I may have had a bit of an epiphany. Let me begin by explaining my epiphany results from two recent comments I received, and from my life, given my current and planned regimen for my bitch.
My wife can be strict but not nearly that strict. Like many subs I dream of being in a relationship like that, with a completely merciless mistress—the idea of being careful of what you wish for is incredibly enticing. Only the kind of relationship that results in regret can be the kind of relationship you crave so ardently.
Comment 2 (From Christine regarding the last posting)
I would certainly counsel you to be careful of what you wish for if you desire ‘a completely merciless mistress’. This was David’s desire from the start. We have always had ‘confession’ periods in our vanilla times to discuss events. We often laugh over aspects that were traumatic at the time for David, but on reflection, really ‘tickled’ his fetish mind.
For David, his submission is very cerebral. For example, the physical demands of his arduous, lengthy tasks, really do get far too much for him. He only keeps going as he so greatly fears the consequences of not doing so. However, if they were easy, he would feel letdown. He hates this dichotomy of feelings, as it has led him to where he is.
In the early days, David would often let me know I could take things further, be stricter, or more severe. It is many years since he last made such ‘suggestions’. He is still free to raise things he doesn’t like, or that are too much. This is not like a ‘safe word’. It is a sharing that I can take on board, or simply ignore. I am often considerate of such issues, which makes it even harder for him when I ignore a concern.
For example, I would previously make David stand in the corner, sometimes for several hours with his hands on his head. When he raised how this was now getting so incredibly painful, he couldn’t cope with it as he got older; I relented, and he only needs to keep his hands on his head for the first hour.
With respect to his desire for erections, and proper, more frequent releases; I remain adamant that is not going to happen. This truly adds to his despair. If he could turn the clock back to the days when he got fortnightly, massive orgasms, climaxing inside me; believe me, he would do so. Yet, when he could, he had playfully suggested I could be more cruel!
I know from current vanilla time confessions, he wants to turn the clock back, his chastity has become too extreme. But his fate has been sealed. Two, one-minute hand-jobs is as good as it will ever get; and he will never have an erection outside of those two brief moments.
He could of course leave me, but I know that is not going to happen. At the end of the day, he would then lose the security and deep submissive satisfaction that only flow from being in the control of a completely merciless mistress. He is trapped in a web of his own creation.
I have realised that every single subby in an FLR relationship that has ever interacted with me has fallen into one of two types.
Type A, (the vast majority), are not wholly content and wish their Mistress would be crueller and more pitiless. Type B, whom, while being wholly content, deeply regret some of what their FLR life involves for them and desperately wish their Mistress would just dial back a few or the most cruel elements of their regimen.
So it seems to me a perfect equilibrium cannot exist. For a submissive to truly meet their submissive craving of; being helplessly in the power of a pitiless, cruel dominant, they must regret some elements of, what they wished for. Unless there is some of that regret, they cannot be truly content.
This brings me onto being a dominant women, ruling in an FLR. I have NEVER been so sexually content as I have been since I pushed things to where my bitch genuinely regrets what he wished for. (The almost constant power-rush is huge.) I believe Christine and other Dommes feel the same. It is therefore so frustrating when I read time and again of women ‘playing’ being in an FLR. They never get what they truly can get and nor does their subby. I accept it is to some extent a leap of faith to reach the, genuinely regret what they wish for level, and very much against civilised societies’ norms, but it is a plain fact that so very many submissives exist, and it seems surely the best way forward, is to reach that perfect symbiosis for both the subby and the Domme, of the subby regretting what they wished for.
So, is that the tipping point for ensuring symbiotic contentment for both parties? He MUST genuinely regret what he has wished for?
31 thoughts on “It is only enough when it is too much!”
First I will say without hesitation I’ve been in different situations that would apply to both the A and B category. The deepest submissive, well feeling of contentment, is the best way I can think of to describe it, occurs when situation B is the reality for me. While perhaps the “submissive need” would still be met if the woman turned back the clock a bit, there is no hesitation that helpless feeling of submission is far more intense when the dominant woman are applying things that i would love for her not to. So I suppose it’s that paradox of the submissive male again? I would say the regret of no submission/domination at all is far greater than the regret of being in a situation when the dominant woman put me through these cruel elements. That in itself is a helpless situation for the submissive male? What can he do but to submit?
I loved your comment!
I think you are so right, when saying that the regret of no sub/dom at all would be worse than the regret of cruel elements.
“The almost constant power-rush is huge”
Mmm Ma’am, that’s so well said❣️
It is so exciting that there must be some regret…
Without being able to speak the dominant’s contentment, I’d say that’s absolutely correct. I don’t have the FLR life of my dreams, but the few times where I was pushed and it went to “too much” are the times that feed me in the droughts. I’d say “too much” is a sliding scale though, as clearly demonstrated by your own “ratcheting up” experience. Contentment comes from when it’s genuine, and it’s not genuine if it’s not more than we can take. What was too much year 1 is nothing compared to year 20 just as you write. Personally, I backed off my “dreams” and am happy to dabble because I saw a flash of what could be and I’m not entirely sure I could handle it.
At what point did it start to be obvious that your “merciless cruelty” enhanced your own sexual experience? When did “too much” become an addiction to you?
The first milestone was him genuinely begging with all his heart and me carrying on with whatever it was. REAL POWER. REAL DECADENCE.
The latest sexual satisfaction milestone for me came from firstly a realisation I literally cannot break him physically or mentally, and secondly my repeatedly giving him the choice of no domination at all, or I dominate him however the fuck I want, and him always, perhaps reluctantly, choosing I dominate him. With those issues as a backdrop, then hugely minimising or eradicating any and all sexual compensation for him for his suffering makes for a 24/7/365 feeling of TOTAL POWER and PITILESS DCECADENCE.
If I may trouble you with one more question. How long before you started your journey did it take to reach that first milestone of “too much?” We’re there any signs this was coming?
No signs I can recall. Perhaps I do not understand your question.
Sorry for not being more specific. When did your confidence reach the point to where you felt comfortable going to places where you knew it was too much for him at the moment? I’m assuming it was a slow build initially.
As I have written in earlier posts, during the lock-down I began to explore going past old boundaries. I find to do so very arousing and he could not hide he was in even more awe of me and most importantly it became clear I he is so robust and would not be broken by me. So I had complete freeddom.
It is clear that you suffer from an intense mental illness. perhaps you were molested as a child. Was it your father? Your brother? Perhaps some other trusted male adult? Whatever the case the molestation must have been so sever that it left you with a deep seeded resentment towards men.This anger is then directed towards this “David” who stands in as a substitute for the man or men who molested you. I would surmise that this man was abused by his mother or other females and now seeks to reenact this trauma through you.
Thankfully in the last twenty years great advancements in mental illness have been made. There are now many more trained professionals very skilled in treating your perversions. When you include the advancements made in medicines, there is great hope for you and your kind.
I wish you success in recovery. I hope you find something or someone who will be able to bring closure with this hurt and that you find the peace and joy that has so far eluded you.
So funny to get your comment on the same day as this one:
I now have read the links You added in Your reply, thank You for them.
I must say that what You explain in the link “LINK 1” kind of shook me. The definition of a submissive is so accurate! It really felt like it was me You described. I am so impressed of Your level of knowledge in these thing! Bitch boy must be such a happy human being, and I so envy him! I am so greatful to have found this blog.
This blog has, for the first time in 38 years, helped me to be able to “see the whole picture”. And the explanation of the submissives paradox was such an important new knowledge to me. That a submissive needs to be told to do things he doesn’t like while doing them, but they make him feel submissive. And that feeling makes him want to do them after all. Brilliant.
So, I won’t write You a whole book 🙄, but I wanted to express my appreciation, I love this blog, and I have just started to buy and read Your journals. Amazing!
Have a lovely Easter weekend 🐣🐥
Just the other day Mistress Linda and I had a heated discussion regards my chastity. I was under the impression I would be released for sex. I was mistaken. Mistress reminded me I was denied erections. She said she wants me to remember how they feel bit not to experience them
I agree about the paradox of no submission is far worse than the regret of a harsh, strict mistress.
I was born submissive, becoming aware of my sexual submission when I was about four years old, so for me the need for submission, hard submission, is deeply woven into my character.
I had the same experience—being aware of submission being my sexual orientation by the age of four or so. For me it’s not a “kink,” it is the core of my sexuality. Then at the age of 15 I discovered I was also a sissy. Again, not as a kink, but as a deeply-woven part of who I am, and I need a harsh mistress. Unfortunately my wife is not much into bdsm, so I feel a lacking in my life.
Have you tried using some tools from my alternative website to have her experiment with proper dominance? LINK 1 LINK 2
Good morning Mistress
I was wondering whether if, in some perverted way, your strict regime of no erections or orgasms actually makes it easier for bb to endure your punishments and humiliations.
In my experience, I am able to take much more pain and degradation when I am kept horny.
The thing I hate most is having to suffer a caning or hideous humiliation immediately after an orgasm. My Mistress knows this and when I am ordered to remove my cage before a session my heart sinks. I am generally then subjected to a very quick, unsexy and uncomfortable orgasm. Mistress keeps fully clothed during the process – often in her tatty gardening clothes and wearing rough gardening gloves.
The subsequent caning is sooo much more painful and unpleasant as I no longer get any sexual thrill at all from it. Being humiliated in front of best friends is 10x worse as I see myself as they do – a pathetic, sad wimp. The very brief moment of pleasure is completely overshadowed by the massive increase in the misery.
Is this a tactic that you have ever employed to maximise bb’s misery?
I did in the past use that strategy from time to time with humiliation, not physical pain.
There seems to be a difference from when he got teased erections and not cumming which enabled him to take a huge amount. It has become to appear to both Christine and I, that erections are actually an enabler of coping, rather than sexual arousal. This is a very fresh revelation I have not fully processed.
Dear Mistress Scarlet,
First of all may I wish you a happy International Women’s Day (if you think such events are meaningful)
Secondly, I think that the reason why there is, as you say, ‘no perfect equilibrium’ is that if the dominant’s control of a submissive is to render them helpless, the situation must be beyond the point of no return. If it is not, then the submissive will always sense that they can take control back, and their submissive nature will be dissatisfied.
To use an analogy, when Mistress Alecto straps me into my straitjacket, up to a certain point I feel that I could change my mind and stop the process by wriggle free. But there comes a point when the straps are pulled tight and cinched through the buckles I KNOW that I am trapped and will only be released when Mistress decides to do so. If she pulled the straps loosely closed and left them there , I would always know that I was not truly bound even if the jacket was ‘on’ to all external appearances.
Dear Mistress Scarlet.
I have been reading you for years now and have commented a little number of times. In regards of your slave regretting your FLR lifestyle, I feel that for the last year you have been really “turning the heat up”. Your strictness and cruelty (both physically and mentally) have evolved to a point that it might be starting to overwhelm him a little bit. This is, of course, perfectly fine, as long as your slave understands and accepts this is the way you want to dominate him.
Plus, consider two extra things:
1. Chastity is incredibly taxing for a male, or at least that is the impression I have and my personal experience (the few times I have been locked for long periods of time).
2- The whole idea of being completely denied of just touching your Mistress is extremely (and delightfully) cruel. Becase for a submissive the dominant can became and object of absolute worship.
From my own experience, I think there is truth to the regrets part. Now Mistress C. only allows me to come into the toilet and under her supervision (and much less frequently than in the past).
I certainly miss coming as often as I liked and wish I could do it more often. But I also don’t want to go back to when she exerted less control over me. Over the past year-plus, Mistress C. has increased her dominance and has no plans on rolling any of her changes back. And I find those changes intoxicating and they have only deepened my devotion to her.
Ms. Scarlet, may I please have your permission to re-quote the section ‘My epiphany’ on my blog? (with proper attribute of course!)
Ms. Scarlet, I very much enjoy your insights to the psychology a full on dominant woman over a true male submissive. Although I have not explored it to anywhere near the depth that you have all of what you say rings very true.
The one thing that has always puzzled me, however, is the need ratchet up the levels continuously. I can understand the initial power rush associated with the ratchet, but over time it seems to me that it may force the relationship into a bit of a dead end. I wonder what you think of occasionally releasing the ratchet on some aspect and then reapplying it at your whim. It seems like this might actually serve to increase your power and increase the awe and concern that you induce in your submissive.
Hmmmm, slightly confusing that you think going backwards could be exciting and going forwards could be a dead end?
Always moving forward is driven by two things for me, firstly, to a large extent it it driven by the submissive becoming habituated to a level of activities. If when an activity was introduced, he would genuinely beg with all his heart, that is arousing for the Domme and creates a power-rush. If he gets used to that activity and no longer genuinely begs with all his heart, the power-rush is no more.
Secondly it is driven by the delicious and arousing feeling of power and decadence from leaving your sub feeling utterly desolate over a new and serious ratchet click, only a serious Domme would click. It makes on feel exotic and somewhat special and quite rare.
Ms Scarlet, You have made some wonderfully insightful posts recently. I think it is in our submissive nature to want our denial to be pushed to the point where we regret what’s been taken away from us. I know the point at which I was transitioned from Type A to Type B, which was when my wife said she would no longer permit me to masturbate after licking her to orgasm. She wished to separate my orgasm from her sexual pleasure so I would now only be allowed one clinical masturbation session each week. She would sit on the bed in her office clothes or leggings and sweatshirt while I would kneel naked before her and jerk off. As I’ve mentioned, it has been difficult for me to masturbate since I had a circumcision in my twenties (my shaft no longer has any movement in the skin and my glans is not very sensitive after years of being exposed) so these attempts would now take 15 minutes instead of the previous 3 minutes, causing her to become bored. So these days the denial has been racheted up even further, where I am now to take my pleasure solely from giving her an orgasm. Would I Iike to “turn back the clock”: Yes. Is that going to happen: No. But when my wife lays there in post orgasm bliss, I get a glow inside me knowing that I will be denied
So no orgasms for you at all?
Ms Scarlet, it is more that my wife has absolutely no interest in providing me with a release. Some people might consider this selfish considering the attention she gets from me, but as a submissive, it emphasizes her superiority to me. Chastity is not an option for me due to our lifestyle, so she has an honour system: My wife goes out several times a week with friends and once a week she will give me permission to jerk off while she is out, after completing my chores. To control this further, both my laptop and phone have adult restrictions on them to prevent me seeing nudity as she believes this is inappropriate
You are lucky to have once a week.