Another example of the submissive’s paradox

My previous post was an account from a submissive male warning be careful what you wish for and he set out his ‘dire’ circumstances. But when I pushed him on whether he would he like to be set free, he made clear he would NEVER want to be set free.

This post is another account from a submissive male warning be careful what you wish for; and when I pushed him on would he like to be set free, his response was: ‘….No Ms Scarlet I would not want to be free of the relationship as I love my Mistress, she is the love of my life. If something did happen I just know I will never live with another woman. I would be neither happy or fulfilled. At the moment I would say that I feel more fulfilled than happy………… At the end of the day there are no restraints on the doors preventing me from leaving but I don’t.’ The account follows below, by me setting out a series of comments from him.

This post with the last post, (together with bitch-boy’s life), highlight the submissive’s paradox. That to attain big-picture fulfilment, they must endure a good deal of ‘use and abuse’ they do not like. My thoughts on this are: Firstly, they must come to terms with this. Secondly, dominant women need to remember how easy it is to secure their absolute power. Simply ask their submissive, ‘Do you want domination MY WAY, or no domination at all? And MY WAY means I do whatever I damn well please.’ Thirdly, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, those that are in that situation should never forget to be very grateful that they are! The supply and demand situation means the vast majority of submissive males dream of, more than anything, being in their situation, but are not, AND NEVER WILL BE.

It was by studying this paradox that I developed my definition of a submissive. A submissive can only be content when they feel helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel, dominant woman. If their Mistress was not pitiless, or was not cruel, or was not dominant or did not have the submissive feeling helpless, the submissive would not be fulfilled. There is no cake-and-eat-it option!

The Account

I live in a Mistress Slave relationship, started by me, the agenda pushed by me (often against Mistresses opposition) over a couple of years. I said right at the start that I wanted to be a rich woman’s slave, she did not understand but was prepared to give it a go. As I moved in with her everything was in her name, which we decided to leave as it was because I had just left a grabbing wife. I had my salary paid into her account and changed everything into her name, stupid I know, but it seemed the right thing to do at the time as it keep nearly everything out of my then wife’s grabbing hands and my Mistress wanted and seemed eager to get married. My ex-wife made that as difficult as possible, dragging divorce proceedings out for over three and a half years. We had by then moved on. Mistress had bought a rundown house in the best part of town, that I did up, as well as two buy to let properties, made possible by a large amount of money she was left in her Grandads will.

Somewhere during the first two and a half years the dynamics changed as Mistress started to like what we were doing and I had to start using the safe word. It was then Mistress that started pushing the boundaries, trying to drag me along to where I did not want to go. It was during the 2008 banking crises that everything happened very quickly, the divorce came through and I lost my job. Unable to find another one Mistress made her ultimatum. I could stay and live as her slave, which would mean just that, no safe words, do exactly as I was told, obedience would be rigorously enforced, or I could leave; pointing out that she wanted a real slave and if I was not prepared to be it there were plenty out there that would. I made it clear that I was not having it and was not leaving. Mistress called the police and had me removed. The police officer explained to me the law regarding cohabiting couples, he had clearly had a similar experience, and sympathised. After trying to get help from the council and being refused, pasted from one agency to another, spending a night on a park bench, I went back to her begging for a second chance. Mistress made it quite clear what the situation was and that if I did go back there would be no third chance. Realising that, if I refused I could expect, at best, to be offered a one bedroom place, that nobody else wanted, in the rundown area of town amongst the druggies living alone; or accept and live in relative comfort, amongst nice people, driving the top of the range BMW, with my two children. I went back. Mistress is not that cruel, she does not need to be, she knows what I do not like and does it now and then just because she can.

Be very careful what you wish for you may just get it.

…………………………………..

When we started out I made it clear what I wanted but the lady, that is now my Mistress, didn’t really want to go down that route she wanted a ” normal ” relationship. Being a girl who would give things a go she tried and with a lot of gentle pushing from me got further and further into it until we got to the tipping point where she started to go beyond what I wanted. By this time I was in too deep to pull out and started resisting. This only succeeded in spurring her on as she became more ruthless. We have now been together for twenty three years. Tonight as she left to spend two nights with her stud, she’s back late Friday afternoon, just in time to take me for my birthday meal, I said that I wished I had never started down this road but I bet you are glad that we did. She just nodded and smiled saying too right best thing I have ever done. I can only repeat be careful what you wish for you may just get it.

……………………………………….

I have commented before about how being forced to wear a metal collar that you cannot remove without some serious kit is soul destroying. I had, for several years, worn a leather one 24/7 with it only being removed for bathing ect. Although I would never remove it I knew that I could at any time simply cut it off. This enabled me to rationalise that I was allowing this to happen and therefore in some sort of control over my situation.
My situation is that I always believed that I wanted to be a rich women’s slave until I got my wish and found that I did not want it after all. By that time we had crossed the tipping point, I kept pushing for more Mistress was being gently eased deeper into it until slowly the dynamic changed, by which time I was stuffed in more ways than one. Mistress loved it and was not going back to anything else.
Mistress told me that the leather collar was going on and staying on end of. As explained above I learnt to handle it. Mistress then read somewhere that a reluctant slave that was broken was far better than a willing one and collaring was one way to do it.

Every time you feel it you are aware of who you belong to there is simply no escape the phycological presence of it is overwhelming for me and really turns Mistress on especially when she has me remove my top and when I kneel naked at the door when I here her return from one of her lovers.

………………………………………………….

She thinks of me as her bitch and refers to me as such. leaving me to clean the house, look after the garden, walk the dogs, cook the tea etc. She leaves me with a long list of things to do while she is at work or away on one of her liaisons. Clearly if I did not do it, she would find things a lot harder, that’s the point, I exist for no other purpose than to serve her and make her life as easy as possible. I have no job or any realistic chance of getting one and the money I have coming in goes straight into her bank account, none of this could be altered without her knowledge.

…………………………………………………..

Fear is just how my mistress keeps control. I am not scared or frightened of her, I am terrified of what she can do, which is exactly what she likes. As it happens she does very little physically. She does not need to exert herself.

For example she has me caress her, although I am not allowed to touch her between the legs or on her breasts, and knows instantly when I am willing to do it and when I don’t want to. Apparently when I don’t want to is far better. When I start willingly she waits twenty or thirty seconds and then says something like. ...that’s it, you are quite happy to do this, but its rubbish. No matter how hard I try I cannot tell the difference between the two. The strange thing is that when she says that, my hands go cold almost instantly, usually accompanied with what Mistress calls fear breath, and then a knowing little smile comes over her face. It is very off-putting. My body gives me away, she knows I am not just frightened but scared stiff, her dominance is total.

I have not had a release for several years; nothing happens anymore no matter how hard we try, as I am no longer needed as she has a lover and a boyfriend, she calls them big boy and machine gunner, the names say all you need to know. The dominance is not so much physical as phycological, I am TOTALLY BROKEN. I do not believe I could function without her anymore. All I want is to make love to her but know I cannot, the frustration is agonising as I bath her and help her get ready for her liaisons and then help her pack her bag for her overnight stays. The level of fear makes all this possible, the phycological dominance is all encompassing.

10 thoughts on “Another example of the submissive’s paradox

  1. Dear Mistress Scarlet

    Your recent posts have been very interesting as they tap into a more core root of the relationship dynamic than just a description of a titillating scene.

    They have, however, raised some questions in my mind which I would grateful if you would consider answering:

    1. When I look at my Wife, I see a person with her own thoughts, desires, wants and needs. You often remark that BB is your property. When you look at BB do you ever see a person now, or is his existence to you merely functional, much like a chair or a TV?
    1a. And to what level do you consider his presence/existence in your life disposable?

    2. This question is quite extreme so I understand if you do not wish to answer it. If you were diagnosed with a terminal illness with say 6 months to live, how would this play out for BB?
    a) would you release him after you past, or
    b) leave him with some form of enduring control/domination, or
    c) something more extreme. Kings and Queens of the past have often been buried with there property.

    Despite reading your recent posts and seeing where these men have ended up, I cannot stop myself from wanting the same. I truly fear ending up in their place but desire it nonetheless. I have recently broached with my Wife the subject of her becoming my Mistress with the help of your guide. She hasn’t dismissed the idea and is mulling it over. It is now with her as to whether we proceed or not.

    The issue I am now left with, I will be unfulfilled if my Wife chooses not to proceed, yet if we do proceed, I face the endurances of becoming her property and all that would entail. There is no real happy ending for me here…
    Actually even as a write this I realise my existence is to make my Wife’s life as pleasurable as possible – whether she dominates me or not. In fact it is selfish of me to want that, I should put my Wife needs above my own, and the domination should only exist for her pleasure.
    What an ego destroying realisation this is.

    1. 1. I have my cake and eat it. bb is the most intelligent person I have ever met. He responds with great wisdom and compassion when me, my friends or family have a problem. He protects me when we are in ‘dodgy’ places home or abroad. He and I still share hours of vanilla time together each week because, when I desire it, I adore his vanilla company, be it at home watching TV or fine dining etc. But none of those vanilla times or attributes prevent me from being utterly pitiless in the DS aspect of our relationship. I do think I own him and I think he is out of my league, but he is not in any way disposable. We have the perfect symbiotic relationship given he genuinely feels the need to worship the ground I walk on.

      What is the difference between happiness and fulfilment? How would you answer that question? Submissives in long-term DS relationships and always profoundly fulfilled. That is the most important thing to them. Does that fulfilment bring them happiness. I think perhaps it does, it certainly seems to with bb. I think bb recognises what he has to endure in order to obtain his fulfillment and sees it as an inevitable price he has to pay to get that fulfillment and a price worth paying.
      I think perhaps it is like an elite athlete. They make so many huge lifestyle sacrifices to be elite and they consider it worth so doing.
      Although a hugely complex issue, I am not sure I agree ‘the domination should only exist for her pleasure’. I consider it is about creating a perfect symbiosis. I do whatever I want with bb and so he is fulfilled. BUT, if there is some pitiless cruelty I really enjoy that I also know particularly hits his submissive buttons, I will always be including that in our lifestyle at some point. Symbiosis.

  2. Please Mistress can You please tell me in wich of Your journals it is the moust double domming?

  3. it finds these last two accounts rather interesting Mistress Scarlet as this slave is about to embark on it’s first Owner/slave relationship.

  4. Its not really a good example of submissives paradox though she took everything and threw him outside.. he was supposed to die outside?

    1. No she did not. I am not sure what you were reading. ‘…… I do not believe I could function without her anymore. All I want is to make love to her but know I cannot, the frustration is agonising as I bath her and help her get ready for her liaisons and then help her pack her bag for her overnight stays. The level of fear makes all this possible, the phycological dominance is all encompassing…..’

      1. I was reading, “Mistress called the police and had me removed. The police officer explained to me the law regarding cohabiting couples, he had clearly had a similar experience, and sympathised. After trying to get help from the council and being refused, pasted from one agency to another, spending a night on a park bench, I went back to her begging for a second chance. “

        1. I know what you mean, but read between the lines, he has had years to properly plan to leave if he wanted to. That clearly would not be beyond him to do. He hasn’t has he though. And its not surprising given he says, (demonstrating perfectly the submissive paradox), ‘….No Ms Scarlet I would not want to be free of the relationship as I love my Mistress, she is the love of my life. If something did happen I just know I will never live with another woman. I would be neither happy or fulfilled. At the moment I would say that I feel more fulfilled than happy………… At the end of the day there are no restraints on the doors preventing me from leaving but I don’t.’

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