? Well sew a HUGE ribbon bow dead centre of the outfit to cover the stain.
And should your slave be put in an outfit so often that the habituation effect is diminishing its humiliation value, adding a couple of large bows can revitalise the humiliation value.
Click here for Detailed accounts of my life with my bitch-boy.
I think this is the clearest, most representative image I have come across of the actual, ‘parody of a little girl’ dress, I force bitch-boy to wear, especially when I have a guest or two. Governess Lexi loves dressing him in it. (Bought from Birch Place Shop.) Because he has two other plain dresses which come down only to his hips, I always refer to this as his full-on parody of a little girl dress, part of his full parody-of-a-little-girl outfit. BUT remember he does not get to wear panties underneath. He is naked, displaying his below-average shaved genitalia. He also displays the marks to his butt if he has been recently punished. The photo also shows the actual handbag/purse/pocket book he has to carry.
Often he also has a very large pink ribbon bow hair clip on his little, exposed clitty. It is about a hands width wide and completely hides his genitalia. The hair clip teeth really start to cause discomfort after about ten minutes and leave lovely indentations when the clip is removed.
I make reference to this dress in my Journal No. 11.
Mistress Serena’s tiffanymaid has brought to my attention a wonderful website selling PVC and rubber clothing ideal for humiliation purposes. The initial communication was to advise me of the cruel bondage suit that Mistress Serena is buying and in which tiffanymaid will be suffering. Mistress Serena is deliciously cruel.
While perusing the site myself, I was very attracted to the Rainwear section and especially the Poncho. (Pic 9 of 10)
I straightaway could imagine having bitch-boy in his parody of a little girl outfit and his wrists secured, at his chest, to the cuffs at the front of his lemon yellow reins, cuddling his dolly under a forearm and me pulling the poncho over his head, into place. Then putting him outside, in the rain, to get him out from under the grown-ups feet for an hour or two.
I was reminded of the entry, ‘Sissy in the Garden’, in Volume 7 of my journals, but on the occasion described within, he had his Disney Princess umbrella to keep him dry.
There would be no need of an umbrella with the hood of the poncho pulled up.
One of poor bitch-boy’s Xmas presents has arrived. A pacifier strap so that a pacifier can be secured into place. And it is bespoke because it has a buckle hasp through which a padlock can be snapped shut. Even when I am not in the same room as him, he will be sucking on his pacifier like a good little girl.
And even when I am not in the house, I will use a plastic padlock with a unique number which he is only allowed to cut himself free from in an ABSOLUTE EMERGENCY. So when I am at the gym or shopping or at a restaurant with friends, I can think of him sucking away on his hated pacifier.
The makers, Lucky Star, have done a great job. The only downside is that the pacifier in the strap is fixed into place so he will not be sucking on his cock-pacifier. (pic below). But I am sure nonetheless, he will be nicely miserable and feel VERY CONTROLLED and HELPLESS to suffer the painful, shaming whims of his heartless bitch of a wife: which I am.
The cock-pacifier plays a part in so many entries in my journals, reflecting the big role it has always had in bitch-boy’s life. I must suggest to all Dommes who have a sissy which must be kept properly miserable, that hen-night supplies websites are a great source of cock based paraphernalia. Cock pacifiers, cock straws, cock candy, cock chocolate, cock whistles, cheap male blow-up dolls, etc. Your cock-hating hetrosexual sissy can be overwhelmed with cock related activities! (I think in the USA a hen-night is known as a bachelorette party, but I may be wrong.)
Well I mentioned my nettle apron, as I called it, in an earlier post and in a subsequent post I provided a photo of bitch-boy’s little clitty after the first stroke a nettle. Well I have found that it is not just when using nettles that the nettle apron is useful. Last Sunday I had bitch-boy in TSD bondage for a few hours and began that TSD period with placing the nettle apron into position for some stinging nettles fun. (Amazingly we still have not had a frost here and new shoots are still growing).
But instead of starting with the nettles, on a whim I picked up one of my little cock whips. And, who would have thought it, the apron works really well with the whips too. Enhancing their use by allowing me to whip away, nice and hard, without the whip landing on the stomach – so all the pain is focused, as it should be, on that nasty little clitty. And I can whip so much harder than if I am holding the clitty up away from the stomach with my left hand.
This is my favourite cock whip which I bought a long time ago in a huge, gay BDSM store in California. The heavy plastic beads are rather mean. I also have a mini flogger with thin rubber strands which stings a lot.
So the nettle apron will be used all through the winter even if the nettles growing plan in the greenhouse doesn’t work.