There are some regular blog followers who comment that their favourite blog entries are when I write about the little developments in my FLR. And there are others that say these posts are repetitive and redundant. So this post is for the former blog followers and I apologise to the latter. I begin with a context update. Bitch-boy’s chastity periods since the new regimen came into force are; 18 weeks orgasm free, one full orgasm under the sole of my shoe, (but clearly insufficient to relieve the frustration), and, as of now, 9 weeks since then, orgasm free and caged.
Holding the cage / The big ring
I have many orgasms each week including on vanilla days. On vanilla days I sit up on the bed, my back against a pillow. I am naked but for a gold waist chain and platform mules.
Recently, I sit to the left side of the bed and, (as shown in many tease and denial BDSMLR images), I have taken to gently cupping bitch-boy’s chastity cage with my left hand, while I apply my Lelo wand to my most sensitive places with my right hand. It seriously adds to my orgasm intensity feeling that physical reminder of the double padlocked, caged enforcement of his denial and knowing he feels the warmth of my hand, as he looks down at my beautiful body and sees me pleasuring myself, YET AGAIN, reinforcing the chasm of status difference between us.
On the topic of his chastity cage, regular blog followers will know it is double padlocked on him. Well, a problem was occurring with the smallish ring through his frenum piercing slipping between the cage bars at night and catching on the sheets and waking him. I don’t want him sleep deprived, unless I intend that. I think he thought he might get some sort of reprieve because of this issue. What he got was his 12mm dimeter ring replaced with a huge black metal, 20mm diameter ring. It sits flat inside the cage and is too big to fall between the bars, and of course looks so much more oppressive! I love it. I don’t think bitch-boy does though, poor thing. I will provide some photos in due course.
The Photo
Bitch-boy spends a lot of time in the kitchen, cleaning up, and food prepping throughout the day, including usually, around an hour before I have got up in the morning. Now that I have made a huge step change in his chastity periods, I have put a large, framed photo on the kitchen wall. The photo is a collage I had bitch-boy create in Photoshop. In the collage I am posing, completely naked apart from very high heeled shoes and a gold waist chain; and on my face an expression of pitiless, teasing, disdain. I hold my Lelo wand in my hand. Also in the collage, is a photo of bitch-boy’s birth defect, double padlocked in its chastity cage. And at the bottom of the collage a caption, ‘Long-term, permanent, born-again-virgin, soon to be forever orgasm free.’
Something to ruefully and frustrating glance at during his time in the kitchen.
Topless
Particularly my UPPER body shape, EXACTLY matches bitch-boy’s personal predilections for a female upper body; with my near perfect B-cup breasts, yoga shoulders, long neck, flat stomach and tiny waist. I now use this to torture him often. One thing that has always been a tease to him is simply me being topless, particularly in low slung bottoms so my hip bones are on show. Jeans or leggings or a skirt; and topless. I believe there are several porn sites pretty much dedicated to images of topless women in jeans. It must be quite a popular fetish.
Quite often, now, when I am dressing, especially after I have just had a vanilla-day orgasm or three, after a bath, I will put on say, my low slung, skinny jeans; my Ugg boot slippers and apply my make-up and then walk about in the proximity of bitch-boy for a while; topless. I ask him if he likes me topless now, as much as when we first met. I pose and flaunt and sensually caress my breasts as a lover’s hands of mine might do. This caressing REALLY, REALLY, AFFECTS HIM. For some reason it drives him to distraction with frustration. He answers me with a cracked and broken voice, that, yes, he absolutely likes me topless now, as much as when we first met.
Sometimes he literally can’t take it any more and he drops to his knees and begins kissing my boots, between words begging and pleading for relief and how he really cannot take the teasing and denial. I look down at him feeling maximum POWER and maximum PITILESS CRUELTY. It is exhilarating and decadent. After a while, I harshly nudge him away from me with a push of one of my boots to his face. I tell him to go and get his book of raffle tickets. When he returns, I open the book and rip out a page of five tickets, screw it into a ball and drop it to the floor. Sometimes two pages.
‘Yes little puppet, two pages, another ten potential orgasms gone, before you never ever orgasm again. Imagine how you will feel them when I flaunt my body like this.’ (I caress my breasts while I say this.) ‘It’s going to be sooooo unfair isn’t it. When you are prohibited from every having an orgasm again; and you watch me do this. Even more unfair than now; while your orgasms are so rare.’ He looks like he could burst into tears. I continue. I am so enjoying myself.
‘I bet you would like to know, in addition to a ticket being ripped out for each of your rare orgasms, just how many sheets of tickets I intend to rip out. But that’s my secret isn’t it.’ I look at the book. ‘205 tickets left. Hmmm, I think its beginning to get exciting.’ I drop the book to the floor and begin to walk away, speaking without looking at him.
‘Tidy this mess up and get back to what you were doing.’ And I walk away, feeling on top of the world. BUT, I do not put my top on. I carry my top with me, perhaps for half an hour before I finally put it on. Enjoying half an hour of glances from him. Desperate, distressed, pained, helpless, submissive glances. Poor puppet.
A link to all my journals HERE, including:
Mistress Scarlet's Blog 
Enlightening as always Miss Scarlet!
Are you planning a Christmas post? Hearing what misery BB has to endure on what is normally an enjoyable happy day for others is always interesting…!
Well, having given up work and had bitch-boy retire, Christmas and other bank holidays have rather lost their significance as, for me, every day is now like a bank holiday. I do expect it will be a full-on DS day but I will probably make it extra tough on him so I can remind him of the lovely day so many others are having while he is not.
I love the line ‘. I look down at him feeling maximum POWER and maximum PITILESS CRUELTY. It is exhilarating and decadent’ you must feel so so aroused and so powerful?
Yep, absolutely. I should have added, ‘arousing’ to ‘exhilarating and decadent’.
The enjoyment I have from serving a Mistress, is knowing she gains arousal from her total power over me, and she is comfatable with her cruelty as its the natural way things should be. I love your blog and would love to see a picture of your favourite boots.
Yes I love to see a woman inflicting her cruelty without pity, while totally relaxed and unashamed.
Click on the thumbnail on this page for my favourite BDSM boots. Obviously I also have a pair of vanilla boots that are a favourite.
For me, Female Domination can also mean the little things. A lady who gladly lets me carry all of her bags and walks ahead of me completely carefree without carrying a thing herself, leaving me to struggle with her heavy bags…Or using me in general to be more comfortable; letting me help her, fix things and do stuff for her so she won´t have to lift a finger. I also try to worship all women in general and submit to them in any way that i can. Letting them use me and step on me to get where they want to be. If there´s a woman behind me in line, i ALWAYS let her go ahead of me and also open doors, calling women Ma´am, etc. Always showing women my utmost respect. I also enjoy every woman who sees me as an inferior and treats me accordingly. Love letting women use me for anything they want to be more comfortable. And being their humble servant.
Your post chimes with exactly how so many sweet submissives are. Which is delightful.
Thank you Mistress, I love to see Vanilla boots on a dominant woman, she should never have to dress up unless she wants too
I am not caged but I am denied. No matter how much I beg her, she will not let me cum. No, she is not a mean dominant, she just knows I am a better and more submissive husband when I am horny and on edge.
Dear Ms Scarlet
I know this is nothing to do with a comment for this post. But have you seen the long and detailed letter to Mistress Alison in PDQ which you occasionally mention. Clearly a true life account and not someone’s fantasy, I think you will enjoy the read.
Kindest regards
http://petticoated.com/1220/alison.1220.html
Your link takes me to over 26,000 words! Could you point me to the parts you suggest I will enjoy, because you are almost certain to be correct.
Ms Scarlet
I think the parts you will enjoy the most are being discovered for the first time by his landlady, the meeting with her daughter, and being given the laundry to do by his future wife.
Altogether it is a very well written true account from his teenage years, though courtship, to the married love of his life.
How do I find those bits in the 26,000 words??
Pulling the tickets for just begging and worshipping your feet is brilliant! Question: does bitch boy have an advent calendar this year?
No, I don;t think there will be advent calendar this year. I think I have exhausted the possibility of fresh ideas having done one for so many previous years. A bit of a shame.
Thank You for Your update. You are certainly a cruel sadistic mistress. im not sure if i could take that much abuse. But i certainly would at least like to try.
Esteemed Ms. Scarlett. I’ve read your blog for many years (and have wondered about the removal of the easy access to older posts on the right side of the blog). To confess the truth, I find the psychology of this oppressive relationship hard to fathom. If one knows what is to be expected, why should it lead to tears? And surely, for someone like bb, the deprivation of orgasm is something to cherish, not to cry about. Or is the desire to *feel* oppressed part of the thrill?
Believe me, I’m not saying this in a critical spirit. I find I have a inescapable need to be treated contemptuously by a dominant woman, being called all manner of derogatory things by her. My rational mind frequently feels ashamed about this, but there’s no getting away from this overpowering, irrational drive. But where I don’t understand bb’s attitude is that I’m grateful to be treated this way, and would be made to feel contentment if treated like this.
Do you think that if I were subjected to the sort of treatment you’ve been inflicting on bb for so long, I too would be reduced to tears? Since I don’t get this sort of treatment in the real world, I have no way to tell. Any insight you could share on the psychology of the male submissive (oppressed?) in a relationship such as yours would be much appreciated.
Thank you for taking the trouble to read this, and for responding if you care to.
The removal of the easy access to older posts on the right side of the blog was so the site can be smart phone readable. The search facility is very good though.
I don’t think my post says he cries??? Nonetheless, to deal with your point is to go to the essence of the symbiotic relationship of an unfettered, cruel, pitiless Domme and a true submissive. To understand you need to step back from the moments of pitiless cruelty and look at the big picture. The regime I impose brings me my perverse pleasure and sense of absolute power and, WHEN NOT ACTUALLY SUFFERING EXTREMES OF TORMENT, bitch-boy is filled with contentment and gratitude for my use and abuse of him because he knows he is a true submissive and knows he cannot live a contented life without being helplessly in the power of a cruel pitiless woman. The ‘proof’ to him that he is helplessly in the power of a cruel, pitiless woman, are the minutes or hours that he is suffering extremes of torment. Suffering, at the time, in a way he does not want. In a way he would rather not suffer. So at those moments he is not content and not ‘grateful’, but all the rest of the time he is. And, it is symbiotic. I am part of this equation! If he was content and grateful while suffering, where would my pleasure as a sadist come from???? I want real emotions not those of a game. People lacking understanding of the symbiosis often ask, why doesn’t he leave? He doesn’t leave because he knows he NEEDS the helpless feeling I give him so much of. I say to him often, he introduced me to femdom, and now I do what I want to him, not whatever his fantasies might once have been And I know he is a true submissive and can never leave me because he is and so simply has to take it. (Which ironically, simply makes him feel more helplessly in the power of a cruel, pitiless woman.)
Out of interest, what is the longest period you have gone without an orgasm, and been repeatedly, day after day, teased mercilessly?
“I don’t think my post says he cries???”
No, of course you didn’t, this was my stupid mistake. I had felt like asking more or less the same question on one of your earlier postings of the treatment of a submissive by one of the outside dominas (like Ms. Francesca). There I was particularly struck by the aspect of tears, and when this post brought my earlier question back to my mind, I erroneously carried over that aspect to this post. Please accept my apologies for confusing things this way.
And thank you too for answering my question. You have previously referred to the deep-seated need of this sort of submissive to feel completely dominated without any hope of release. I guess I hadn’t realized the nuance that he is basically content, but in order for him to feel properly in submission, he must periodically feel that he is being compelled to do something that is completely unpleasant and unwanted by him (like having his privates tied in a bag with nettled, which does, I think, cause him to cry?). This makes a sort of internal logic, and I thank you for spelling this out so directly.
And as for your closing question, I expect from the tone that you’re suggesting that I’m being presumptuous for talking about something about which I have little to no personal knowledge compared to the sort of constant excitement and denial to which bb is subjected. I accept the rebuke as being entirely warranted. I regret to say that while I have endeavored mightily to have some sort of regime like this instituted here at home, it has all been in vain. My wife is pretty much totally uninterested in such matters (or maybe even averse), so your criticism is all the more justified. I feel this overwhelming desire to be “kept in hand,” but somehow not exactly in this way, but it’s an unsatisfied craving that puzzles me, which I guess is why I decided to ask these questions in the first place. (And yes, I do know that “be careful what you wish for” adage that is used in this regard. I expect that given the unlikeliness of my ever being subject to any such regime, we’ll never know whether it would be a source of regret or not.) I will say that my inclinations in this regard are completely “voluntary,” and I don’t wish to be forced to do something I don’t want, though on the other hand, my long-term reading of this blog may indicate that I don’t really know what I want. But this is all theoretical on my part, which I suppose is why I’m so curious to understand how others feel about this situation. If you take my question about bb’s state of mind to be derogatory of him, I did not mean it that way and apologize if that’s how I came off sounding (no, that’s not one of those “sorry you feel that way” non-apologies; I do recognize my fault and regret the way I phrased myself).
If I may be allowed to ask another question, do you actually like bb at all? I’ve never gotten the impression that you do, and I have no idea from your writing what he is like as a person. What happens when he has the flu or puts out his back? Do you tend to him? And let me hasten to add that these questions are not at all meant in a critical spirit. What I say is simply the reaction of a long-time reader, and my impressions may not correspond to your “lived reality” (as they say these days). I really do find this (and similar) relationships puzzling and am trying to understand the situation from the participants’, rather than my own, point of view
Thank you for the answer about the blog archive. I’m also grateful for your care in responding to my questions (and even bothering to read them).
Thank you for your courteous response. Please note nothing I wrote was a rebuke and I am disappointed my closing question had a tone that you thought carried with it an accusation of presumptuousness. Nothing I wrote was intended as a criticism of you in any way. I simply love to keep learning about the many psychological aspects of dominants and submissives and part of that is asking direct questions.
I do think you are very confused about what you are and what you need. Your paragraph including the words, ‘this sort of submissive’ rather surprises me because all the evidence I have is that 99% of submissives are ‘this sort’, ie normal submissives. And I am afraid you are the soldier out of step, as it were. Please look at the comments to my last post, Humiliation, chores, subjugation, devotion. An account of a contented submissive who undergoes things he does not like and has ‘no hope of release.’ 100% of those that commented on his account would love to be in his shoes.
And ‘no hope of release’ is not a valid assessment. He can walk away, bitch-boy can walk away. They do not because they are content. They must endure, perhaps a great deal they do not like, but that is the paradox; that they need that to feel content at the deepest level.
You have have endeavored mightily to have some sort of regime like this instituted, BUT, you don’t wish to be forced to do something you don’t want to. Which is it? Your wife must be mightily confused. What exactly drives you to read my blog? What life do you fantasise about living? I would dearly like to know the answer to that question. Not a rebuke or criticism and not mocking you. I would love to know your answer. Simple curiosity.
If you read THE DRFINITION OF A SUBMISSIVE on this page my alternative blog, do you see yourself? Has your wife ever read something like that page? Or THIS PAGE.
I adore bb. I adored him from our first date and I decided to marry him by our third date; before I knew of his submissiveness. Although he told me about that before I married him. He is the most intelligent person I have ever met. He is the bravest person I have ever met. And our relationship evolved to that I describe in my posts and I adore him as much as ever. If he is properly ill, I care for him, yes.
So please note, all my comments and questions come from wishing to learn. There is no criticism of you in any way.
“Please note nothing I wrote was a rebuke and I am disappointed my closing question had a tone that you thought carried with it an accusation of presumptuousness.”
Seems I owe you another apology. When I read your neutral question, I thought to myself, “Well, the answer is pretty much nothing, so I have no right to comment about something I know nothing about myself.” And once I got to that realization, I looked at the question to see if it was meant as a subtle rebuke, and I guess because I thought my answer showed I shouldn’t have spoken as I did, I misunderstood the tone of your question. I am sorry.
“I do think you are very confused about what you are and what you need.”
Yes. Though I would say in my own defense that I’m pretty clear of what in general I want, but not at all clear about the realization of it, since it’s all in my head, basically.
“Your paragraph including the words, ‘this sort of submissive’ rather surprises me because all the evidence I have is that 99% of submissives are ‘this sort’, ie normal submissives. And I am afraid you are the soldier out of step, as it were. Please look at the comments to my last post, Humiliation, chores, subjugation, devotion. An account of a contented submissive who undergoes things he does not like and has ‘no hope of release.’ 100% of those that commented on his account would love to be in his shoes.”
If I may be allowed to put forward a counter argument? Please don’t take me as trying to be argumentative. I’m only putting forward a different way of looking at it, and I may well be wrong. But I think the readers of this blog can’t be used to make broader generalizations. They are a self-selecting group, and pretty much by definition are of “this sort” (my apologies if that phrase sounds disparaging; I just mean “people like this”). From my own fairly extensive online “investigations” of D/s matters, both in print and in visual venues like bdsmlr, I’d say that there is a very strong element of what they call “loving FLR” (I think). That’s a very different proposition from the much more “hardcore” sort of subjugation you see here. I’m not sure how to characterize the difference. I’ve sort of taken to calling the kind here “oppression,” but obviously I don’t know my personal experience, and what you say calls that into question.
“And I am afraid you are the soldier out of step, as it were.”
That wouldn’t be for the first time! (joke)
“He can walk away, bitch-boy can walk away. They do not because they are content.”
Well, I’m in no position to contradict this. I’ve forgotten where, but someplace recently I saw a domina say that by this point, her sub literally couldn’t imagine living any other way. I wondered about that. I also sometimes wonder how much of what one comes across is driven by male fantasy rather than actual female desires. Some subs are more able to “walk away” than others, I guess.
“but that is the paradox; that they need that to feel content at the deepest level.”
Yes, I can see that.
“You have have endeavored mightily to have some sort of regime like this instituted, BUT, you don’t wish to be forced to do something you don’t want to. Which is it?”
Please forgive me, I may have expressed myself poorly again. I think I was referring to “hard noes,” which you mention in the definition portion over on your other blog. I sometimes see things and think to myself, “No, I don’t think I could go there,” like cream pies or being kept permanently in chastity so that all ability to gain an erection is lost, or even castration. The first is obviously entirely possible, the second seems possible (though I’m sort of doubtful), and the last seems like a fantasy (surely it is medically illegal?). But where exactly does one draw the line with something like wearing “nappies,” which some people find exciting but which doesn’t do anything for me?
Is it of the essence of submission to do things you don’t want? And what of topping from the bottom, where the person who’s supposedly in charge does the bidding of the ostensible sub (I think it was here that I saw a reference a movie, The Duke of Burgundy, about such a dynamic in a lesbian relationship?). If this is all driven by only one person’s supposed needs to “submit,” which are forced on the other, what kind of submission is that?
I sometimes think that the highest form of submission would be to forgot all about my wants and to live a vanilla life with my vanilla wife, which I think is what she would prefer. How “meta” is that?
“Your wife must be mightily confused.”
Yes, I suspect she is in that I say I want to submit, but my desire for discipline etc. goes far beyond anything she’s willing to do, and my resulting “balkiness” is then not at all submissive (as above). She plays along a bit, but I don’t think her heart is in it.
Rest assure that I feel guilty and ashamed about the whole thing, and wish I were “normal.” Would make my life a lot easier, I can tell you. And I feel bad about bringing any of this to the attention of my wife, who would otherwise be blissfully ignorant of the whole thing (and that’s just a turn of phrase, and I’m sorry if it sounds snarky; I really do think she’d much rather know nothing about this and just go about a “regular” life).
“What exactly drives you to read my blog?”
Good God, you think I don’t ask myself that? (I apologize yet again if that sounds snarky.) My rational mind tells me there’s something wrong with me for finding it all so enthralling. Yet, wherever my emotions live, they feel quite different.
“What life do you fantasise about living? I would dearly like to know the answer to that question.”
Well, I suppose there’s no need for bashfulness here. I guess it would involve leading my regular life outside the house (though I do want to make any indication of my submission publicly; I wear a medical bracelet that has my wife’s name on it as her property (doesn’t say that), and I like opening doors etc for her, but even that runs against her “second generation” feminist sensibilities). I am head strong, and I gather I have a personality that’s called “bratty.” I would like to have that disciplined out of me. To some extent I have an independent spirit, but I would like to have it “broken” (though how far is the question, and the answer to that I don’t know). I’m too embarrassed to say the exact sorts of humiliations I fantasize about receiving, but let’s say that they are fairly extreme but not the most extreme). Certainly, I want to be caged in chastity, and I feel like handing over my orgasms to Her as a gift is something I want to do. She is everything to me, and I am literally nothing. All I want to do is serve Her. I wish to make her come orally whenever she wishes. I get turned on at the notion of being humiliated and degraded. I’m not sure whether it would be better just to be kept in a cage, or to have it brought out periodically to be played with and tormented, but not allowed to come (I sometimes see images of how very deep a shade of purple it can become, and I think I’d wish for that).
But this is all fantasy. I have no idea what the reality is. But my heart races at the thought.
“If you read THE DRFINITION OF A SUBMISSIVE on this page my alternative blog, do you see yourself?”
Yes, I read that. You say that it’s inborn, and that it often involves submissive play during childhood, and that it manifests itself around ages 7-11. I guess I’m the “odd man out” again.
I only found out about it from reading a blog (no idea what it was called) about ten years ago, written by a man who had such urges but didn’t have any outlet for them. I was enthralled and it’s been all down hill since then. I don’t recall when I first came across your blog, but that was a long time ago, and I’ve been a loyal reader since (somewhat to the consternation of my rational mind). (FWIW, I fall into the camp of enjoying the posts about your own personal experiences and the minor developments in your relationship, though I certainly enjoy the other posts too!)
As for the age at which it starts, I have to say that in looking at my life in retrospect, I can see that I made lots of disastrous decisions on the basis of not understanding myself. That is, I think I did have an underlying desire to be dominated all along without realizing it, but I acted on the “rational” understanding of things as a “regular” male, if you see what I mean.
“Has your wife ever read something like that page? Or THIS PAGE.”
Oh, Good God, no. I’ve tried to give her print out of things from various places online that I think would help her understand where I’m coming from, and how, say, a chastity regime would be beneficial to her from her point of view. I don’t even think she reads it and I’ve stopped doing that. I think she has a tendency just to ignore what she doesn’t like (rather than just overtly say so). I’ve tried to look at it from her point of view and not just shove my male fantasies down her throat (if you will excuse the phrase), and my conclusion is that it’s just not her and there’s no way around that.
This makes me sad, as I feel like there is something deep-seated inside of me that has no outlet and sort of withers and festers (to mix metaphors). I feel very unfulfilled. As I said, I sometimes think to myself that the highest form of submission would be to give my wife the vanilla life she wants, but that’s cold comfort. I also often think to myself that I regret having found out about any of it. I do talk honestly about what I think my desires are to my wife, but it makes me feel ashamed and guilty to have brought this turmoil to her life, completely against her inclinations, because of my own stupid desires.
“I adore bb. I adored him from our first date and I decided to marry him by our third date; before I knew of his submissiveness. Although he told me about that before I married him. He is the most intelligent person I have ever met. He is the bravest person I have ever met. And our relationship evolved to that I describe in my posts and I adore him as much as ever. If he is properly ill, I care for him, yes.”
Thank you for this. It makes me feel better in reading what I would read anyway. :-)
“So please note, all my comments and questions come from wishing to learn. There is no criticism of you in any way.”
Thank you for this. Not to worry, there isn’t a harsher critic of me on this earth than me! Anyway, I hope my answers have given you the information you wish, and I am deeply grateful for you for having taken the time to read what I said and for having respond to it in a considerate way.
There is some repeated themes of contradiction in your comment. too much for me to untangle. I will comment on what jumps out though.
MOST IMPORTANTLY. It is clear you are a true submissive but have been fighting it all your life. The aspect of that that distresses me, is that you write of shame about being a submissive. I am coming from a good place when I say being ashamed of something about you beyond your control is profoundly irrational and self destructive. A mistake made often in years gone by by gay males. To be ashamed of being born submissive is as irrational as being ashamed to be born with brown hair. You did not choose to be submissive, it was how you were made. It is beyond your control. It cannot by logic or rationality be a source of shame. Stop choosing to be ashamed!!!!
You write that all the comments from submissives on my last blog post, wishing they lived the life described, are from a self selecting ‘sort’ of submissive who read my blog. Let’s call them my sort. What other sorts of submissive are there? I am intrigued? I think you suggested that my sort are attracted to oppression, while others are attracted to loving domination. You also mention the Dommes I feature may well be doing what the submissives want rather than what they want.
I put to you, it is exactly the opposite of how you see it. What I think you characterise as loving domination, is playing a game that the submissive wants. Oppressive domination is actually real domination, not a game, because it is what the Domme wants. Linked to this stream of consciousness, you seem to be treading on insulting ground. We Dommes ARE DOMINANT, we do what we want. Most importantly in a long term relationship, we evolve. We WANT MORE. We are not pandering to our submissives, we are pandering to our own desires. But our submissives evolve too. They realise they need this TRUE domination. This ‘oppressive’ domination, because it is pure and unfettered and completely real. And that is why they do not leave.
Your paragraph describing what you desire, which begins with, their is no need for bashfulness, but then is bashful! seems to me to describe my regimen for bitch-boy. A regimen you state you do not desire. That certainly confuses me.
And who the hell mentioned castration! There has never been a mention of that on this blog!!!!! LOL.
I am disappointed you dismissed the material in my alternative blog so easily. I believe I can guarantee nothing you showed your wife in the past was so carefully written, by a group of people, for the precise purpose of showing to a 100% vanilla woman. I fear that may reveal a lack of empathy on your part as far as how you interface with your wife regarding your submissiveness. But I may be wrong.
So, back to the KEY THINGS! STOP making judgmental assumptions about the long term relationships of others as, unless you have lived them for the many years as they have have evolved, you can’t possibly put yourself in their shoes. STOP being ashamed. STOP criticising yourself. Enjoy your submissiveness as much as you can because your submissiveness will not go away; so you may as well enjoy those intense feelings. And if you have resolved that the feelings will only ever be in fantasy, and that is all you will ever experience, at least enjoy your fantasies! You are not alone. There are a huge number of males doing exactly that.
“There is some repeated themes of contradiction in your comment. too much for me to untangle. I will comment on what jumps out though.”
Yes, thank you once more for your kindness in taking the time to reply. I am very grateful
“MOST IMPORTANTLY. It is clear you are a true submissive but have been fighting it all your life. The aspect of that that distresses me, is that you write of shame about being a submissive… Stop choosing to be ashamed!!!!”
Yes, Ms. Scarlett, thank you for this injunction. You are, of course, entirely right. I suppose half of my troubles are self-inflicted. It’s hard to think away a lifetimes’s worth of habituation, but it struck home when you said, “choose to be ashamed.” I guess the shame only comes from within me, so it is also within me to stop it.
“You write that all the comments from submissives on my last blog post, wishing they lived the life described, are from a self selecting ‘sort’ of submissive who read my blog. Let’s call them my sort.”
The phrase seems to cause offense to you. I apologize for that, and certainly meant no offense.
“What other sorts of submissive are there? I am intrigued? I think you suggested that my sort are attracted to oppression, while others are attracted to loving domination.”
Well, yes, if you’ll allow me to say so. I think there’s a continuum of such relationships. At the low end (say, a rating of 1?) is where it’s just a bit of “fun” to spice of the sex life and has no further effect on the relationship (that is, the relationship is basically vanilla, and maybe they just use a chastity device for an evening). At the other end is a hardcore regime of total domination that is pervasive throughout the relationship and involves the complete subordination of the sub. We could call that a 10. I think it would be out of place for me to venture to assign a number to your relationship or, say, Ms. Francesca’s, but I think everyone would agree the number would be closer to 10 than 1. If we can agree that there is this continuum, then I think that there’s such a difference between a relationship at the 10 end and one at the 1 end that there should be a term to describe each. Of course, there is then a question about distribution and whether it’s appropriate to make a sort of binary opposition between “oppressive” (10 end) on the one hand and “vanilla-like” (just made up on the spur of the moment, not a real term, for the low end). I hadn’t really fully thought this out, and perhaps you’ll think it invalid. The general idea is that there is a substantive difference between the high-end versions and the lower ones, and they aren’t just variants of the same phenomenon.
“You also mention the Dommes I feature may well be doing what the submissives want rather than what they want.”
Again, I think I may have expressed myself poorly. I didn’t have anyone in particular in mind when I said this (and certainly not you or anyone else you have featured here). I was simply talking in generalities, on the basis of the observation that there seem to be more men out there wanting (or at least claiming to want) to be dominated than women out wishing to dominate. Perhaps this impression of mine is incorrect.
“What I think you characterise as loving domination, is playing a game that the submissive wants. Oppressive domination is actually real domination, not a game, because it is what the Domme wants.”
Again, please don’t think I’m trying to be argumentative. I’ll put forward a slightly different interpretation, which may well be wrong. You say the “light” version comes from the sub’s fantasies, and the oppressive version is what the domme really wants. But don’t you say that bb also yearns for the total domination that you exercise over him? In that case, it’s the mutual wish of both of you. And so too with (some at any rate of) the “light” versions. Can’t it be the case that both partners want it to be at that level? For what it’s worth, I’ve certainly seen women say on various sites that they started out a lot more “restrained” (my word, not theirs) in their dominant position and “grew into it” (again me) over the years. I think you suggest something similar on your own other blog when you speak of “noes” changing over time.
“Linked to this stream of consciousness, you seem to be treading on insulting ground. We Dommes ARE DOMINANT, we do what we want. Most importantly in a long term relationship, we evolve. We WANT MORE. We are not pandering to our submissives, we are pandering to our own desires.”
I obviously spoke out of turn and I apologize. I wasn’t meaning to be insulting, and I think (I hesitate to say) that you’re taking a general statement which was generated by thoughts of my own situation as being meant to apply to yours. I’m not sure exactly what I said that you think to be offensive, but if you think my words were meant in any way to suggest that you yourself, or anybody you’ve featured here, is in any way “catering” to the wishes of your sub, let me make it clear that I meant to say nothing of the kind, and clearly misspoke if you think I meant to suggest that. In fact, I marvel at the fact that two people with such extreme and diametrically opposite, yet at the same time complementary personalities managed to come together so harmoniously (so to speak). I meant no disrespect, and certainly in no way meant to derogate from your complete dominance in the relationship. Of that there should be no doubt to any attentive reader of this blog!
“Your paragraph describing what you desire, which begins with, their is no need for bashfulness, but then is bashful! seems to me to describe my regimen for bitch-boy. A regimen you state you do not desire. That certainly confuses me.”
Yes, I noticed that myself when I read over what I had written. I say I won’t be bashful and then am precisely that! I figured I’d leave it in as a token of my own confusion, and you perceived that right away. As for what I desire, I don’t really know. It’s like this very blog. Somehow, I “think” I couldn’t go that far, but I keep returning, like the proverbial moth to the flame. What do I want?
“And who the hell mentioned castration! There has never been a mention of that on this blog!!!!! LOL.”
Yet again, my apologies. I was just trying to think of the most extreme thing I’d come across that would constitute a “hard no” on my part. I wasn’t meaning to imply that the things I was mentioning appeared here on this blog. Sorry for the lack of clarity. And (again for what it’s worth), castration does turn up in certain quarters, I guess as an extreme version of emasculation (literally)/femininization. It has always appeared as an “aspiration” (on the part of both dominas and subs); I’ve never seen anybody claim it really happened.
“I am disappointed you dismissed the material in my alternative blog so easily.”
Well, I wasn’t meaning to be dismissive of the material itself. It’s just that I had previously given up trying to hand over written material to my wife, so on the basis of your words I will reconsider. Once again, please accept my apologies for using words that seem to slight the efforts you have put into that blog. Actually, I had thought to myself, “Oh, now that’s what I’ve been looking for,” but previous experience made me disinclined to pass anything along.
“I fear that may reveal a lack of empathy on your part as far as how you interface with your wife regarding your submissiveness. But I may be wrong.”
Well, I think I can say that I have put a lot of effort into trying to look at things from her point of view, and I have tried not to make it about “me” but about “her,” but my lack of success would indicate that either it’s not a battle that can be won or that I’ve gone about it the wrong way. So maybe you are right, and the fault rests with me.
“STOP making judgmental assumptions about the long term relationships of others as, unless you have lived them for the many years as they have have evolved, you can’t possibly put yourself in their shoes.”
I entirely agree, and again apologize if anything I’ve said suggests that I’m critical of what others do. One thing I’ve learned is that everyone has their own quirks, and as long as they are happy with what they’re doing, that’s all that counts. I didn’t mean to say anything derogatory or dismissive of what others do in their lives, and I regret anything I’ve said that seems to suggest otherwise. In particular, I think that certain statements I’ve made as generalizations seem to have sounded as if they applied to your situation. I would never presume to make judgements about your life, which it is clearly both impossible and impermissible for me to do.
“STOP being ashamed. STOP criticising yourself. Enjoy your submissiveness as much as you can because your submissiveness will not go away; so you may as well enjoy those intense feelings.”
Yes. Thank you again for those useful words. You have given me much to think about, and I am sincerely grateful for your tolerance in hearing me out and for you good sense and wise advice in replying.
A couple of additional things you may find helpful.
1. There is no spectrum with ‘loving’ end and ‘oppressive’ the other. This post explains how there are at least 7 spectrums; so a simplistic comparison is almost impossible.
2. This page was developed by a small team as help for a sub who has approached his vanilla wife previously about a DS relationship and had no success.
Stay safe, take pleasure when and how you can in being a submissive.
Esteemed Ms. Scarlett,
I passed along the relevant post from your other blog to my wife with a brief suggestion that it might prove useful for her if she wished to read it. It’s now in her hands.
We happened to be awake at the same time in the middle of the night, and these sorts of matters came up. I had taken your words about the nature of how/what I feel to heart, and I told my wife that this is how I am, without any equivocations. I said that this is is just an inherent part of me, and I will act accordingly (no need to go into details here). I won’t have any doubts about how/whether she will accept me as I am, and I said that I thought that perhaps my unease about her reaction was really a form of my own refusal to fully accept what I am. Because of what you said, I now “embrace” what I am and offer myself to my wife without reservation. It was very emotional (for me) to say all this. It was cathartic, and I feel content with myself (for the first time?).
Of course it remains to be seen how things will turn out, but I think I feel much better about myself as a result of this extensive exchange with you, and I hope I’m in a better position to move forward. I am extremely grateful to you for your patience and good sense in all this. I am (I hope) forever in your debt. Thank you very much.
It is a pleasure to help someone open to be helped.
If as a result of showing your wife, or from your own journey through our exchanges, you have feedback that might improve the materials, please let me know.
oh my, my, my, wow you Ms Scarlet are everything this boy dreamed of in a woman to serve and suffer for.
blissful femdom
Thank you for sharing – no issue of repetition with this boy, love your updates
This is definitely a great Femdom torture too! The whole “look but not touch” can make any submissive suffer beyond belief…
I´ve had a few experiences with this in real life. By women who, the more i thought about it afterwards, obviously teased me cause they knew i could never have them…Especially one time waiting for the bus. I stood with a group of other people, who were also just waiting and standing in silence. Out of nowhere, a woman came up to where i was standing while speaking on her phone. It was autumn or winter so she had a jacket on like everyone else, but was wearing tight jeans and when she turned around, i noticed she literally had the most perfect ass i had ever seen!! Her jeans were so tight that the back seam was wedged between her cheeks, making them look absolutely incredible…And i instantly just wished over anything she would sit on my face. She was walking back and forth while speaking on her mobile, there were people all around, but i literally couldn´t take my eyes off of her butt…At this time, i think she noticed it. She begun to walk back and forth just where i was standing, obvioudly without looking at me…But just turned around every time she passed me, to walk by me again…I couldn´t take my eyes off of her ass and felt my cock rise more and more in my pants, terrified of someone noticing…It was almost like i wished she would stop, but i couldn´t move or look away either. I was completely enchanted. Then, when she finally stopped speaking and put her phone away, she stopped and stood literally right in front of me with her back turned and even begun to flex her buttcheeks – right there in front of me! I think i just let out a gasp or a whimper, which led a couple of others to glance at me, but obviously not her…It was pure torture…Almost unbareable to not have her sit right on my face…Or bury my nose right in her buttcrack. All i wanted to do was whisper in her ear how incredibly sexy she was and that i´d do anything for her to sit right on my ugly mug for a while…That she had the best and most perfect ass i had ever seen. And i just wanted to give her my wallet, to buy anything and everything she wanted to with my card. But of course, i didn´t say a word. I was just thankful for every second i could stare at such perfection – and scared at the same time for someone to see my reaction! She left me feeling completely weak in my knees..And completely enslaved! Thinking i would´ve done absolutely anything for her…
That´s true Female power!
Thank you, an interesting event. Yes such power, and magnified a thousand times when associated with orgasm denial!
Dear Mistress Scarlett, your Blog has become even more fantastic and exciting since your new, much stricter, chastity regime and all these letters from other real femdom/FLR – Couples. I cant stop thinking about one question: You explained athat afer a very long time (over 2 weeks) of denial, then him being allowed a release (even a full one)… he gets aroused and horny and frustrated very soon the same day! Almost or exactly as if he did not even cum! How is he handling this extreme frustration and desperation (on this day 9 weeks!), how is he able to cope with this situation and not getting crazy or even depressed? I am submissive and i believe in FLR and male chastity – but i cant imagine how i should be able to endure this! Isnt he begging with tears just one or two days after his release, trying to convince you: “its simply too much, i cant handle it, i need at least one more release to be relaxed for just some days! Please Mistress. please….?”
I guess I have to say he is coping because he has no other choice but to cope. He is not coping well as I try to explain in my posts. It is a MASSIVE thing for him to endure. He does beg and beg. But he is a true submissive. Since before he reached puberty he craved to be helplessly under the power of a cruel, pitiless woman; FOR REAL. So he is a paradox like all true submissives. When I end his begging with words to the effect of, ‘I have no pity bitch. I am relishing your suffering, it arouses me, I am exhilarated by it. Now back to what you were doing.‘ I can’t fail to notice that glint of awe for me and a glint of deepest submission. Far from getting depressed, in his paradoxical way, he is filled with contentment that he is living the fantasy he has been chasing for almost 50 years. It might not make sense because paradoxes do not.