Allow erections or not, that is the question

I received a comment on a topic seeking opinions and feelings of both submissives and Dommes. I think the topic is worthy of being a blog post in its own right. I certainly have my feelings on it and I can also report the feelings of bitch-boy.

The Question

I have a question that relates to the subject of penis restraint by caging. I am wondering if submissives who have experienced both 1) intense teasing (edging) with denial and 2) caging with inability to achieve erection feel more submissive/enter “subspace” more readily with one condition or the other.

I have never been caged but am in honorary chastity and am allowed no penetrative sex. I know that when I am erect from my Queen’s teasing, I feel the power of Her control over my sexual fulfillment and I crumble into helpless obedience.

I wonder if a caged submissive, unable to achieve erection, has the same intense experience. I would think that a caged sub who used to or still occasionally is allowed to become erect might have an opinion as to which condition is more subjugating or likely to produce submissive contentment. I would also wonder if a Mistress would notice or care about any difference in response. I thank you (and your readers?) for considering this question and for years of precise insight into the Symbiotic Relationship.

My feelings and opinions

The first issue on this topic for me, I have mentioned in a previous post. The terrible dilemmas for us poor Dommes! In this instance, hugely enjoying the amusement of having my bitch cock-caged and erection-free 24/7/365 for weeks or months at a time; including while washing. But poor me! Such caging means missing out for long periods on the pleasures of malevolent dickie-discipline and on physically applied tease-and-denial edging. I think now though, I have arrived at a happy medium.

For me and for bitch-boy the psychological message from such 24/7/365 cock caging is that my domination of him IS NOT A GAME, not some sort of mutually rewarding sex game. I humiliate him, and he suffers tedium sessions, and he is thrashed, and he is visually teased, but only I have orgasms and only I have sexual physical stimulation. The message is clear. What I do with and to him, is 100% for me, and he gets zero sexually from it. No domination game. REAL, cruel domination for my pleasure alone. Of course he gets to sleep the soundest sleep at night as a submissive being 100% clear; he is helplessly in the power of a pitiless cruel woman. The clarity he craves above all else.

My longest single spell of enforcing this 24/7/365 cock-caging was twelve weeks. But that was enough for me! It was time then I enjoyed a full-on DS day, that would include lots and lots of malevolent dickie-discipline and a good long session of, playing with his boy’s bits. I so enjoy these activities. So now, my happy medium is firstly, that he is caged 24/7/365 as a default position and on some full-on DS days he remains caged throughout the whole day, but on other DS days he is freed of his cage so I can indulge in a playing with his boy’s bits session, and in dickie-discipline. Two caveats to this. On the DS days when he is freed of his cage, he is only freed of his cage during playing with his boy’s bits and while dickie-discipline is ongoing. On such days, we begin with a deterrent thrashing of his butt and thighs and hips and the cage is on for this. It comes off for a playing with his boy’s bits session. It goes back on for a colouring-in with dolly tedium session. It stays on for a second thrashing. It comes off for, say a dickie-discipline Vampire gloves session, or nettles session. It goes back on. It is always on while he watches me have my final orgasm of the day which is how full-on DS days are concluded.

Secondly, while he is caged, I particularly indulge in activities that have zero sexual elements for him. My boot on his throat, leading to some retching by him, while I rock in my garden swing seat. Remotely monitored colouring-in with dolly; him facing the corner of a bedroom, me outdoors or in the sitting room. So even during a full-on DS day when he is free of his cage for particular activities, for the rest of the time, he remains locked in his cage, erection-free. I get a huge, cruel power rush, seeing his cock is caged while I thrash him or while I have my boot on his throat while I rock in my garden swing seat as I am making clear to both of us, that what I am doing is exploitatively and unfairly 100% for me and there is nothing sexual in it for him. He is a TRUE slave. THIS IS NOT A GAME! He is equally deeply effected although he gets nothing from it at the time, but later as a true submissive, he is bathed in the warm waters of what he needs more than anything else: Being in no doubt he is helplessly in the power of a pitiless cruel woman, and it is NOT A GAME.

I should add that for speed, rather than his cock-cage going on, I most often use a spiked strap locked on his flaccid cock and pulled very, very tightly. And I mean VERY, VERY TIGHTLY. That is so important. (He squeals or whimpers when it is applied which I adore!) Even the slightest attempt at erection is impossible and also very, very painful. The strap cannot be used for long periods as urinating is impossible and if it is on for more than three or four hours, it can cause punctures of the skin which I don’t like. Luckily removing it and immediately replacing it, means the tiny spikes dig into new places so it can be worn for hours without punctures.

I will also add, I sometimes apply the ruler while he is flaccid which also has no sexual element for him. I apply it hard! If he starts to get erect I stop and his cage goes back on or he is sent to a corner until his defect is soft enough for the spiked strap to go back on. Serious penis pain without even the compensation of some moments of erection! This smacking of his flaccid defect also sends a message the activity is for my sexual pleasure and not his in any way.

I will also add me having orgasms between full-on DS days while he is in his cage 24/7/365 and, during the full-on DS days in which he remains caged throughout, further makes clear our lifestyle is about MY SEXUAL pleasure and his sexual pleasure is irrelevant to me. (But not actually irrelevant, as denying him a sex life while I have so many orgasms every week, is very arousing and so vital to me.) And I will finally add that when I cuckold him, this makes it even more clear to him that I have a maximised sex-life while his is so very, very limited. OUR LIFESTYLE IS NO GAME!

Most recently I have adopted an activity during some vanilla days, (while his defect is of course locked in its cage), of Mistress’s Little Masturbation Helper. (I believe Christine M uses a similar acyvity). My description will be brief as it is still an evolving activity but the crux is that he helps me during a masturbation, multiple-orgasm session. I generally begin the session, to bring me my first serious shot of sexual arousal, by giving him 12 or 18 very hard dressage whip strokes while he is bent over holding his ankles. Next when I am sat up on my bed, he passes me a toy I ask for. He applies one toy to a part of my body while I apply a different toy to another part. When I have reached an orgasm, while my eyes are shut and I am recovering, he gently takes my toy from my hand. He waits silently while I recover and then I begin for my next orgasm. Eventually I have had enough orgasms for the session and, with my eyes still shut from the final orgasm, when I have recovered enough to speak, I tell him to fuck-off back to his chores. And he knows the first of those chores is to pick up all my masturbation toys and take them to the bathroom and clean them and put them away.

What a lonely and humbling and affecting task it must be for him, in his state of caged and enduring chastity, to be diligently cleaning my masturbation toys while thinking of the several massive orgasms he has just helped me enjoy, and knowing it might be months before he gets to have an erection, let alone an orgasm; and thinking that in due course he will probably be prohibited from ever having orgasms.

42 thoughts on “Allow erections or not, that is the question

  1. I find that allowing erections is an important part of my slave boy’s training. He has been caged and denied orgasm for over four years now. However, almost every day I will restrain him before removing his cage for at least an hour of intense edging.

    I am not aiming for a slave boy who forgets he has a cock and gives up on ever achieving an orgasm. What I want is him constantly aroused and desperate.

    The fact that I am the only person (except one other Domme) who has touched his penis in the past four years is a real mind fuck for him.

  2. As a submissive male in chastity I adore erections. I love to feel it swell, to grow to impress it is so masculine so wonderful. But alas the chastity device I am encased in does not allow for an erection even for a less endowed male like myself. But when I am near my Mistress when I rub her feet or relieve her tension with oral respect my member grows to the extent the device allows. I am always enticed but not satisfied.

  3. I have a reversal of this. I have a pump that gives me the erection. 5 to 7 pumps for a full erection. Functioning with a full on erection even with cbt ,humbler,plugs and even chastity where the cage just constantly bites is very very frustrating. My wife’s fav is the nylon toilet brush while I am plugged and caged and the agony of edging denial on and off all day for days with no release.

      1. My penis was fractured during a very intense edging while in chastity. Scar tissue formed. So I now have a penile prosthesis. It is 2 tubes that run the length of the penis internally. There is a bulb and reservoir that pump saline into the tubes giving me an erection until a valve releases the fluid. The nylon bristled brush has a wire ring with nylon bristles used for cleaning the toilets. She uses this on my erection while in chastity and it is very stimulating yet painful at the same time. Combined with a butt plug and humbler over a 2 or 3 hr period usually leaves me a shaking mess. The pressure from the chastity is enormous.

        1. There is much in your 2 comments upon which I wish to comment!
          The first is a question; as I understood a penis fracture requires a penis to be fully erect and then bent almost double while erect. How could that have happened while in a chastity device?

          Your Mistress uses a brush like this one?

          Your Mistress is amazing! I used to know a Mistress and slave and the slave had a fractured penis, fractured during vanilla se. She moved to Germany. The same Mistress and slave?

          1. Well, idk, but it did. I was about 7″ fully erect and the cage was a steel barred model with a 45° angle down at the tip. 4.5 ” from the pelvis. I never got treatment after it happened. Had a fairly severe welp on the top of the shaft. Broken blood vessels. Eventually it formed scar tissue. It was contracted up about an inch and a half from the head. It would swell but the erection would just fade after that. Tried shots after Viagra failed. So $ 13000 later ,ins didn’t cover, I have a everlasting erection. Yes similar brush.

      2. I basically beg not to have an erection. After 6 to 8 hrs the skin is just raw. We have 7 different chastity devices and the one I hate the most has the steel bars that run the length of the shaft and it exposes the most skin.

  4. I am currently 8 weeks without an orgasm, have no penetrative sex and I am in a long-term D/s relationship. Although I don’t wear a chastity device 24/7/365, I’m locked in a snug-fitting chastity cage unable to achieve an erection for many hours of the week. I must point out that this is not a fetish. I derive no sexual pleasure from my penis being caged. I didn’t choose this, rather, it was chosen for me. It is the wish of my Domme that I wear a cage. She gains much satisfaction and amusement from owning my penis. She is attractive and uses this as a weapon. I only have to think of her and I become aroused, add to this my limited orgasms and it’s a recipe for a form of constant sexual frustration.

    I find being locked in a chastity cage unable to achieve an erection deepens my submissiveness. My obedience is total and the awe I feel for my Mistress is huge. I feel very subjugated. It is an intense experience.

  5. Mistress Scarlet, thank you for yet another brilliant and illuminating post.

    I think this is such an important question. If I may, I would like to offer a couple of thoughts from the perspective of a slave.

    Personally, I find not being allowed to have an erection extremely powerful. It makes me feel much more submissive and obedient. It is completely emasculating and makes me constantly aware that I am not a man, just a worthless, sexless slave whose only purpose in life is to work for my female superiors.

    Whenever I am tempted to feel aroused (many times a day), a tight chastity cage reminds me that I am totally under the control of my owner, and that I do not deserve to have any kind of sexual life at all.

    The frustrated sexual energy builds up and has to be channeled towards deeper subservience and even harder work. It helps me to become a more useful servant and to remain one hundred percent focussed on my owner’s wishes.

    I truly believe that for a Mistress who wants her slave to achieve the deepest levels of submission and devotion, long periods of chastity with no erection are invaluable.

    Humbly,

    slave 307

  6. Mistress you are truly an amazing dominant lady. I love the line ‘its not a game’ this just emphasis your complete and total power which must feel amazing for you. Please may I ask I’ve always wondered if wearing heels makes you feel even more powerful?

    1. Lately I seem to find all questions asked require complex answers. LOL.

      When I wear heels I feel powerful because I am taller than bitch-boy, because my body looks even better making visual teasing even easier and making it even more clear I am out of his league, because he has a high-feels fetish so teasing him is even easier, BUT

      When I am in gym shoes or Ugg boot slippers and I dominate him, the fact that I have not dressed up for the occasion in any way, including no high heels, emphasises that my use and abuse of him is not a game. It is simply part of our everyday lives.

      1. Yes Mistress, your body is amazing and you look even sexier in heels. I always imagine heels make you feel more powerful ( also they can cause pain) but like you say you can feel powerful even wearing ugly slippers as you are just a natural dominant lady and you do it so fantasticly well.

          1. I do agree with Slave 307.
            Being kept in a tight cage against my will nearly permanently makes me horny and frustrated at the same time.
            Apart from regular cleaning and shaving the cage comes off only for punishment. As I am a painslut the defect erects, but that is the only edging it gets, and then it goes back into the cage.
            So I am fully aware of an erection and of her power of denial, which is again a turn-on.

  7. Oh dear I’m sorry Mistress, I can’t imagine you have anything that is ugly lol. I would kiss them and ask for your forgiveness

  8. Dear Mistress Scarlet,

    I have been following you for a couple of years, and I have not had the impulse of commenting in your blog until now.
    It has been an incredible experience to read how you have become such a ruthless and sadistic woman, and I’m sure you will get even better at being a fantastic Domme. I’m thankful for being able to read about your lifestyle.

    But I have to ask, don’t you feel a little bit sorry about how you treat your dear bitch-boy, at least every now and then? Or have you been able to banish those thoughts completely?

    And, does your slave wish he would rather go back to times when you were more lenient in his treatment? Or is this a matter you don’t really care about?

    1. I easily banish those thoughts completely and I often explain to bitch-boy why I so easily can, with a speech roughly as follows. Often during a whipping I am administering, just because I feel like it.
      ‘I can do whatever I want with you and to you, can’t I bitch. Because you are a total submissive aren’t you. And so you need to feel helplessly in the power of a pitiless cruel woman, to feel properly content don’t you. And that is how you do feel isn’t it. And so you are very, very privileged to have me dominate you as cruelly as I do. Leaving you in no doubt as to your situation. But I dominate you my way. I do what I want. You get your domination but its, no domination or my domination. You don’t get to pick and choose how. But your privilege is even greater. I am much younger than you. I am beautiful and you are not. I am totally out of your league aren’t I. I could replace you in an instant with a younger, more attractive submissive as you well know. So aren’t you lucky, like while I whip you now. So lucky to be my toy, my bitch.’

      So, yes he would rather have some things he has lost and not have some things he now endures, but the irony is by me not caring about that, I fully leave him in doubt, which he needs, ‘that he is HELPLESSLY in the power of a PITILESS, CRUEL woman.’ perfect symbiosis.

      1. Dear Mistress Scarlet,

        Thank you very much for your reply and answering my questions. As always it is nice to know you have become such a fantastically cruel Domme and have clear ideas about what you want.

        If you don’t mind me asking, is there any email direction we strangers on the Internet can use to contact you in order to ask more intimate or personal questions? Right now I would love to ask another bunch of questions, and I would not like to clog up the comment section of this post.

        Humbly.

        1. Please ask your intimate questions here. I am not particularly shy and often such questions, and my answers, warrant a blog post of their own rather than merely some comments section content.

          1. Well, I do believe I am more interested in the early stages of your relationship with poor bitch-boy. Any chance you’ll ever write about how you two met, how did your relationship start, how did you start to dominate him and discovered female domination? If all this has not been done before in posts I have not read by some chance.

            It’s not that his current mistreatment and abuse is not interesting (in fact it is extremely amusing to read you and your delightful methods of domination), but personally I’m more interested in how your lifestyle was forged.

            Thank you as always for answering my replies.

            Humbly.

  9. Thank you for this post. I have always wondered about this myself. My wife controls my orgasms but it is on the honor system. She rarely allows an orgasm(3 – 4 a year) but I do enjoy getting erections. The thought of being locked up is very exciting to me but also scares me. I am not sure if I would like not being able to experience an erection for a long period of time but being controlled like that is an exciting thought. I’ve always wondered what it would feel like. Thank you for those of you sharing your experiences and how it feels. It is helpful information.

  10. I have recently come to the conclusion that for the submissive soul, orgasms are actually counter productive. Kept in the constant state of arousal from the dominance of a female ends up being more fulfilling than the quickness the arousal fades after orgasm. I used to think I wanted to end in climax for every time I was in a submissive sub space, either by masturbation or other means with be wife. Then on occasions I would not ask (beg) for any relief and leave myself with a state a serious case of “blue balls” as some call it. There is actual pain down there and I’ve learned to accept that as the condition I’m deserving of. The pain subsides day by day and I’m able to maintain that same submissive feeling on and on. It pleases me even more that she has multiple orgasms through all my suffering either with my assistance or not. In reference to the actual question put forth, I only have experience through a sort of verbal chastity (permission from my wife) so erections are still on the table. I would love to experience the feeling of a chastity cage, but my wife isn’t willing to go that far yet. What you Mistress Scarlet have evolved into through the years is amazing. The details you laid out in this post are both arousing and terrifying at the same time. You always said be careful what you wish for and this is it in a nutshell. But if that submissive state of mind only enhances through a real chastity device as Slave307 mentioned, then I believe a real submissive would be able to endure whatever his relationship has evolved into as bitchboy has been able to handle what you have put him through to this point. Is there a breaking point? I guess we will be able to find out by reading on hopefully…….thank you so much Mistress!

  11. From my talks with David, when we chat in a more vanilla mode, he tells me the cruellest thing I have ever done is to lock him in a chastity prison that prevents any erections! He first shared this as he was begging to go back to how we used to manage his chastity; a confession like that served only to guarantee the continuation of this stricter regime!
    Previously he was locked in a device in which he could erect, albeit uncomfortably, but he was also often uncaged when I was about. In those days, I enjoyed seeing him erect and denied. With the tightening of my chastity regime and his current device, that truly prevents any erection, he has been left most distraught.
    He used to describe his extended chastity periods as ‘the most bitter sweet torture’. It was extremely frustrating for him, and left him tormented and craving release to the point of it being painfully unbearable. However, he also gained a sense of pleasure from erecting, to the extent that it mentally placated him. In a sense it was a substitute, even if a poor one, for an orgasm. He looked forward to and enjoyed erecting. He would even lie face down on the bed and gain a feeling of ‘warmth’.
    Often, when doing his chores he might also erect and it made the chores easier to cope with as he was ‘sexually charged’.
    Our new regime has therefore taken what little sexual pleasure he had left totally away, leaving him more unfulfilled than ever. His only sexual outlet now is the vicarious pleasure he gains from pleasing me orally. He is now frustrated and distraught to a degree that he is unable to describe, and complains bitterly about it; though he remains ever in awe of my cruelty and as submissive as ever.
    I of course have patiently explained that there will be no turning back of the clock. His ‘sexual desires’ are irrelevant. I don’t want him enjoying an erection when he is doing chores, I want him focused on working hard, toiling away to improve my lifestyle. He is doing a job, not playing games.
    I also delight in knowing, that when he serves me orally, he is not erect, he is denied that very smallest of pleasures, allowing him to focus solely and exclusively on meeting my needs. I have told him he should think of it is a security blanket; unlike real men, he need never be concerned about when he will get to come, he need never rush things for his ‘turn’, he need never worry if he will remain erect long enough or if he might release early. All those worries are totally gone, since he has a cast-iron guarantee that he will NOT be coming so he should stop thinking about it.
    The only real reason for him to have an erection now is to enable me to punish his defect more severely. Though I really like your idea of punishing his defect when it is flaccid, how much worse that must be. If only there really were a way to keep it flaccid, how wonderful that might be! 

  12. My Mistress and I have tried a wide variety of chastity devices over the last 20 or so years (homemade and commercial) From personal experience I can report that male sexual response has a tight feedback loop between arousal and erection ie erections feel sexy and feeling sexy leads to erection. That has two consequences for a Domme. Firstly, an erect penis can be used to create a sexual association (or fetish) of your choice – for example, I wonder how bitchboy feels about the platform shoes you use to arouse him with? This can create a very confusing situation for a sub, who finds himself aroused by something he hates! A useful tool for control.
    Secondly, preventing erection breaks the arousal feedback cycle, and as both you and Christine have identified, the less the erection the stronger the effect. I have a Lori tube which tightly constricts my shaft, but leaves the head free to expand – this limits erection partially, so is frustrating, but does allow some arousal. I have tried looser devices which prevent masturbation but allow erection, and others (Kali tooth bracelet KTB in particular) which prevent any erection at all. Complete erection denial gets ‘into your head’ in a way that partial denial does not, as sexual impulses and ideas have no outlet – that can be maddeningly frustrating. Dommes therefore have so many options to play with and enjoy!

  13. At the risk of delving too deeply into the weeds on whether to cage or not to cage, I have an admittedly pragmatic question relating to the “soundest sleep” of the 100% dominated submissive. I wonder if the cage might actually interfere with restful sleep by its physical presence, inhibition of naturally occurring involuntary nocturnal erections, and by increasing the intensity of sexual frustration all of which could cause sleep disruption which can adversely affect memory, daytime performance and health in general. I would also be curious as to whether the cage inhibits daily activities such as exercise which can also effect the health of the submissive. I think that a submissive might tend to minimize any complaints of sleep disruption when talking to his Dom so I would be most interested in anonymous responses. If you think this topic is worthy of discussion, I thank you for indulging my curiosity again.

    1. I wonder if you have considered the potential cause for offense in your comment which suggests Dommes who use 24/7/365 caging like me, would be happy to make our submissive toy unhealthy through either sleep deprivation or lack of physical fitness, and that I would be lying when reporting my toy sleeps the soundest sleep.

      Certainly bitch-boy would never dare to hide a problem from me as that is tantamount to misleading me. And I am a light sleeper and would wake if he woke in the night., as I do if he gets the flu or similar.

      Anyhows, LOL, I can report that (A) after teething troubles and bedding in for around a week, most subs I have heard of, and certainly bitch-boy, do
      indeed sleep the soundest, submissive sleep. Johnsons baby oil gel, (IT MUST BE THE GEL) IS VERY HELPFUL IN THIS REGARD TO STOP ALL CHAFING AND PINCHING. And (B) My toy is very fit and healthy as he does Pilates to a high standard and exercise-bike and weights, with no problem.

      Should submissives wish to comment anonymously, I will anonymise your comment before approving.

      1. The CB6000 is more accommodating for the gym than my stainless steel device. I am able to most exercises or slightly modify them. I have ran 1600 meters with no problem

    2. Speaking from my own experience, on the whole, I am able to get a good night’s sleep while wearing a chastity cage. I have no sleep deprivation due to wearing a cage. However, in the beginning, I did have teething problems and the quality of my sleep was poor but only for a short period of time. After a week or so I was sleeping normally. In my opinion to sleep soundly, it is important to continually wear the device over this problem period and endure the discomfort.

      Like Mistress Scarlet, I also recommend using Johnson’s baby oil gel. I use it and it definitely helps me.

  14. As a submissive to my wife (15 and a half years), I am perfectly well permitted (most of the times teased) to get an erection. However, it’s just that, it does not go any further than that.

      1. Honestly, I would see it as a challenge, and thus I would try to be up for the challenge. I think that trying to prove my obedience and submissiveness is far more enjoyable and satisfying than having ‘an erection’.

  15. As far as the sleeping in chastity issue, I’ve had problems sleeping in chastity. Not because of the device itself but because of the intense submissive sexual thoughts running through my head non-stop. Extended chastity alleviates this somewhat. I’ve never felt that it would harm my long term health.

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