I have been amazed by the popularity of my BDSM manual which has continued to be purchased in large volumes since its launch four years ago. A lot has happened in those four years in terms of:
- my personal evolution, (accelerated by the considerable extra time for DS activities afforded by lock-downs),
- a flourishing of very candid, new associations with a good number of Dommes in long-term, real-life relationships, (I am so very privileged!),
- developments in new technology applicable to dominance,
- developments in the range of BDSM equipment available as a welcome result of considerable mainstreaming of BDSM.
As a result of my personal evolution and my new associations, I have learned many new techniques to optimise dominance activities. The activities themselves are almost all set out in my original BDSM Manual, but the optimisation techniques are not. And as a result of development of technology and availability of new BDSM equipment, combined with my personal evolution and my new associations, there are also new activities to set out and recommend.
Some of these optimisation techniques are scattered through my blog over the last four years with each technique visited now and again; but my blog is not a book and so each of the technique is not comprehensively dealt with in one single place. The remainder of these optimisation techniques are either matters on which I have been in private email discussion with associate Dommes. or have come from my own experimentation, and lock-downs has been a boon for the time required for that experimentation!
I am 80% through writing my Addendum book and I am at a stage where I really would appreciate some help with research. I think one thing that sets apart my original BDSM Manual and this (draft) Addendum, from other publications, is my understanding that, how I behave and feel and how bitch-boy behaves and feels, is not necessarily how the majority in our wonderful DS world behave and feel. And this blog and my Domme email acquaintances have been and are a superb way for me to check this out on any given activity; thanks to the generosity of engagement from so many Dommes and submissives.
So this first research question
…. is about submissives pleading with all their heart, (and prolonging that pleading). In advance, I thank you all for your help. First I set out some selected paragraphs from my draft, Addendum No.1. My three research questions follow.
I define Heartfelt Pleading as: Pleading and begging and beseeching that the submissive does that is totally genuine and sincere and meant with all his heart. Whether he is pleading for something:
- not to happen,
- to stop happening, or,
- to happen as soon as possible.
He really, really means it! It is not a game. It is his REAL LIFE and at that moment, he is genuinely and profoundly desperate for his pleading to be accepted and for whatever it is; to happen, not to happen, or to stop happening.
- You may have been edging him for a long time and he has not had an orgasm for a long time and thereby you will have induced his heartfelt begging to be allowed to orgasm.
- You may have been caning him for quite some time and he feels he cannot take any more and thereby you will have induced his heartfelt begging to stop the caning happening any longer.
- You may have decided he will never, ever get to penetrate you again and on the occasion, you tell him you will have induced his heartfelt begging for the prohibition to not happen!
There are reasons inducing pleading is so valuable to you, as well as him.
It is valuable to him because his OVERIDING NEED in order to be content in life, is to feel he is; helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel, dominant woman. If he is genuinely pleading with all his heart, he is totally immersed in that feeling he needs. It is not a game. It is real. It is what he has dreamed of since adolescence. If he is induced to heartfelt pleading, he is one hundred percent in no doubt that he is living the existence he craves.
It is valuable to you because it is exhilarating and exciting and decadent. It provides a huge power rush as it is so clear to you that you have one hundred percent of the power and he is helplessly in your power and you are decadently pitiless. You are not playing a game, you are living a REALITY of having total power over another. But there is another benefit for you. Because he is one hundred percent in no doubt that he is helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel, dominant woman, and YOU ARE that woman then, (if not at that moment), for certain when his head hits the pillow that night, he is in awe of you, he worships you, he cannot do enough for you, he cannot contemplate not being with you all the time.
You may, as a habit, cut-off
Being able to induce heartfelt pleading is one turnkey differentiation between REAL DOMMES who get all the benefits of being a Domme, and pretend Dommes, who get very little from DS games. So, if you are unable to undertake activities that result in heartfelt pleading, you are getting no more than five percent of the benefits of being a Domme and your submissive is constantly sad and discontented; 24/7/365.…………………………………….
……………………………… You may wonder, will some submissives begin apparent heartfelt pleading immediately they are under duress? In my experience the answer is NO, for two reasons. The first reason is simple pride. Over the past 30 years or so, most people, (but especially males), are brought up to be powerful and in control. It is shameful to be pleading with all one’s heart, especially a male to a ‘weak’ woman. The second reason is because of their submissive cravings. They crave real life domination. They want the proof that this woman dominating them is pitiless. They know if they pretend to engage in heartfelt pleading before they ‘need to’, the duress may stop before they have experienced pitilessness and REAL helplessness.
So, my research questions are:
- Is the above paragraph generally true regarding submissives holding out on pleading until the level of duress means it is real and heartfelt?
- Have any Dommes come across a submissive, or are you a submissive, who is so resistant to pleading it almost becomes a ‘health and safety’ matter? Or do all submissives end up pleading with all their heart.
- Any other agreeing or dissenting comments on the selected extract paragraphs?
Mistress Scarlet's Blog 
Interesting research questions, Mistress Scarlet. I would self identify as a submissive male though have never reached the point where I have pleaded with all my heart in a D/s encounter. The thought of the lack of control and vulnerability is genuinely terrifying and strangely attractive. I think it requires a high degree of trust in one’s play partner (as the experience goes beyond ‘play’) and would likely take the submissive to the edge of their emotional endurance and ‘lose one’s self’ My experiences, to date, have included pro-domes, marriage and dating partners.
So, to answer:
Q1. Yes I would expect it to be generally true.
Q2. I would place myself in the second category. I can imagine that degree of subjugation, in my fantasies. I can appreciate the degree to which a submissive could let go into the desperate mix of emotions they are feeling. Personally it would be a challenge to give up that degree of control and I would only do so where I felt the Domme had my best interests at heart.
Q3 I would agree that ‘to induce heartfelt pleading is one turnkey differentiation between REAL DOMMES who get all the benefits of being a Domme, and pretend Dommes.’
Thank you so much for your help.
Especially given your words, ‘The thought of the lack of control and vulnerability is ….. strangely attractive’, I really worry that you have yet to experience the deepest levels of feelings of submission and are missing out hugely as a result. It seems you have been in control in ALL of your experiences.
Thank you for your comments Mistress Scarlet. In response, I guess I have always experienced the level of submission within my comfort zone. So, for example, if strapped to a spanking bench the spanking or paddling is within my levels of endurance. If in chastity, I have found a way to manage it. So I have always experienced ‘being in control’ even if to someone observing it might appear otherwise. The paradox is, of course, that in my fantasies, I hanker after being brought to the point of being out of control, which I find highly erotic. Though I will do everything I can to maintain control, even when placing myself in situations where this might be a possibility.
You do confuse me.
Please, please don’t get to an age when you look back with regrets that you never had the courage to experiment with the profound and enriching experiences that were possible.
Apologies for any confusion Mistress Scarlet. I guess you may be picking up on my own confusion around the subject! The desire to stay in control whilst hankering after the release and peace that comes from giving up control. Thanks for the comments and advice. This year will be for experimentation and pushing barriers – once we all get out of lockdown!
My answer refers to your question 2:
All my life I have been a masochist, have lived first with my wife who over the years became an expert with whip and cane, and now with my domme. In between I have met some wonderfully sadistic dominatrixes. Vanilla has never worked for me.
Never did I have a password and did not feel the need for it, because I could never get enough pain and humiliation, even when I was flying in subspace.
When a torture stopped I was more sad than happy to return to the necessarily more mundane aspects of life.
Thank you for your help.
I wonder if you mean masochist or you mean submissive?? A masochist does not have to be a submissive, and a submissive is not usually a masochist. A masochist gets sexual gratification from pain and need not be helplessly in the power of another. A submissive gets 24/7/365 lifestyle gratification beyond just sexual gratification by being helplessly in the power of a pitiless person.
What was the most extreme experience you had? Caned until blood ran for instance?
Yes of course. Blood has never terrified me although I feel faint if a nurse takes a phial of it.
You are right insofar as I am a masochist and a submissive at the same time. For me both work togetherin creating the perfect atmosphere.
Let me add a few remarks on chastity.
My wife kept me in chastity only when she was away for a few days, but for her it was more of a game.
When i became the slave of my domme 10 years ago she made ist clear from the outset that wearing a cage was her basic condition. So for 10 years now I have continually worn cages that kept getting smaller with less and less time out of them (only for cleaning or cbt) and only very rarely getting release, tending to zero.
Of course I whined, but did never beg or plead. It was simply the price to pay for being her sub. And it is still worth it
Do I miss intercourse – yes. I sometimes dream of it.
Do I miss orgasms? Yes and no.
Being tortured leads to something of the same intensive quality and makes me drip. But this is not the high that is followed by a down associated to a “normal” orgasm.
A sense of flying keeps on for days.
So I would rather skip to orgasm although it is not my decision.
Thank you again.
How was your whining not pleading??
In response to all the comments so far, inclining yours, I have added these notes to this section of my draft book:
## You may wonder if he might fake heartfelt pleading to avoid continuing duress. There are two reasons that is unlikely. Firstly, he craves you going further than he is entirely comfortable with and secondly, it is embarrassing to plead with all one’s heart to another and taking account of how most males are brought up, especially for a ‘strong’ man to be pleading with all his heart to a ‘weak’ woman!
## There may be reasons that are so important to him that he will not plead with all his heart, or at all, and in extreme cases this could end up as a ‘health and safety’ matter.
# The first is, as I mentioned above, embarrassment. This could be a an especially serious problem if he does not want his Domme to consider him weak and thereby unworthy of her if he pleads. If he thinks his Domme only wants a ‘strong’ man and would be repulsed by a weak man that pleads.
# The second is if the relationship stage is new or still blossoming. Then he might not plead because, now that the Domme has finally evolved to have him seriously affected by her actions, he is profoundly fearful that were he to plead, she might think she has gone too far and back away from that level of intensity.
# The third is when the Domme has made things totally clear at the outset that pleading will have zero effect on her actions. (Taking account of this section of this book, you will understand I think as a general rule that, to do so, is missing a trick).
These issues could and should be overcome by there being a clear and fundamental level relationship understanding between the parties that the Domme welcomes heartfelt pleading when the submissive feels the urge to do so, (although that pleading may well be ignored), and the submissive promises to do so whenever he gets the urge.
By whining I refer to meek complaints, that the cage is uncomfortable or that I keep dreaming of orgasms.
I have however never dared to question her decisions on how long I am in chastity or when I will be allowed to cum.
It would appear like an affront to demand anything, so I sometimes venture a tentative suggestion, nothing more. And may I say, with little success.
Thank you.
I think there might be some subtle issues of translation. I would say firstly, ‘whining’ that you keep dreaming of orgasms equates to pleading, otherwise why give her that information, what do you expect her to consider given that information? Secondly, pleading is not questioning a decision, it is begging for mercy over the decision and pleading is ABSOLUTELY NOT demanding something, is it?
I do wonder how you word a, ‘tentative suggestion’?
Well, as you rightly suppose I am not a native speaker, so probably some words may be misrepresenting what I really mean.
Okay, so I plead, but only on a very low level, as it is no use anyway.
On the other hand I have found that my domme likes to hear some “whining” as I called it. She is then satisfied that her actions have the result she aims for.
So my low key pleading is really saying: “You are wonderful. Please do not stop realizing your phantasies.”
If this is topping from the bottom – so be it.
A suggestion may have the form of showing her an illustration of a new toy or of a scene, or for instance the remark
” Should we replace this … for a better one?”
But always in a respectful way, leaving the decision to her.
Thank you
After 20yrs of marriage my Goddess just started to Don me in Dec 2020. She really took to the chastity but she’s not so into the he full caneing I get 4 to 10 if I’m lucky. So because of this I have never stopped her or begged her to stop as I’m afraid she will stop forever if she thinks she hurt me. I think I’m making headway on her getting curler but it isn’t taking to her like she ran with the chastity (which is really more important to me) I’m hoping as she gets more confidence she will get nastier. BAV since Dec 1 2020.
Thank you so much.
Have you had our wife read this page of my alternative blog? That may help you both.
In response to all the comments so far, including yours, I have added these notes to this section of my draft book:
## You may wonder if he might fake heartfelt pleading to avoid continuing duress. There are two reasons that is unlikely. Firstly, he craves you going further than he is entirely comfortable with and secondly, it is embarrassing to plead with all one’s heart to another and taking account of how most males are brought up, especially for a ‘strong’ man to be pleading with all his heart to a ‘weak’ woman!
## There may be reasons that are so important to him that he will not plead with all his heart, or at all, and in extreme cases this could end up as a ‘health and safety’ matter.
# The first is, as I mentioned above, embarrassment. This could be a an especially serious problem if he does not want his Domme to consider him weak and thereby unworthy of her if he pleads. If he thinks his Domme only wants a ‘strong’ man and would be repulsed by a weak man that pleads.
# The second is if the relationship stage is new or still blossoming. Then he might not plead because, now that the Domme has finally evolved to have him seriously affected by her actions, he is profoundly fearful that were he to plead, she might think she has gone too far and back away from that level of intensity.
# The third is when the Domme has made things totally clear at the outset that pleading will have zero effect on her actions. (Taking account of this section of this book, you will understand I think as a general rule that, to do so, is missing a trick).
These issues could and should be overcome by there being a clear and fundamental level relationship understanding between the parties that the Domme welcomes heartfelt pleading when the submissive feels the urge to do so, (although that pleading may well be ignored), and the submissive promises to do so whenever he gets the urge.
Scarlet
I do not think this could be better expressed than you have done here.
I agree with every word you wrote.
Thank you so much Christine. That is so helpful as there is a psychological tendency for people to only comment if they disagree.
Mistress Scarlett. I can definitely relate to your questions. I would love to reach a point where my Mistress Wife brings me to the point of desperate and hopeless pleading for her to stop a paddling, complete a teasing etc. Realizing that my pleading will not alter what she intends to do demonstrates her total power over and ownership of me. Such a feeling would, as you say, bring me great contentment when I fall asleep – to know I totally belong to her. We are not quite to that point yet , but we are evolving. Your blog has been a huge help for both of us. Your insights into the mind of a submissive make are spot on. And your own evolution as a dominant woman is inspiring. Thank you.
Thank you for the information and the kind words.
As a submissive I really enjoy reading your blog and books in order to get a better understanding of the psychology of dominants and to get ideas of how to successfully play in this exciting world.
To answer your questions: I have been a long term submissive to several dommes and have never been brought to the point of pleading even though I have been in some danger of bad health outcomes. I have done my best to make it clear some other way that there is a real problem, and it has always worked out. I have not pleaded because it goes against my character and from what I know of the dommes many of them would have respond badly to me pleading with them.
To me the most important aspects for a sub are to be able to truly loose control to a dominant woman where she is getting real pleasure from being in total control causing pain and humiliation. Whether she is pitiless or not is not a big issue to me, but she needs to be intelligent and sensitive enough not to cause serious damage.
That said I have come to realize over time that internal pleading can work very well for us subs. For example, all the truly dominant women that I have met really seem to like having their subs bound, blindfolded, and gagged. This precludes effective pleading. In this position, in the past, I used to be passive and just imagine what the domme was doing. Recently, however, I have found that it makes the experience much better if I put myself in the headspace of fear, denial and pleading. This also seems to provoke a positive response from the domme. Although she cannot hear what I am saying through the gag she enjoys the effect she is having. My headspace can be very real at the time, but clearly it is somewhat artificial in the bigger picture because I have chosen to be tied up and will almost certainly return.
Based on what you have suggested, I am going to discuss using this heartfelt begging approach with my domme. We may try it out for some of the things that she likes that do not really appeal to me. We will see if we can get it to deepen our level of engagement.
Thank you for the useful discussion points and kind words.
I am assuming the Dommes are not long term wives or girlfriends?
It sounds like, ‘making it clear some other way’, is non-verbal pleading? Like making pleading sounds through a gag?
Why would a Domme respond badly to you pleading? 100% of feedback from long-term Dommes I have had, is like me, they adore the submissive pleading with all their heart.And I am a bit confused as you seem to contradict everything elsewhere in your comment by confirming a Domme’s pleasure, and the beneficent to you of pleading sounds through a gag, when you write, ‘I have found that it makes the experience much better if I put myself in the headspace of fear, denial and pleading. This also seems to provoke a positive response from the domme.’
I would question your assertion that the pleading would be artificial AT THE TIME, given you are bound and helpless and she can do whatever she wants and there is nothing you can do about it. Consider in 99.9999% of long term DS marriages, the sub can leave at any time, but they need domination so they stay and they are often genuinely pleading with all their heart several times a week.
You very useful comment leads me to think I may need to amend my draft to firstly say I am referring to long-term relationships, not visits to Dominatrices, and secondly, I include within my terms, ‘pleading’ and ‘begging’, making unintelligible pleading and begging noises through a gag. Specific words cannot be discerned but it is clear heartfelt begging is being done.
Thank you again for the useful comment.
My wife told me many years ago that I was never allowed to whine, beg or ask for an orgasm. If I was getting a sound spanking or whipping the same rules applied. She would decide the level of punishment I would receive. As she only allows me an orgasm maybe once every 4 months, which could soon be 6 months she said, I am never allowed to ask to cum during an tease and deny session. She said if I do, I will forfeit my next orgasm and wait the additional 4 months.
There have been times when a punishment became so intolerable for for me. Maybe long periods of corner time, tied up for hours with my hands attached to a ceiling hook in her walk in closet or or endless housework doing the same job (like cleaning the tile floors by hands over and over again, 4 to 5 times a day taking all day. I never complain. as this is what my wife wants me to do. The few times she has whipped me, she does ask after about 20 lashes if I am ok. I really don’t know if she would stop if I said no, but I suspect she would. I have never said I am not ok and please stop.
As for long term chastity, a woman should never give in to a man just because he says he is horny and wants to cum. That the reason his wife is doing it. I read some sites that guys complain after 2 weeks that they can’t take any more and must cum. How ridiculous for the wife to give in Make him wait many many months.
No man ever died due to extreme horniness. It is a feeling of extreme arousal that doesn’t go away. Sometimes more intense than other times, but a feeling I am very aware of and I live with. So pleading with a wife to be allowed to cum or pleading for vaginal sex when she has said never again, (like my wife) will just create a more intense feeling of arousal, which is not a bad thing. Put some panty shields inside your panties for the dripping guys and get used to it.
I have stated that cutting off all pleading does give a Domme a good power-rush, it is after all quite cruel. But my point is that it does not give as good a power-rush, as inducing and then prolonging heartfelt pleading. Perhaps she might benefit with experimenting with that? One can experiment with anything without committing to make a change. I can just imagine myself engaged in one of her past times and, having had bitch-boy clean a floor three times, asking him in a sympathetic voice, ‘Would rather not clean the floor yet again little slave?‘ Causing him to him obsequiously and respectfully plead with all his heart that indeed, he would rather not clean the floor yet again,’ Me asking if he is sure, him again pleading, and then me telling him in a harsh tone that he is a maggot and he will be cleaning the floor again and get back to it, NOW!’ And then at then end of that fourth clean, do exactly the same again meaning a fifth clean. I know all Dommes are different but having used both the prohibition of pleading method, and the inducing and prolonging heartfelt pleading method, I find the latter is so much more arousing for me.
I note you write that, ‘…… pleading with a wife to be allowed to cum or pleading for vaginal sex when she has said never again, (like my wife) will just create a more intense feeling of arousal, which is not a bad thing…’ I think its a great thing!
Hello Mistress Scarlet,
This is one of the reasons I love your blog, you are always striving to lean more about this lifestyle, I don’t think I have much to add, but one time my wife did have me begging to the extreme. She had me tied spread eagle standing up and decided to use a tens unit on me. She put the pads on each nipple and was going to run the current across my chest. Everything I had read said that was a big no no. Luckily for me the tens unit didn’t work because the battery was dead and we didn’t have a replacement. She never did tell me if that was just a mind fuck or not, but I did do a lot of begging.
Otherwise my wife never gets me even close to the “begging with all my heart” phase. We are still stuck in the “don’t want to hurt my husband” phase. She does like to tease me but usually I am not restrained and can stop her anytime I get too excited. If she does restrain me she stops before the begging starts and lets me cool down. So you are right I am “constantly sad and discontented “.
Thank you for the comment.
Have you thought about requesting your wife to read this page of my alternative blog? It includes this para:
So many women initially say to me, ‘…but I love him so much, I can’t be mean to him.’ Well the fact is, while never being mean to him or dominant, you truly hurt him – every single day. He is a submissive and you could so easily bring him and you, an amazing life of joint contentment, but you not being mean or dominant ever, hurts him every single day. This is an unarguable fact. A truth. You may think you should feel guilty for being mean to him, but the simple truth is, you should feel guilty for not ever being mean to him.
Hello Ms. Scarlet,
Thank you for your reply. Back in March 2020 I actually wrote to you about this problem and your reply was the same as now. I read my wife your reply and her response was “Oh Wow! Never thought of it that way”. But a year later she may have pulled back even more on this.
Recently on another blog I follow a guest poster wrote about how many women who think their marriage is in great shape and are reluctant to make any changes to that marriage. My wife falls into that category. Then I come along and say to make this work for me (FLR) she has to treat me mean, cruel and pitiless. She has said, “You can’t possibly want me to treat you like that”. She fears if she does, it will screw up her great marriage. So this is a very slow process.
But things are slowly changing. Our FLR has been on hold for 3 months. Just yesterday we agreed to start it back up. My wife said again how much she wants this to work (the FLR). She said, “It feels like it’s the way this should be”. She also said how much she missed being the one in charge and how excited she was to restart our FLR. I suppose many submissive men would say I should be happy with what I got but there are days where my wife hits my submissive buttons and I see what she is capable of and I want more of that. An example is before our FLR went on hold she ordered a coir mat for our doorway. Once she got it she didn’t use it because she thought it would be too hard on our dogs paws. She thought about what to do with it and came up with the idea of having me sit on it during our Thanksgiving Day dinner and that’s what happened. She said she didn’t read anywhere about using the coir mat in that way, it was her own idea. So as you can see she has the potential to be a great dom, but has to get over certain drawbacks. Elsie Sutton suggest in her book that submissives “seduce” the women’s dominance out of her. I’ve started to do this, but this is new to me also. My wife also has read your “Alternative blog” but really didn’t comment on it (she never does).
Being I think you are the preeminent voice in the Femdom World, do you have any suggestions how we proceed going forward. We had a talk 2 days ago and my wife said she knows she has to get over being “mean” to me. I know you said Ms. Scarlet that you got over being mean to bb when it became clear he was not made of porcelain and would not break. Was there anything else? Thank you!
So a couple of times I was VERY, VERY mean and at the same time as I understood he was unbreakable, I guess the other element was his reaction to me when it was all over. How I had been put on this impossibly high pedestal. How he was in awe of me and couldn’t do enough for me. How he told me he had feelings of a depth he had not realised were possible. It was clear from his reaction and behaviour that I had fed him in a way he desperately needed feeding but had not been fed before AND he just could not do enough for me. As well as waiting on me hand and foot, he bought me flowers etc. I wonder with the coir matting incident, how effusive was your response?
The , ‘….. the preeminent voice in the Femdom World…….’ Wow, high praise indeed. I’m not sure about that.
I have other suggestions more along the lines of confessing your deep sadness at what could be but is not, the suboptimal relationship that could be so very special, but answer the above question first.
Yes, Mistress Scarlet, being kept very horny is a good thing. Although I would prefer to be allowed to cum more often than 3 times a year, being constantly sexually aroused keeps me motivated when doing my housework. I want to please my wife/mistress. When she does allow me to cum, I experience about a week of “down time” which causes me to slack off a bit , which results in my wife having to punish me daily. She hates the “down time” and has said that this year she will have me wait 6 months for an orgasm, giving me only 2 possibly this year. And she has threatened that she can always stop them altogether, and I will never be allowed to cum again. So I will be very happy with a chance to cum twice this year and never complain.
A week of downtime seems so long. I have never heard of such a duration of downtime.
Hello Mistress Scarlet,
I apologize if this question is somewhat off topic but it may be useful for your alternative blog and I would appreciate your advice. Although I have had submissive thoughts since childhood, I find that I am reluctant to submit to my wife and have difficulty experiencing subspace until I am sexually aroused. In fact, I still try to approach her intimately in ways that I did before we engaged in any D/S activity. She usually rebuffs these advances after allowing them to trigger arousal which results in my submission and serving her wishes which are nowhere near the intensity of many of the activities appearing in your blog but do give her pleasure. This pattern and the fact that many submissives describe losing their submissiveness after orgasm (which my wife forbids since she knows it interferes with her pleasure) makes me think that submissivness is more physiologic than psychologic. I would appreciate knowing if you are aware of submissives who started their submissive relationships with such a pattern and, if so, how did they progress past that limitation to eventually submit to the levels of domination often described here that seem to occur without sexual arousal of the submissive and, yet, result in contentment.
Thank you for the obvious thoughtfulness and effort with which you tend this blog.
A good proportion of DS relationships start with the sub needing to be sexually aroused. Then it usually moves onto a chastity device or honour system control and rationing of orgasm, sexual frustration generates submissiveness, rather than actual arousal. Do you desire subspace? What submissive thoughts di you have in childhood and before you met your wife?
Regarding a week of down time, I believe it is because my recovery time is not what it used to be. And because I am kept without an orgasm for at least 4 months, occasionally 8 months. When my wife rubs me thru my panties and gives me her permission to cum, it is a very powerful orgasm. So I suppose I am fully satisfied for about a week and then arousal starts again.
I identify with what you say in that our honour system of preventing orgasm and my wife’s taunting refusal to help me get off (sometimes punctuated by painful treatment of my birth defect and it’s environs) has led to greater submissiveness on my part which often results in me whizzing around the house doing chores that have not in the past been my responsibility, filling her gas tank, cooking dinner, buying flowers, etc. My behavior may have boosted her domination quotient somewhat. Sometimes I do ask her why would she do that chore when she has a slave and she always agrees. But it does seem that it is up to me to initiate any activity that results in my submission and satisfies my desire for subspace. I wonder how she might become more proactive which, I think, would make me more submissive. It is my impression that it takes two to tango.
Memories from childhood include feeling weak willed and wishing for girls to tell me what to do especially when in the presence of more than one girl. I also remember wanting to kneel to tie up a girl’s ice skates for her in the warming shack. Before the internet, I mentally created my own submissive captions to pictures of beautiful women in magazines.
I would add that, when it comes to heartfelt pleading, being left drowning in a pool of arousal hormones after being led to and left on the edge of relief has produced tearful feelings of hurt and disbelief as her husband and remonstrations from her that there will be NO CRYING! There is a good chance that I will do all the laundry the next day!
I am a little confused that in your previous post you wrote, ‘…..I have difficulty experiencing subspace until I am sexually aroused…’ But here you have stated, ‘….I do ask her why would she do that chore when she has a slave and she always agrees. But it does seem that it is up to me to initiate any activity that results in my submission and satisfies my desire for subspace, which seems to suggest you do not need arousal for subspace?? And this seems supported as your childhood memories show submissiveness without arousal?
Thank you for your response Mistress Scarlet. Perhaps the confusion is a result of what I define as subspace or a matter of degree. I may feel somewhat submissive when I perform certain helpful tasks voluntarily but it is not the same as the feeling I get that is almost like flipping a switch that drops me into a whirlpool of submission where I will say that I will do absolutely anything my wife desires. That switch is flipped when I am simultaneously aroused and denied. That realm is subspace for me. I have described it as my wife having her foot on the gas and the brake at the same time. A different subspace experience is produced by voluntarily kneeling vs.being ordered to do so. Maybe I am being selfish saying I would prefer more of the latter, but a woman who knows and uses her power is magic.
You Can Do Magic by America
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=you+can+do+magic&view=detail&mid=848B8CABF7A3E3D31DE1848B8CABF7A3E3D31DE1&FORM=VIRE0&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3dyou%2bcan%2bdo%2bmagic%26cvid%3db826405894e94f6f8b39174b8942255f%26pglt%3d43%26FORM%3dANNTA1%26PC%3dU531