So in awe, they endure all and can’t face leaving

A strong theme in one section of my manual, (to be published later this month I promise), may be controversial. I suggest, and set out how, the dominant ‘satisfies’ the ‘needs’ of the submissive. I imagine there may be dominants, and perhaps even submissives, who in response cry, ‘Hold on, the dominant should be able to do what they want – not be caring about the submissive’s ‘needs’!’

Well, I am not making this proposition out of altruism. I am making it out of selfishness. I believe the ultimate position for the dominant is to have a submissive so in awe that they could not bear the prospect of leaving the dominant, even though they endure a huge amount that they really dislike. So the dominant does get to do whatever they want but there is also some activity and behaviour targeted at meeting the ‘needs’ of that submissive, whatever those needs might be.

Included in this is that punishments are always just a little bit more than the submissive believes they can take. No safe-words.  And humiliations and tedium activities may well be well past what the submissive believes they can take. By this approach, paradoxically, the submissive gets their ‘needs’ satisfied, because true submissives must feel they have no power and are helplessly in the complete control of a cruel dominant. I am not talking about one off liaisons here, I am talking about long term relationships.

I have two slaves who endure what they hate almost the whole time I am dominating them, but neither of them could bare to never see me again. They are addicted like I am a drug. What could be a better situation!

I have written this post rather hastily and it is far too brief to properly convey the subject matter but I post it because the approach I outline is not too difficult but does not seem mentioned much in the DS world.

8 thoughts on “So in awe, they endure all and can’t face leaving

  1. What a subtle post! Agree completely; thank You.
    I cannot wait for your new book and hope it will include a lot of humiliation ideas, a lot of mindfuck and D/S psychological insights.

  2. i believe, from my own humble experiences and thoughts, that your observation/view is pretty accurate Ms Scarlet

  3. Were it not as you suggest, a relationship, as complex as relationships can be, in which needs are met “at both ends of the whip,” no one with integrity, as yourself, would participate.

  4. Wonderfully observed. The action of taking a slave beyond their limits is an exquisite privilege and something which I hope you will expand upon in your journals and blog diary.

  5. Hello Ms Scarlet,

    Obviously this is a complex and nuanced subject as subs ‘enjoy’ and ‘hate’ simultaneously, and those feelings are not necessarily directly linked to the activities themselves, but to the circumstances or demonstrations of control.

    One example of this from my experiences with my wife: I do not enjoy being dressed in female clothing, and it is not in fetishised for me at any level. So when I am made to wear it, the effect on my submissiveness varies depending on the circumstance. If I am made to wear it as part of a ‘scene’, it arouses me via the humiliation (her: “what would people think if they saw you”) and while i am being forced.. I am still the one choosing to participate. Conversely, when we indulge in more intense periods of her control, she will occasionally use lockable clothes or restrain me in such a manner as to prevent me from removing the clothing for days at a time. She often combines this with severe penalties for breaching protocol and disallowing me from wearing anything other than prescribed by her. This can go past the ‘playing along’ point very quickly to where i actively despise the activity and wish it to end. At this point the submission and arousal comes from the complete control and inability to affect a change in circumstance, along with the always present “you got yourself into this”.

    My question is this: What percentage of activities you undertake with bitch-boy would you estimate fall into the category you describe as genuine hatred? Where the activity or practise holds no intrinsic sexual appeal for him (even at a lesser intensity), but he is fulfilled by the demonstration of your control?

    Perhaps it is easier to estimate from the opposite angle: what percentage of your activity do you knowingly indulge bitch-boy with enjoyment of (even if sometimes at a higher intensity than he would like!)?

    1. I think almost all the activities I undertake with bitch-boy fall into the category of genuine hatred, where the activity or practise holds no intrinsic sexual appeal for him. In fact, I may sometimes do chores like preparing a meal or some laundry if it means I can have him role playing a parody of a little girl for longer than if he does the chore. (He would much, much rather be doing chores than suffering the combined shame and tedium of playing with his dollies in front of me or in front of me and an amused guest or too!)

      I guess when his little clitty is played with for T&D or in preparation of torturing it, he gets some sexual pleasure for a brief while, also when I display my body to tease him, he is getting a bitter/sweet experience.

  6. I couldnt be more agree with You Mistress Scarlet!!!
    A real submissive’s punishment and humiliation must always go more than he can get!!! This way he will feel totally helpless and in the mercy of his Cruel and Heartless Mistress!!! He will feel weak and impotent to react and that he has already delivered his self esteem and dignity to his Superior Mistress’s hands so its no use trying to escape and leave his Mistress!!! He will accept all this situation as his fate and destiny!!!
    And this is the only feeling and thought a true submissive should have!!!.
    Treating a submissive slave with cruelty and making him feel helpless, weak, humiliated and degraded You have the key of his eternal slavery!!!

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