I received a comment on a topic seeking opinions and feelings of both submissives and Dommes. I think the topic is worthy of being a blog post in its own right. I certainly have my feelings on it and I can also report the feelings of bitch-boy.
I have a question that relates to the subject of penis restraint by caging. I am wondering if submissives who have experienced both 1) intense teasing (edging) with denial and 2) caging with inability to achieve erection feel more submissive/enter “subspace” more readily with one condition or the other.
I have never been caged but am in honorary chastity and am allowed no penetrative sex. I know that when I am erect from my Queen’s teasing, I feel the power of Her control over my sexual fulfillment and I crumble into helpless obedience.
I wonder if a caged submissive, unable to achieve erection, has the same intense experience. I would think that a caged sub who used to or still occasionally is allowed to become erect might have an opinion as to which condition is more subjugating or likely to produce submissive contentment. I would also wonder if a Mistress would notice or care about any difference in response. I thank you (and your readers?) for considering this question and for years of precise insight into the Symbiotic Relationship.
My feelings and opinions
The first issue on this topic for me, I have mentioned in a previous post. The terrible dilemmas for us poor Dommes! In this instance, hugely enjoying the amusement of having my bitch cock-caged and erection-free 24/7/365 for weeks or months at a time; including while washing. But poor me! Such caging means missing out for long periods on the pleasures of malevolent dickie-discipline and on physically applied tease-and-denial edging. I think now though, I have arrived at a happy medium.
For me and for bitch-boy the psychological message from such 24/7/365 cock caging is that my domination of him IS NOT A GAME, not some sort of mutually rewarding sex game. I humiliate him, and he suffers tedium sessions, and he is thrashed, and he is visually teased, but only I have orgasms and only I have sexual physical stimulation. The message is clear. What I do with and to him, is 100% for me, and he gets zero sexually from it. No domination game. REAL, cruel domination for my pleasure alone. Of course he gets to sleep the soundest sleep at night as a submissive being 100% clear; he is helplessly in the power of a pitiless cruel woman. The clarity he craves above all else.
My longest single spell of enforcing this 24/7/365 cock-caging was twelve weeks. But that was enough for me! It was time then I enjoyed a full-on DS day, that would include lots and lots of malevolent dickie-discipline and a good long session of, playing with his boy’s bits. I so enjoy these activities. So now, my happy medium is firstly, that he is caged 24/7/365 as a default position and on some full-on DS days he remains caged throughout the whole day, but on other DS days he is freed of his cage so I can indulge in a playing with his boy’s bits session, and in dickie-discipline. Two caveats to this. On the DS days when he is freed of his cage, he is only freed of his cage during playing with his boy’s bits and while dickie-discipline is ongoing. On such days, we begin with a deterrent thrashing of his butt and thighs and hips and the cage is on for this. It comes off for a playing with his boy’s bits session. It goes back on for a colouring-in with dolly tedium session. It stays on for a second thrashing. It comes off for, say a dickie-discipline Vampire gloves session, or nettles session. It goes back on. It is always on while he watches me have my final orgasm of the day which is how full-on DS days are concluded.
Secondly, while he is caged, I particularly indulge in activities that have zero sexual elements for him. My boot on his throat, leading to some retching by him, while I rock in my garden swing seat. Remotely monitored colouring-in with dolly; him facing the corner of a bedroom, me outdoors or in the sitting room. So even during a full-on DS day when he is free of his cage for particular activities, for the rest of the time, he remains locked in his cage, erection-free. I get a huge, cruel power rush, seeing his cock is caged while I thrash him or while I have my boot on his throat while I rock in my garden swing seat as I am making clear to both of us, that what I am doing is exploitatively and unfairly 100% for me and there is nothing sexual in it for him. He is a TRUE slave. THIS IS NOT A GAME! He is equally deeply effected although he gets nothing from it at the time, but later as a true submissive, he is bathed in the warm waters of what he needs more than anything else: Being in no doubt he is helplessly in the power of a pitiless cruel woman, and it is NOT A GAME.
I should add that for speed, rather than his cock-cage going on, I most often use a spiked strap locked on his flaccid cock and pulled very, very tightly. And I mean VERY, VERY TIGHTLY. That is so important. (He squeals or whimpers when it is applied which I adore!) Even the slightest attempt at erection is impossible and also very, very painful. The strap cannot be used for long periods as urinating is impossible and if it is on for more than three or four hours, it can cause punctures of the skin which I don’t like. Luckily removing it and immediately replacing it, just he width of a cocktail stick further up or down, means the tiny spikes dig into new places so it can be worn for hours without punctures.
I will also add, I sometimes apply the ruler while he is flaccid which also has no sexual element for him. I apply it hard! If he starts to get erect I stop and his cage goes back on or he is sent to a corner until his defect is soft enough for the spiked strap to go back on. Serious penis pain without even the compensation of some moments of erection! This smacking of his flaccid defect also sends a message the activity is for my sexual pleasure and not his in any way.
I will also add me having orgasms between full-on DS days while he is in his cage 24/7/365 and, during the full-on DS days in which he remains caged throughout, further makes clear our lifestyle is about MY SEXUAL pleasure and his sexual pleasure is irrelevant to me. (But not actually irrelevant, as denying him a sex life while I have so many orgasms every week, is very arousing and so vital to me.) And I will finally add that when I cuckold him, this makes it even more clear to him that I have a maximised sex-life while his is so very, very limited. OUR LIFESTYLE IS NO GAME!
Most recently I have adopted an activity during some vanilla days, (while his defect is of course locked in its cage), of Mistress’s Little Masturbation Helper. (I believe Christine M uses a similar acyvity). My description will be brief as it is still an evolving activity but the crux is that he helps me during a masturbation, multiple-orgasm session. I generally begin the session, to bring me my first serious shot of sexual arousal, by giving him 12 or 18 very hard dressage whip strokes while he is bent over holding his ankles. Next when I am sat up on my bed, he passes me a toy I ask for. He applies one toy to a part of my body while I apply a different toy to another part. When I have reached an orgasm, while my eyes are shut and I am recovering, he gently takes my toy from my hand. He waits silently while I recover and then I begin for my next orgasm. Eventually I have had enough orgasms for the session and, with my eyes still shut from the final orgasm, when I have recovered enough to speak, I tell him to fuck-off back to his chores. And he knows the first of those chores is to pick up all my masturbation toys and take them to the bathroom and clean them and put them away.
What a lonely and humbling and affecting task it must be for him, in his state of caged and enduring chastity, to be diligently cleaning my masturbation toys while thinking of the several massive orgasms he has just helped me enjoy, and knowing it might be months before he gets to have an erection, let alone an orgasm; and thinking that in due course he will probably be prohibited from ever having orgasms.