Findings – ‘Like it never happened’

Well the responses to my research post of 20 April 2021 were large in number, (thank you all), and fascinating in content; and there was a consistent experience of the phenomenon researched, by all but one of the many submissives who responded. That phenomenon is; that for 99% of submissive males, if they are denied orgasm for around three or four weeks or more, then a desperate sexual frustration builds up, THAT IS ONLY RELIEVED FOR AN HOUR OR SO AFTER AN ORGASM. THEN THE FRUSTRATION FULLY RETURNS AS THOUGH THEY NEVER HAD THAT ORGASM.

It is the words in bold that are important. This phenomenon was reported to me by my bitch-boy and it seems is just about universally experienced. This is good to know if you are a Domme, because there is a clear interconnection between a submissive’s level of desperate sexual frustration and how submissive and obedient he feels and how in awe of his Mistress he feels. Many, like bitch-boy, felt the pre-orgasm level of frustration/submissiveness return in less than an hour after orgasm, (poor puppets), if the orgasms are at least four weeks apart.

If you have not read all the comments on my post of 20 April, you may find them worth a read, both from the point of view of learning about this issue but also because there are some very cruel Mistresses, enforcing some very harsh regimes, that make for quite a hot read! Regular readers will know I made a huge step change with bitch-boy’s chastity regime on 6 June last year. Hence this issue arose. The bullet points are excerpts from some of the comments.

There is an issue regarding prostate health that each person involved must take a view on, but I again provide a link, to a post about recent prostate health research, particularly for the under 30s.

I thank you sincerely if you responded on this issue.

  • According to my Mistress’ philosophy, men should be lifelong deprived of ejaculation, as that is the only way to keep them continuously on edge and totally focused on their Mistress’ desires.She says (Miss B) that the mental agony of waiting for an orgasm is more powerful when the period of abstinence is rather short, but when the chastity is extended for a lifetime, there are other ways to torture mentally the slave, bringing him fruitlessly to the edge, (depending also on his inborn fetishes) like showing herself nude or masturbating,wearing leather or lace lingerie, getting him sniff her at close distance, but without touching, rubbing his cock under the sole of her boots, etc.This year, on October 16th, will mark the 8th year of my total chastity. In a way it’d be almost better… if it weren’t for Mistress that, taking off my spiked cage for a few minutes, crushes and rubs my cock with her boots, when she feels in a playing mood…
  • I really I would like to know the answer. I tend more to allow a very rare orgasm just to put him in mental agony and remind him of what he loses.
  • If I make a remark [about my level of suffering] I am either ignored or get a sarcastic answer. Compassion is out
  • My wife only allows one orgasm per month, but it is always ruined. Almost immediately I crave another orgasm, and for a few days afterwards I’m more desperate to cum than I was before, and can’t stop thinking about it. But that might also be because of the way she makes me cum and the ‘shame’ involved, which is very affecting at the time.
  • my Wife has grown accustomed to ruining them. Right after that, i really want that second orgasm and her denying it without pity really is the key to keeping me in subspace.
  • ….In effect, my chastity device became a refuge from her torture. After a couple years of this treatment, she concluded I would be happier if my penis were left alone, and she quit releasing me. I have now been continuously locked for over three years, and she has shifted her attention to torturing my testicles regularly. She has always enjoyed playing with them while she has considered penises symbols of female oppression.
  • Since 2002 she has kept me locked all the time with releases about once a month if I was good up until 2019. She upgraded me to a custom fit Cherry Keeper device and extended my releases to only one every two months.

Making Comments on this post: Comments do not appear on my blog until I have moderated them. Comments that insult anyone will not be published, nor will aggressive comments. A wide range of views is truly welcome, we all have things to learn, however comments will not be published that take a contrary or critical view to any aspect of the post, but fail to explain why this contrary view is held, or fail to address the reasoning set out in the post to which the comment relates. (Such unexplained comments are simply boring.)

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For info on my BDSM manual, in several formats, click on an image below.

35 thoughts on “Findings – ‘Like it never happened’

  1. Dear Ms Scarlet,

    When it comes to the decions on where on the continuum of plenty of orgasms to never orgasms in a subs life anymore, I always wonder 1) to what extend it can be mapped on the continuum of external vs internal motivation of a sub to serve his Mistress (which obviously can progress with ups and downs in time for many reasons). 2) what the continuum is that corresponds with that decision form the Mistress point of view? I do not know if my question resonates with you. If so, would you mind to give your insights on this? Thank for considering it.

    1. Firstly, you seem to be implying that the sub decides on this matter. Is that what you mean?

      I am almost certainly moving to bitch-boy never having orgasms as that is so attractive for so many reasons; around the level of my decadence involved, the hot unfairness and cruelty of it, the hopeless finality of it, the forced transformation of him to a being that NEVER cums and never ever will -that is a new and deeply oppressed state of being. BUT! As Anne commented, it is such a dilemma because inducing heartfelt pleading and the raising and dashing hopes fun from his possibility of orgasms although rare, which is massively emotional for him, (and hot for me), is an avenue closed down and lost for ever if prohibition is introduced.

      1. Thank you for responding. I don’t understand how my general statement on the decision leads to that implication. In my bdsm community it varies in different bdsm relations on who and how that decision takes place, but I know in my relation, it is my Mistress who decides on it.

        It is my experience, however, that the degree (and speed) by which it is accepted, internalized, and seen as just/fair depends on the degree of my intrinsic motivation to serve. Which varies over time for many reasons. In the better days I tend to feel guilty after even a rare orgasm etc. All that said, the decision is still hers obviously, and it does neither imply that the serving is not continued.

        I can imagine that some days Mistresses feel more lust in dominating then in other days. I know mine does.

        In terms of the top contiuum I undestand that it might vary on the continuum fair/kindness/acceptance/ vs unfair/cruelty/transformation.

        Thank you

        1. I am trying hard to understand your points but I honestly don’t understand these two sentences:
          that the degree (and speed) by which it is accepted, internalized, and seen as just/fair.
          In terms of the top contiuum I undestand that it might vary on the continuum fair/kindness/acceptance/ vs unfair/cruelty/transformation.

          I would like to continue our discussion but these two phrases perhaps need to be expanded into about three sentences each for me to do so.

          To assist me, we do agree that you are going considerably beyond the question, that was, ‘What gap between orgasms is required for an orgasm to fail to eradicate sexual frustration for more than an hour or two? For the orgasm to make zero overall difference to the intense level of sexual frustration?’

          1. Yes, I fully agree that we considerably beyond the initial question. This is almost a topic on its own to me, but I didn’t know where to ask it. In general it find it pretty hard to find information on the psychology of the Domme. What goes on in them? Why do they do it? What are their psychological struggles and dilemma’s? What is not known in general? What is it they have to overcome? Your beginners guide helps there. And in general there is more out there on the psychology of sub I find, while I believe the more we know as subs of the struggles of the Domme, the more we can help them as well. And hence, move beyond the projected fiction in our heads into the relational reality of a sustainable bdsm couple.

            I will try to elaborate a bit on the rationalization of my experience. As a starting point my Mistress decides on the frequency of my orgasms. As mentioned it has varied from a 28 day cycle up to once a year over the last 12 years. The acceptance of her decision of not letting me cum, or sometimes letting me cum (the longer I go, in the past I didn’t want her to let me come to break a record etc) is easier the more I’m into my sub mindset. Obviously in my deepest desires (intrinsic motivation) I always want to be in my deepest sub mindset, to follow her blindly as if I don’t have a will of my own anymore , which increases my feelings of eudaimonic wellbeing.

            But for many reasons (pressure at work, family responsibilities, her being more in a vanilla mindset for longer periods, ..) that is not always the case. So sometimes I feel the need to come (or to achieve a record/goal of days not coming), to experience hedonistic wellbeing. Which is more instant satisfaction . After all, I deserve a reward (which I would call extrinsic motivation) from all that service I do, the income I provide her, etc is then the mindset because all these hurdles (stress etc) do not allow me to get to my deeper sub mindset. But it is my Mistress who decides. So if there is mismatch between what I want then, and what see gives me it takes more time for to accept her decision. To internalize again and further that this is just and fair because she is my Mistress and I’m her servant. She can decide whatever she wants whenever she wants. Obviously if that acceptance happens, I accessed my deeper level of sub mindset again, and I’m in awe of her to make that decision.

            So I see myself moving on that continuum of extrinsic vs intrinsic motivation.

            So I wondered what the dilemma or continuum was the Domme experiences when she makes the decision. From your paragraph “I am almost certainly moving to bitch-boy never having orgasms as that is so attractive for so many reasons; around the level of my decadence involved, the hot unfairness and cruelty of it, the hopeless finality of it, the forced transformation of him to a being that NEVER cums and never ever will -that is a new and deeply oppressed state of being. BUT! As Anne commented, it is such a dilemma because inducing heartfelt pleading and the raising and dashing hopes fun from his possibility of orgasms although rare, which is massively emotional for him, (and hot for me), is an avenue closed down and lost for ever if prohibition is introduced” I tried to come to a continuum of opposites. Of dilemmas.

            On the one hand I read the decision of having bitch-boy never having orgasms again is attractive because it is unfair, cruel, and a forced transformation of being. Wondering what the opposites of that could be I thought fair, kind and acceptance of his current being. The latter might be more matching with an extrinsic motivation of a sub, while the former which an intrinsic motivation.
            That said, maybe the dilemma is too sub focused (unfair, cruel to him, etc) and not Domme focused (although that is a classic bdsm paradox, we both serve each other in opposite ways of what the vanilla world would expect). Maybe I make it to logical to capture the complexity. For example, I was struggling with where to put hope. It could be hopeless vs hope. But the Greeks left hope in the box of pandora, and in my experience I find hope indeed worse. When I knew I wouldn’t come for a year, it also gave my a piece of mind. I some why it was less cruel. But obviously that is not the same as never again.

            I hope this helps.

            Kind regards

            Assepoester

            1. As I have written many times, I have a very low opinion of psychoanalysis, psychoanalysts and the psychoanalysis treatment of feelings. You will not be surprised then that I find the categorisation of wellbeing into the two types you mention as not only an unhelpful and unnecessary complication, but also spurious. Well being, pleasure, happiness, contentment are what we all desire and if we feel we have it, then WE DO HAVE IT. It does not need categorization for the purposes of a DS relationship. And who cares whether my dilemma over condemning bitch-boy to never cumming again, or not, is extrinsic or intrinsic? How does one of these labels move us forward? A Domme’s dilemmas about choices in dominating their sub are like any other dilemma in life. Like choosing between two models of a car to purchase. Whichever model chosen, there are good things the other model didn’t have but bad things the model excluded has, that the chosen model does not have.

              You begin by wanting to know more about the psychology of Dommes. But then you seem to be writing all about your own desires and feelings???

              You mention your acceptance of her decision of not letting you cum, and at times it takes more time for you to accept her decision. So what happens if you don’t accept it? Surely you still don’t get to cum. I do not understand the tangible nature of your non acceptance. Do you mean you feel annoyed rather than submissive?

              On this point I can sympathise. I was shocked you wrote, ‘…. After all, I deserve a reward from all that service I do, the income I provide her, etc…’, I would like to suggest a tweak to your description of the dynamic, because a submissive never deserves anything from the Domme. She is not a professional dominatrix! You do not pay her and therefore control what happens and when and how she behaves. You are privileged to be living with her! She can do whatever she wants. However, using my definition of the needs of a submissive which is accepted by 99% of submissives who make comment on it, (indeed many say it has allowed them to make sense of their feelings after years of confusion over what exactly they did want): A submissive cannot be content unless the feel they are helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant woman. Using this definition, I believe there is an ethical obligation on women in a DS relationship to balance the extent of what the submissive endures with the amount he feels helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant woman.

              So when you feel, you cannot accept an onerous sentence of chastity period and you spend too much time doing chores, you simply feel it is excessive compared to how strongly or consistently you feel helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant woman. The only solution I know is to say to your Domme, ‘I don’t want you to dominate me anymore because the extent of what I endure is too much, given the low feelings I have of helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant woman.‘ Of course, she may say fair enough, I wont dominate you. So you have a choice to take it or leave it. Or you can suggest simple, easy things she can do in vanilla moments and periods, THAT YOU ARE SURE SHE WOULD ENJOY, hat would give you a stronger feeling of being helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant woman. I listed my ideas for that in my original BDSM manual and there are many more in, my soon to be published, Addendum No.1 to that manual.

              You make an excellent point that can be a problem submissives create for Dommes when you write, ‘I didn’t want her to let me come so I could break a record.’ To stereotype, (because you have to sometimes), about 80% of males are competitive compared to about 20% of women. Competitive males want more, bigger, for longer, harder, etc. etc. Anything that breaks a record. Number of cane strokes, duration in sensory deprivation bondage, etc. I have found the only way to overcome this is to ‘break them’. On one occasion, give them nay more cane strokes than they think they can cope with at the time, until they are pleading. They will not again want to break a caning record. On one occasion, give them a duration in sensory deprivation bondage, far, far longer than they enjoy in any way. They will no longer want to break that duration record. If they want to go a year without cumming, for a record, when the year is up add another six months and keep going until they plead with all their heart to cum. Then make them wait another six months. I know of no other way to extinguish their desire for record breaking so endurances become part of them being clear they are helplessly in the power of a pitiless cruel dominant woman.

              1. Dear Ms Scarlet,

                Thank you for answer. It is clear that we disagree on the usefulness of different types and sources of wellbeing. A classification that is not psychoanalytic, but has indeed its roots in psychology as well as philosophical traditions, and is a well-researched empirical classification. A classification that has helped some people (especially subs) in my bdsm community to makes sense of their feelings.

                You seem to suggest that I’m inconsistent that I explain my own feelings while at the same time I want to know more about the psychology of Domme. The explanation of my feelings was only done as a response on your request to expand on the sentence “ that the degree (and speed) by which it is accepted, internalized, and seen as just/fair.”

                What surprises me sometimes is that if I want to know more about the psychology of Dommes , I get these defenses reactions “who cares whether… are like any other dilemma …” Pointing toward perceived inconsistency etc. So there is often no reflection on their own drives. On the other hand, it does not surprise me, because that it is potentially part of the reason why the like being a Domme: they don’t have to explain themselves.

                But in your own way you have helped me to better understand how you see the (bdsm) world, which is different than mine. And that is ok. So I want to thank for giving me that insight.

                Kindest regards

                Assepoester

                1. I am deeply saddened by your comment. You requested my views and I spent quite a bit of time formulating them. And as a result I am lumped in with other Dommes who have clearly not answered in the way you wanted, and we are collectively called defensive. Have you thought for a moment that the reason Dommes are not giving the answer you believe is right, is because the answer you believe is right, is wrong.

                  And how can you suggest we do not reflect on our drives. You have no idea how I have reflected on my own drives. I did explain myself too. I have reflected over many years and I am afraid, my refection is that for a Domme it is all fairly simple, although you seem determined to bring in as much complication as possible. In my experience with 1000+ different DS individuals, over complication of the DS relationship is one major hurdle many have to overcome. So I am certainly not a fan of added complication for its own sake.

                  So I am sorry my honest answers do not meet with your approval. Obviously you will not want me to engage with you again which will save me from further such responses from you.

                  1. Dear Ms Scarlet,

                    As mentioned, it is ok to me that we have different views. There is no reason to be sad. We both have spend energy in exchanging our views. We don’t need to be the same. I wish you all the best.

                    1. I make these comments for your consideration as to future comments you make.
                      1. You consistently come over as very passive-aggressive writing arrogant, disrespectful, offensive comments but ending with ‘all the best.’
                      2. In the case of your last comment, you do not absolve yourself of your disrespect or offensiveness by saying its OK to agree to differ as what you think it is ‘OK to differ’ on is what is going on in my mind and what I feel. There is no agreeing to differ on what is going on in my mind or on what I feel and it is arrogant and offensive to do so. You cannot tell me these things are not true, CAN YOU! And most offensive of all is to tell me, when I inform you of what is going on in my mind and what I feel, that I am being defensive.

                      Be clear, I have reflected very deeply over the years. That is a fact that it is stupid for you to argue with. How I feel having reflected very deeply over the years is also something very stupid to argue with. What I feel is also a fact.

                      So, these are the facts, (and most Dommes seem to share these),
                      3. I do not care whether my dilemma over condemning bitch-boy to never cumming again is extrinsic or intrinsic and nor does bitch-boy.
                      4. Well being, pleasure, happiness, contentment is what I feel. I have no need to categorize these things just because I am in a DS relationship.
                      My dilemmas about choices in dominating my sub are like any other dilemma in my life. Like choosing between two models of a car to purchase. Whichever model chosen, there are good things the other model didn’t have but bad things the model excluded has, that the chosen model does not have.

                      Do you not see the ludicrousness of your words, ‘What surprises me sometimes is that if I want to know more about the psychology of Dommes, I get these defensive reactions.’ If Dommes tell you what they feel about what is going on in their heads, that is patently not defensive, nor can they be wrong. Ironically, the fact that you mention plural Dommes not having in their heads, what you want them to have in their heads, or what you think they should have in their heads, should be something you are learning from instead of calling them defensive.

                      And despite the time I put into my comment, you did not have the courtesy to answer my question, asking what is the tangible nature of your non acceptance of being allowed to cum? Do you mean you feel annoyed rather than submissive?

                    2. Dear Ms Scarlet,

                      I hope that one day you can take back all your projections and are able to converse with me in an equal way rather than trying to take the top position.

                      I realise that you will read this once again as arrogant or something a like.

                      Until then I’ve unsubscribed from your blog.

                      So once more, I honestly whish you all the best.

                      Assepoester

            1. You never responded to my queries on your comment. which were:

              I am trying hard to understand your points but I honestly don’t understand these two sentences:
              that the degree (and speed) by which it is accepted, internalized, and seen as just/fair.
              In terms of the top contiuum I undestand that it might vary on the continuum fair/kindness/acceptance/ vs unfair/cruelty/transformation.
              I would like to continue our discussion but these two phrases perhaps need to be expanded into about three sentences each for me to do so.

              To assist me, we do agree that you are going considerably beyond the question, that was, ‘What gap between orgasms is required for an orgasm to fail to eradicate sexual frustration for more than an hour or two? For the orgasm to make zero overall difference to the intense level of sexual frustration?’

              1. Oh, it is a pitty you never received it. I answered in lenght on it on Saterday morning. Oh well, fine to me.

    1. Interesting but, hmmmm, more questions than answers for me. Looks like a poor piece of science spurious correlations of various neuroscience phenomena.
      I can’t agree it shows, ‘… it takes a good 14 days to prime a sub fully with denial‘. Firstly and most importantly, life experience seems to substantially contradict any suggested 14 days period, given almost all males, especially non-submissive, feel a strong need to orgasm every two to three days, and quite a few at least once a day! And primate males are driven to copulate with as many females as possible including on the same day.
      Where does it make reference to 14 days, btw?
      This is about males with a ‘normal’ orgasm frequency, so I don’t think relevant, to males denied for long periods.
      I also think a physically denied (caged) submissive male experiences sexual arousal simply by being physically denied (caged), and this constant source of arousal is not something the science guys could have taken into account.
      Thank you though. All input is gratefully received.

      1. I agree it isn’t good to *only* focus on hormones. Relationship dynamics, psychology, lifestyle, health, behavior….and on and on….all of into it. As science, this is just isolating the hormone aspect of things from everything else. I do think the hormones are quite powerful, but so is my desire to please, comply, relate, relax, and a lot of other things.

        The 14 days is a period of time in the chart where the male’s hormones to be in a state a flux and go up and down. Personally, if my relationship seems right, I have some “blues” for 2-3 days after an orgasm, and then my arousal and motivation starts to go up. I think I “calm down” after about 14 days. The desire is still there, but I feel less volatile. That first 3-7 day period can be fun.

        I agree the article isn’t a road map, but it does give you some idea of the impact of hormones. And men act like women are so hormonal…

          1. We’ve been playing with off and on for almost half of our lives. We are both pushing 50, so there have been all kinds of things and versions.

            If we are feeling close and active with D/s, then it’s likely she is letting me have 1-2 orgasms a month, which are ruined/spoiled at least half the time. We have gone as far as about 50 days, but that is rare, and usually relates to some change going on.

            I find if She ruins it in a very intimate way – staring closely into my eyes – or making me cum in my pants – or in my cage, then I am much more quickly into the “like it never happened phase”. There are degrees of ruined orgasms – if She really makes sure there is NO stimulation whatsoever after the “point of return” then that is very stressful for me in the moment but i bounce back faster.

            If – on rare occasion – She or i more fully please me after a week or two, then it is more like the 2-3 day blues.

            If I turn into a lazy sub and “fall off the wagon” for a period of time then it might take more like a 1-2 weeks of discipline to get back in mental shape.

            The article isn’t t perfect, but it helped me understand one aspect of what my body is doing.

            The article doesn’t account at all for ruined climaxes.

          2. It definitely matters if the chaste male is granted “full privileges” versus some type of muzzled release. Feeling it right now.

  2. I am rather late in posting on this topic. I have discussed this over the years with David too.
    In the early days, when he was allowed frequent releases, meaning once every three to four weeks, I was always annoyed with the aftermath of his orgasms. They tended to be explosive and were fun to watch, and they certainly provided him with enormous pleasure.
    Unfortunately, he used to blow his ‘good manners’ out too. There was a noticeable decline in his attitude once he was sated. He showed a lack of respect that would normally never be expected, and his submissiveness was greatly reduced. It was like he took a couple of days’ holiday after each release.
    This is what lead me to extend his release schedule, initially to every 4-6 weeks, then once every 6-12 weeks, and now just twice a year. The longer the release period, the more noticeable it was that his submissive attitude was unaffected.
    He never gets ‘sated’ on the longer regimes, and his release was less satisfying for him too. I put the latter down to the fact that he was timed at no more than one-minute from first touch to finish. Previously he would get a proper release with ‘post-release-feelings’. Now he needs to rush and doesn’t get the post-orgasmic bliss/glow that derived from his defect remaining in close contact with my hand, or later his tube, for ‘after-care’.
    I find this all wonderful of course. A minor release, with no venting of his state of extreme frustration! He only has himself to blame though! Of course he whines about this, especially about how even after a release, it is as though he never had one and he really needs at least two at a time. Of course this is never going to happen! Though, I have suggested that if they are not so satisfying nowadays, maybe we don’t need to bother with them in future.
    This all really pleases me as I like to know that he is suffering greatly! My disinterest in his anguish serves only to enhance in his grief! I love being pitiless to his plight.

    1. Wonderful Christine. My (one year so far) regimen for bitch-boy now means his releases at every 8 to 20 weeks, do not satiate his frustration at all, poor puppet. He would love a second orgasm on a release day also, which he of course does not and will never get. His full submissiveness is back within 2-3 minutes.
      I know I am a word pedant; so I no longer describe my view of his terrible frustration suffering as disinterest, as I used to describe it, because I am actually very interested! It is so amusing and I feel so pitiless like you. I thought about it and realised I am simply completely unsympathetic. So I tell him when he whines, that I have absolutely zero sympathy, I am utterly relaxed and unmoved by his suffering and I adore that he is suffering as he is.

  3. Because I am voluntarily chaste on an ”honor” system, I will, after about 3-4 weeks, fail and relieve myself usually because I am having trouble sleeping due to the agitation of sexual frustration. A single ejaculation does not provide enough relief so I will repeat my guilty act within 24 hours and sometimes again within 48 hours and only then do I experience a refractory period of about a week. This scenario makes me think about abandoning voluntary chastity and using a cage but raises a number of questions. I would be grateful to you or your readers for answers:
    1. Does a male without a cage who can experience an erection which can be ignored, encouraged or punished while serving his mistress enter sub space more readily with more frustration/submissiveness/obedience than a caged male or does that criteria even matter to a Domme?
    2. Does a cage interfere with sleep either by the bulk of the device or by resisting nocturnal erections that all males have during sleep causing the wearer to awaken? I ask because sleep disruption can be a significant health risk.
    3. Does a cage interfere with exercise/sporting activities? Reluctance to exercise would be another health risk.
    4. Should the cage be secured with a numbered plastic lock so that it could be removed in an emergency?
    I feel selfish asking you for your help. I respect your depth of knowledge and keen understanding of the D/S relationship. Thank you.

    1. I have a question. Given you seem to have very low willpower, (considering the double and treble orgasm occasions), and I assume you will be holding the key to the cage; surely you will just unlock the cage and masturbate when you feel the need?

  4. I feel that the occurrence of an erection is what starts me down the slippery slope (pun intended) to orgasm and that if a cage can prevent or restrict erection then I might have a better chance of remaining chaste even if I am holding the key or a plastic lock is used.

    1. Hmmmmm, I see. OK.

      1. Does a male without a cage who can experience an erection which can be ignored, encouraged or punished while serving his mistress enter sub space more readily with more frustration/submissiveness/obedience than a caged male or does that criteria even matter to a Domme? Most Dommes prefer a cage as it gives a true sense of ownership of the subs body part, as well as a being cruel and gibing a feeling of real power. Most subs reciprocate, feeling much more controlled, more helpless, more frightened, more in awe of the Mistress and importantly for the sub, the difficulty of self control is taken away from them. They no longer have a choice, it is the Dommes choice!

      2. Does a cage interfere with sleep either by the bulk of the device or by resisting nocturnal erections that all males have during sleep causing the wearer to awaken? I ask because sleep disruption can be a significant health risk. The right device is required. With the right device, I have never heard of a sub having long term consistent sleep disruption. Possibly the odd night, while getting used to it.

      3. Does a cage interfere with exercise/sporting activities? Reluctance to exercise would be another health risk. You need to be much more specific! Obviously there are sports where it would be a problem, like Judo.

      4. Should the cage be secured with a numbered plastic lock so that it could be removed in an emergency? Probably best but you may still need nail clippers to break a plastic padlock, so carrying a key would be just as easy as carrying nail clippers, with a spare key separate from the key you carry, say in your car.

  5. Thank you for your valuable advice! My challenge now is how to bring up the possibility of a cage with my Wife. She has not been accepting of the use of “accessories” in the past. I think the sense of ownership and control you describe would appeal to Her. She has said that Her goal for me is “abject slavery.” She may be more accepting of a cage if it will be the catalyst to achieving that goal. I appreciate the time you have already spent on my quest but, if possible, I would be grateful for any suggestions you might have regarding getting Her to accept the use of a cage.
    As far as sports are concerned, I am talking about non-contact activities such as golf, swimming, exercise bikes and jogging. I would hope that the anatomical area in question would be out of bounds in Judo but you never know!

    1. My best suggestion is to talk of only an experiment. ‘…..Let’s try it and if you don’t like it we don’t have to do it. There is no commitment to it. Just a few weeks of an experiment…’ Approach?

      Alternatively if you could list (1) all the things she has said against it, and, (2) list all the tings she most likes about being dominant, and (c) all the things she might like to do if she had extra power, I could try and work out a strategy from my experience with others.

      There is a lot of close rubbing of bodies against each other during groundwork Judo! Swimming could be a problem for concealment in trunks. Need baggy shorts swimwear.

      1. Thank you again for your help. If this fantasy doesn’t come to fruition, at least I learned a little bit about katame waza.

  6. Thank you Ma’am. My experience has been similar. Ms Vonda started with short periods, is up to 60+ days & believes men don’t *need* orgasms. Ever. Like you she no longer gives me a date. No touching at all w/o permission and no questioning when – she says its a non-issue. It’s not my concern as she says, as men only want orgasms. She keeps me as frustrated as possible and mostly makes me do it myself. I’m grateful. She has me right where I belong and still crave more.

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