Bound physically or by fear

I’m interested in Dommes views as well as sub’s on this issue.

Let me explain fully. Up until quite recently I would always have bitch-boy very securely and helplessly bound, (and gagged), for serious canings, whippings, paddlings, etc. I love his total helplessness as I am free to do whatever I wish, and be as sadistic I wish, and there is no action he can take to minimise my ‘zeal’; except to plead.

However, as you may have read in recent previous posts, I have begun giving him 12 or 18 very painful dressage whip strokes while he simply holds his ankles. No physical bondage at all. He is still bound, but not physically. He is bound by his fear of what would happen to him were he to fail to hold his position. (These punishments are given on ostensibly vanilla days, simply to stoke my arousal before I play with myself.)

I have found I like this phenomenon too of him being ‘bound by fear’. I like that he is so frightened of me and so subjugated to my will, that despite very considerable pain, his fear enables him to control himself and take the whip strokes without moving. These fear bound punishments are brief, whereas his physically bound punishments last a minimum of 20 minutes. So I am considering seeing if there is a limit to his self control while only fear bound.

My recent step-change in drastically increasing his denial periods without any guilt, or pity, or sympathy does provide one threat I know would be very effective, along the lines of, ‘If you fail to hold your position or make more more noise than is acceptable, your current denial period will be set to a minimum of four months.’ (Or I might threaten six months or longer). And of course there is the threat, ‘If you fail to hold your position or make more more noise than is acceptable, I will simply secure you and gag you exactly as I do on a DS day for your deterrent punishment, and then continue the thrashing for at least an hour.’

I wondered though, what are the habits of other Dommes on this issue of having their submissive during punishments physically bound, or bound only by fear?

On the same theme, I have recently taken to smacking his flaccid defect with a ruler while he stands in front of where I sit, (blog post of 24 Nov 2019), but I always quickly secure his wrists behind him to do so. But writing this post reminded me of a Domme I read about who, in front of her friends, used to have her sub hold his flaccid defect out to her and present it for smacking. She would have him turn it this way and that so she could direct smacks wherever she wished. Another example of a submissive bound only by fear!

And if he became erect, she would continue for much longer and he would still have to move his defect with his hand, this way and that, on her instruction, so she could smack every possible surface of his defect. Her threat should he fail to obey, or move away or dodge a smack, was that she would bind his hands behind his back, apply a nasty embrocation product to his defect and then hold him securely by his balls and carry on smacking and smacking!

44 thoughts on “Bound physically or by fear

  1. For heavy discipline I am tighly bound and – if in the low stocks – also gagged, because she can attack places which hurt so much that I squeal. Not good for the neighbours (smile).
    The worst punishment however is dick discipline with the cane without any fetters but blindfolded.
    I have to stand and ask for each stroke. The minimum is a dozen, although it may be more. And then back into the tiny cage.
    Oh, by the way, there were two O`s in the past 9 months, so I am quite a happy slave.

  2. Fear is just how my mistress keeps control. I am not scared or frightened of her I am terrified of what she can do, which is exactly what she likes. As it happens she does very little physically, she does not need to exert herself.

    For example she has me caress her, although I am not allowed to touch her between the legs or on the Breasts, and knows instantly when I am willing to do it and when I don’t want to. Apparently when I don’t want to is far better. When I start willingly she waits twenty or thirty seconds and then says something like that’s it you are quite happy to do this its rubbish. No matter how hard I try I cannot tell the difference between the two. The strange thing is that when she says that my hands go cold almost instantly, usually accompanied with what Mistress calls fear breath, and then a knowing little smile comes over her face, it is very off-putting. My body gives me away, she knows I am not just frightened but scared stiff, her dominance is total.

    I have not had a release for several years nothing happens anymore no matter how hard we try, as I am no longer needed as she has a lover and a boyfriend, she calls them big boy and machine gunner, the names say all you need to know. The dominance is not so much physical as phycological, I am TOTALLY BROKEN I do not believe I could function without her anymore. All I want is to make love to her but know I cannot, the frustration is agonising as I bath her and help her get ready for her liaisons and then help her pack her bag for her overnight stays. The level of fear makes all this possible, the phycological dominance is all encompassing.

      1. You could well be correct although I do have value to her. She thinks of me as her bitch and refers to me as such. leaving me to clean the house, look after the garden, walk the dogs, cook the tea ect. She leaves me with a long list of things to do while she is at work or away on one of her liaisons. Clearly if I did not do it she would find things a lot harder, that’s the point, I exist for no other purpose than to serve her and make her life as easy as possible.

        I could walk out anytime I like but in reality to what, I have nowhere to go and were told by the local council years ago that I would not qualify for housing. As I have no job or any realistic chance of getting one and the money I have coming in goes straight into her bank account, none of this could be altered without her knowledge.

        If I walked out I would leave with just what I stood up in unable to find, or afford, private accommodation, minus the money I put in her name to avoid my ex wife getting her hands on it, and still with the Metal Collar around my neck unable to remove it. As long as I do not upset her or become a liability I am surprisingly well looked after. She clearly thinks I have value, as Slave owners in the Confederate States of America did, and she has made it clear that if I misbehave she will send me to a couple who specialise in training slaves for busy dominants, the point here is that don’t misbehave as you will be treated in such a way that you will beg to come back. I am effectively her slave and she has gone as far as stating that she will never allow me to leave, but would, in certain conditions, put the male control device on my manhood and give me away to someone who is not as considerate as her and could well be a sadist. As you say I am bound by fear.

  3. Dear Mistress Scarlet,

    I truly love this post, there again I love all of them. Think mental bondage is such a turn on. Plus linking it to an extension of abstinence is deliciously wicked!

    A few years back I had to stand up straight with my hands behind my head whilst I received 40 Single-tail whp lashes to my front. Oh & keep count but in descending order!

      1. Dear Mistress Scarlet,

        Thank You so much for your response.

        Yes very much so. The exquisite Mistress or rather Matriarch Ezada Sinn.

        I’ve changed my profile pic to reflect that time!

  4. Hi Scarlet
    I am always pleased to share, though this is an area where we differ.
    Since I don’t do DS sessions, pain-based activities are intended as real punishments; or strong deterrents for him to either NOT misbehave, or to ensure he accomplishes whatever tiresome or humiliating task I might set him.
    I therefore want the experience to be appallingly painful, something he fears dreadfully, and therefore wants to avoid at all costs.
    So, when I punish him, it is essential that he is secured. Perhaps he has a low pain threshold, but I do like this if it is the case. I want to hear him screaming and see him finding it impossible to cope. The most he can take without being secured, while basically holding his position, is three strokes of my dragon cane, or two of my heavy wooden spoon paddle; and even then he struggles.

    1. Thank you Christine. David certainly seems to have a low pain threshold. I will be experimenting and I guess I will reach the point when bitch-boy is unable to hold his position. An experiment with no down sides. None for me, anyway.

  5. My wife’s favorite punishment for me when I have displeased her is for me to be tied up in her large walk in closet. There is a eye bolt screwed into the ceiling joist and she has a rope hanging from it attached to a cleat on the wall. She will tie my wrists together with the cord and pull them up tightly high over my head and attach the other end to the cleat. This way she lowers or raises me high as she pleases. She will keep me tied for 3-4 hours each punishment session . I may not speak during this time. She could also just have me stand in her closet for that amount of time, but the bondage insures that I am not only uncomfortable but that I am not going to sit or move around.

    She used to come in after about 2 hours and allow me to pee in a coffee can she held. I was only wearing panties and she would pull them down a bit and put my penis in the can and allow me to pee. Then she felt that was too degrading for her to have to hold a can of pee. So now I am diapered (nappy) when she ties me. Many times she will tell me I am not allowed to use it, that I must hold it as further punishment. Of course I never can and end up wetting myself. She makes me drink a full glass of water before she ties me so I don’t have much chance of holding it. Of course this leads to further punishments like corner time and doing housework items over and over again all day. Like cleaning the floors on my hands and knees. She will say she doesn’t like the result, she found a smudge or spot. Then I must do it all over again. This will probably happen 3 to 4 times. Same with windows. It will take hours.
    She really enjoys punishments that she does not have to physically exert herself. She says a slave can never do enough housework.

  6. As ever the photo of your “toys” knowing their back story (which makes them anything but toys) is incredibly powerful and for me remains one of the most powerful pictures you’ve posted on this blog.

    The issue of slave noise is interesting. Clearly some advanced lifestyle Mistresses like Madame Christine “want to hear him screaming” under punishment whereas you also enjoy hearing bb suffer – but – clearly have limits because you wouldn’t hesitate to punish him further if you decided he’s making too much noise …. other lifestyle Mistresses may take any noise as a sign of insolence and derive satisfaction not just from making their slave suffer but also watching him working overtime not daring to express it.

    Either way controlling and securing him by fear alone is an awesome thing to behold. Respectfully. Sensible.

  7. As a good sub, I would aspire to absorb your punishments freely without needing to be bound. I admire the sub who presented himself to Mistress to be abused in front of her friends. … My fear would be that Mistress grew tired of punishments or being amused by her power over me.

  8. If someone can hold his position without bondage without the impulse to protect himself it works. But at least for me in such a situation I also do not feel that submissive because I still have the control of holding this position.

    But if the force is physically too much to handle even the fear would not bind me. An example where many men come very soon to this point are kicks/hits to the nuts. I cannot imagine to not protect them or trying to delay the next hit a little bit of not bound. The same also counts also for other unbearable actions. If you not even have the theoretical possibility to avoid them it’s even worse.

    1. Perhaps you miss the point? Can I explore?
      You write, ‘in such a situation I also do not feel that submissive because I still have the control of holding this position.‘ Is that really the case when failure to hold the position means you are prohibited orgasm for 6 months, or more, and/or you are then bound and receive the worst punishment you have ever had.

      1. I understood what you say. And if possible bound by fear is a nice concept and can show the dedication of the slave.

        My point however is as following. If the position can be held unbound it is not that bad that the natural protection reflex kicks in. For sure it can be trained to extend this reflex threshold. But at a certain point you most likely try to protect yourself even if you know the consequences because this reaction is involuntarily and spontaneous.

        So my point is: as long as you can suppress this reflex this concept works, but you do not “loose your mind” because it is not as bad as it could be. This does not mean it does not hurt a lot. It only means it could be worse.

        I also had beatings “bound by fear” and they hurt a lot. But as I stated as long as I can “decide” not to move it is a level of pain which is bearable and I have the impression to be able to interrupt this. Even if I have never done this. Perhaps even out of fear, but I think more due to the willingness to comply.

        But I also had bound beatings which I am sure I would not have been able to hold my position. As my example above. After a blow to the nuts I cannot imagine not to cringe (delay for the next hit) or shortly protect the nuts with hands (also delay). And these short moments of protection are enough to make it a little bit easier as the natural reflex is not removed by the mistress.

        It is similar to the discussion for the orgasm post recently. Yes, both is bad (unbound punishment and punishment without previous orgasm), but the other two are worse (bound punishment, which removes also the tiniest bit of “influence” or punishment immediately after a full orgasm).

        It depends on the goal of the mistress. Is it to test the level of submission or is it to inflict pain without any chance to influence it.

        1. LOL , we will have to agree to differ as I still think you miss the point. You say,’……. If the position can be held unbound it is not that bad that the natural protection reflex kicks in.’.

          2 things wrong with this from my perspective.

          1. The natural protection reflex is not rigid for life. Using the baby steps method, any slave can be trained over weeks or years, to extend what they can take before they cannot resist the natural protection reflex and there are lots of examples of this outside the DS world, like people who push thick needles through their cheeks for rituals.

          2. You say, ‘…. If the position can be held unbound it is not that bad…’ but it is not simply the ‘punishment’s badness’ that is in the equation. The badness must be weighed against the threatened punishment. If I held a gun to your head and said take this kick in the balls without moving, or I will shoot you dead. You could probably take the kick in the balls without moving! LOL

          1. I still think we mean the same.

            Ad 1. I also wrote “For sure it can be trained to extend this reflex threshold.” Another example are Shaolin monks. And at the point where you are trained to suppress such reflexes is it less bad than at the beginning, because you have a different state of mind.

            Ad 2. However, if you are not used to a certain impact level, I could bet that (at least for me) even with a gun you can force protection reflexes out of the slave.

            It is hard to explain if you did not experience it by yourself. But at a certain pain level you “forget” the “long-term consequences” (even if it is a gun-shot right after).

            But as also said, to test the will-power, the dedication, submissiveness and fear-level of the slave, unbound (hurting) activities certainly have their place.

            1. Sorry, but Eric is right. The protective reflexes ALWAYS kick in at a certain point and a bound trashing therefore always is worse in terms of sheer physical damage and pain that is provided.

              1. I am not sure what you are talking about.
                Eric and I did not discuss or disagree that ‘……protective reflexes ALWAYS kick in at a certain point and a bound trashing therefore always is worse in terms of sheer physical damage and pain that is provided.’

                Eric and I discussed and agreed that (A) :With baby-steps style conditioning, and dire threats about not moving, the threshold for the protective reflexes to kick-in can be moved; a long way over time. And (B) that when a Mistress successfully pursues this conditioning, it is deeply affecting for both her and the submssive.

  9. Hell Mistress Scarlet.

    If you are interested here is an interview with Mistress X, Governess X, Lady Governa, Madam Press, Proprietress Press from earlier this year.
    It is episode number 5.

    It is a casual interview and not too sexually explicit but touches on the reasoning behind the multiple name changes, her struggles with working specializing with age play and her beginnings.

    It is more about her professional work and that her personal experience with BDSM but as I know she was an early role model for you I thought you might be interested if you had not heard it before.

    https://www.medicalmistress.co.uk/podcast

  10. An interesting topic. The philosopher Michel Foucault argued that where there is no freedom, there is no power-exchange. Power is the ability to act upon the possible actions of a subject, if the subject has no possibility, i.e., no freedom to act, because he is securely bound and simply has to endure whatever is coming to him, then there is not really a power exchange but they merely have to undergo whatever happens to them. Looking at it from this point, not binding your slave, ensures that during the punishment, the power-exchange is actively in play and like you say, his actions are influenced by the fear of the consequences of what will happen if he does not abide by your rules. Of course while allowing yourself to be tied up and such there is a power-relation in play, but speaking purely about the punishment itself there would not be in the eyes of Foucault if the subject was tightly bound.

    1. Interesting, but as you say, accepting he has to take a thrashing while bound, is CERTAINLY accepting the influence of power.

      I actually dislike the term power exchange and see no such thing in long term DS relationships. I have not exchanged anything with bitch-boy. I exert MY power over him and he has to accept it. He can’t not be sexually submissive and so to be content he needs to be helplessly in the power of a pitiless cruel dominant woman. I therefore have all the power I need over him, nothing has been exchanged.

      1. Good point, I actually used the wrong term, I meant power-relation. There, indeed doesn’t need to be any exchange, however there is a fundamental agonism between the object of power and the subject exerting it. It is *because* he can choose to not accept it, or rebel in some way or shape, that you hold power over him, similar to the questioned you posited. He might be forced by his inner desires to submit unconditionally to you, but assuming there might always be some part in him that has the capability to do otherwise than what you tell him to do, he is influenced by the power exerted by you over him.

        If he truly would have no other choice, he would be comparable to a robot which does whatever you tell it to do, which, at least in the eyes of Foucault, has nothing to do with power.

        I suppose, this possibility of ‘the other’, is what keeps things interesting. Seeing just how far you can go, just how much he can handle before he truly breaks. Just how cruel can you be before he rebels. Knowing that there is even a sliver of chance that something might put him over the edge and he might try wrestle control back from your grasp is what probably gives you a power-rush. There has to be something at stake, otherwise you might as well just order a robot around. Seeing him submit is what exhilarates you, because it’s a positive confirmation of just how much power you hold over him. If there wasn’t any question in the first place there would not be any pleasurable tension in seeing it confirmed. Of course there might be many other aspects to it, but that’s part of it I imagine.

        Actually long-time reader of your blog, it’s been a pleasure to read. I don’t think I could suffer the same contentment as your husband does, but it sure reads tantalizing.

        1. I am afraid I can’t agree with you and I am surmising you have never experienced the profoundly addictive feeling for a submissive, of being long-term, helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant woman. You write, ‘....assuming there might always be some part in him that has the capability to do otherwise than what you tell him to do.…’. The problem with your position is that this assumption is plain wrong. My puppet has confirmed to me, what I had already worked out, that he feels so privileged and fortunate to be my long-term submissive, and so to experience all the powerful feelings for him as a submissive that comes with that, that there is no part of him that has the capability to do otherwise than what I tell him to do. And further, I can do nothing fatally wrong. He would accept anything I choose to do with him or without him. No matter how much he might abhor what I might do, he would rather accept it than be cast adrift without a dominant woman like me.

          This does not make him a robot at all. Because he has his feelings. Feelings of fear, humiliation, suffering, a compulsion to worship, helplessness, and most of all a sense of contentment. I get my kicks because when I order him about or use and abuse him, I invoke is feelings and it is that is where my pleasure comes. His suffering, his fear, etc, etc. My power is that, (apart from getting all the chores done and being waited on hand and foot), I have the power by my actions to invoke the feelings in him I have listed. This is from where my power-rush is sourced.

          You do rather quote Foucault as though his views are scientifically valid. I suggest he was plain wrong. LOL.

          ‘…Suffer the same contentment…’. What does that mean or is it a typo???? Intriguing.

          1. I have indeed, sadly, never experienced anything remotely like it, so naturally I’d choose to belief the word of someone who has experienced it first hand over any amount of theorizing. It makes sense that you derive pleasure and such from the wide-range of emotions you can inflict, as you will, upon him. Though, fundamentally, isn’t, at least historically, what has set humans apart from animals and perhaps robots in our current day and age, the concept of free will, even if neuroscience might at some point render the idea mute. A robot could emulate all the different emotions you mention, of course not to the same fine degree, but theoretically, and still it might not be as enjoyable as when a human presents us with these kinda emotions. I can belief, he might not be capable of thinking a life without you, but at least he is probably capable of wishing a different treatment, albeit it in the moment, and still he is bound by his admiration and love for you to endure whatever you chose to inflict upon him. This tension between whatever he might wish for (I suppose even if he has no chance of acting out any of these wishes) and what he is actually in for, isn’t that at least part of the enjoyment?

            To prevent doing a great disservice to Foucault I have to state that these are just some of my interpretations of his writings, I am not aware of Foucault actually writing about BDSM dynamics, nor would I want to claim that his views are the absolute truth, but I do find it interesting how it offers a certain perspective on things.

            It was just a wordplay on the fact that you mentioned his contentment because of his suffering, the more inescapable and pitiless his suffering, the more contentment he feels in the knowledge of being ruthlessly controlled by you. His contentment therefore being found or produced in his suffering, at least as far as I understood it.

            1. I guess to be unequivocal, his contentment is a result of there being NO tension in him over the undiluted pure power I have over him and his total helplessness to accept that power. Tension, or ambiguity in the dynamic is the submissive’s worst nightmare. They don’t like tension or ambiguity in the dynamic. It weakens and dilutes the purity of the what the submissive craves to feel overall. So I cannot see a shred of evidence in support for this theory and am perplexed as to why you keep pushing it.

              As you write, Foucault was not writing about DS and given that and that submissiveness is utterly irrational on its bare face I doubt he would have supported his views on rational behaviour being applied to submissives.

            1. I did not ‘dismiss Focoult’ as wrong if you actually read my comment, including its caveats.

              I guess to be unequivocal, his contentment is a result of there being NO tension in him over the undiluted pure power I have over him and his total helplessness to accept that power. Tension, or ambiguity in the dynamic is the submissive’s worst nightmare. They don’t like tension or ambiguity in the dynamic. It weakens and dilutes the purity of the what the submissive craves to feel overall. So I cannot see a shred of evidence in support for this theory and am perplexed as to why you keep pushing it. As you write, Foucault was not writing about DS and given that and that submissiveness is utterly irrational on its bare face I doubt he would have supported his views on rational behaviour being applied to submissives.

              I have zero interest in adding to my already extensive reading list. If you would like to advise me of any flaw in what I have written and my reasoning, I would be happy to look at that. :-)

  11. Good morning Ms. Scarlet. I just wanted to thank you for your help this past week. You have opened my eyes to what femdom truly is. Also exposing my toxic male habits such as talking more than I listen. Yesterday was somewhat a vanilla day for my Wife and I. I eased off on the chores and wanted to gauge her response. I had university yesterday from morning to midday so I was pretty booked up. Later that evening my vanilla Wife came to me and asked me “you haven’t been doing your chores, do you not want to be submissive anymore?” I replied that I did. She grinned and said “good, me too.” She was starting to experience power being an aphrodisiac like you described. I know our D/s lifestyle is a fledgling, but I wanted to thank you for your patience and guidance. You’re amazing.

    1. Thank you for the kind words.
      And it is good to see that you are stopping talking and giving your opinions and now listening to those who know more than you on this topic. Well done; many submissive males simply are unable to do that.

  12. Just wanted to thank you for creating this blog. It truly is so informative as we see first hand, how a D/s relationship is to operate. Your wisdom is so valuable. I might never reach the levels of bitch-boy, but my goodness it does give me something to strive for.

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