A real-life account: Spectrum – Pro Domme or long term DS relationship

I have received an interesting account from a BAV. One thing that interests me is that I find the long term relationship unclassifiable. Is Mistress Lacy a professional Dominatrix or is she a long term ‘partner’? I very much one aspect of this account. Mistress Lacy knew nothing of the experiences of domination and submission, but having been introduced to this has quickly found she adores absolute power and being very cruel. The account begins with Slave Chris answering one of the clarifying questions I asked him.

The Account

My apologies Mistress Scarlett, I missed that question. Yes if Mistress was to set me free tomorrow I would be bereft. I wear two ID tags, one on my chastity device and one on my permanent chain collar. Those tags mean everything to me, I love them, and no matter how harshly she treats me, no matter if she were to escalate things further still, I would not want to be set free – indeed if by someone bizarre fluke I managed to get close to paying the debt off, I would beg her to increase it before I was able to do so.

Mistress Scarlett, you often feature messages from people saying how they serve and I thought the following may be of interest. Whilst mine isn’t a relationship-based slavery it is just as all-encompassing as many, so hopefully you will enjoy it. I am 54 years old; Mistress is 34, I live in the UK.

I met the woman who was to become my Mistress just over two years ago. I had recently left the Mistress I saw previously due to a lot of personal issues that had developed between us (these have no place here) and so was looking for someone new. This lady was actually an escort who I approached via a well-known site as she offered domination. In our initial correspondence she had sounded promising although, if honest, I didn’t hold out too much hope I as I knew from bitter experience that so many can talk the talk but not walk the walk as it were. Anyhow, I visited and she was better than okay, she was fantastic – very much a learner but with huge amounts of promise – and so I asked her then and there whether she would be interested in a slave in an ongoing relationship and she said that she would, although she said I would need to help her learn. Everything that has happened since then has been by initial mutual discussion and then by her taking things to the nth degree.

Within two months I was locked in chastity, this was actually at her request on our second meeting as she stated that she didn’t want me masturbating between visits. Mistress threw one key away and told me firmly that if I ever tried to leave her, she would throw the other away too. As I wear a titanium padlock she didn’t care if I struggled to get out of my device. Since that day, I have cum four times – four times in two years, (I confess to laughing somewhat bitterly at subs who complain of having to wait weeks between relief) – and Mistress has made it clear to me that she considers this to be overly generous and is actually considering moving me to once a year! Of course, as for her, Mistress sleeps with who she wants and when she wants as she still works as an escort; she takes immense pleasure in grinding my nose in that fact and also in humiliating me with the fact that I couldn’t even PAY her to have sex with her, indeed I actually pay her NOT to do so! As the last time I actually had a sexual relationship was with someone almost 6 years ago I am very much a member of your BAV club!

Three months after I began chastity, we signed three contracts: a slavery contract, a blackmail contract and a debt contract, this was one of my first ‘mistakes’. Initially I committed to owing Mistress £5000 and agreed to be her slave until this was paid off, I agreed to Mistress collecting blackmail material to enforce this as well as agreeing to genuinely owe the sum and be liable to her claiming in it court should I attempt to leave. Mistress decides how much I get to pay off each month (this doesn’t come out of my visit fee) and as the debt now stands at just under £7000, I know that I am going nowhere for a long time, she promised me on signing it that the debt would go up more than down and like a fool I didn’t think she would be that cruel. I don’t know whether Mistress would use court and blackmail to enforce things but I believe that she would have no compunction in doing so! I used to fantasise about this situation but now know one should be careful what they wish for because the reality is often much, much worse. I genuinely don’t know how I shall clear that debt!

I pay to see Mistress once a month for three hours, all other visits are lifestyle visits and incur no charge. Each visit I pay off some of the debt, this can and has been as little as £10 or as much as £200, the figure is always random, however the debt has a monthly interest charge of 4.5%, it is this plus the fact that recently Mistress has started to impose random fines that has seen the initial figure of £5000 rise to its current figure of just under £7000. The original £5000 was agreed mutually and decided upon as a figure that I could reasonably expect to pay off in a few years if Mistress permitted my session fee to pay it. Whilst Mistress did not lie, she just never exactly said that the entirety of my session fee would be applied instead choosing to let me believe it would be – she was however completely honest when she told me that the debt was more likely to rise, I just didn’t listen.

Mistress has proven to be extremely sadistic, both physically and emotionally, and a very fast learner. Once we had signed the contracts, she told me that she wanted to know everything that I didn’t like, what I struggle with, what I fear as she no longer had any interest in pandering to my likes. As such it is these things that I experience when I visit her. Not for me is a nice sexy spanking with things that I can control no, when I visit, I suffer for the full time I am there. She shows absolutely zero mercy and I will take whatever she gives no matter how I plead. She has made it very clear that she takes a great deal of pleasure in my suffering! As an example, I have a belly button phobia (genuinely), Mistress will spend an entire session, three hours, just torturing mine; it is horrific and sometimes I genuinely think I will go insane at the things she does! I am always in bondage when tortured. Something I am grateful for as I am unsure I could practice self restraint once Mistress starts on my belly button – besides, Mistress likes to see me struggling, see me futilely trying to prevent her. She finds it highly amusing!

As far as other acts of sadism go Mistress uses electrics constantly, something that I HATE as I find it very difficult to cope, she beats the insides of my thighs which I have always struggled with and also the soles of my feet which in the past used to be a limit. Emotional cruelty tends to be around my sexual relief, driving home that I am never going to fuck, never getting out of chastity, ridiculing my cock and so forth. She also plays with my insecurities, my looks, my personal hygiene (I dread smelling as I am asnomic, this is fair game for her). As far as Mistress orgasming, no she does not do this in front of me as she doesnt deem me worthy of ever witnessing such.

But my visits aren’t just paid ones, I signed a contract of slavery with Mistress and as such I am used constantly! Mistress doesn’t drive so on my days off from work I attend to drive her to nail and hair appointments, throughout the week in the evenings I will drive her to her friends and wait for when she wants to go home, if she goes out to pubs and such with friends, I am their taxi, (Mistress has never had a problem with letting her friends know about me), if she doesn’t have appointments then my days off are spent doing her housework or working in her garden, I do her shopping and put it away – or I take her shopping, and for such trips I am ALWAYS collared, we may not behave in an overt fashion but my position is quite clear to others and she often gets smiles of amusement from other ladies. Basically, since signing the contract, Mistress does nothing any longer for herself – and why should she?

As well as that Mistress controls me even when I am away from her. In the very early days, I mentioned to her an idea I had long held of a never-ending line, a line that I must write every day without fail, not necessarily to a specific length, just something to tie my time up. As with everything Mistress took this idea and ran with it, nowadays I must write 550 lines daily, these lines must be dated and signed and must be photographed and sent to her by midnight – any later earns me punishment lines! (Midnight may sound generous but I do odd shifts, most days I don’t get home from work until 8, sometimes I start late and don’t get home until 11 so I must write in the mornings, believe me, meeting this target can be tough). As well as lines I regularly get a random essay assigned to me which must be worked on at the same time and returned usually within three days; I spend many a lunch hour at work working on these, Mistress wants my time tied up ALL the time – I don’t get to relax, ever! Once I earned punishment lines which had to be written simultaneously. For almost a week I missed the midnight deadline and so earned more punishment lines. Catching up was difficult to say the least and I do everything I can now to never repeat the experience!

On the constant occasions I have begged for leniency, begged her to stop this treatment, I am reminded that I asked for this, I am doing nothing that I have not told her I would like from such a relationship. I thought I would, I have of course learned differently, another case of being careful what you wish for – and of course the blackmail material she still continues to collect means that I have painted myself into a corner, I shall only leave when I pay off what I owe or if she grows bored of me – and I can see neither thing ever happening.

Making Comments on this post: Comments do not appear on my blog until I have moderated them. Comments that insult anyone will not be published, nor will aggressive comments, this blog is not Facebook or Twitter. A wide range of views is truly welcome, we all have things to learn, however comments will not be published that take a contrary view to that in the post but fail to explain why this contrary view is held, or fail to address the reasoning set out in the post to which the comment relates. Such comments are simply boring.

39 thoughts on “A real-life account: Spectrum – Pro Domme or long term DS relationship

  1. This post makes a very interesting read .
    With the internet it has made the possibilities of specific connections . This in itself has allowed a new breed of finance and service manipulation to develop , along with a social expectation of pro Domme ( tribute ) how to focus on getting rich without working but by smart manipulation .
    I am always interested to read the various post you post Ms Scarlet, always very well expressed.
    Did he wish , was his wish granted , has he actually got what he desired. Difficult to tell possibly its a 50/50.
    Does he desire to change it ..possibly not ?? Is my feeling. He appears to be submissive with desire to be blackmailed as part of his need of reality .
    Well expressed thank you .
    Would it be for me …certainly not …

    1. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
      I would have to say, given his opening paragraph that, ‘… Does he desire to change it?… …has he actually got what he desired..’. He absolutely has. To quote him: ‘….Yes if Mistress was to set me free tomorrow I would be bereft. I wear two ID tags, one on my chastity device and one on my permanent chain collar. Those tags mean everything to me, I love them, and no matter how harshly she treats me, no matter if she were to escalate things further still, I would not want to be set free – indeed if by someone bizarre fluke I managed to get close to paying the debt off, I would beg her to increase it before I was able to do so….
      I am confused by your comment, ‘…..how to focus on getting rich without working….’ She clearly puts far more of her time to his experiences of being dominated than the pro-dominatrices he used to visit did.
      I think you have nailed that it is about submissiveness. I am growing to believe that submissives need more than just being tortured in a dungeon full of equipment, (where the submissive is actually in control btw). Submissives NEED to feel helplessly in the power of the Domme, with no choice. And they need to serve to be used. Hence being her chauffer etc. Taking these issues into account, I can see why he find this relationship so much more fulfilling than visits to pro-dominatrices.
      All of what I have just written predicated by the fact the supply of dominant woman is totally inadequate to supply all submissive males with a long term marriage relationship.

      1. Good Day Ms Scarlet . Might I thank you for your critique.
        You are of course correct on the supply of good Dominant Women generally able or willing or capable of Dominance or identifying and managing a needy submissive partner and dealing with ( usually him )
        Speaking as I understand .
        Yes the dominance has to be realistic the submissive has to know that the demands put upon them are totally real at the whim of the Dominant , judged and expected by the Dominant with absolutely no other possibilities, however harsh the response to any misdomeaner .
        So this ( understood boundaries and rules ) has to originate and grow in intensity from conception of the relationship . The first and concequential next steps are crucial foundations that will never change .
        Yes in this case the Domme . Mistress Lacy has burrowed into the submissives mind identifying a stratagie of control very rarly in the sought relationship ( signed agreements of debt and means of controlling the sub by Blackmail ) CNC (Consensual non-consent) I would say . As well as identifying his weak points in his personality and disliking points ( triggers) to use those knowingly against him !! The Lady clearly has psychological capability and has put effort into “Good Slave control ” in practice with un erring preciceness.
        Which is good to see as there are many of the type I earlier described not doing so … ( Sadly ) So maybe I did her some unjust service in my first response .
        I acknowledge your other points and your clear practical and ongoing experience in control domination as I have been reading your accounts for many years although I rarely comment .
        I found this post particularly interesting and it is very thoughtful and debate widening that you posted it on his behalf and have taken time to discuss my response .
        Thank you .

        With very best regards . A

        1. Thank you for your intelligent and considered response. I too find the account an interesting development in the dynamic of dealing with the cravings of submissives.
          Consensual-non-consent is really the key to a relationship that keeps a submissive content. Hence my current position with bitch-boy. I gave him the choice; domination my way, (and I do whatever the hell I want), or no domination at all. Of course, he chose domination my way and, when not ‘enduring’, he is as content as he has ever been. More so in fact than I think he ever hoped for in his life, although it comes at a considerable cost to him!

      2. Yes, absolutely. Kinky play is fun, but actually pleasing a dominant woman is a wonderful thing, and often that can be through menial tasks. Helplessness is scary – but a dream!The post gives me hope that those of us who have not found dominant life partners can still find helplessness, even if within set bounds of time or space, as we serve, obey and strive to give pleasure to a stronger woman! Thank you for posting, and thank you to the BAV for sharing.

  2. Submissive? Definitely. This relationship is very much a work in progress. He’s very, very lucky to have met a clearly intelligent, dominant woman whose prepared to exploit and use him to develop and express the sadistic, perverse and dominant aspects of her personaility.

  3. I feel the same, be careful what you wish for you may just get it. I have, and like you, find that I do not want it. Having just read your account I realised that our wishes had changed. When we started out I made it clear what I wanted but the lady, that is now my Mistress, didn’t really want to go down that route she wanted a ” normal ” relationship. Being a girl who would give things a go she tried and with a lot of gentle pushing from me got further and further into it until we got to the tipping point where she started to go beyond what I wanted. By this time I was in too deep to pull out and started resisting. This only succeeded in spurring her on as she became more ruthless. We have now been together for twenty three years. Tonight as she left to spend two nights with her stud, she’s back late Friday afternoon, just in time to take me for my birthday meal, I said that I wished I had never started down this road but I bet you are glad that we did. She just nodded and smiled saying too right best thing I have ever done. I can only repeat be careful what you wish for you may just get it.

    1. If you were free of your relationship, given your chances of finding another dominant woman as a partner are so slim, would you be pleased or unfulfilled. Remember that slave Chris stated, ‘….., if Mistress was to set me free tomorrow I would be bereft. I wear two ID tags, one on my chastity device and one on my permanent chain collar. Those tags mean everything to me, I love them, and no matter how harshly she treats me, no matter if she were to escalate things further still, I would not want to be set free – indeed if by someone bizarre fluke I managed to get close to paying the debt off, I would beg her to increase it before I was able to do so.’

      1. No Ms Scarlet I would not want to be free of the relationship as I love my Mistress, she is the love of my life. If something did happen I just know I will never live with another woman. I would be neither happy or fulfilled. At the moment I would say that I feel more fulfilled than happy. I resent it when Mistress goes off to one of her two studs as I feel it should be me that is servicing her. When I signed up to this I did not think it would turn out like it has. I suppose I thought it was all whips and chains ect, it would be fun sessions and then back to normal. To be totally under someone else’s control and having absolutely no way to get out of it is not something I would recommend to anyone. At the end of the day there are no restraints on the doors preventing me from leaving but I don’t.

  4. For some odd reason I find the writing of repetitive lines or essays to be the most interesting thing from this account. It’s just such a nice example of contrasting lifestyles. The slave having to spend hours upon hours of doing these cumbersome tasks while the lady enjoys her life. She doesn’t need to waste any time on it, doesn’t even need to supervise him because she can just glance at the results when he’s finished. And it only took her a few seconds to order that task in the first place. A perfect power imbalance.

    1. I agree it is very powerful indeed for the reasons you state.
      My twist, is toilet roll lines. So every page of toilet roll I use, has been carefully written on with a phrase of my whim at the time he writes the lines. All that work, to be flushed down the toilet.

  5. With the growth of the film and TV industry we have as a civilisation come to expect a portraid reality . Because of creating real drama using dialogue dress mock up and special effects , the sensation of something becomes a psychological engagement .
    This I think has developed some viewers to understand how to act a part even if they are not naturally inclined to the persona or situation . So by understanding the task they can put on a very real act for a prescribed period to ,create a situation .
    Some personalities ( strong ones I will say ) can create , hold and perpetuate a situation and are highly plausable . Some even like to have the wardrobe and clothes to make the situation even more atmospheric .
    With all this skill and props it would be difficult for the viewer ( submissive ) to not be totally consumed into the created situation once in it its a never ending loop as he describes .
    It can be tweaked to make the circle / loop seamless . Inescapable which more often than not the submissive desires in the power exchange .

    1. My only comment would be the issue of clothing. I HATE that so many DS and vanilla people link female domination to the clothes professional dominatrices often wear. I HATE IT, because it puts off so many vanilla women thinking of trying femdom because they think they must be dressed in thigh boots, rubber, latex or leather, and have all sorts of dungeon equipment.
      One thing I love about accounts like slave Chris’s, (and many of the Findom+ women) women, is that they wear what they want because clothing is an absolute irrelevance to causing a submissive to feel helplessly in the power of a pitiless cruel woman; which is all they are craving for.

      1. Dear Ms Scarlet,

        you might be interested in an old and long defunct blog in which the submissive has a strict dress code (he always has to wear suit & tie) while the lady is wearing whatever comfortable clothes she wants. I remember being intrigued by that blog back when I first dived into BDSM. Much like you I dislike the portrayal of dominant women as leather-clad dominatrices and all that. And this blog was pretty much the only account that I found back then in which the woman didn’t dress up or put on a costume. Even nowadays it’s rare, that’s why I always enjoy it when you bring up that topic.

        Unfortunately the blog has vanished from the internet but the Internet Archive has a few pages archived. I hope the following links work for you:

        August 2007 (this includes a blog post called “The Femdom Costume” which shares many of your sentiments):
        June 2007: https://web.archive.org/web/20070703094511/http://beingherknight.blogspot.com/
        May 2007: https://web.archive.org/web/20070703095228/http://beingherknight.blogspot.com/2007_05_01_archive.html (from here, some of the “Past Month’s posts” links should also work)

        1. Wow, a lot to read!
          I will delve. Thank you. I really like the clothing dynamic you have described in the blog.
          My main dislike of ‘dominatrix clothing’ is it seriously puts off a lot of vanilla women who might otherwise give FLR a go, because they think such clothing is mandatory. (And my primary goal is to get more women into FLR.)

  6. Dear Ms Scarlet,

    I have been remiss in not submitting my entry for the BAV; I thought it was reserved for owned betas. Please accept the following submittal :

    I was going to submit a much shorter version of this, omitting the D/s relationship and most details, however I felt it would not have made sense.. Please excuse the length, but here is my story:

    The last time I slept with a woman was June 20, 1996.

    My ex wife was my coworker, and befriended me following a traumatic event in my life. Not long after(1 to 2 weeks), she made it known that she was attracted to me and wanted to dominate me. I felt as if this woman that I’ve worked with over years had somehow dug into my soul and grabbed at my very nature. Of course I agreed and we began a somewhat FLR relationship. She was not experienced at all, so there was a considerable learning curve on her part. Unfortunately, most of what she learned resembled the ‘Dominatrix’ type domination. That led to mostly weekend ‘scenes’ on the rare event I would take off of work (I typically worked 7 days a week at that time), where she would dress up in leather and thigh high boots, tease and lightly whip me for a bit, and then leave me prance about locked in slutty outfits for night while she slept (I worked the night shift).

    While it did feed some sense of what I desired, it really felt like I was visiting a dominatrix for the weekend. She never had me worship her, serve her, do the chores, or even allow me to kiss her boots. Hell, she even did all of the chores and the cooking (she quit her job shortly into the relationship). Overall it did little to feed the burning desires within.

    Over the course of the year that we lived together (I bought a house for us) we probably had about 6 Domme/slave weekends, otherwise I either worked or we spent time as a regular couple. We then agreed to tie the knot, and I was looking forward to her finally finding her place (as you have done) and me finally being put in mine (I was 30).

    A few weeks before our wedding she tossed ~$2,000 of leather and chains into the garbage, stating she found Jesus. That should have been my warning…but there were a lot of other things going on, and I went along with her decision, hoping she would change.

    We got married and consummated our relationship, having vanilla sex for the first time on June 20, 1996. She seemed to know that our daughter was conceived that night and wanted nothing further to do with me sexually. It was like a switch had been flipped; she stopped wearing anything even remotely attractive, her demeanor changed, she was always busy, and displayed absolutely NO sensuality. A month or so later we found out she was pregnant.

    We stayed together in an asexual relationship for the first five years of our daughter’s life, and she talked me into moving from the S.F. Bay Area to the Midwest for our daughter’s benefit when our daughter was two. After three more years of a completely sexless relationship (quite honestly I didn’t have any desire for her at this point as she had let herself go) she notified me that she was a lesbian shortly after returning to work when our daughter started school. She went to the gym and restored her body to her prior glory (at my expense) over the course of about 6 months, after which she began dating. I felt the stream of strange women in our house was negatively affecting our daughter(which would greatly influence my own dating decisions later on). We separated, then divorced 2 years later…leaving me to raise our daughter on my own (I had no family or friends, I was and am, truly alone).

    I spent the next 13 years being the mom and dad to our daughter, then the next 4 paying her college bills. I did try dating when she was in her junior year of college (found an incredible woman I only had 3 dates with) but had to stop when she presented me with unexpected college bills well beyond what I could pay.

    She graduated from college shortly before COVID hit, but then came down with a medical condition that has prevented her from working. That has left me once again focused on my daughter and her well being. I’m 56 now, and have accepted the fact that I shall never again be a part of a committed relationship, FLR or vanilla (Which is a damn shame when considering my domestic abilities, even becoming quite the accomplished cook over the years).

    And with that very depressing story, I shall leave you with this: While I certainly do miss that glorious feeling of being engulfed in the soft moist embrace of a woman in sexual embrace, my deeper pain is that I will never find myself serving the purpose of my true nature at the whims of a creatively, sadistic woman. My dreams, when they include women, are NEVER never about sexual intercourse, rather about either embracing or serving her.

    I must also give you your fair due: In that time of complete loneliness and overwhelming responsibility you were with me in the early mornings. I found you early on in your blog, and between 4:30 when I woke up and 6:30 when I woke her up to go to daycare, I would read your blog and try to feel what bb felt, and would live my submissive desires vicariously through you and bb. So often I would feel what you put him through was completely different to what “I” found arousing; the little girl shtick, the dollies, the lack of expensive leather and cages…and then realized that was the point; this isn’t about feeding his desires, it’s about feeding yours.

    You, bb, and me…have lived very different lives. You and bb have been so very fulfilled, in much different ways, a perfect symbiosis. Me, well, I have been so very captivated by your relationship and for that, I thank you ever more dearly than you will ever know.

    Thank You so very much Ms. Scarlet and bitch boy.

    1. Thank you for the thank you.
      I have to say I am amazed you have given up finding an FLR relationship or outlet at the young age of 56. I know of several males in their 70s utterly fulfilled by FLR relationships or regular interactions. Please don’t give up.
      Ironically, as you have given up, I am unsure about adding you to the BAV register.
      Unattached males on it became BAV’s through purposeful behaviour of a dominant woman. Were you telling me you are on Fetlife, for instance, with the hope of finding a Domme and you would expect and accept to be a BAV should you find one, that is BAV material. I hope my somewhat illogical view makes some sense.

      1. I do apologize for the wall of words then; I have lost all hope on ever being in a relationship. Between my age, location, and circumstance I can no longer hold on to the hope that I shall ever find myself prostrate before a woman I admire…it is just far too painful to hold on to such hope.

        Thank you.

        1. Do not apologise for the wall of words. You are a long time and loyal follower and have earned the right to give me your long story.
          I would simply urge you to not give up when there are free sites like Fetlife to explore and the odd half hour of exploration online now and then must be possible. Your choice of course though. Hopefully you will continue to live vicariously through my relationship as you have done in the past.

          1. I shall read your blog and your journals until my last breath or you stop writing.

            I do peruse Fetlife regularly, however the local group is typically guys looking for bj’s or some sort of pot smoking hook ups.

            I cannot help but to peruse various sites that feed my fetish, but I have no choice but to give up on actually meeting someone. I touched upon dating someone recently but left out a lot of details that do include FLR, however I have no choice now but to ensure my daughter is taken care of…and that leaves no room for my proclivities.

            Once again, thank you, thank you, thank you. Your blog has given me so much, so very very much.

              1. Dear Ms. Scarlet,

                Unfortunately you need to spend at least $50 in a calendar year to rate or review anything. Since I share my main account with my daughter (for Prime) I created a second account just to purchase your journals. I’ll see what I can do to purchase something I need to get me over the limit in the coming week. It is the least I can do for all you’ve given me.

                  1. Dear Ms Scarlet,

                    I have finally been able to submit a rating. While I was waiting I wrote up a review locally, however after reading the ‘typical’ book review I felt mine looked like something out of the New York Times. I rewrote the Amazon review to be more inline with what is typical on Amazon. I thought you’d appreciate the NYT version:

                    Ms Scarlet once again invites us into her decadent world of dominance and submission. Not a world where a leather clad dominatrix feeds the fetishes of the submissive leaving him sexually satisfied, rather one where the Mistress gorges on a banquet of her own fetishes to orgasmic delight while leaving her submissive miserable, in awe, and hopelessly desperate. She paints a vivid picture of their relationship and the myriad of dichotomies inherent in a D/s relationship.

                    Her depictions of using mundane daily activities to display her power over him gives the reader insight into what a true D/s relationship looks like; it is not a kinky scene that ends when the leather is taken off, rather it is an ebb and flow that moves at the dominant’s whim. I have heard that everything is about sex, except sex, which is about power. Ms Scarlet has enjoined those two dynamics into their daily lives, creating a tension that seems will break him at any moment, but her understanding and deep seated love of him keeps him just above the breaking point…that nirvana in a submissive male that give him both desperate hopelessness and incredible drive.

                    I am left with both sincere pity for her husband and incredible envy. While a non-submissive man could never comprehend why a man would stay in such a relationship, a truly submissive man can’t help but to dream of being enthralled by such a woman as Ms Scarlet and would gladly walk a mile in his silly little Mary Jane’s.

                    This is not a fantasy about a leather clad dominatrix. Quite honestly, a lot of the things she forces upon her husband I find appalling and not in line with ‘my kink’, however the fact she does these things knowing they are appalling to him as well is incredibly erotic .

                    Her journals (and blog) paint a very vivid picture of what a real FLR/Ds relationship encompasses; a relationship many men strive for, most women find repulsive and can’t comprehend, and one where Ms Scarlet has fully embraced.


                    I am still thoroughly enjoying this journal; forcing myself to stop at each entry to fully savor it. I must admit though that I truly do feel immense pity for bb, and as always…envy.

                    1. Thank you so much. I think your NYT version is quite beautifully written, and generous. I agree though that in this day and age, people want short and sweet. A shame.

        2. I would urge you to get involved with the Clothed Female nude male scene. Easy to do on fetlife. It will get you into contact with various ages of women and give you a chance to serve a woman for a few hours. I was into that until our government stopped all those activities due to covid. I do miss it and want to get involved again. I have been a follower of this blog for 6 years but not able to find her on fetlife.

  7. Good Morning Ms Scarlet and all those who have responded on this particular posting .

    I have found the last couple of postings very deeply expressed and written .
    I realise as we get older and often more engrained in the situations we are in its difficult to focus positively on our hopes or dreams . However that is our vision and not neccessarily the vision we should adopt .
    We should keep an open mind because you dont know what is around the corner …!!!
    We all have our own little go to places where we derive whatever interaction or thought there might be.
    I note Ms Scarlet your direction to Fetlife and I would wish to say nothing wrong with it probably has connected many people . I went there before Informed Consent .co.uk and after IC when Tanos decided for ( good reason ) to close IC in early 2013 but it didn’t do it for me so whilst there is a profile its inactive .
    I instead spent my time on Tumblr which has gone through many ownership changes and altered greatly . What I find interesting there is the mix of people , intelegent , serking ,diverse but not agitating , subject matter is vast but there are shall we say dark quiet corners and private messaging , you can if your quite astute identify matches and sometimes start conversations that lead to very rewarding relationships .
    Its a bit quirky how the platform works you follow people you find interesting , you dont advertise so much as give a breif of yourself .
    What I will say is in my experience it works wonderfully at matching people and peoples kinks !
    Maybe this will help someone live a more fulfilled life .
    I hope so .
    Best Regards A

    1. Thank you for the Tumblr link, and thank you for the most important advice which is sometimes sadly missing in comments on my blog! WE SHOULD ALWAYS KEEP AN OPEN MIND!

  8. Dear Ms Scarlet

    From a young age , i had a confident older female Nanny who was a family friend , over time I developed this deep desire to serve sexually and cook and clean her house. I never told her because I didn’t understood it to be a submissive nature, but the desire has never left me when I encounter women with power.

    With age, It took some time, but it did happen, I found a women who had real life femdom play ,on one occasion over a small infraction she apply the Delrin rod at near full force from the start and deliver strokes at 1-3 second intervals. By 30 strokes i was wailing and sobbing my heart out and it has taken only a few minutes.
    A long term D/s relationship is a continuous process of refinement , approaching the true nature of female domination and the essence of male submission

  9. Like others, I found the line-writing scenario fascinating. Hours of tedium on his part, and scant few minutes on her part to check his written work. Every day of his life he wakes up to sheer tedium, and no free time. Ms Christine operates her household that way, also.

  10. That was a great read. It’s very interesting for me to read your blog, a part of me dreads the idea of being in an actual hardcore female led relationship, as on my day to day life, I’m not sure if I’m really a true submissive. It’s just too intimidating and I have no idea whether I could take it. But at the same time, I get so excited just by reading the things you post in, it’s such a big turn on, that it makes me legitimately question whether I’d might actually enjoy this lifestyle. It’s a big doubt for me, am I a legit submissive or just a guy with fetishes? I’ve met a few dominatrixes, and had a great time, but last month, I’ve visited one that was simply something else, and at the same time, I felt not only that I could trust her but also that she was a girl really worth submitting for (something I don’t feel with most honestly, I have some standards). This account, that it started with a pro dome visits, does give me ideas about trying something next time I visit her. I guess just respectfully asking about the possibility of giving it a shot is something okay.

    1. I will give you my opinion for what it is worth.
      You state that, ‘…..I get so excited just by reading the things you post, it’s such a big turn on…..’ Yes you are a true submissive. Only a true submissive would get turned on by accounts of males helplessly in the power or pitiless, cruel dominant women. You are turned on my a state of being. That is not a fetish.

      I suggest you dip your toe and see what happens, although I could advise better if I knew what was your ‘idea’.

      1. Thanks Mistress Scarlet (or should I call you just Scarlet as I’m not your sub? Either way) this is indeed a good point. I love foot worship, a bit of ballbusting, but I see those things as more of a mean to be submissive than an end in themselves. That’s pretty clear. My question is whether this is truly real submissiveness, because for me, it’s always about sexual arousal. So it makes me wonder, whether the submissiveness is just a fetish for me, simply something that the idea turns me on. 2 things that I think are signs that I might indeed be submissive are

        1. I get much more satisfaction from visiting a dominatrix than from having sex, so I think I wouldn’t even mind the whole BAV thing. And on sex, cowgirl was always my favourite position

        2. Even though I find it extremely disgusting, I enjoy when a dominatrix makes me eat my own cum after a session, and I’ve heard from one, that this is not really that common among her clients

        I apologise if this is disrespectful, but sometimes I read your blog and go jerk off after. I know there are many videos around, and some of them are actually good (most are not though I must say), but your words and accounts really do offer something else, that simple videos of men being dominated by women can’t.

        By the way, do you know Mistress Kym? She’s a lifestyle domme who has a 24/7 female led relationship, and she has a blog and a few videos that explain how she got her initially vanilla boyfriend into this lifestyle. It’s all very hot for me, in case you’re curious, you can see the link here


        Her videos are also great, I recommend checking those where she tells her story, it’s fascinating because I feel like most FLR start with the submissive proposing, but in her case, she’s the one who had the ideas, and could successfully drag her man into being her slave. Very hot if you ask me


        So I think for me, the ideal scenario, would be something intermediate. Somewhere in between, like the middle stages of Mistress Kym’s situation. A FLR, but not as extreme as yours. Do you think it’s possible to be a submissive, but in a less oppressive regime, without things escalating too much? Do you think if things escalate, I will eventually still appreciate it?

        I think I should try to get into a FLR, but do it in a situation where it’s possible to leave it without going bankrupt or something like this. I love your attitude of “you can have domination my way, or no domination at all”. I think that’s the only way to find out, because if I’m really submissive, then I’ll stay and it will mean I was really dominated, not by external factors or practical necessity, but purely because I’m a submissive.

        Anyway, sorry for talking too much, but your blog really changed my whole idea about what femdom really is and gets me to make many questions about who I am. Only time will tell what will come out of this, but regardless, I’m grateful to you, hopefully, in some time, I might not be so thankful anymore, if you know what I mean.

        1. No, you should call me Mistress out of courtesy, as you are a submissive and I am a dominant woman.
          ALL submissives begin their journey

            finding sexual arousal

          via dominant women. Having experienced that, they begin to learn that sexual arousal without an erection and without cumming still satisfies them at the deepest level, even if not sexually.

          I do think it’s possible to be a submissive, but in a less oppressive regime. However in my experience,
          escalating is inevitable because of HABITUATION. Some things, initially exhilarating, become dull as both parties get used to them get habituated to them. So both parties seek some escalation, and both parties appreciate it, IN THIR OWN WAY.

          I will have read of Mistress Kym.

          1. I see, that makes sense. Sometimes I do read your blog in situations where I can’t jerk off after indeed, so maybe that’s a beginning.

            Thank you so much for the patience of reading my ramblings. Whatever happens, whether I actually find someone or not, you opened my mind for ideas that I’d probay never have thought about before, and for that, I’m thankful Mistress Scarlet.

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