All I write in this post is in the context of my definition of a submissive:’A submissive cannot be wholly content unless they feel helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant.‘
I have been in comment exchanges with Tinyman about his Mistress’s style of domination because I was intrigued by an aspect that I have never used. I wonder if others have views or relevant experiences. (The key comment exchanges are at the foot of the post.)
One aspect of my style of dominance is to be amused by, and exploit, any aspect of the degradation or physical torment of bitch-boy that results in concurrent SEXUAL arousal. I accept given his long periods of denial, forcing him to take a Cialis, and using my beautiful body visually, or skilled hands manually, it is not surprising he gets erection at times, even though nastiness is in play or on the horizon. There are lots of examples, but two that immediately come to mind are firstly when I am pressing down with my shoe on his defect while I am on the stomping stage. I love to squash it while flaccid but I love to ridicule him when he gets hard. ‘Could you be more pathetic? Getting hard while I squash your defect under the soles of my boots , and I kick it this way and that. What a little pervert you are. Woeful pervert and certainly not a real man who gets hard as a prelude to fucking.’ The second example is when I allow him to lick me, (he is VERY REVERANTIAL), with ‘foreplay’ of kissing my thighs, my stomach, my labia etc. ‘Oh such a special and rare treat for you little bitch. Getting all emotional and aroused simply from being a slave. Being used, despite you knowing you will not get any reciprocal activity in return. Pathetic!‘
I think this style ticks bitch-boy’s submissive boxes and leaves him in awe of me, which I want. By my response, he is in no doubt ‘….that he is helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant.‘ And I get very, very enjoyable amusement when I ridicule him.
Well, Tinyman’s Mistress has another style. Any degradations or physical torments that concurrently sexually arouse Tinyman become prohibited. But Tinyman finds he is deeply affected when he REFLECTS on the pitilessness of his Mistress’s regimen, rather than becoming aroused concurrently with any act she is doing to him in real time. In this specific way, he is in no doubt ‘….that he is helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant.‘ Especially cruel! And his Mistress gets great pleasure from each prohibition.
The Comments Exchange
Dear Mistress Scarlet,
I’ll try to avoid this response meandering as much as possible. But my wife is highly dedicated to removing all forms of pleasure for me. In the early days, she created “unpleasant” punishments for me such as cleaning her sweaty feet with my tongue, armpit worship, and ingesting a lot of her spit.
However, as a sub I think I’m not alone in being very able to fetishise the conventionally unpleasant. My wife started to realise this and started to swiftly remove things I’d clearly started enjoying. This would include asking me to kneel and asking if I liked her spit. I’d reply “yes mistress” and she’d ask me to open my mouth. She’d act as though she was about to spit and would then note my erection and say “you enjoy this slave don’t you.” When I replied I did she would say “then you’re never getting it again.”
When she gets in from a run she would put her arms above her head and say “time to clean me slave.” I would lick her armpits. Then one time as I went to lick her armpits, she pulled away at the last minute. She said “you’re erect, you enjoy this, you will never touch my armpits again.”
This was likewise for feet. I;m no longer allowed to smell or kiss them. She gets me to beg but always refuses. The exception is I’m allowed to massage her feet with oil. She got me a massage course for my birthday along with a massage table so I’m now quite adept at this.
She loves to flaunt herself in front of me when naked, when she sees me swell, she simply laughs and says “never again!”
She enjoys honour based chastity as she loves me feeling the swell and frustration and also enjoys being able to see it herself
In reply to Tinyman301.
Bearing in mind my definition of a submissive being; someone wo can only be truly content when they are helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant, it is an interesting and novel form of domination. As I understand it, your Domme stops using a degradation if or as soon as soon as it brings submissive arousal to the you. I am thinking this makes you contentedly submissive and in awe of her because it is sooooo cruel and you are helplessly in her power! It does beg a question though. Do you no longer endure any degradations at all?
(The usual state of affairs is the submissive truly dislikes the degradations they endure at the time of enduring them, but when they are over, helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant because of being subjected to things he does not like at the time he endures them.)
Dear Mistress Scarlet
I endure degradations but ones I’m by nature not able to fetishise. I am absolutely not a “pain slut” and as such whippings etc have increased
Additionally tedium and mind numbing tasks I am not able to make into a turn on (for instance 3 hours of ironing)
Removal of all pleasurable experience and sensation is her priority. So if I suddenly make that submissive development where I learn to enjoy something previously seen as unpleasant then it is immediately taken away
Another example is using my fetish against me. I used to be made to smell her panties whilst in honour based chastity. I love the smell and even the partial release of an erection without orgasm was nice so it was stopped as an activity
However, my wife used to make me bring her to orgasm whilst she was wearing her panties. Then she would put them on my nose with the leg holes hooked over my ears and instruct me I couldn’t take them off
She immediately then fell into a post orgasm sleep whilst I lay there in a tortured aroused state but being unable to touch myself meaning I was lying there for some time unable to settle which she enjoyed asking me about the next morning
So sometimes things that give me pleasure are cruelly turned against me to further increase submissive suffering.
For info on my BDSM manual, in several formats, click on an image below.
18 thoughts on “A crueller style?”
Mistress Scarlet. It seems that T’s Mistress’s regime may not work in all circumstances. For example, my wife has me in chastity and she has also declared me to be a BAV for the rest of my life. Although I find both of these cause me great frustration and humiliation I also find I am aroused just to think of my predicament. I can’t imagine how taking these away would enhance my submission. Similarly, I am my wife’s maid and am in charge of all household duties – cleaning, ironing, cooking etc in addition to my full time job (much like David). Although I dread coming home from work to begin my never ending chores I am also strangely aroused by this and my wife’s control over me. I don’t know how removing these chores from my “wifely” duties as she calls them would benefit her. Thank you for all you do .
Hmmmmmmm, yes I was worried I may not have the writing skill necessary to convey the subtlety of this concept. Having read your very useful comment I have slightly amended my post in an attempt to try again; as I think your wonderful Domme wife might actually be using an almost identical regimen to Tinyman’s.
I think you and Tinyman are submissively, deeply affected by THINKING about and reflecting on how you are dominated so pitilessly, rather than being sexually aroused during in-person domination acts like a thrashing, or a degradation like arm pit licking. In both cases it is you and Tinyman reflecting on how pitiless your Mistresses’ regimens are are rather than being affected real time while she does something to you. It is the cruelty of the regimen rather than the eroticism of in-person domination acts. Am I just making things murkier????
Dear Mistress Scarlet,
I think your post conveys it very well but I agree there is a degree of subtlety. The deepening of submission is driven by taking away things that I like, and the power of taking things away. I think my wife has identified that the thing I really crave is her, and anything to do with her and as such she can wield huge power taking these things away bit by bit
She has also identified things by nature I don’t like, such as chores and pain based punishment and used these. I agree with Hal’s point, that even though I don’t like pain or dull chores, that being forced to do them brings a certain arousal and it is the act of submission that leads to the “rush” that I imagine most of us subs get. So there isn’t a hard and fast rule but working to identify things I enjoy and taking them away is a big part of how she enjoys her power and leads me to be ever more deeply in awe
As with Hal’s domme, my wife also uses concepts to drive the domination deeper. She has said she wants to turn me into a 1950s housewife and this is a regular theme where she wants to invert the 50s system where the woman keeps the house and does all the chores to me doing it as her sub whilst she relaxes.
She also uses verbal play where i have to profess that I am lower in standing or less significant than inanimate objects. For instance “Mistress, I am less significant and inferior to your pen.” etc
But I guess in summary, Mistress Scarlet, that I think your post sums it up well and there is a lot of subtlety and no hard and fast rules to the taking away of things I come to enjoy, but it is extraordinarily powerful when my wife does so
Does your wife miss having her sweaty armpits licked? It seems like since your not a pain slut, she could just switch to painful punishment till you soften and then continue getting her arm pits licked. The fear I would have of showing her my hard on during anything she had me doing would cause me great stress. Or perhaps putting you in a device that makes an erection very painful during armpit worship could be effective. Obviously these are just my thoughts but I would think she was getting something out of you licking her sweaty pits and this way she could have her cake and eat it too. Either way, thank you for sharing your story with us. You are lucky to be with her.
Indeed it is a bit complicated. Much of what my wife enforces on me are things I do not like, but as a result I do live that “contented” life that you refer to w your BB. And my wife benefits from the empowerment she feels as well as having her house clean to her expectations and the freedom to do as she wants.
I can relate to T’s mention of verbal play. My wife has told me that I am lower in status than anything that touches her. Thus, when doing my cleaning I am expected to curtsy in front of her shoes or other clothing that she has dropped on floor before picking them up and putting them away I believe she picked up this routine from you Mistress S as one of your expectations for BB. Is this still a requirement for your BB? Thank you once again.
If I am to spend several hours in the sitting room and bb will be coming in and out, I place a pair of my shoes by the door and he must curtsey to both myself and the shoes each time he enters and leaves the room as any pair of my shoes are far higher in status than him.
Thank you all for the clarification. I found the posts interesting and confusing at first so that’s why I responded. Both styles sound wonderful to me now! Also at first I was speaking from a matter of personal choice, but have now caught the error of my thinking. We don’t get the CHOICE. The beautiful and superior mind of the female domme chooses what direction our submissiveness will lead. That’s the best situation if you are truly submissive. Doing the things you may dread, but having no choice because of how you feel being controlled like that. In AWE of the power as Mistress Scarlet says. Some lucky husbands in these posts.
Dear Mistress Scarlet
I further reflected on this as it was clear it caused some confusion, and I decided to ask my wife on her motivation. It actually made things clearer to me in terms of separating the ACTIVITY from the SITUATION
If I learn to love or be aroused by an “activity,” then this is taken away as a demonstration of power, and my wife’s commitment to removing all forms of pleasant sensation from me. This, however, leads to a “situation” of utmost dominance where I am helplessly in her power. Being aroused by this “situation” is part of the submissive paradox and part of why we do this but this is seen as separate to a physical activity that I become directly physically aroused by
Another example is cleaning the floor with a toothbrush say. I’m not physically aroused by the activity, and is in itself very boring. But the situation of being made to do it is arousing as a submissive
So removal of spit, armpits, feet etc removes physical pleasure but increases situational submissive arousal and a sensation of helplessness. Imagine, for instance your wife sitting astride your face, looking down at your birth defect and asking you to rim her, saying “if you get hard it’ll be the last time.” The cruelty is unbearable knowing you desperately have to try and control yourself doing something you find deeply arousing
There will always be grey areas and things that work for one couple but not for another and I hope this provides some clarity
PS – I’m not allowed to rim her anymore
I really agree with all of the above comments. My wife and I have had a WLM for many years. She knows what arouses me and what doesn’t. Very early on during one of our slave days, when we would arrange a day a month for me to be her slave while the children were in school, she would carry a short whip and use it on me. One day she took me to the basement and tied my hands high to an overhead beam. I was wearing a pair of red panties and she was wearing a garter belt, stockings , panties and bra, all black. She rubbed my cock and balls with her hand telling me that if I had been a better slave I could have been upstairs fucking her. But I did not do a good job cleaning so I was going to be punished by her whip.
She gave me twenty five very hard lashes across my ass and thighs, then came back around to the front of me to kiss me. It was then that she noticed a very large wet spot on my red panties. She became furious, telling me how she was supposed to be punished me and that I came in my panties while she was doing it. I tried to tell her I did not, that it was just precum but she I insisted I did cum.
So she said later that a sound whipping was not a punishment to me, but aroused me. The whole event did arouse me , but the pain did not. And of course I told her that her being dressed in sexy lingerie aroused me making me very hard. But she said she would find several other not so pleasant punishments for me to use later on, that a whipping I enjoyed too much. So even though it hurt, the idea of it she felt was too arousing for me and stopped it.
I’m afraid I don’t understand how this can work at all for the long term. How can anyone endure a life where all forms of pleasure are removed? Surely there must be a point where the torment ends and the sub can enjoy the suffering that was inflicted on them with the woman that inflicted it? Clearly I am either reading this incorrectly, or there is something I am missing that connects the dots. I would be grateful to be shown the error in how I am interpreting this post.
It is pretty difficult to explain. As I see it, given true submissives crave: to feel helplessly, under the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant woman, his Mistress is prohibiting all activities that tick his fetish boxes, as a regimen of pitiless, cruelty. And that works for him completely because, he absolutely feels: under the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant woman, precisely because all his fetish activities have been removed: what could be crueller and more pitiless than that, and how could he feel more helpless?
This topic has really made think personally of how I feel when doing acts of submission with my wife who has never really fully accepted the dominant role. Although she loves when I give her foot massages I realize that it’s not really a domme / slave thing happening there and I have to imagine I’m in the submissive role and she’s making me do it. It is arousing still and does work for me, but it’s not the same as one time where she played the part (she has played a dominant side on other occasions as well). She woke up earlier then me one day because she had work and I didn’t. After showering I was hit in the head with a bottle of moisturizer. She said “do your job” bluntly. I jumped up excited at this side of her showing which wasn’t common. She laid on her stomach and I proceeded to rub lotion on her back. When I finished her entire back side she rolled over and directed me to start at her feet. As I started on her one foot our eyes met for an instant. She yelled for me to come to the side of the bed. She then slapped me in the head several times that actually hurt. I bowed my head to the ground partly in submission and to retreat from the blows. She then said, “What are you doing looking at me? Keep your focus where it belongs! At my feet! Now get back down there and I want you to do each foot for one minute each and then each toe for one minute each. And I better not see your eyes on anything else but my feet…..understand?” I replied softly, “yes ma’am” and crawled back to my position. Now this felt totally different then just massaging her feet in the past. I felt a little in fear of her as I could still feel my head ringing from her strikes. Afterward she made me lick her to orgasm before getting dressed for work.
So to sum up what I’m saying it’s like it seems a male slave is in two situations when getting into sub space. One where he’s imagining being dominated and one where he’s actually being dominated. The latter was much more excited, so I would pick that over imagining even if it was to do things I don’t really like. In that moment my wife could have made me do practically anything because I was in complete awe of her being powerful over me.
I don’t think it is quite right when you begin your last paragraph with the words, ‘….. a male slave is in two situations when getting into sub space…’ because you go onto to stereotype all male slaves as having to imagine being dominated sometimes. Many male slaves do not have to do any imagining, like my bitch-boy or Christine’s David or Anne’s slave, they are truly dominated and never have to imagine.
Sorry I may have worded that wrong. I didn’t mean to include slaves that are in full time domme / slave living arrangements as you described. I meant it as males like myself who haven’t had a partner who fully committed to doing this to her husband or boyfriend. Then a lot of imagining takes place sometimes as you described I think a little one time when you said a submissive when even having regular sex may fantasize that he’s being forced to do it.
Yes, I see, and I agree.
An easy way to understand it would be let’s say you started off feeling submissive with a foot fetish as the main component. If you are a slave and all the dominance you receive is centered on giving your domme foot massages and foot worshiping either barefoot or with footwear would that really be you being submissive long term when those acts you clearly enjoy? You have to be made to do things you don’t enjoy mixed in with only a reward being the foot play . When tiny man is given tasks he doesn’t enjoy at first but learns to be excited by them his mistress takes them away. They would then be filed in the “reward” section per say. The idea is that he is continuing to do things that he DOESN’T enjoy and she enjoys forcing him to do them for her amusement. He is basically addicted to the “situation” he’s trapped in because of his natural submissiveness as he put it.
Yes. A great way of escribing this difficult issue to nail. He is addicted to the “situation” he’s trapped in because his natural submissiveness to be helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant. And what she is doing creates the situation that ticks this most important box. More important than any fetish.