One major hurdle for women flirting with the idea of being a Domme is often expressed with words to the effect of: ‘I want a real man, to look after me, not a weak submissive man.‘ And one major hurdle for Mistress-wives flirting with the idea of dressing their submissive as a French maid, or sissy maid, or parody of a schoolgirl, or parody of a little girl, is often expressed with words to the effect of: ‘I want to dominate a real masculine man not a weak feminine man.’
Well I implore such women to experiment and they will most often find they can have their cake and eat it too. ALL the women I have been in close exchanges with who have experimented after expressing such qualms, change their approach and never look back! By way of explanation I will give a brief insight into a day of mine a few days ago .
When bitch-boy woke me with tea in bed, I informed him that the day was to be a full-on DS day. He would repeatedly suffer considerable physical discomfort and he would suffer very considerable humiliation and tedium for a lengthy period. And he would NOT be getting to cum. The DS element of the day would probably last seven or eight hours.
Before he had got very far digesting this announcement and coming to terms with it, I asked him. ‘What do you say?’ I adore this simple verbal tweaking of his submissive soul with the injustice of him having to answer as he must. Which he did, although a little gloomily. ‘Thank you Mistress.‘ I answered in a tone of mock irritation. ‘I should think so!‘ What a lovely start to my day; and plenty for my poor puppet to think about.
However, sticking to the point of this post , I will skim over his very hash deterrent punishment, (Oh how he pleaded, and I repeatedly, verbally raised and dashed his hopes that I might end the punishment! Until finally I did). I will skim over how I played with his boy’s bits for over an hour while he was in sensory deprivation bondage and I sat next to him on the sofa and I watched a subtitled TV programme I love. (He has not cum for 9 weeks!) I will skim over his second punishment, given just because I could; and later how his stiff little defect suffered while I used my Vampire gloves. And I now get to the first relevant activity for this post.
I had him dressed in his full-on parody of a little girl outfit, (see previous post), and for half an hour he had to face me and whisper the words to the nursery rhyme, I’m a little tea-pot while performing the actions, while mainly ignored him and I enjoyed social media on my cell phone. Occasionally I would glance up at him and, using a harsh tone, briefly tell him how pathetic he was.
Then he had to colour-in with his dolly for THREE HOURS! His humiliation was very deep as was his tedium. He hated every second of that humiliation, made worse by my sporadic comments about how he was not a real man, just a pathetic sissy and a pathetic submissive put on this planet to be used and abused by women like me. I whipped and stomped on his defect on the stomping stage for half an hour and, having had 9 orgasms throughout the day, I finally decided DS time was over. (He got locked back up: He did not get to cum.)
And I now get to the second relevant activity for this post. I told him I would now be using him for his vanilla company until sleep time. He put things away and changed into his vanilla clothes. We then sat in the conservatory, discussed the news of the day, and drunk wine together. I nestled into his large barrel chest and his muscular heavy arm comfortingly draped over me. I felt utterly content, and comfortable and protected and safe. All was right and perfect in my world.
I praised and thanked him for how he had charmingly but assertively dealt with a brutish argumentative delivery driver the day before and a tradesman working on the boundary with the neighbours house on the same day. (It made me think about a holiday I am planning in a slightly dodgy third world country and how safe I will feel with the charmingly assertive, barrel chested, large shouldered bitch-boy by my side.) I slept briefly for a while with my head on his chest. (Believe me, a couple of lengthy sessions wielding punishment implements and NINE massive orgasms in a day, takes it out of girl!) I woke and, after we ate, we watched TV, with me again cuddled into him, resting my head on his chest. What a blissful day!
So ladies, experiment! Your submissive needs to suffer deep humiliation to sleep the very soundest sleep of a submissive – who truly knows he is; helplessly in the power of a cruel, pitiless, dominant woman. AND YOU CAN HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO!
Making Comments on this post: Comments do not appear on my blog until I have moderated them. Comments that insult anyone will not be published, nor will aggressive comments. A wide range of views is truly welcome, we all have things to learn, however comments will not be published that take a contrary or critical view to any aspect of the post, but fail to explain why this contrary view is held, or fail to address the reasoning set out in the post to which the comment relates. (Such unexplained comments are simply boring.)
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21 thoughts on “Cake and eat it too!”
What a wonderful post that shows the different sides of your relationship. Thank you for posting.
The Situation with my Domme is a bit complex. She is married, but her sadism cannot be directed at her husband as he is a sadist, too.
That is where I have come in for the last ten years. Whenever I meet her alone it is CFNM with me in permanent chastity, no safe word and of course never inside with very rare orgasms for me during torture.
However, my role is much more than being just a toy. She suffers from cancer, and it is getting worse. So I help her in coping with the situation, sometimes together with her husband. Then I am of course well dressed and simply give the impression of being a very devoted friend to the people around us.
So she too has her cake by being in the company of a Cavaliere Servente and eating it at the same time in her sadistic sessions.
A wonderful comment, thank you.
Many thanks for adding “cavaliere servente” to my vocabulary :)
Here are two more:
Cicisbeo in Italien
Hausfreund in German
Would have loved to hear all those details you left out. What a mind fuck for BB to be used in such a way and then be used in a complete opposite way. Does BB ever complain about D/s time during vanilla time? Being that he is in chastity the whole time, does he ever really get vanilla time? Or is vanilla time just another opportunity for you to exercise your power, making him be normal while still being very much under your thumb and in constant discomfort? Your life is so fascinating.
Ask me about specific details and I will answer.
No he never complains about DS time in vanilla time because there is a concrete base to our relationship that is clearly established. (A) he knows he needs to feel helplessly in the power of a cruel, pitiless woman. (B) I have made it clear I will give him that feeling as long as I dominate him my way. Its my way or no domination. (C) He does not want to lose that feeling I give him so he has to accept the life I choose for us.
He gets vanilla time during the moments he is distracted from awareness of his defect being locked in a cage and his terrible gnawing frustration and distracted from thinking about the pain and humiliation he regularly suffers. There are quite a few situations where this distraction exists.
What is his very harsh deterrent punishment?
At the beginning of a full-on DS day, he is secured into the position shown in this blog post. He is being punished for two reasons. (A) As a deterrent against disobedience, (not for any infractions). (B) Because I enjoy him having a well marked butt, hips and thighs throughout a full-on DS day, from the very beginning of the day. Punishment for recently accrued infractions will be later in the day. A deterrent punishment usually last around 20 to 30 minutes. I use 3 to 5 implements. He is pleading for me to stop after about 10 minutes in. I repeatedly raise and dash his hopes from then on. I always get an arousing power-rush from administering a deterrent punishment and usually have to take a break half way through to ‘satiate my arousal’.
Would love to see a pic of him well marked.
I am afraid I don’t do pics of physical punishment markings.
Do you have any siblings? Are your parents still married? Whats your favorite color?
My early journals and blog posts mention my two sisters.
Now I am worried as to your intentions. LOL. Why would you wish to know if my parents still married?
I don’t have a favorite color? I am amazed people do as colour is 100% about context. I love the orange of a tropical sunset but I would not want a dress that colour. I adore hot pink roses in the garden but I would not want a room of my house that colour.
Hello Ms. Scarlet,
Thank you for this post. You promised to include details of your vanilla life with bitchboy while writing about your D/S life and you did just that with this post. We get a glimpse into that part of your life.
My wife and I are still trying to start our own FLR (over 2 years now) and it’s not going too well. We were once talking about adding more humiliation to our regime and she has a problem dressing me in women’s clothing (shame or otherwise) because women’s clothing shouldn’t be ‘Shameful’ or “humiliating”. Not that I want to be dressed like you do BB, but I can just imagine how humiliating it is. I know in a past blog post you touched on this subject, but you said it was an argument for another time, but you use it because “IT WORKS!”. So how would you answer a women who questions’ using women’s clothing to humiliate their sub? Thank you for all the hard work you put into your interesting blog!
Have you led you wife to my alternative blog? That may be a useful read for her.
Firstly I do not use standard women’s clothing. I use parody of schoolgirl, French maid, sissy maid and parody of little girl. While obviously a woman would not find it humiliating to be ‘made’ to wear standard women’s clothing, even a woman, I think, would find it humiliating to be ‘made’ to wear schoolgirl, French maid, sissy maid or parody of little girl attire. Schoolgirl and little girl are regression to child status which is humiliating for an adult, and sissy maid and French maid are humiliating as they are uniforms indicating a lower serving status than those not so dressed.
I have known Dommes who use schoolboy, baby boy or little boy clothing to shame a male, so not using female clothing. A Little Lord Fauntleroy outfit would be very shaming I think.
But then yes, there is the all-encompassing argument I had saved for another day. For me it goes like this. If a male has the prejudicial sexist view that he finds female related shame clothing more humiliating than male shame clothing, it is perfect justice that his prejudicial sexist view is used against him. What could be a more perfect punishment for a sexist view than to use that sexist view against him. He finds female related shame clothing more humiliating than male shame clothing because of a sexist view, so he only has himself to blame that that is used against him.
In addition to this argument, I have to say, I should have the freedom in my Domme life to maximise my pleasure through among other things, him suffering deep shame. Why should I not exploit his sexist view, (that female clothing is worse than male), to achieve this rather than, as your wife seems to prefer, allow his sexist view to save him from him suffering the deepest shame? That would be me being fettered by his sexism.
I would be happy to enter into email correspondence with your wife if I can help in any way.
I think your wife is right that a man wearing what society currently considers “womens clothing” shouldn’t be humiliating.
The fact remains however that as we live in a patriarchy, society on the whole does consider it shameful. It takes a lot of guts for a man to walk down the street in a dress or skirt – he will attract a lot of looks and maybe comments etc.
So “should be” is not the same as “what is”
Yes! I will soon be publishing a blog post on this issue, entitled, ‘I will not be fettered by feminism!’
As always another well written post by yourself. Your right we all have our own style of domination, in fact wouldn’t it perhaps be boring if we just had a standard check list of supremacy achievements. Chastity is something I haven’t imposed upon him yet, but he is forbidden to touch me without permission and never initiate sex.
I have continued to increase my own rule over my macho hubby and bring him into line with my expectations of him. He now serves me tea in bed every morning, I insist he wears a feminine apron for this, often pink with flowers or frills, so many retro styles to choose from. While he stands naked apart from this humiliating item hands behind his back, I do enjoy teasing him to hardness with slow touches and pinches. Once granite hard I will talk to him about my outfit for the morning which he will have to get ready for me while I’m in the bathroom. Or simply dismiss him with, go and clean the kitchen floor darling.
You will have noted I say my outfit for the morning, having my own husband maid it is so nice never to have to concern myself with putting my clothes away. I just drop them on the bedroom floor knowing he will pick them up, checking for makeup marks etc. and have to wash these, often I will have three changes a day and once had five.
Reading some of the vanilla ladies lifestyle vanilla fashion blogs, I was interested to read that they have on occasions allowed their husbands to pick their clothes for the day. I decided to try this and after teasing him instructed him to pick me a outfit from my wardrobes. Of course he got this completely wrong at first by choosing me a leather pencil skirt and silk blouse to wear. However over the months he has actually got better and has now started to understand choosing good outfits for me for the house or supermarket, and nicer styles of dress for the evenings.
Again teasing him to hardness, I tell him I’m going to lend him out to some of my friends, saying I wonder what Naomi or Kate will think of you being their wardrobe assistant girl. And won’t that be nice for them to have all their clothes nicely washed and ironed by you sweetie, just in your little apron of course.
I know I’ve rambled on a little here. But thank you for your wonderful blog which I always read with interest.
I so love the notion of dismissing him with, ‘….go and clean the kitchen floor darling.’ It’s the word ‘darling’ that I like the most. A very relaxed phrase to use, and the word darling is transformed from its usual associations with intimacy and affection to a word that is both patronising and domineering. Wonderful. And the naked but for a feminine apron paints a delicious picture of embarrassment and submission.
I also love the, dropping the clothes wherever you remove them to be picked up by him. Something I do myself and I always get a little flutter of a bitchy-power-rush when I do so.
Another great read Scarlet – I believe I may (with your help of course) have created a monster or to put it another way’ the Genie won’t go back in the bottle.
Last weekend Mistress watched erotica in the living room while I prepared our bedroom for play – checking in on her in between trips (slow ones in very high and tight heels of course) to see if she needed refills on wine or anything to nibble when she told me to sit at her feet. She then grabbed the hair atop my latex Maid hood and began braiding both pigtails – she then asked me if I enjoyed having the new braids and I replied yes of course which only excited me more. I then asked if she was ready to play in our bedroom to which she said “oh no, I’d much rather watch another film with your braided hair sitting at the floor beneath me…….
Thank you for posting this vignette, showing how a healthy femdom relationship can be well-balanced and, at times, be just a relationship. Femdom/FLR can allow both partners (I use that word deliberately) to explore areas which our societal conditioning makes taboo and find acceptance in those areas: men exploring vulnerability, helplessness, and submitting control; and women indulging their desires, being cruel, and taking charge. That makes our lives richer and more fulfilling. But we are also, in many ways, just ‘ordinary’ human beings with real lives – which can sometimes be forgotten.