I hope I am not boring everyone with occasional updates on bitch-boy’s current regimen which is a very large step-change from how it used to be just over a year ago.
bitch-boy’s pervious denial period was 18 weeks, (over 4 months) and his current one is 10 weeks and counting. (over 3 months). In May, I introduced a new rule that he would never have an orgasm within 6 weeks of the last. That is the most generous orgasm frequency. I have made clear that if the default 6 weeks was to change, that would be increased. It will never be decreased.
As I have written above, despite the 6 week minimum he has gone 18 weeks and now 10 weeks and counting, up to this point; and yesterday we had a full-on DS day when I informed him at the outset, he would definitely not be cumming, but he might be cumming today which is to be another full-on DS day. He pleaded to me to please guarantee it, please not just a maybe; he couldn’t take being so frustrated. He was close to tears. I informed him I could not guarantee it because I may not be in a generous mood. This turn of phrase brought him to a new low of mood and after some thinking time, in a very respectful voice, which he endorsed by dropping to his knees, he said, he did not think I understood what was happening. That he used to cum every 10 days to 2 weeks, barring special denial periods, and in the summer I had moved the minimum denial period to a 6 weeks; but that had so far ended up as 18 weeks and now 10 weeks at least. He continued, saying, carrying on like this would actually mean he would only be getting to cum, a few times a year.
It is funny how putting things different ways can cause erroneous assumptions and miscommunication. The colour seemed to drain from his face when I, in all honesty, explained that was how I had seen the situation and that, ‘Yes. A few times a year. That is how it is now. You get to cum a few times a year, at the most. The only way that changes is that gets reduced yet further, eventually to never.’ He silently shook his head from side to side and stared at the floor. His breathing became slow and loud through his nostrils. The silly creature thought he would be getting to cum pretty much every 6 weeks, so 8 times a year. I’m sure we both interpret the words, ‘a few’ to mean 3 or 4.
His silence continued for a while longer. He was being careful. He was obviously thinking to say more might mean, there and then, there would be a change; and the frequency would get reduced yet further with immediate effect! Still looking down at the floor, he whispered, ‘A few times a year is a third of the orgasms you have in any average week.’ I was getting rather aroused; enjoying a huge power-rush and a hot feeling of decadent sadism. I removed my top and so stood topless before him in only thin, skin tight leggings and my Ugg boot slippers.
‘Look at me.’ As he looked up I began to alternately caress my breasts and stroke my labia over my leggings, as I continued. ‘I can see there was a miscommunication wasn’t there puppet. I can see how utterly devastated you are. So this is an important time for me to make clear that I feel zero sympathy for you, even right at this moment. ZERO. I just feel like a total bitch and I love feeling like that. It turns me on. I don’t feel sympathy. I don’t feel guilt; I just feel powerful and bitchy and aroused. I admit I did change in the summer. I am truly, truly, very cruel now. You really do have to get your head around that.‘ He winced as though in intense pain as he watched my hands on my beautiful body. His sexual frustration seeming to be more than he could bear, weighing heavily on his now accurate understanding of his likely orgasm count per year, at best. He began to sob.
‘You introduced me to femdom all those years ago. You made clear to me you needed domination to be contented. Well now you have it. You can’t expect me to do what you want instead of what I want because then you would be in control, and neither of us want that, do we? So no compromise from me maggot. I DO WHAT I WANT!’ I turned and started walking away as I continued. ‘I am going upstairs for an orgasm or two.’
Fuck, I felt exhilarated and aroused! He was devastated, but he would sleep a very contented sleep when his head hit the pillow, being absolutely clear he was helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel woman.
Mistress Scarlet's Blog 
Never bored by Your updates Mistress Scarlet. Always excited by hearing what could happen to me 👙Susan
Sent from my iPhone
Good morning dear Ms Scarlet,
As time goes along and bb’s existance becomes more and more just being for your pleasure, have you ever thought of having him locked up in a cell, a box or a cage when he’s not of any use ?
Greetings Alex
How would he do his chores?
How would I enjoy my vanilla time with him?
Besides vanillatime and when bb is in use i mean specificly the remaining time such as at night and whenever you feel like it…
I hope i cleared it up
Well, at night having him in his chastity cage like when he is awake. And his warm body to cuddle into to, means that is only two thirds vanilla so I want him in bed with me at night.
I used to put him in a foldaway dog cage many years ago, but the things I do with him now when ‘…. I feel like it..’ are frankly things he hates a lot more then being cages so they give me more pleasure.
Ms Scarlet – i for one think you are being most generous in the number of orgasms you permit bitch-boy. i have had one this year (which was an accident) and Owner shows no inclination to grant me any permitted ones.
p
x
I understand your point completely. However I am milking this stage for all its worth before moving on.
how incredibly fortunate bb is to have such a loving Woman to nurture him slowly to his eventual self actualization. i hope bb thanks you every day. i know so many people in “sexless marriages” after many years with zero intimacy. i am sure that bb struggles not getting to act on primal urges, BUT replacing male centered hetero-normative ideas of “sex” with the intimacy You share is so very hot. he gets to be so much more than the typical wanker.
I agree with all you say and my puppet is in awe of me and worships me in mind or spirit, or both, every single day.
I remember how I felt when on December 31, 2017, my wife/mistress told me that she was going to rub me thru my panties and allow to mess them, but it would be my last orgasm for a full year. I was stunned. Up to then she had allowed me to cum about 3 times a year by her hand (I am a member of the BAV register) and the thought that I would now have to wait a full year really depressed me. My wife said she wanted to see how I would react to teasing and denial for a very long period. She then asked me, “don’t you want to join the one year club, it would make me happy.” Of course I may never disagree with her, so I told her yes I do want to join. She said she was glad I agreed and to think about how great my next orgasm will feel in 12 months.
The next four months were very difficult since I knew I was only at the beginning. My wife teased me often, edging me and causing me beg to be allowed to cum. So much so that she said from now on I am never allowed to ask or beg to cum. If I do she would add another 6 months onto my wait time. Her rule still applies today. She says she decides and nothing will ever change her mind
The middle four months actually got a bit easier. I suppose I knew I was half way there, depending on the month. The edging continued, as she loves doing that, and still does it so well today. She said she was glad not hearing me whining about not cumming anymore Of course I would not ask, as she would add another 6 months.
Wearing silky panties 24/7 in pinks and pastels added to my arousal each day. She would sometimes unzip my pants and reach in to give me a rub, stopping just in time before I would cum. I had to ask her to lock me in my CB 6000 chastity device many times as the feeling of cumming on its own gets more intense and the chastity device actually keeps me calmer.
She doesn’t like the device as she feels it is an artificial method of control. If my wife says I may not cum, she feels her telling me is all I need as I may not disobey her. She says often that if I were not wearing the locked device, would I cum behind her back and disobey her? No, I say, it just acts as security so I cannot get an erection from being too aroused. Although a male does not need an erection to cum, it does help me in times of extreme arousal.
The last four months were very difficult again as the built up arousal over the last eight months really hit hard. I was leaking all the time, so my wife bought me panty shields to wear in my panties. And the teasing continued. I had to give her body rubs while she was completely nude, spending a lot of time eating her pussy, rubbing her tits and using her vibrators. She still always tells me, “ a wife should never be horny, that’s only for husbands”.
January 1, 2018 arrived and that morning she asked if I wanted to cum. I said yes please yes, and she rubbed my cock thru my panties and I exploded in less than one minute. Strange though, it did not feel super wonderful, just ok. Maybe because of the build up of cum. I did ask my urologist that year about the effects of staying without orgasm for a year, and she said it has no long time effect. She said the body will leak semen, absorb it back into the body and create a nocturnal emission when it builds up too much. I never had a nocturnal emission during that year. She thought it odd that my wife would do that to me, that we were missing out on couples pleasure as she put it, but I told her we have a wife led marriage and it was something my wife wanted. She then added that whatever makes couples happy is fine. Kind of standard answer.
Since then I was allowed to cum about every 4 months, losing the chance if I had to receive any punishments from my wife. She said last year that 3 times a year is too often, that it will now be 2 times a year, maybe every 6 months if my behavior, housework, ironing and cooking are to her high satisfaction. She allowed me to cum in my panties in June and I am hoping to be allowed another cum in December. Of course I am very careful about my housework and my attitude as she will add 6 months very easily. She still gets her orgasms about twice a week, she will have 10 to 15 large and small orgasms each time. Lucky her!!!
Thank you for your interesting account. Your wife is wonderfully dominant.
Thank you for that crystal clear imagery Mistress Scarlet of you displaying yourself in one of your cruelest forms to bb. Lucky indeed he is to have your cutting words sink in as you are having a moment with him. This is the most underrated thing of femdom I believe. An intelligent female as yourself can shred a submissive male more with your mouth than with a whip at times. It’s powerful even reading it through the screen. For me words spoken, when as detailed as you just did, can do it alone without the physical. I love the part you going upstairs for an orgasm or two and him left there on his knees thinking of the 3 orgasms he’s going to have the whole year. Wow
I very much enjoyed your descriptive narrative Scarlet. It is so very amusing how they sulk and spit the dummy when they are restricted from getting their ‘jollies’!
David has always acted similarly. When we started together, he would generally get to orgasm once or twice a month and whined that that was impossible to cope with. Mind you, he was in his twenties then. At each tightening of the screw since, starting with not being allowed penetration, then dropping down to monthly releases, then six-weekly, then no hand jobs even, then quarterly; he has consistently complained and cried about how he can’t cope. In fairness he did stop sulking, once we discovered Linnex 😇.
Now he is down to two times a year, though, due to his Covid inspired 12-month lockdown, he has actually only had one release in over 20-months. That was in March of this year. He is still hoping for his second possible release for the year, sometime between now and the end of February.
They always say they can’t cope, yet they always seem to manage! It is amusing to watch David writhe around, contorting his body, and sobbing inconsolably; when his desires just get far too great. I do try to console him at these times, patiently explaining that there is absolutely no biological need for him to orgasm and therefore I can’t see why he is making such a fuss. Explaining that he should be grateful he gets to spend so much time pleasing me, instead of being so self-centred. Afterall, nature ensures he gets a night time leakage when his pipes need a clean out.
I can’t help but have him use his tongue on me when I see this utter frustration, warning him he had better get his priorities right, ignore his selfish crazes, and focus totally on ensuring my orgasms.
Like you, I have zero pity for his plight. He never seems to realise that by showing his torment it only encourages me to be more cruel!
Wonderful Christine.
After a busy period I find myself coming back to read Your posts again, and how i’ve missed them.
They way You write and the content is so so good. Thank you for sharing.
oh to be a bitch-boy
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, butch-boy is very lucky to suffer for my pleasure.
Oh Mistress, just when you think that it can’t get any better this is the best blog entry I’ve read. I love how you talk about your total power and cruelty and how it makes you feel so aroused, I imagine you feel like a volcano about to erupt when bitch boy is at your feet pleading with you, I love how you seem to get more aroused the more cruel you are. Any man should and is so lucky to have you in their life to kneel before and kiss your feet. You are so amazing.
You may find the penultimate paragraph of this post interesting on this topic.
Definitely Mistress, its good that you should revel in the power and arousal you get. I love how you know how extremely sexy you are and must know that men are in awe of your beauty and subs like me would literally kiss the ground that you walk upon.
Nice post dear Scarlet and I’m sure that every one of your readers is looking forward to these updates.
As you know, my slave experienced an orgasm in June after 18 long months of total celibacy and no other release. I’m not to blame for this but the pandemic!
While reading the post unconsciously my fingers were stroking my pussy lips and rubbing my clit and without realizing it I had my first orgasm haha.
Then I had a drink to relax and called the slave and asked him how many days had passed since his orgasm. I love to see the look of desperation and hope on his face when I ask him this question which he always answers in detail. Tonight for example his answer was “104 days, 21 hours and 17 minutes”.
The first thing I did was to sarcastically congratulate him on the exceptional quality of his memory and his incredible maths ability haha.
The slave silently bowed his head further, almost touching the floor.
I’m sure he hopes to have another orgasm by the end of the year. Personally, I don’t see that happening but I don’t want to disappoint him yet and I’m keeping his hope alive.
Then I told him to start a passionate round of cunnilingus while I started writing my response to your post. I thought it appropriate to talk about slave orgasm deprivation while I was on course to have another orgasm for myself. This contrast of status and pleasure makes me more aroused and I enjoy my orgasm more.
At the same time, I congratulated him on his ability to endure the long days of deprivation while I, poor me, have no such stamina and it had already been almost a full hour since my last orgasm and my body desperately needed another orgasm!
I love this teasing as each time the slave reacts positively and his tongue really works and swirls quickly and gently on my pussy lips and clit.
After I reached my second orgasm the slave, as he should, – and he knows very well not to forget and let me down – thanked me humbly and respectfully.
“What are you thanking me for, worm?”
“Because your orgasm is worth more and is more important than mine and provides me with all the pleasure I need, Mistress.”
“Very well boy, you are welcome, now return to your duties and I will need your tongue again before I go to sleep”
What a pleasant life for both of us! How good and wonderful I am to him!
Thank you Anne. A wonderful comment.
It is so good to see you mention the arousal and orgasms us Dommes get from our cruel ways. It is not mentioned enough on the internet.
I love that worm has to say, ‘Because your orgasm is worth more and is more important than mine and provides me with all the pleasure I need, Mistress.” A prefect unfair cruelty that he needs to be moved to really feeling!
have you ever threatened for BB to experience a ‘dry year’ as a consequence of his actions or behaviours Ms Scarlet?
No, but related to that, he is currently in a constant state of true fear over how far away each next orgasm might be, and also if he will be moved to never ever being allowed to orgasm. These combined 24/7/365 fears he endures perfectly meet my current needs on this issue.
It seems I am a minority with my view. At least for me after an orgasm I am completely different and have absolutely no desire in being submissive. It has to be added that this orgasm shall not be ruined as this does not change my submissive attitude that much. But also unruined orgasms can be made unpleasant of this is desired. However, I had the experience that when I am tortured/spanked etc after a “real” orgasm it feels way more real/unpleasant. For sure, it also hurts a lot if I am horny, but I can take it better and also have more of my submissive attitude.
But I very well remember the first time I was secured in bondage and my mistress started the session with an orgasm for me. Until then I could not even think about this possibility. Either no orgasm or one at the end, but not as a starter. As a starter it is the hell. Being tortured horny is bad and you want to stop it at a certain point, but some moments in between could bring at least some pleasure. But being tortured in a state after an orgasm is hell (at least for me), because I realise my stupid behaviour in being submissive, letting someone secure and torture me. If I could I would immediately stop such a situation. The feelings of reluctance, helplessness, anger, frustration, pain and aversion are substantially more intensive. However, after the dust settles these feelings leave a deeper and longer impression and more awe and fear than without an orgasm.
In turn, I also had long times without an orgasm and can say that I get used to it. However, my mistress also teases me and this gives me some pleasure/good feelings, even without an orgasm.
So if I (as a slave) had in mind that the mistress wants intense feelings that bond us, but are not pleasurable for me, I would order them as following (if not mentioned unpleasant activities are not associated with an orgasm):
1. Full orgasm, but given in an unpleasant way as starter of an unpleasant activity as kind of amplifier of bad feelings
2. Full orgasm, given in a pleasent to way as starter of an unpleasant activity as kind of amplifier of bad feelings
3. No orgasm and no teasing
4. No orgasm, but teasing
5. Ruined orgasm
6. Full orgasm, but given in an unpleasant way
7. Full orgasm, given in a pleasent to way
Thank you for your fascinating response.
I am confused though that you think your view is a minority view.
There is an issue very relevant to your comment, of how frequently you get to orgasm; which you have not included in your analysis. THIS POST contains the issue I am thinking of.
I think it is a minority view because some seem to find it especially cruel to not have an orgasm at all (it is cruel for sure), but I think it is more cruel to let one have an orgasm and use the “down phase” against the slave.
For myself I get an ruined orgasm approx. 10 times in a year. A full orgasm perhaps once or twice a year. And yes, I approve your linked findings. The feeling of relieve is quite low and short. Nearly none, but slightly above none, if ruined and a little bit better and longer for a full orgasm.
However, I am not speaking about this relieve, but more about the feeling of “not wanting” to be tortured right after a full orgasm. For sure, with appropriate intensity this is also bad without this feeling. But it is worse with this feeling, even for torture which is ok and even erotic in a way without an orgasm. For me, an orgasm before takes away every last erotic connection. Being not able to get erect during a punishment is way more “pleasant”, even if it is also not erotic, but nevertheless I am more in a kind of submissive subspace.
It is quite similar to completely changed my thinking. After an orgasm I would never willingly let someone fixate and torture me. With the curtain of horniness I know it can become bad, but I am more willing to comply. However, at least for me, after a full orgasm this curtain falls and I want not to be annoyed and regret all my decisions leading to this situation. This absolutely changes my mood and exploiting this and ignoring this mood is so cruel that it is more intense than anything else I experienced.
Thus, I only wanted to say (for me) not having an orgasm ever again would remove this possibility of increasing my suffering to this level. And I cannot think of a replacement for this, because there is no such drastic drop of dopamin levels in such a short time.
But this is just my own opinion and experience. It seems that others find it more miserable not being able to orgasm ever again.
Ahhhhh, I get it now. I agree with you.
You may be interested in an old post of mine on this exact topic.
Yes, this is exactly what I mean. I did not know this post. But yes, an unerotic but full orgasm which removes all submissiveness and then continuing with the treatment without mercy is extremely cruel. Because as said it feels if you really do not want this and you ask yourself how you finally landed in this nightmare. You feel like a completely different person and think only idiots would allow this. But then it is too late and you cannot do anything about this, which makes you kind of feeling angry about the other person and very sorry for you. Because with an orgasm you do not even have left your fetish for dominant women. However, later, if the submission builds up again, these memories are more intense than the other things you really do not like, but could at least “enjoy” with your submissive attitude.
And as said before it happened to me the first time I could not even imagine of such a possibility. I also only know two accounts writing about this. One is your linked post and the other I cannot find again, but I know I read about it once elsewhere. So it does not seem to be a common practice. For play relationships it can easily be imagined why. The safeword would be used very soon…
Like most long-term relationship Dommes I do not allow a safe-word. A safe-word simply puts the submissive in control as far as I am concerned, and submissives ideally do not want to be in control in any way.
I can see that like many activities, the sub truly hates it at the time, but when it is all over, he is in awe of how cruel his Mistress can be in enforcing her will on the sub. It is almost the ultimate way of proving to the submissive, the relationship truly is not a game and he truly is helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant woman. I think what I have written in bold is the essence of what true submissives need to be wholly content in their life.
Thank you for your comments on this topic. If you find any further example accounts on the net, please send me a link.
What a great subject you put in your blog this week Ms Scarlet. I enjoy reading the responses and seeing how other slaves are treated and how their lives are. A few times a year…orgasm denial…..is a subject that every slave and mistress can relate to. No matter how mild or strong a couples slave /mistress life is, it is always about orgasm denial. My wife has often said, the most dominating thing a women can do to a man is denying him an orgasm. It is a basic need for men. When your wife/mistress tells you when, how , where and IF you may have an orgasm, that is female domination. Sure, punishments a wife gives to her husband like whipping, corner time and hours and hours of housework to name a few, is female domination. But from what I read in some blogs, even in a very mild WLM, their is always orgasm denial. A wife may say to her husband how displeased she is, so no sex for a week. Or those, like my wife will say, no orgasm by her hand for 6 months.
And then looking at your BAV register, many dominant wives say no more entering her pussy, forever. A very dominant thing for a wife to do. Like my wife. Again, a basic need for a man. We pop out of a vagina and spend the rest of our lives trying to get back in to it.
Chastity devices are selling very well, each year more sold than the previous year, if you can believe the sites. Orgasm denial, very easy for the woman to do. If she tells her husband no cumming for 2 months, maybe she does not trust him and feels he will orgasm in private without her permission. Lock a chastity device on and finished, If she does nothing else to punish him, he will be begging and pleading (if allowed, I am not) to be released and allowed to cum.
So thanks to you for your wonderful blog. I know it takes time to put it together. And thanks to all those who contribute with comments, so we can all see how other slaves and mistresses live in this lifestyle.
Dear Mistress Scarlet:
Fantastic post as always!
I assume your plan in the future is to ensure that your dear bitch-boy does not get even 1 orgasm a year? Zero erections and permanent chastity, or as permanent as it can be possibly achieved?
The probability of moving to no orgasms ever has been expressed. How soon or how far away has not been expressed and bitch-boy is 100% clear I am easily capable of making the decision at any time. So it is a yoke weighing heavily and constantly from his soul.
Zero erections is very unlikely because in a state of zero orgasms ever, (A) The cruelty of engaging in prolonged physical teasing sessions will be too much for me to resist and (B) if his defect is being allowed to get hard, dickie-discipline will always have to follow a prolonged physical teasing session, so I get my sadistic needs met and bitch-boy absolutely will not look forward to occasions of being free and erect.
Good morning, Ms. Scarlet. I missed our brief back and forth dialogue. I’m eager to improve, and now will listen instead of speak. Sorry before for being stubborn. I’m still a young boy being 27, and there is so much to correct. Please help me, I need your guidance, I need to be put in my place as a boy in a female dominated world.
I cannot help further without you COMMUNICATING what you have done about:
## there should be only basic levels of worship 24/7/365, leaving enough higher worship levels free to ramp the worship up in response to an act of dominance on her part.
## which if any sections of my alternative blog you have persuaded her to read. (You could cut and paste from the page I directed you to and from the home page to produce an edit you think would work best)
And what the results of these have been.
Yes ma’am I understand. Thank you for the response. I will attempt to get her to read it this week.
I’m a bit bummed, last night she insisted that I cum. I didn’t want to, yesterday I was a dream house-husband. I took her car to get cleaned, got groceries, cooked lunch, washed the dishes, rubbed her feet. I thought cumming would make me less submissive the next day. I couldn’t tell her not to get me off, it’s her right, I’m her property. I did wake up today at 6am to start working on my chores. Should I mention not cumming or take what is given?
I have zero motivation to help you. I asked what you hade on two issues. You only answered the 2nd, yet the first was 100% relevant to what you now ask me.
Okay I’m not sure I understand your first question. What are basic levels of worship? I’m editing like you instructed your alternative blog post into my words but obviously keeping your ideologies and message. Sorry for being stupid, what other question haven’t I answered so I can. I want to help motivate you to help me. Please, I want to be worthy of your guidance.
(A) On the 22nd I wrote:
‘…. Particularly the key issue of remembering that your worship levels must significantly go up in response to an act of dominance on her part. That if she gets a huge amount of worship for doing nothing dominant at all, that is a mixed message for her. So there should be only basic levels of worship 24/7/365, leaving enough higher worship levels free to be able to ramp the worship up in response to an act of affecting dominance on her part.‘
It sounds like you have completely ignored that critical advice. As I don’t know whether you have or haven’t, I can’t answer your most recent question.
(B) You do not need and should not rewrite my words. They were consulted with and edited by a large number people to be appropriate in your situation. All you need to so is cut out any specific things that might put her off.
So far you simply have shown you are unable to take your time reading instructions, unable to listen to a dominant woman and to follow her simple instructions, and you fail to ask if you do not understand an instruction. And you give the impression, despite being an absolute novice, you know best.
I’m sorry that I’ve been difficult. These are the characteristics that I’m trying to change. I really do want to be a better sub and boy. I want to be like your bitch-boy. That is my dream.
A) In response to the basic levels of worship. So what would you consider basic? What about house chores and running errands? I think perhaps I’m doing too much with little returned.
B) Ms. Scarlet I will NOT rewrite your words. Saying such a thing was foolish. You are extremely knowledgeable and experienced in this field. Your words aren’t just letters and words, they are works of art.
The point is if your worship levels are so high when she is not dominant that you can’t ramp them up when she is, you will be sending a confusing message.
Worship levels when she is not dominant need to leave enough room so you can ramp them up when she is.
Thank you for your time Ms. Scarlet. I’ve been become the “housewife” cleaning, cooking, and getting groceries. Last night was the first night in my life I’ve had sex and not came at the end. It was tough, but my wife was amazed. At first she felt bad and offered to get me off. I politely declined. Later that evening she told me to go get dinner for us, I immediately got dressed and left. She wanted a massage, and I gave her one on the spot. She laughed and said “wow you’re never getting off if you always act like this.” Ms. Scarlet I think we are making some PROGRESS!!! Or perhaps we’re not, I will that assessment to you, since you are the more experienced.
Ps. If the photo of the woman wearing heels on your book cover is you, Madam you have by far the most beautiful feet I’ve ever seen. Bitch boy is a lucky fellow.
Its a shame you ignored this point when I responded to you on the 22nd. As you can see, to avoid sending her mixed messages, your worship should only be at max when she has made you feel submissive. Possibly for the first time, she has made that connection now.
You need her to understand the essence of male submissiveness, (possibly by having her read the excerpts from my alternative blog that you are happy for her to see). Once she does this, or by some other means, she understands and accepts you need to feel controlled by a ‘pitiless’ dominant woman in order to be content, then, you will be able to respond when she does things like, offering to get you off, by saying that such offers hinder you feeling submssive to her, which is what you need.
I am the woman on all of my book covers. To which book do you make reference?
So after this incredible exchange, were you feeling generous the next day, and did he get an orgasm?
Thanks, as always, for sharing such fine details about your life!
No he didn’t, although I did; lots of times.
He has not cum yet I’m afraid.
Hello Mistress Scarlet,
I wonder if you could comment on this. I’ve written to you several times in the past on a problem my wife and I have starting an FLR. Couldn’t overcome the problem (being mean) and we put the FLR on hold for over 4 months. Last week we had a good talk about everything and I brought up that I thought part of our problem was that she view my submissiveness as a fetish, as she would high heel shoes and leather. Her reply was “Yes, I do think it’s a fetish”. I replied that being submissive is a part of who I am. I used your “being submissive is like being gay, it’s who you are, probably since puberty maybe even born that way”. Her reply was “You’re splitting hairs”. Recently a comment from Eric on the post “A Few Times A Year” he said “Because with an orgasm you do not even have left your fetish for dominant women.”. I don’t see submissiveness as a fetish. I can take or leave a fetish. My submissive feelings are always there. So how would you explain to my wife that being submissive isn’t a fetish? Thank you.
You could tell her to go to a gay man and tell him his being gay is just a fetish of his and not part of who he is.
If she is into properly into science, you could show her my post about all the cat parasite and the amount of scientific/medical research that has been done on it. But only if she truly understands medical science with an open mind.
You could point out that all submissive males, like you, feel submissive to women long before puberty. Long before sexual fetishes develop.
You may need some of the following that comes from my publication Addendum No. 1.
Why ARE submissives submissive?
First, the terrible history of misunderstanding!
The history of the identification and analysis of sexual submissiveness has been a misleading abomination through its brief history; beginning with the erroneous message taken from the book, Venus in Furs by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, published in 1870. It is from this book the world was unfortunately gifted the word masochist. The commonly accepted definition began as: The derivation of sexual gratification from being subjected to physical pain or humiliation by oneself or another person.
How very, very wrong and misleading and how unhelpful that, Severin, the submissive hero of the book, Venus in Furs, was first defined as a masochist, who, derived sexual gratification from being subjected to physical pain or humiliation by himself or another person. So unhelpful as we are now pretty clear that a submissive can be defined as: a person who cannot be truly content without feeling helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant. The two definitions are soooo different!
We know now that, submissiveness is more than sexual gratification, and that, it need not involve pain at all, although it often does. But when it does, that pain is not of itself arousing for the submissive, but that pain is important as it is proof to the submissive that they are; helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant. Masochists, getting sexual gratification from pain without being dominated do exist, but they are quite rare and usually get nothing from being submissive to another. So the whole world got off very much on the wrong foot!
Given almost all true submissives have EXACTLY THE SAME SEXUALITY RELATED ATTRIBUTES, it follows that the cause of their submissiveness must be the same for them all. However, inept psychoanalysts and psychiatrists, at around the time they were also promoting lobotomies, came up with various reasons why someone might be, or become, an adult submissive. This it seems was based solely on evaluating men who visited dominatrices. The result was a string of spurious, flawed corelations even a trainee scientist would recognise.
I next list the most common, resultant, incorrect reasons for submissiveness that were disseminated; and why they were incorrect.
## Rich, powerful men with stressful high-pressure jobs that needed to feel they were not in charge for a while. Incorrect firstly because submissiveness begins before adolescence and long before employment, secondly, there were submissives who were poor people and who were unemployed people, thirdly there were plenty of men with stressful high-pressure jobs who were not at all submissive.
## That submissives were only men. Incorrect; my experience with females who are true submissives is that they share identical attributes to male true submissives.
## Submissives were brought up in a very strict household. Incorrect because many submissives were brought up in loving, caring households and there are lots pf people who are not submissive who were brought up in a very strict household.
## (male) submissives had a doting, overbearing mother. Incorrect because many submissives were brought up in a strict household and there are many people who are not submissive who had doting, overbearing mothers.
## Submissives were brought up by a mother who often dressed them in the clothes of their sisters. Incorrect because most submissives were not brought up by a mother who often dressed them in the clothes of their sisters and there are a good number of people who are not submissive who were brought up by a mother who often dressed them in the clothes of their sisters.
All of these spurious corelations spouted by incompetent psychologists and psychiatrists led to the unhelpful situation of submissives themselves. not understanding the essence of what they needed to be content at the deepest level. And obviously also led to submissives believing incorrect reasons for their submissiveness. So submissives understandably, played their part in a failure to define themselves and their needs, and to communicate accurately on these topics with spouses and girlfriends.
The most accurate definition
After many years in the lifestyle, I myself came up with the definition of a submissive that I use:
A person who cannot be truly content without feeling helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant.
So, before moving on, I will provide a tiny sample of the hundreds of comments I have received when using this definition.
……………….. your core reading of the needs of submission, boiling things down to the fact that some kinds of men just sleep better at night having been forced by a dominant woman to do things that they do not want to do, and that they do not rest easy in their soul unless this happens, is one of the most insightful and succinct summations I’ve come across……………..
……………………….. Your full and complete understanding of the submissive psyche makes You uniquely qualified to write such a manual, Ma’am! As a submissive, I absolutely adore You for Your understanding of, and Your ability to describe in words the true nature of the submissive…how he/she can only be contented when his/her submissive nature is fully exploited…
…I’ve been a long time reader of your blog and just wanted to express my thanks for taking the time and energy to share your lifestyle with the world. I assure you it’s made a difference in helping me examine my own submission, and I’m sure countless others on both sides of the whip as well…
………Your blog and writings not only inspire the community and guide the community to find their own ways to express their own needs of love but also it takes away the loneliness in being, or feeling, like a minority frowned upon or misunderstood……………
… Such a key and insightful diagnosis of the major fall-down point for beginning F/m-D/s relationships…
So what makes submissives submissive?
Before moving on let us dispose of damaging theories of the past;
## Submissiveness is nothing to do with what happens in adulthood. It begins around or before adolescence although sometimes, it is not until a submissive is an adult that they look back and decode their early years’ fantasies and their preferences during childhood games, for instance, to always be; ‘the kidnap victim’ to be; ‘the one that gets tied up’, to be ‘the patient of the authoritarian nurse’, etc.
## Submissiveness is nothing to do with how one is brought up. Submissives come from every possible style of upbringing; Strict, relaxed, hard-hearted, cross-dressing, loving, rich, poor.
## Often glossed over, we know and must accept submissives are DEEPLY AND PROFOUNDLY IRRATIONAL. It is so easy for us in the DS world to forget this. Think about an objective evaluation of a person that cannot be content unless they are; helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant; AND who craves verification that they are, helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant, by being ‘used and abused’ in various ways, many of which they truly dislike at the time of each use and abuse.
## We also know the overwhelming majority of submissives do not want to change. Despite the tribulations they must endure to be content, they do not want to stop being a submissive. They embrace their irrationality and indeed seek out and welcome the ‘use and abuse’ that comes with it. They adore the range of uncomplicated, (to them), extreme passions and emotions they experience.
## We know that when old age hits and libido fades to almost nothing, submissives continue to be submissive and to need what they need, and crave what they crave. A sexual ingredient is not an essential part of what they crave. It is much more than about just sex!
I hope you are not too disappointed by what comes next. Let me back-up for a moment first.
There are two main reasons why I curate my two blogs and publish my manuals and journals. The first reason is to try to enhance the relationships of DS couples by sharing ideas and techniques collected from the many DS couples with whom I am in communication, and have been for a good number of years. To help the symbiotic relationship intensity and exhilaration continue to grow. The second reason is to attempt to help the thousands of discontented submissives either secure a dominant or persuade their wife or girlfriend to experiment with dominance.
It has become clear to me that the state of affairs of a submissive; not understanding themselves, or being able to clearer articulate, the essence of what they need to be content at the deepest level, and/or believing incorrect reasons for why they are submissive, seriously hinder their chances of either securing a dominant or persuading their wife or girlfriend to experiment with dominance.
So I hope I have identified the needs in a way that can clearly and easily be articulated and understood and also made clear the blundering erroneous nonsense that over the years has been incorrectly put forward as reasons submissives are submissive. I suggest it is best to say to a potential dominant partner or a vanilla wife or girlfriend, that no one knows why a submissive is submissive and perhaps also dismiss any preconceived ideas the potential dominant might have, if they are one of those in error I have dealt with earlier. Not knowing is ALWAYS better than an incorrect theory when it comes to such complex and irrational relationship substance.
There is a theory from the field of neuroscience that could well be correct, but when I mentioned on my blog the theory and that it had been published in mainstream media, the content upset a few people and I have doubts it would anyway be helpful as an aspect of securing a dominant or persuading a wife or girlfriend to experiment with dominance.
You may wish to make reference to some of this;
The definition of a submissive:
For the purposes of this blog, a submissive is someone who cannot be truly content both sexually, and as a whole, unless they feel helplessly in the power of another.
IT IS A SEXUALITY ; in the same way being a gay male is a sexuality. It is not a choice. A submissive will usually discover he or she is a submissive before they reach puberty. Most often between the ages of 7 and 11.
While playing child’s games with others, they will volunteer to be the captured victim who gets to be tied up! They fantasise, even at a very young age, of being helplessly in the power of another, who is usually a bit mean, and there will be a sexual element.
As an adult, if their sexual partner does not dominate them, they will not be content with their sex life or with their life overall.
If you question that the submissives I have described exist at all, or that there are very many of them, I ask you; … why do you think all around the world, there are hundreds of thousands of women who work as a dominatrix to meet the vast demand.
Now comes the bit that many find hard to understand. How the mind of a submissive works.
The submissive mind is at first difficult to understand and seemingly paradoxical. The submissive must be coerced to endure things they do not like in order for them to feel truly dominated; validation that they are not in control. If a man consents to everything you do to him, then he is really the one that is in control, and he will feel discontented and ill at ease being the one in control.
If you really love your submissive partner, you must accept they need you to take control and to do some ‘wicked’ things. If you say, ‘ … but I love them too much to be wicked to them‘, well, I would say, if you love them a lot, you will not deny them what they need, nor try, fruitlessly, to ‘cure’ them.
There are limits to this phenomenon. While they feel deeply submissive, (and deeply in awe of you), while enduring theses things they do not like, there will be other things that they do not like, that DO NOT make them feel submissive and stop them feeling submissive. These are their hard limits that have to be respected for the relationship to endure. BUT, sometimes some of their hard limits can erode over time.
In parallel, over time, the dominant may become more dominant and more wicked and this may be to do with changes to hard limits or it may be activities that were not restricted by hard limits, but could grow. For instance, spanking with a hairbrush instead of the bare hand. I mention this phenomenon because YOU WILL come across things on the internet, (or fantasies of your submissive), relating to this lifestyle, that you are very uncomfortable with. But you are in charge; so if there is something you don’t want to do, you don’t have to do it!
You might be amazed at how you evolve over weeks, months and years! Rather than thinking; I will never be comfortable with that! Think instead, I’m not comfortable with that, I wonder if I will be in months or years to come?
You could see if she wants to email me.
Hello Ms. Scarlet,
Thank you so much for your comment to my last post, a really long and complete post. I read your comment to my wife and afterwards we had a long talk. She explained that her definition of “fetish” and my definition of “fetish” were two different things. When I told her my definition of “fetish” she said she understood why I felt the way I did. Her definition was different but still didn’t make a fetish and being submissive the same thing. So I’m not sure anything was solved with our talk.
Actually there is yet another problem I didn’t want to include in the last post (too many things in one post) but she told me she was only doing the FLR thing for me because she knows “how much I liked it”. So it feels like just a game we are playing.
But on another note during our talk, I told her you offered to begin an email conversation with her. This is the second time you’ve offered this and the third time I brought it up. The first time I got no response, the second time she said, “that seems weird”, but this time she said, ‘I am actually thinking about taking her up on this. I think instead of learning about your submissiveness I need to learn why I am so reluctant to be the dominate one. Maybe she can help with this”. She said that thinking over her life besides being taught that a bossy woman was not desirable she thought she was dominate. She told me the time when she was 11 or 12 that she tied the neighbor boy to a tree, teased him (verbally) and then left him there, tied to the tree.
So anyhow, we have a lot of work to do and your help has been greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.
I think I really could help her to learn why she is so reluctant to be the dominate one and why that is a huge waste of potential for he and the relationship.
I fear she has NEVER experienced real power over you. Never made you do something you definitely did not want to do. Never done anything, even as mundane as twist your nipple until you are whimpering for her to stop, and then she has carried on a bit.
Thank you Ms. Scarlet for your response. I will approach her later this week with your alternative blog, and go from there.
The photos I’m referencing are, Real Female Domination volume: 8 and 12.
You in those heels… oh my goodness, super sexy. I wake up every morning and zoom in on those two photos, before going to the gym.