Two events are coinciding. I am giving up work in a few weeks and bitch-boy is getting very close to actually finishing the first of his seven identical fairy colouring-in books. It must have taken him many, many hundreds of hours. (I wish I had kept a note but it would have been too onerous to bother with.) You may recall in Xmas 2013 I bought him six identical copies of The Girls Fairy Colouring Book of which he already had one copy. 64 pages and it takes forever to colour-in one page! And of course going over a line results in a caning. And, in the early days, an inadequate and drab number of colours on a completed page resulted in a very severe caning -that he has not forgotten.
As desolate as it makes him, he is in no doubt that he has years and years ahead of him, and I imagine, thousands of hours, dressed as a little girl, colouring-in with the help of his dolly Suzette Simperkins. THE SAME little girl, fairy themed pages, AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN, book after book, while I and any guests enjoy grown-up pursuits and virtually ignoring him. It is hard to explain how simultaneously I find it both utterly relaxing and a huge, arousing power-rush as I sit on the sofa watching TV, or reading or on the phone or working on one of the crafts I enjoy, while he is almost ignored as he colours-in and periodically shamefully enters into a verbal exchange with his dolly asking which colour he should use for the next item to be coloured-in.
So I have been thinking about the two events coinciding imminently and how to handle the moment of the finishing of the colouring-in of the first book. I have decided on the following: When he is close to finishing the very last page, I will have by my side, the other six books. When, no doubt, full of trepidation he lisps to me that he has finished the last page, I am going to take the completed book for inspection of the last page and at the same instant, as though all is normal, pass him another identical book from the pile of 6, open it at a double page, and without even looking at him say,
‘Start this one.‘ I know this act, given it confirms the absolute reality of my long term threats, might reduce him to sobbing or pleading; which if it does I will ignore. After around five minutes of him settling down to colour-in I will say, in a very matter of fact tone,
‘Just think pansy-piece. I will be at home all day from now on and you will be colouring-in for so many hours, so many days, each week. So, so many hours. This is your life now my humiliated sissy little girl and there is nothing you can do about it.‘
[Very detailed accounts of his frequent times forced to role play a parody of a little girl are included in my published journals, volumes 2 to 11.]