Profound step change

I will have to provide a little context before moving onto the point of this post


On 11 January 2020 I published a post setting out why it is too simplistic for a Domme to think another Domme is more ‘extreme’ than she is, based on one DS activity.  My thinking on this arose because a Domme who I thought, but never said, was much more ‘extreme’ than me, commented that I was much more ‘extreme’ than her. I realised that were a number of spectra on which ‘extremeness’ should be measured and rarely would one Domme be more extreme’ than another Domme on every single spectrum. The example I used is below with my scores then marked in black. I have added my scores as of today marked in red. (Scoring is from 1 to 10, where 10 is the most extreme possible.)

  • Percentage of time in vanilla mode as a couple. (5)(6)
  • Percentage of chores carried out by the sub. (8)(9)
  • Levels of pain during regular punishments and tortures. (7)(8)
  • Levels of humiliation. (10)(10)
  • Rarity of orgasms / denial of penetration for the sub. (5/10) (8/10)
  • Time spent in tedium for the sub. (7)(7)
  • Levels of cuckolding experience /  forced bisexuality. (6/0)(6/0)

I mentioned in that post how it seems it is impossible for Dommes not evolve up at least some of the spectra, over time,in a long term DS relationship. And that one step change of evolution, (that I have not made and doubt I ever will), is to find DS time is always preferable to vanilla time. A MASSIVE jump in ‘extremeness’ results.

The Point of this Post

I have realised that back in the late summer this year, I made a step change, I can now explain that resulted in a move up several of the spectra.

  • Percentage of time in vanilla mode as a couple up from (5) to (6).
  • Percentage of chores carried out by the sub up from (8) to (9).
  • Levels of pain during regular punishments and tortures up from (7) to (8).
  • Rarity of orgasms up from (5) to (8).

I had noticed these changes in levels and, during a full-on DS day this week, while punishing him for the second time within an hour on his already very, very sore butt, I realised what had happened inside my mind: I had realised:

  • bitch-boy TRULY was indestructible when it comes to my DS use and abuse of him, both physically and mentally. I need never hold back,
  • the more extreme I was, no matter how much he hated it at the time, (or all the time when it came to his new chastity regime started in September), the result when  his head hit the pillow at sleep time he was an even more contented sub and even more in awe of me,
  • AND RESULTING FROM THESE TWO REALISATIONS, I had stopped considering the effect I was having on him while I was engaged in an activity of use and abuse of him and began solely focussing on what I was getting out of the activity. My level of exhilaration, my feelings of decadence, my level of arousal.

Some of my focus on whether I was making him feel submissive and affected had always been there to some degree. It was now gone and replaced with solely focussing on what I was getting out of the activity. This perhaps sounds fairly insignificant but, believe me, its consequences are massive! Massive for my levels of arousal sexually, and arousal viscerally and  massive for bitch-boy’s woes! But the submissive paradox kicks in! Because it is clear bitch-boys awe and worship of me has also step changed; in the right direction!

Submissives may wonder why I spend considerable blog time on evolution and step-changes in Dommes. The reason is simple. My evolution has taken twenty years, to reach where I am today and reach this latest step change. Although I have utterly adored those twenty years, I wish a more experienced Domme had pointed this all out to me 15 years ago! So;  I am hoping to point it out now, to Dommes early in their evolution at this time.

For info on my BDSM manual, in several formats, click on an image below.

27 thoughts on “Profound step change

  1. Really interesting post and observation Ms Scarlet and one that mirrors my own experience with my wonderful Owner. It is only this year (after 15 years together) that She has truly started to ‘let rip’ with her canings. She did cane and spank me before but always held back on the intensity, i think from a misplaced concern about not wishing to hurt the one She loves.

    About 7 or 8 years ago we did get to a very similar point but then i had a period of quite bad health issues in which i was physically less able to take and endure things i had been able to until that point. This was then followed by a period of health issues for Owner which left her less physically capable for a time.

    However, She has now fully recovered and i think She no longer sees me as being physically vulnerable and so has been increasing the intensity of Her abuse of me, and more importantly, is enjoying doing so without any mis-placed guilt. In addition, She is now instructing me to get more ‘intense’ implements to use on me so that She might mark me more easily. She also no longer pays attention to my cries of discomfort and pain.

    We are both looking forward to the year ahead.


  2. That is a massive step change….

    To be able to treat and deliver your dominance to bitch boy with consideration to him and to only fuel your sexual appetite and pleasure without guilt is fantastic….one might say truly hedonistic.

    I guess it takes both of you to make it happen as bitch boy is truly accepting and all consumed by his submission and own satisfaction, without need or want to challenge the situation. Is his new found condition akin to Stockholm Syndrome?

    One is tempted to ask could either of you now fully enjoy life without this dynamic between you both…..

    1. Yes it is a massive step change and very hedonistic.

      Our relationship is symbiotic. Without this dynamic between us, my enjoyment would be considerably curtailed as would bitch-boys deep sense of

      I really am unhappy each time I read of long term Domme/sub DS relationships being compared to the Stockholm Syndrome; for many reasons. There are so many differences. Mainly, firstly, less than 5% of captives experience Stockholm Syndrome effects which indicates the relevant captives are far from normal and probably already damaged. Secondly, in a captive situation the captive starts off hating the captor and hating being a captive; in the long term Domme/sub DS relationship, the sub is infatuated from the first moment with the prospect of a DS relationship. Thirdly, in a captive situation, the captive is getting ONLY EXTREME NEGATIVES from their situation even when they have bonded with their captor, while in the long term Domme/sub DS relationship, the sub is getting the greatest fulfillment, he has dreamed of most of life to have.

  3. Ms Scarlet – this is really interesting to read and mirrors the evolution of my Owners’ domination over me. This past year, especially the run-up to Christmas, has seen her cast restraint to one side when She is caning me and instead start to revel in striking me harder and leaving lasting marks. For a long time i think She struggled a bit with the idea of physically hurting one (me) that She loves. However, She is now fully embracing the concept and also striving to find new ways in which to make me suffer. The other day She presented me with a list of new implements She wants me to get for Her, all of which can be characterised by their ability to mark or provide precision impacts to my most sensitive parts, which of course are now fully redundant.

    Yours is a great blog and a great resource and can i take this opportunity to wish you and bitch boy even greater levels of fun for you and suffering, humiliation and orgasm denial for him. It is what makes for a very happy relationship as you both attest to.

    Seasons greetings


  4. Sounds like he may have forced bi in his future, that seems like the biggest opportunity for step changes. What a scary thing to be considered, “Indestructible”. Good luck bitch boy. 😘

    1. LOL
      Although I never rule anything out, you are probably wrong; because at the end of the day my sole interest in third parties is other woman. As collaborating fellow Dommes, as submissives or as vanilla lovers. Although I do like hooking up with other other Domme/sub couples and alternating between double-domming bitch-boy and double domming the other Domme’s sub, (the two subs never ever meeting).
      Seeing any male stick his birth defect into anything jars with me as a dominant woman, as irrational as that is. That would include sticking it into the butt or mouth of bitch-boy. As things stand.

      1. You say that you make bitch boy a parody of a little girl and talk of his birth defect. Do you think their is any gender fluidity within bitch boy. Have you ever even jokingly threatend him with transitioning him. Hormone injections removal of his boy bits or breast implants. Given that you self identify as mostly lesbian.

        1. I want him as a man as that much more maximises his humiliation when being forced to be a parody of a little girl, AND I adore administering dickie-discipline. My puppet is a man, my lovers are women.

  5. The timing of these dominant epiphanies by lifestyle Mistresses is indeed intriguing.

    On Christmas Eve, after a few days of sloppy connection between us, my beloved Queen woke me with a stern voice 3 days ago, reached for the riding crop she keeps on a little “Queen” shrine in our bedroom and after a few strokes across my backside, ordered me downstairs to get her herbal tea.

    This had been our routine, but I had been using the excuse of “needing to get on with some work” for avoiding this chore and my morning caning. The truth is it is a perfect connection but does take time and I was not truly surrendering to it. She had me lie at her feet and then stated that the year ahead would be changing and that I would be obeying her more deeply and suffering more deeply for her. She said she loved my very much but that I needed to obey her and be willing to accept more pain for her. She said I had a choice in the matter, which was to accept it or she would simply find another slave who would accept these conditions.

    This would not be difficult as she is captivatingly beautiful and a natural and graceful dominant. Whenever we went to fetish clubs, she did literally have a queue of potential slaves seeking to serve her.

    The first day she just sought my affirmation of submission. The next morning, I automatically made her tea and returned to her. I was then ordered to massage her feet while she spoke to me of her plans/desires and caned me continuously with a whippy cane by snapping her wrists. She is skilled and cruel, so the caning was hurting but was delivered casually. It was just that little too much to bear and on other days I may have said so, but I knew my new role was to accept it and love her for taking time to give me this attention. My own epiphany and renewal then came as I kissed her perfect feet as she striped my bottom with the cane, surrendered to her and focused on her feet and her perfection.

    She was content, and then bent me over properly to “seal the deal” as she puts it with 24-30 hard strokes with a heavier cane. For these, I am either bent over the bed or – for longer and more severe beatings – I am placed on an elegant end of bed bench with a bolster cushion on top that makes a perfect whipping bench. My Queen has an athletic, model’s body and so her poise, balance and power enable her to cane with real intensity. Although she wants me to be generally quiet and accepting when I am caned, she loves it when I squirm and am really and obviously suffering. I was in real pain during this caning and she thrashed me with real strength until I was marked with deep welts she could feel as she stroked me. Although it was agony, part of me wanted her to carry on as she was getting freer and more dominant with each set of strokes.

    Eventually, she stopped, admired her stripes and told me to get up. It was a wonderful connection. She told me she loved me and then sat down, beckoning me over and telling me to stand still. She them lowered her head, stroked my balls and then bit as hard as she could. At the same time, she told me to thank her, tell her how much I love her and how blessed I am to suffer for her. My graceful, kind and beautiful wife (the gentlest and sweetest of people) had become a tigress, dominating and biting her submissive. It was real agony and difficult to talk but I managed it and was rewarded with a hug – and teeth marks to last for the rest of the day.

      1. Thank you. She is indeed magnificent.

        I meant to add that I am in total agreement with your observation of the symbiosis at work here. The result is I am increasingly mindful that the more deeply I submit and surrender to Her, the freer she is to delve deeper into her dominant nature. Only when I receive Her full power – scary though that may be at times – will I experience true contentment as Her slave.

  6. Hello Team,
    I have seen my wife reading your articles and she has recently changed a lot, I see her as quite strict.
    Since Christmas eve my clothes have been taken and she has handed over a list of chores.
    How do I convince her I have not done anything wrong and how do I go back to old way..

      1. Well probably that is your opinion. I think it is important to understand what the male submissive is ready for in a relationship.
        If it is enforced than it is definitely not healthy.

  7. Scarlet
    This progression is something that seems natural in longer term relationships. I think it is needed by both the Mistress and submissive. My husband might not always agree, though deep down I know he recognises he needs this too.
    Certainly in the last 2-3 years my regime, like yours, has greatly intensified.
    Equally, I feel it is important to grow into the extremes we practice.
    Using your scale, I would rate our progression over the past 2 -3 years as:
    Percentage of time in vanilla mode as a couple down from 6 to 3.
    Percentage of chores carried out by the sub, up from 7 – 10.
    Levels of pain during regular punishments, up from 7 – 9.
    Levels of humiliation, up from 3 – 8.
    Rarity of orgasms / denial of penetration for the sub, decreased by 50%.
    Time spent in tedium for the sub. (7)(7)

    1. Yes, I think progression/evolution in our type of long term relationships is the natural order of things. One reason I think is the habituation effect means ‘more’ is required to achieve the same levels of pleasure and exhilaration and I also think the realization grows, as any guilt and shame recedes, that our little submissive puppets truly are physically and mentally indestructible, AND they simply get MORE contented as we get more extreme.

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