Declarations and Domme’s Orgasms

I received the comment below and felt my lengthy answer really desrved to be a blog post rather than be hidden away as a comment response. So here is the comment I received followed by my answer.

Dear Mistress Scarlet,

If I may, I would like to make one comment and pose one question.

Firstly, I would like to comment on the life-changing power, perhaps under-appreciated by some, of the making of a formal declaration. It is one thing to see that a change (such as ever-lengthening delay between release) has ‘crept into’ your life; and to be told, in bold and explicit terms, that such the change is deliberate, recognised to be unfair, and utterly permanent. I have seen that a number of times in my relationship, most recently when Mistress announced that I was a Born-Again Virgin.

With an undeclared change, the sub can always cling onto the idea that it is temporary, inadvertent, or a mistake. That hope is dashed with a formal declaration. I also wonder what effect that has on the dominant woman. Which brings me onto my question…

In many posts and in your books, you state that increasing levels of dominance and cruelty ‘ratcheted up’ your sexual (and other forms of) satisfaction with your relationship with BB. But, on hearing about the frequency and intensity of your enjoyment, one rationalisation is that this must be because you (Mistress Scarlet) are an unusual and rare woman who just has the capacity for multiple frequent orgasms, and so other women cannot replicate similar levels of enjoyment.

So could I ask you to please clarify (and yes, I am aware that this question has overtones of the line from Life of Brian ‘If it’s not a personal question: are you a virgin?’) if, before you discovered BDSM, were you someone who had an unusual capacity for fulfillment from vanilla sex? Or (as I suspect) were you previously a person with a fairly ordinary level of response, and attribute your current degrees of arousal and satisfaction entirely to the levels of sadism and dominance which you practice? To put it another way, do you have an unusual responsiveness to the ‘drug’ or is it a medication from which anyone from benefit?

My Answer

An indication of how much I agree with you about the value and significance of declaring changes which are intended to be permanent, is that two chapters of my new publication, Addendum No.1, deal with this topic. Not just deal with it but provide suggestions to maximise the impact. The first section is about Recording Dates of the last time ever of an activity, so that anniversaries can be ‘celebrated’. The second is about A Cruel Countdown Procedure that can be used in the lead up to the last time ever of an activity. Neither can be employed without a declaration.

Putting aside the huge effect on bitch-boy of having made a declaration, the effect on me of having made a declaration is very powerful indeed. Having made my six week minimum gap for orgasms declaration; I feel totally pitiless, all powerful, decadent and truly cruel. A heady cocktail of feelings that do lead to arousal. Which brings me to orgasms for Dommes. (I sense you may have read my latest publication?)   In Addendum No.1, there is a large chapter on enhancing the number and intensity of the Domme’s orgasms.  

Although you ask very personal questions, I feel I must answer them to further my crusade to have more women enjoy the number and intensity of orgasms I enjoy. My story does cover the key issues. Firstly, I do not have a rare and unusual capacity for numerous, powerful orgasms. I do know what prevented me from so being, until my eyes were opened to a few facts.

Until I met bitch-boy I had never masturbated and had had hardly any orgasms; although I had boyfriends from the age of 15 and then a husband. (So no, I certainly am not a virgin!) BUT, the first night I spent with bitch-boy, I had more orgasms that one night than I had previously had, added together, in the whole of my life before that night. No wonder I fell for him!

This brings me to the first AND CRITICAL FACT that applies to me and to every single woman I have ‘converted’ over this fact. Relying solely on penetrative orgasms is a huge mistake. Clitoral orgasms is where intensity and large numbers of orgasms are found for most women. bitch-boy being submissive, (unbeknown to me at the time), had his head between my thighs that first night and kept it there for a LONG, LONG time. (I was much younger than him with an amazing body, I can understand he was driven by his submissiveness to secretly worship me that night the best he knew how.) He also told me that night that I should not attempt to have him get as much pleasure as me, because men are built for one orgasm and women are built for many. I felt it was unfair on him but he insisted and I went with it. Look where that has ended up! (Be careful what you wish for.)

A few years later when my dominance and his submission had begun in earnest, I read an article that set out how dominant women should masturbate because of the number and intensity of orgasms that are possible – without a man’s assistance! The article also suggested it is optimal to use a vibrator wand. (It suggested a Hitachi 5000- it was years ago.)

I experimented and the article changed my life! Then once I began to become a SERIOUS Domme; unsympathetic and unashamed in wielding power, gratuitously, cruelly and pitilessly, I understood the saying, ‘power is an aphrodisiac’. It certainly is! I am not alone by any means in my orgasm numbers. Every single Domme with whom I have engaged in relevant conversations, who uses a wand and who masturbates, enjoys the number and intensity of orgasms I do. I should stress this masturbation is most often in front of one’s submissive; it is not exclusively performed alone, although I do both.

.

Making Comments on posts: Comments do not appear on my blog until I have moderated them. Comments that insult anyone will not be published, nor will aggressive comments. A wide range of views is truly welcome, we all have things to learn, however comments will not be published that take a contrary or critical view to any aspect of a post, but fail to explain why this contrary view is held, or fail to address the reasoning set out in the post to which the comment relates. (Such unexplained contrary comments are simply boring.)

16 thoughts on “Declarations and Domme’s Orgasms

  1. Thank You Misstress for opening up to us about your past. It gives your more power. I am so humbled reading your post.

  2. My domme uses quite a different approach. Not only does she keep me in the dark about future developments, but recently she told me that she enjoys letting me go free for one or two days. For a very simple reason: Being in chastity again is then much harder for me and she enjoys my anguish so much more.

    1. I am guessing you have never experienced a year without once having access to play with yourself. I asked bitch-boy how enduring his last 11 months compares to when he was free for a few hours every ten days or so, and he said the experience of what he now endures is a million times worse than before. He is constantly aware that he now no longer owns that part of his body. It has been taken from him by me and lost to him, as has touching himself. He would adore to return to how it used to be. I also am more aroused more of the time from constantly being reminded I have taken his defect from him and I have many more orgasms a week instigated knowing he gets at the very best once every six weeks. (And in reality one very 6 to 17 weeks in the last 11 months.)

      1. Mistress I fantasize about this long term chastity with no expectation of release. In a tradional relationship usually the male finishes and rolls over with no regards to if the female orgasum or not. Do you ever edge milk. So as you would start to use strap on or milking wand but then tire and just quit. I’m sure if you did this once or twice it would create much angzity with him not really knowing if he’s going to cum until he actually does. Breaking the reassuring feeling that when you start to milk him you will finish the task.

        1. Under the new regimen, for the first 6 weeks after he cums he knows he will not be cumming. That is even if he has endured a full-on miserable for him DS day. Once the 6 weeks is up, only on full-on DS days, I either tell him he definitely won’t be cumming that day or sometimes I tell him he might be. On the days I tell him he might be getting to cum that day, I get to the point at the end of the day of masturbating under the sole of my shoe and he pleads to be allowed to cum. Much more often than not I end up stopping and saying no, and lock your self back up while I watch you do so and I have yet another orgasm.

      2. In one respect you are right, as my chastity is interrupted from time to time. On the other hand I have been in the cage for 90% of the past two and a half years. In the years before it had varied from 50 to 75 %.
        So I know who owns my valuables.
        Sometimes I am even glad to be locked up again, as her edging or cbt can last until the lust turns to agony. But after a few hours I am excited again – living out all the frustrations a small an tight cage brings.

      3. I experienced a kind of declaration recently

        My wife decided the method of domination she now wants to employ from now on is what she calls an inversion of the 50s housewife. The more I reflect the more I think it is clever. I have been informed from now on I am to live like a 50s housewife and will orgasm like a 50s housewife (basically never)

        As a for instance, I have to “look nice” for her when she finishes work. This doesn’t mean cross dressing etc as it isn’t her thing (at least yet) but say I’ve been doing chores in my tracksuit trousers I have to change into a smart polo and jeans, shower, gel my hair and wear aftershave so I look pleasant for her as she arrives home. The complete inversion of the 50s patriarchal system is strangely humiliating

        I also must have dinner in the oven or at least started the prep. I bring her a drink as she watches tv and I must complete more tasks as dinner cooks, such as ironing

        She exclusively controls the tv remote and again I do all the post dinner tidying and then have to ready her clothes for tomorrow

        I then have to go to bed before her and again make myself look nice in a tight pair of briefs “should the mood take her” and stay awake until she comes up

        More often than not she will then “assume her rights” and have me pleasure her, or watch her with her wand and she will then roll over and go straight to sleep. I’m not allowed to touch myself

        My wife has always hated the patriarchal model in marriage (not that we ever have been like that) but it is now being used cunningly against me

  3. Dear Mistress Scarlet,

    Thank you for your detailed and candid response to my post, which Mistress read this morning. She was impressed by your reply, and especially intends to adopt the principle of noting dates so that anniversaries can be ‘celebrated’.

    But she was far less impressed by my question to you, which she felt was potentially intrusive and disrespectful of your privacy. Mistress has instructed me to offer you a humble apology (I am very sorry for asking such a prying, intrusive question and hope you can forgive me) and has promised to punish me for my impertinence (which I must accept).

    As it happens I have not read the Addendum to your Manual, nor the Manual itself as Mistress has forbidden it to me. She has however now instructed me to buy the Addendum (paper version) so that she can read it. I am therefore confident that Mistress will be applying your latest principles and techniques to her great enjoyment and my misery.

    With regard to masturbation by Dommes, like you, Mistress similarly enjoys my tongue and a trusty Hitachi in equal measure. She especially enjoys dismissing me after ‘warming her up’ in favour of the vibrator and then berating my inability to satisfy her needs – very humiliating!

    (This post has been pre-approved by Mistress Alecto)

  4. I couldn’t agree more on permanent declarations and clitoral orgasms vs penetration!

    Like many woman, I cannot climax through penetration alone, and my early sex-life consisted of men having orgasms while I was left wanting, frustrated, and somewhat used. Now that I’m married, my husband is the one that is unable to climax from my strap-on, while he must ensure my satisfaction every time. My husband had to agree to life without penetrating a woman in order the become my slave. This keeps sex focused on serving my needs, rather than using my body to get himself off. Now if I feel like penetration, I strap a dildo to his face-harness while I use my Hitachi. It’s a delightful combination, and very frustrating for him.

    I’m curious: I keep my slave locked-up for 4 weeks at a time. Was there much difference in bitch-boy’s attitude between a month and 6 weeks? (I like the name bitch-boy BTW, I may steal it :-)

    1. Firstly I must say, you and I would get on like a house on fire! We share a great many similarities.

      Would you like your husband added to my BAV register? (Born Again Virgin). If yes, I will need his slave name, your Mistress name, he date of his last penetration and the reason you chose to make him a BAV.

      I have not been very clear over my step change, the first anniversary of which was yesterday!
      up until 366 days ago, bb used to cum every 10 days to 2 weeks unless he was undergoing some special chastity period as a punishment or for my amusement. he was also allowed out of his cage to wash and for several other activities. But 366 days ago I instituted my new regime. Only very, very rarely allowed out of the cage and it stays on for 9 out of 10 times he washes.
      In the first year, the gaps between orgasms ranged from 6 weeks to 17 weeks and he came 4 or 5 times in the last year. Last month, having reviewed the previous 11 months, I decided on a new restriction, that the minimum gap between orgasms will be 6 weeks, for the rest of his life.

      The two changes have had a HUGE effect on him, (and me). I tease him with my body for at least 5 minutes almost every day. I have orgasms almost every day including on vanilla days. He simply does not know what to do with himself when I tease him. It is a MASSIVE power rush and VERY AMUSING. So I am currently having more orgasms on a full-on DS day then he gets in 2 years, and more orgasms in a week of vanilla days than he gets in a year. Be my guest with the name, our puppets are not worthy of unique names are they.

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