Ladies – adopt the lifestyle


This blog section will be devoted to persuading and assisting other women to adopt the sort of lifestyle I enjoy. I can say with some smugness that I am the most content and happy woman I know. So many other women could enjoy the life I enjoy. I will add to this section from time to time.

You may be a single woman looking for Mr Right. You may be married to a submissive man. You may be married to a weak man who you do not want to separate from, but for whom you have very little or no respect. Perhaps in addition, he is addicted to food or alcohol or gambling or infidelity.

This blog section will be written on the basis that you have a submissive man but it will be relevant to all the situations I have described above.


My bitch-boy is submissive. He has told me he knew this before puberty. He knows he thought submissively about women when he was 9 or 10 years old. He knows this for certain because it was before he joined senior school.

He has a submissive soul. He cannot be content without being controlled and dominated. If he is treated with cruelty, that is a clear reinforcement of how helpless his situation is and it increases his sense of being controlled. He truly hates many of his punishments, my tortures, his humiliations and his endless chores.  BUT, I know his soul is content. There are little signs. Not least of which, his worship and awe of me. If your man is truly submissive (and so many are) he will never actually be truly content without true domination – be warned.


Several times I have posted on women’s blogs who are playing at domination or chastity control and, in response to a question they pose,  I have set out a view of taking the steps required to move from a game to real domination. I often receive the response – I want a husband, not a doormat.

If only these women understood that a man dominated, punished and humiliated at home (or at selected friends’ homes) can still be your knight in shining armour when the need arises. My bitch-boy happens to be the most intelligent and courageous person I have ever met. Should we find ourselves in a dodgy part of a city at night, for instance, there is no one I would feel more secure with. If I have a tedious problem to resolve, he takes on anyone or any organisation on my behalf, with assertiveness and solutions to problems.

So I say to these women that play games. You can have your cake and eat it.

I am often asked by Dommes wanting to go for the full lifestyle, whether that means they must miss out on the companionship of their sub. I always respond by explaining how I carry on enjoying bitch-boy’s vanilla companionship WHEN I CHOOSE. I explain that there are times when I don’t do anything other than “hang out” with my sub. For example, sometimes, I get home from work and tell him that I can do whatever I want with him because I own him and tonight I am going to use him for his vanilla company. Its that simple for me. The same for family or work functions. bitch-boy is very intelligent and cultured so when watching a film or eating out at a very good restaurant, I want his vanilla company – his interesting and wise thoughts on what we are experiencing. Also, I like comedy – stand-up comedy and some TV series. Who wants to laugh alone?? So I will use bitch-boy for his vanilla company during comedy entertainment.

If we eat at a hotel with a top restaurant, I will tie him up and gag him on the bed at say, 6:00pm. I will give him a harsh dose of dickie-discipline. I will orgasm. Then I will release him and I tell him I now want his vanilla company while we eat the meal. bitch-boy understands that he is mine to use in any way I wish 24/7/365 and he understands that use includes that I will use him for his vanilla company at my whim.


Your man needs to feel 100% helpless and trapped. This is easy to achieve. For instance, start playing some bondage games and /or dress up games. Take a photo or two. Put the photos on a flash drive/memory stick and hide it away, or just tell him you have done so. Threaten to send the photos to someone or several people he would dread receiving them. Explain you have changed fundamentally and now cannot enjoy or contemplate the relationship without being the dominant partner and so you are 100% serious. Leave him in no doubt. A submissive man will be in awe of your actions and threats, especially if he knows the threats are not idle. Other men will quickly accept the situation. Like a wolf or chimpanzee in a pack, when a man knows his place in the hierarchy he is at ease.

Begin conditioning. Men, like Pavlov’s dogs, can be conditioned over time. You can move their sense of reality. Punish infractions with punishments that he is truly frightened of and desperate to avoid. Over time, doing all the chores becomes a normal (though dull) part of his life and there is an acceptance in him that that is the way it is. The same phenomenon applies to waiting on you hand-and-foot and to his restricted sexual relief and freedom. Get a chastity device. One involving a piercing is best. You will soon begin to experience the rush of having true power over another human being. Power is a huge rush and an aphrodisiac. It has been enjoyed, as such, by men over women for millennia, now women can enjoy it and become aroused and satisfied by it too.

Begin to experiment with your cruelty and sadism. In my early years of dominance, I could not bring myself to accept that I was a sadist. I found the word to be very distasteful. I was still foolishly fettered by society’s norms and standards. But after frequent experiences of intense arousal while inflicting physical or mental pain on my bitch-boy, I accepted that I was a sadist and that I loved sadism. Perhaps it is simply that sadistic activity signifies true power and it is the power that is the aphrodisiac? I don’t know or care.


Being sensitively woken and given tea or coffee in bed every morning. Being waited on hand and foot. Being utterly worshipped in mind and body. As many orgasms on demand as one could want. No household chores. No tedious paperwork or junk mail to deal with. A social life wholly of your choices. A 100% trustworthy partner who will never be unfaithful. Other sexual partners (in my case always female). The intense pleasures of power and sadism.


Effort is required to maintain the lifestyle. Rules have to be written and it is critically important that all infractions receive punishment, although they can be written down for later delivery.  I have to be sensitive to what is going on in bitch-boy’s head, and if I think awe or obedience is waning, I have to take action. I also think I have a responsibility to add new things from time to time, to keep things fresh. Bringing in other women can be time consuming  and requires patience to find the right women. (But when you do, what a living nightmare it is for the poor sub and what a delight it is for you. Experiences that really keep the sub’s head in the right place!) Not for everyone, but for me, lots of physical exercise to keep my body in great shape. This adds to my power and assists when teasing and denying bitch-boy. But the lifestyle can easily be achieved without this facet. I wear high-heels more often than I otherwise would. But all this effort on my part is rewarded 1000 fold by my quality of life.


Skiing off-piste, offering unconditional love in a vanilla relationship, playing contact sports – all these things carry a risk but many people take the risk to obtain the rewards. Adopting a life style like mine carries a risk.

I will leave it there for now but will add more in this section in due course.

204 thoughts on “Ladies – adopt the lifestyle

  1. Dear Mistress Scarlet, I just wanted to write to thankyou for your wonderful blog and also your diaries. Having read the 1st and 3rd editions I’m also looking forward to edition 2. The very best of luck in your noble quest to promote the benefits of your wonderful lifestyle to other Ladies. The world would be a far better place if more Ladies could follow your example.
    sincerely and with adoring curtseys,

    1. I don’t Think u know how popular It already Is, It’s Growing like wildfire so fast It can’t b contained, Everyday That I’m out with my sissy maids behind me other superior Fems are asking bout It They wanna know how They can do The same and I show em how I do It, They r so amazed by The feeling They Get when They have authority and not have 2 live n a patriarchal no mans land

      1. Can you be more specific why you believe the Female domination or Female Led relationship is growing? I am interested in it but when I talk about it with my friends I get a pretty negative response…Jade

        1. My belief is based on the amount of times Femdom is featured in some way in mainstream entertainment and advertising. It never was 15 years ago. In addition clubs like Club Pedestal never had regular slots. And further, the number of Femdom couples on BDSM contact sites seems to have increased a lot over the last ten years.

          It is still a niche area though so I am not surprised your group of friends are uninterested. It may sound arrogant, but I believe dominant women have a collection of attributes most women do not have, such as, a comfortable ability to go outside society’s morals and norms, an expectation to get more out of life than the average person expects, a confidence in herself to be able to take absolute control of a man – (rare).

  2. Dear Ms Scarlet,
    I’m an avid reader of your blog. Ever since I found it I’ve been wanting to ask you whether you love your husband, but it seemed too personal a question so I’ve always refrained. It was very, very nice to hear your positive comments about him (paragraph “I want a husband not a doormat”). So good to hear that such an unequal lifestyle can be lived without being at the expense of one side’s affections. I wish you both every happiness (in your own ways!).

  3. Thank you for your comment on Chastity Lifestyle regarding my little chastised pet Jimmy. I can assure you he is very grateful towards me, and any little negative signs of dissension are quicky dispersed by him having to fetch my cane. Thanks again…. Mistress B.

    1. Hi Mistress B
      I just loved that you denied him release because he had not kept in position in the time allowed between strokes, even though he took the full 50. Such strictness from a domme is a real delight to read about. Just what is required to keep a sub suitable awestruck and subjugated.

  4. I absolutely agree with the “I WANT A HUSBAND, NOT A DOORMAT!” section (not that I don’t agree with the other sections!). Though Her 100%, 24/7 slave and servant without a doubt (despite the cursed constraints of vanilla life) I endeavour to always be strong, totally supportive and dependable for my Goddess. I am Her property in every way, but also Her man and protector whenever She needs me that way. The idea that a Dominant Woman can never show weakness or need advice, never makes mistakes, is absurd. I am whatever Goddess demands me to be. I am ALWAYS there for Her and it upsets me DEEPLY whenever I feel I may have let Her down, no matter how slightly.

    1. I worship my wife owner who utterly controls me and I grovel before her and her man friends in total humiliation I perform orally on her or them as commanded.

  5. Mistress Scarlet, I came across this website ‘’ and showed several pages to my little pet Jimmy.(I wouldn’t ever carry out anything like this, mainly because I love teasing and punishing his little clitty) but when I mentioned to him that his little chastity cage may be come redundant, his face was a joy to behold.
    I will keep him worrying and fretting for a few weeks.

    Yours. Mistress B.

    1. What a great and clever mind-fuck Mistress B. He should fret because he must be able to see how loveley it would be for a Mistress to have a little sub with nothing between his legs. Just like an action man doll. An asexual servant and slave who could never relieve the sexual tension despite having to provide lots of sexual pleasure to others. As you say though, there is so much to miss! Its such a delightful pleasure atending to bitch-boy’s little clitty with a ruler or nettles or lemon juice or a spiked restrainer or simply teasing and edging and denying. Too much to miss.

      1. If I had the honour to be your slave, I would gladly submit myself for total castration by you.

        Perhaps afterwards, you would be kind enough to further humiliate me by cooking the removed material, and adding it as the meat content of your next meal.

        Which you would oblige me to watch you consume. After you had finished you would pat your by then full stomach, and say “I really enjoyed that, it was delicious, but don’t worry, you will get it all back in due course, after all you are my toilet.”

        If the operation also included giving me labia majora, then that would be a step in the right direction to achieving my dearest wish which is.

        I have always wanted to be a girl, at least that is since puberty.


      2. Loving the nettles idea there!
        I am just rediscovering this side of me and am very much enjoying myself.
        Combining the pleasure in punishing a pathetic male with a device from one of my passions (gardening) is just delicious.
        I will be putting that one into practice when the opportunity arises (specifically when he ‘arises’ anyway).

      3. Being made into a eunuch husband for a Dominant Wife would be an honor, but since my clitty is useless for satisfying a Female, it just saves having to wear a chastity device. But I think the most important lesson is that we slaves are nothing without our Wives and all our purpose and meaning in life is derived by serving Her, and that means anything at all that She says or wants, anytime. It’s that simple.

  6. Dear mistress, I am a sub sissy who wishes desperately to be slaved feminized and used without my control, I have been looking for this for a while and cannot find it. I have never been in a mistress/slave relationship and would very much like to recieve one, if you could be my mistress or could perhaps point me/ and or someone into my direction? It would be greatly apriciated

    1. I fear I am no expert on this. I will give you my opinions but they might be wrong. First, I think contact sites, BDSM munches, fetish fairs and clubs such as club Pedestal are the main ways to meet such a woman. You may spot a woman with appropriate potential in your day to day life but that has very low probability. Second, I will list attributes in yourself you can work on, and the more of these boxes you tick, the more you may be attractive to a lifestyle domme.

      Being: # fit, good BMI and healthy, # reasonable income, # good cook, # good at ironing, # good with new technology, # good at pedicures and massage, # good at painting fingernails and toenails, # the ability to only speak when spoken to, # knowledge of current affairs, # good at massage, – You get the picture. (You can find ways to become good at many things on this list if you are not already.)

      Third, you have to be ready for the possibility of minimising, perhaps to zero, your time spent on hobbies and pastimes, and with family and friends, and on your sexual needs and on moving house. And you have to understand that your exact fantasies may not meet your domme’s desires and a very different regime is insisted upon.

      Finally, do not send money abroad to a conman or woman posing as a dome who needs the money to travel to you, or for a family member’s medical treatment, etc, and don’t send blackmail material to a potential domme you have hardly had any real contact with.

      1. Hello mistress. I feel the same. I am looking to give my life over to a domme and become their sissy maid for the rest of my life. I have a qualification in beauty. I love serving women. I think they are the dominant sex or should be. Where do I find someone who would be interested in taking on a full time life sissy maid. If that even exists.

        1. I suggest you work hard at perfecting skills like cooking, housework, laundry, ironing, massage, pedicures, cunnilingus, yard work, gardening. That you earn good money, and are physically fit – that you are not obese. Then seek a mistress by sensitive wooing. In all things, be tolerant, be patient, act with kindness, maturity and wisdom.

          If you are dating a likely candidate, serve her, for instance – start by opening all doors for her, waiting on her hand and foot, doing chores for her, giving her lots of orgasms while you have none, buy her flowers and gifts for no reason. (Do not buy chocolates or candy if she is trying to lose weight – that is lazy and insensitive). Keep all this up until she would miss such devotion were it to stop, then gently introduce the subject in tiny increments.

          If you are not dating, then I suggest BDSM contact sites, but it seems there about 100 submissive men for each dominant woman – so you are in a competition – you have to deserve a Domme to get one. You may perfect all the skills I mention and still not be lucky. Good luck and best wishes.

    2. dear Tommy ,
      i feel the same as you do, i want to find a dominate lady who will control me and make me her slave, i want to become her doormat , obey her, take what ever punishment she may need to give me, and treat me with out any love or affection for me, abusing me and humiliating me constantly, even spitting in my face,
      but where do you find these goddesses,, if you are the lady i want please find and hate me……..Mally needs

  7. Bravo! More women need to control their man, and take control of his balls. The man should have to “earn” his infrequent permission to release! The woman should also tell a couple of her closest girlfriends, and in front of him, to further his humiliation and to “put him in his place.” Let’s all keep spreading the word! Bravo to you, fellow Goddess!

    1. As a submissive male since the age 11, I realized my intense desires to submit to the authority of females, when my sister who was 5 years older than me, would bring her girlfriends to our home. Mostly I would peek out of the window and watch them interact with each in their feminine ways, singing and dancing together and teasing each other about boys. I would always imagine being whipped as their male slave. It was only me and my older sister and my mom. My sister was always left in charge of me, while my mom worked from 3 to midnight at the tire factory, her job paid well in those days, so we never lacked for anything. But as soon as mom went to work, all of my sister’s girlfriends would come over and party. I would be sent to my room to watch tv, but I would always slip out and watch them, sometimes the girls would remove their blouses and bras to compare the breast sizes and compliment each other on the curves and shapes. Needless to say I was masturbating like crazy, until one the girls came out of the bathroom which I did hear, if anyone was in there. This girl that they called “bunny” yelled to my sister and said “ooooooooh Lisa your little brother is doing something nasty !” I then tried to zip up my pants quickly and in the process I zipped weiner and cried out in pain ! All of the girls laughed at me, as I was crying out, in pain, shame and humiliation ! My sister was so mad at me, but she quickly grabbed a bottle of Mazola corn oil and lubricated my zipper and my skin, that was stuck in it. Well it only took a couple minutes to unzip my weiner and my sister sent me immediately to my room. Unbeknownst to me, my sister and her 3 other girlfriends after about ten minutes, had planned my punishment. My bedroom door popped open and the stood my sister with belt in hand and her three girlfriends, I was told to strip naked, by my sister as the other girls stood quietly by, I began crying hoping I would get out of a belt whipping, but young girls and older women love teaching a male a lesson that he will not soon forget ! The girls held down my arms and legs and at different intervals took turns belting my ass, even though it hurt a lot, I enjoyed looking back at their faces as they belted my ass, what a look of determination and power that these girls felt and displayed. To make a long story short, I was never allowed to be in my room when the girls came over, I was made to stand in a corner with my hands over my head, and my mother eventually used the same belt to discipline me. I am now 55 years old and married to a very dominant wife of 25 years. My dominant wife has told me that I will be “castrated” at age 60, because she read an article online about males in the early 20th century who suffered from severe mental illnesses were often castrated, but in the process it was discovered that once the male body stop producing testosterone, those castrated males “lived 10 years longer” than the normal males !! Since the average males lives to be about 75 to 77 years of age. My loving dominant wife said that she wanted me to be around an extra 10 years of life to obediently serve her ! Women are so intelligent and efficient even till the end of the male’s life….I only wish that I could live to see the future of males, 800 years from now as today’s dominant women re-define “masculinity” for males, as they are quickly displaced from their roles as ‘breadwinners” and “head of household” So the only role in society for a male to fill is that of a “‘subservient male” in the future where the women will be the leaders of society and the world. My wife is constantly pointing out the many different scenarios in everyday life were the males are under the command of a female boss or the husband pushing the baby stroller or changing diapers, digging a ditch as the female boss looks on, wives and girlfriends humiliating their males in public to establish dominance, and most of all, behind the closed doors of almost every american household is the explosion of fetish toys that caters to the dominant female clothing, and males portrayed with leash and dog collars, on their knees, and males in maids uniforms……….the women are definitely sending a message to the male mind !!

  8. I just found this amazing blog. I hope someday that my newly dominant wife will be to me half as cruel as you are to your bitch-boy. Your sadism comes through wonderfully in your writings and you hit the nail on the head describing what some submissive men (such as your bitch-boy and me) desire/need.

  9. Dear Ms Scarlet I cannot agree more totally with what you say. My belief in Female Supremacy dates back long before I met my Nicola, but she, just like you, knows exactly how to extract every last drop of submission from a man…testing me, humiliating me, punishing me…she constantly reinforces my worship for her.

    Thank you.

  10. Mistress Scarlet, I absolutely love your blog. I do have a question for you. My boyfriend and i just started early stages of sissyfication. He shaved his legs, I waxed his bottom. He wears thigh highs throughout the day,girlie panties,and he just start walking in stilettos.. I have been “pegging” him from time to time. He worships feet and nylons. Can you give me suggestions or refer me to somewhere I can read up on Do I add more rules? I want to take it to the next level, baby steps I guess. Thanks

    1. It depends on your long term objective. However notwithstanding whatever that might be, I would say two key things are rules and chastity control.

      In my humble opinion, the rules should be printed up and framed to be hung on the wall. Most importantly, if a rule is broken, punishment must follow which your sissy dislikes enough to genuinely try to avoid – so not play punishment. If your sissy is truly submissive, she will be unhappy about this during punishment, but overall become very content that her life is being controlled so.

      I have rules like – the toilet seat must never be left up, bitch-boy must kiss my shoes each day before I leave for work, he must clean the kitchen once a day, he must open the car door for me, he must wear knickers, etc. etc.

      Chastity control is another form of great power. It is also amusing fun!

      1. They could also lick ur shoe’s, Sitting on Their face while relaxing Is another sumissiveizing Thing, Milking Them over an exam Table or something similar 2 where all Inferior male sperm Is worked out of em once a wk, Hyponsis and psychology Is helpful n keeping Them n Their riteful place

  11. Although i feel unworthy of replying, i felt an overwhelming desire to do so. You are so obviously aware of the Power of Femininity. men have been ruled by in, and have lived in utter fear of it, since the beginning of time. That is why Women have been oppressed. But i believe a New Age is Dawning where most young Women are becoming more aware of Their Power over the helpless male.

      1. Grand Mistress Erin,
        Many men are in denial as concerns the Power of Women. But they are aware of It on some level. Women today are dressing sexier than ever before, teasing the hapless male with all the weapons at Their disposal. Feet, legs, breasts & derriere are provocatively and cunningly displayed to frustrate the male & to remind him Who is in total control. That is why men degrade or insult Women. It is because they know they are ruled by the Sexual & Intellectual Superiority of the Female.

  12. Should b able 2 promote This more on all The social sites, I have met many fakes on Those That only play It as a Game and really They need 2 wake The fuck up and Get serious bout This lifestyle, We need 2 Get laws made That enforce This like chastity laws 4 all Inferior males Then leash laws Then nudity laws where we can Take em out 4 a walk with em just naked collared and leashed or however we want It, Then Inferior males slavery legal and a federal slave register with enforcement That keeps Them from escaping us, If They run The pigs will b after em and will bring em back, Of course There would b far more legal freedom 4 us superior fems and we would Take away all Inferior male freedoms, They would b fucked Then, I’ve been n This all my life being raised by a strict mum who has believed n Fem supremacy 4 more Than 30yrs and so I have passed The Fem supremacy Tradition down 2 my Daughters who r crazy as fuck on Inferior males

    1. Good, strong, harsh words that need saying, from an extreme Pro-Female. As a male dedicated to total Female Supremacy in everything I agree your ideas are exactly what we need in place. Good for you Grand Mistress Erin…keep the reality that Women are superior growing and growing until you own and run everything and males are nothing more than slaves.

    2. Grand Mistress Erin… I think we should stop talking about it and just do it. Enslave me… Keep me in permanent chastity and tease and punish me night and day to my dismay. Make me horny only to deny my pleasure and/or orgasmic relief, while I am forced to provide you with as many orgasms as you wish in whatever manner you wish for me to stimulate you to climax. Tease me to the brink of orgasm without allowing my release and then string me up and whip the shit out of me with a leather bullwhip, as you laugh hysterically at my pain and frustration… Keep me in chains and take me out only when you need amusement. Let’s do this and show the world how things should be.

  13. Loved your opinion want to be controlled, and punished but don’t know how to meet my domme ,am a quiet shy male frightened of females,and drawn to wearing female clothes and makeup.

  14. Hi Grand Mistress Erin

    I love your comments – I always find the more radical comments more interesting. I am working on a graphic novel about modern day Amazon warriors who have created a eutopian female dominated society where men are mere beasts of burden and are treated much the same as you describe above. I would love to share ideas with you as it sounds like you live it for real. Message me back if you would like to discuss and I can perhaps share some of the work with you?

    Thanks in advance

  15. I am a male slave to my lesbian goddess. She is new to this lifestyle and wants to know more. Is there anywhere I can point her to to read on this, or a place to find a mentor?

    1. The book, Owning and Training a Male Slave written by Ingrid Bellemare is quite good. I could email you for more confidential contact if you would like me to consider the mentoring role myself, which I do undertake from time to time.

  16. Msscarlet9015,

    My lesbian Domme is open to asking you some questions. As mentioned she loves the lifestyle and would like to learn more. Can I give you her email address?

  17. seen you at IONTAS on hyndland Sassy AND Classy Good on ya wish there were more Ladies like you or overtly like you Gawd, if only they knew what they were missing. So ”adopt the lifestyle” a clear win win situation my name? alan rankine GO GAL GO !!!!

  18. Can any one advise on Dominance from a distance as I am a newby on this. I have recently made contact with a guy who is desperate to be controlled, and begs for instructions, but I am at a loss to give more than a few and he thinks I’m not serious. I haven’t met him yet and he doesn’t want to until I show him I mean what I say about the relationship. Please help, I want to control him and have plenty of ideas in the flesh, so to speak, but not via email or text

    1. Perhaps I am cynical but I would be very wary of an alleged submissive who refuses to meet you until you show him you mean what you say about your dominance. That does not sound very submissive to me. You have plenty of ideas in the flesh – this is what counts. I suggest the situation should be completely different, and should be as follows. Unless he demonstrates his submissiveness by meeting you on your terms – he will not get to experience any of your ideas for dominance in the flesh!

      There are far more submissive men than there are dominant women – you call the shots!!!!!!

  19. Fab, thank you so much for the advice, I feel so much better. I thought I was the one in the wrong, like I was the one being controlled!! Bless you and here’s to strong women everywhere!!! xx

  20. Hello Mistress

    I am in need to give advice to my younger sister, She is a very strong personality and her husband has always acted like a doormat. They are in their 50s and the last of their kids have left home, She has always been the dominant person in the relationship, pretty well taking all the major decisions in their life, financial, kids education, when they go on holidays and where to go, etc, Do I need to go on? He has been made redundant and hangs around the house, and as far as we can make out, does bugger all day long, and doen’t respond to directions. Drives her crazy. As far as I can tell, their sexual relationships have been pretty vanilla. She has mentioned the need to be more adventurous and dominant but is too shy to respond to my pressing her. How can I encourage her to explore your world? I think it would liberate her. I have been following some aspects of your lifestyle (though not quite to your level,yet) and intend to ramp up our activities as time goes by. He is not quite ready yet. In my new life style with the boy, I take on a male persona – seems to turn him on if I pretend to be a guy and he a slut. What do you think? I mentioned hypotheticall scenarios of this lifestyle to her, but although she seems interested, I always strike a block with her and I’m afraid to let on to what I’ve been doing with my boy. If I give you her email, would you be able to contact her direct, discretely at first and give her guidance?.

    Any suggestions welcome.

    1. I am afraid I fell completely unqualified to become involved given I do not have an intimate knowledge of the couple. I would have thought the first step would be to let her know about your lifestyle, I would have thought knowing a sister gets up to these things would be reassuring. Obviously, even that carries a risk. She may be utterly horrified and disgusted. Only you can judge this.

      Perhaps you could suggest a very low key start whereby he gets some great sex if he does as he is told and then that sex is withdrawn if he fails to follow instructions and is only reinstated when he again follows instructions. If I think of any literature you could give her which I have read that sets out a gentle start to a femdom lifestyle I will come back to you.

      Of course, he may just be a weak person but not be submissive – which would be a problem.

  21. Thank you Mistress

    Your advice sounds sensible. I think I will start giving her glimpses of my lifestyle afer a few Chardoneys. :) We are planning a girls’ night out next week, and I know that a couple of the girls are fellow sisters. I think I will brief them to help me start up a “converstion.” Strength in numbers?

  22. I have read your blog for quite some time, it has truly inspired me to explore femdom, i am new to the lifestyle, i need a mentor, please help.

    1. Hi Oma
      Can I ask you some questions before agreeing to mentor you.

      I am assuming you are female? (I hope the question is not offensive).
      Roughly how old are you?
      Are you in a relationship with a male?
      If yes, to your knowledge is he submissive?
      What part of the world do you live in?

  23. Thanks for your response, yes i am female, i am 30.
    I recently ended a relationship but have also found a man on the internet that wishes to be submissive to me. I live in the United States

    1. OK
      I caveat all my advice my mentioning that I do not feel like an expert and I can only provide comment based on my own personal experience of dominating bitch-boy (for over a decade) and the shared experiences of dominating other men together with the dominant women I have met up with over the years. I am however keen to help as best I can because it is my mission for as many women as possible to enjoy the lifestyle I do, and probably in the process be ensuring a number of submissive males sleep with contented souls even if their waking hours are full of submission and endurance.

      What advice would you like at this stage?

      1. Nooo you’re way beyond the “experts” they should take lessons from you! I guess so far i’ll love tips on how to assert myself and once that is done how to maintain dominance, also there’s some difficulty dominating via the internet/technology, i wonder if any experience you’ve had with meeting people online and how you were able to maintain control

        1. Is it your intention to only be dominating on-line and not in person?

          On-line, can I caution you against webcam behaviour on your part which could be recorded and published on the web. If you do use webcam, don’t do/say anything that you would not want your mother to see/hear. (Its a good test).
          One good online test of your power is to send your sub to a supermarket on a date selected by you and have him buy exactly what you want and then scan or photograph the receipt and email it to you, as proof. I read of one blackmail mistress who had her on-line sub buy a large cucumber, a pack of condoms and a tube of KY lubricant, and NOTHING ELSE! That is of course, a bit extreme. Perhaps you could instruct – a little girl’s comic, a box of feminine tissues and a box of Tampax. Just a thought off the top of my head.

          I have never dominated anyone on-line. It would not satisfy me.

  24. wonderful site totally dedicated to female supremacy and strict rulesof servitude and obedience so hope women will soon be grantedofficial status of the superior gender which their rite thankyou madam.

  25. Absolutely not, we eventually intend to be together, hopefully long term if we fit. Thanks for the pointers, it has given me ideas of my own as well

  26. Hey there,
    (it’s gonna be a long one…)

    I read the article and it was very interesting. I always tried to avoid looking at femdoms because I really don’t see the beauty in the male body apart from very specific sections (no matter how perfect the men are). I see women as the superior species by right (that has been taken from them by force over centuries). And a lot of what you wrote makes sense to me. I am so genuinely fed up with watching disgusting porn that 100% doesn’t show how a woman would really want to be treated (that is, if she is able to look at the world outside of the brainwashing that we grew up on). And I enjoy watching women, that are beautiful, powerful, enjoy themselves (just don’t seem to find a lot of sites without a girl forced to suck).

    When I was reading your article, I tried to think if this could ever work for me. The reason I suddenly unlocked that place that I never wanted to see is because I got pissed at finding lists of “tumblr porn for girls” that were nothing that I would ever ever EVER want in my life (clearly NOT for girls, but to hopefully attract girls to show them what men want). I then decided that I really would rather see men suffer than women. I think I’ve seen women suffer enough for a lifetime. So I went on to the other side of tumblr and found then this gem:

    (I hope the pic works)

    Now I’d love that. I’d love having a man that first satisfies ME, and ONLY if I honestly AM satisfied and had my turn, I might think about pleasuring him too rather than having him push for it even if I don’t feel like it. so yes, this lifestyle of yours sounds about right! But I thought that domination involves a lot of care and utter love to the partner you’re dominating; that the femdom needs to be able to cater for his feelings in a way that is well thought out and very careful. That would be a problem for me because I am not planning on obsessing over any men in my life, even if it means training them to be the way they should be. You didn’t talk about this devotion in your article too much; could you elaborate on it a bit more, plz? + what would you, an experienced mind, say about what I think (except that I am an obvious dissatisfied feminist :P )?

    I apologise for the MEGA long response. This is very personal and I have written things here that I probably didn’t ever even properly voiced in my thoughts before.

    1. I thought that domination involves a lot of care and utter love to the partner you’re dominating; that the femdom needs to be able to cater for his feelings in a way that is well thought out and very careful.

      I guess the question you are asking boils down to the above sentence. My answer – Provided the man is submissive to his core, (which often means he became aware of his submissiveness to women before puberty), then you are able to do what you want and not what he might want – with a few provisos. The main proviso is that he must feel he has no option but to comply – so he is really truly under your power and he knows he has no option. IT IS NOT A GAME, HE HAS NO CHOICES about meeting your needs! There are a number of ‘technical’ issues that arise from that.

      I think you could have exactly what you want and have a contented, albeit dominated and controlled, submissive male as your loyal partner. There is a paradox with such men. They have to endure one or more things they truly do not want to endure, in order to feel/know/be clear that they are helplessly in your power – but that plays exactly into your objectives.

      I suggest you read my exchanges on this page, LINK, and then come back to me with any further questions. I really want to help. There is also quite a good book, Owning and Training a Male Slave written by Ingrid Bellemare which you should be able to find free as a PDF. (I do not agree with all she says – (on Analingus among other things) – but the thrust of the book is spot on. I could probably email a copy if you would like.

      If you read my most recent post, you will see that you are a buyer in a buyer’s market – you could have a queue of sub suitors desperate to serve you exactly as you wish!

      1. dear Lady Scarlet, I am deeply grateful for Your answer. Apart from being slightly rude it surely was an indiscreet question.
        Your answer feeds some hope.
        Gratefully bows to You.

  27. I love my Wife with all my heart. However, most of the time I am more of the Alpha. Like all of us, she has her tribulations, and I have to be there to help her. That is what life is about IMHO. Other. At the same time, I so crave to be dominated. And yet I wonder if I’m truly a submissive, because I find that I only like to be dominated during sexual activity.

    Beautiful post, Mistress. *Kneels out of respect*

    1. J.W., perhaps I can shed some light on your predicament as I went through a similar stage with my husband. He always claimed to want to be submissive, to be punished and submit to my will. Yet I soon learned that he only wanted to be punished on his own terms and only for his own sexual gratification. After he would orgasm, he would revert to his former self. He would disobey a rule and claim to be willing to accept whatever punishment I had in mind. My preferred methods are caning and public humiliation. Early in our relationship, I would tie him down and begin caning. After the first stroke or two, he wanted no part of it, demanding to be released and telling me he had “changed his mind” about his submissiveness. He would go so far as to threaten to leave me as he stated I couldn’t love him if I could hurt him like that. I would always stop and the cycle would repeat itself, over and over. I’m not naturally dominant – or at least I thought I wasn’t – and I became frustrated, overwhelmed even, as I didn’t know what to do to break the cycle. And then I found Mistress Scarlet and this blog and it was as if the seas parted. I finally understood that no man whether “truly submissive” or not could be broken or controlled unless pushed beyond his limits. As Mistress Scarlet continuously reinforces on these pages, punishment cannot be fun. If I only played at punishment as he preferred, I was only reinforcing his belief system and perpetuating the cycle. I will never forget he first time I pushed through his limits as well as my own. 3 strokes became 5, which became 10 and then 50. He screamed and swore and threatened and cried. After the caning, I asked him if he understood that things had changed and that I would no longer be bullied and that I would be firmly in control. He agreed as I had hoped but had been dreadfully afraid he wouldn’t. I told him to lay there and really think about it. Several hours later I asked if he would accept his new role and any punishment I might decide on. Again, he agreed and asked if he could be untied. No, I told him and warned him not to ask again. I went to bed and in the morning asked if he was ready to begin his new life. He started crying and told me that he had been waiting for this since we first met and, yes, he was ready. Good, I told him and took out the cane once again. I gave him 50 more lashes and this time there were no words, no threats – only tears. That was just over a year ago and I have implemented more of Mistress Scarlets philosophies into our relationship which is now better than ever. He no longer asks to be submissive and to be punished. He just is. Thank you, Mistress Scarlet.

      1. That’s wonderful if it works for you. Man, that poor dude. ^_^ *teasing*

        I think I only crave Domination when sexual aroused, at least for the most part. Toward the end I often like to take over and “finish” her. However, if I’m performing or doing something she doesn’t desire so much, I’ll stop. I strive to please above my own desires.

        I gather I’m more of a middle ground kind of male, lol. I’m sure some Mistresses here think I just haven’t had a severe punishment yet.

        So many thoughts going through my mind…so many. :)

      2. I truly enjoyed reading Miss Mila’s story here…She persevered and finally got what She truly deserves…and obedient and properly submissive husband! My humble respect to You, Ma’am!

  28. Thank you Mistress Scarlet for your truly magnificent blog. The reading of which is for me a huge turn on, especially so when I read,

    “But after frequent experiences of intense arousal while inflicting physical or mental pain on my bitch-boy, I accepted that I was a sadist and that I loved sadism. Perhaps it is simply that sadistic activity signifies true power and it is the power that is the aphrodisiac? I don’t know or care.”

    Were I to have the honour to be one of your slaves, I would just love to submit to receiving from you, “physical or mental pain” in order that I might be the one who has the honour of enabling you to experience the, “the power that is the aphrodisiac”. I want so much for my pain to be your pleasure.

    You truly are the supreme Goddess, I worship you, in fact I worship the very ground you walk on. I do hope you don’t think that I worship myself, as I would just love to be the “the very ground you walk on”.


  29. hi Mistress Scarlet, just happen to see your blog and I know you are a true dominant. I really admire you. I am a 30 year old man and I know I am submissive all the way to woman long time ago. I’ve been looking for female dominants (mainly online) for many many years (8+) but I could hardly ever find any. Loads of online female dominants out there are taking it as business and doing hourly sessions. This is certainly not what I am looking for. I take domination/submission a relationship, a lifestyle, a state of mind, a loyalty to a particular someone. I don’t take it as a money game and I really can’t immediately drop to my kneels to any woman I first meet in a minute. More importantly, I don’t think those kind of ”money mistress” or ”professional mistress” are really that dominant in their mind. They pretend to be dominant, but what they are really only looking for is – money.

    In real life, it’s difficult to tell a woman I love her, and it’s a lot more difficult to tell a woman (even one in love) I want to be submissive to her all the way (they will just think I am kinky and laugh)

    Is it really that hard to find a real someone (female) to live for long-term with me in this way? I think a lot of male submissive have the same problem as me. They are looking around for years but hardly ever found anyone.


  30. Love your sight and advise.
    Many sights talk about S&M or Female Domination and it puts women off. I prefer the term Female Led. I never thought my demure church going Seventh Day Adventist Wife would ever become a stern demanding Keyholder, but she exceeded anything I could have fantasized about.
    The other term that puts women off is Cuckolding. There has to be something that sounds nicer and is more acceptable. Perhaps “Half Open marriage” where only the Wife’s half is open and the husband remains faithful to her.
    My Wife has kept me locked in a CB-6000S almost all the time the past 8 years and the preceeding 6 before that were spent ramping up to fulltime all the time chastity. Because when she is stern and demanding when she speaks to me I always immediately obey her she now almost all the time speaks down to be with complete authority because she knows it will get my immediate obedience.
    You’re right on the money when you talk about Pavlov’s dogs.

  31. Hello Mistress Scarlet,
    It was a delight reading your views and I’m happy to find someone who enjoys and genuinely understands this lifestyle. I have been a Mistress for quite sometime now. I have no problems in being myself (being a dom) but sometimes I feel like there is lack of awe.. and that maybe my slave is slipping to like some other Mistress.. what can I do in such a situation? . the approach I earlier followed was laughing at his choice, degrading, punishing and keeping him hard but not allowing release. Things are perfect right now. but I would like to know, how would you tackle such a situation. There were times I wanted to get rid of him cause he made me so angry. I wanted to remove him from my slave title. is that normal? and how would you handle the situation?
    -Mistress Supreme

    1. Thank you for the contact Mistress Supreme. I adore hearing from other Dommes who have a live-in slave. I am not sure I am qualified to give advice, bit here goes with my best attempt. In such a situation, I would not denigrate any other Domme. I would covertly look to see if the other Domme might use behaviour which I do not use and which could be useful to me in keeping my slave in awe of me. If there was, and I might enjoy such behaviour, I would experiment with it to see if I did enjoy it. Apart from that, I would always remind my sub that (apparently) there are around 100 sub men for every single Domme, so 99 out of 100 sub men may never find a Domme who will have them. True Dommes are free to pick and choose – sub men have to work very hard to be worthy of a Domme. I would also remind that – the sub could be dismissed at any time and a queue of potential replacements would instantly form, from which to find a younger or richer or better endowed, or fitter or, etc. etc, sub. Finally I would undertake punishment/teasing/humiliation or bondage to the extent that the sub genuinely begs with all his heart for some mercy and I would ignore the begging and continue making the torment more extreme. This usually engenders awe.

  32. Dear Mistress Scarlet

    My name is Daniel B, I am really seeking a female led relationship, and I am a through and through submissive. It has been difficult for me to spark such relationship with the women I have been with. I was wondering if you can show me the ropes a little and point me to the right direction. I am a bit of a world traveler but I have a permanent Address in Toronto, Canada.

    1. I suggest you work at skills like cooking, housework, pedicures, cunnilingus. That you earn good money, and are physically fit. Then seek a mistress by sensitive wooing. If you are dating a likely candidate, start by opening all doors for her, waiting on her hand and foot, doing chores for her, giving her lots of orgasms while you have none, etc, Keep this up until she would miss such devotion were it to stop, then gently introduce the subject in tiny increments. Good luck and best wishes.

  33. Good Morning MIstress, im a very big fan of you..
    Im writing here beacuse i need your help as a developer of Female domination.. Few days ago i found a post with a quuestionnaire, about how to help husband be a slave, was very intresting, before there was a text that spoke of ‘attitude to have, then a questionnaire that the wife should do to her husband.. I talked about it to my girlfriend and she really wants to do it, we both know a lot about my needs, and why i have it, and we are happy to find the right way to treat it, so, please, are lots of hours that im online searching for that, can you help me?
    Best Regards, Alessandro..

      1. Good morning Mistress and, thank you very much, it was that one..
        This is one of the reasons why Mistresses exist, ti direct us subs to the right path..
        I bow and thank..

  34. Hello Mistress Scarlet — I just wanted to say hello and tell you how much I love reading your blog. It has made me think so much about what I’m doing with my life — which is to say, suppressing my deep desire to be enslaved. … Reading about your life has inspired me to pursue my lifelong dream …. Thank you!

    1. My very best wishes to you. Please remember the ratio of dominant women to submissive men appears to be about: one Domme to every 100 submissives. I am thinking that possibly with young women today that is changing and more dominant women are appearing, however it may be just wishful thinking on my part.

  35. I have read many of your books over the years and have just come across this wonderful blog. My submissive husband and myself entered the club scene in london many years ago. And I use to love going out meeting new people in a similar situation. Over a short period of time i had become a wonderful Mistress with many similar friends that we often use to private party together. Now since moving away from the UK to a country that is very reserve (4 years ago) I have been struggling with my self confidence. My husband is crying out to be fulltime, but i have seriously struggled and on many occasions it has lead to me feeling completely useless as a Mistress and always feeling i am missing opportunities that my husband sometimes points out to me. On many occasions all our stuff has been put away, making me feel very lost. We have a son in the house who is obviously aware of our lifestyle but sometimes i feel like my head is jumping all over the place. I want to take it away from just play and to be relaxed enough to make it work fulltime, even with vanilla life in the way. Please help me Mistresses.

    1. I have delayed responding because I so much want to help but I fear I am not qualified to do so. Let me try though. I have to say at the outset that we may be quite different. I have never wanted to make friends of other couples as part of the BDSM scene. I do not get pleasure socialising based on a BDSM affinity. I adore to make friends with Domme women, of course! And enjoy ‘session’ times with them.

      I think you should start by thing about how you would like your life to be and then shaving that down to match which is actually practical. I think your sub is being very unhelpful pointing out to you opportunities you have missed after they have happened. I do not see how that moves you to a place of confidence at all. That annoys me! If you were to set out how you would like your life to be and how you would like to be, within practical limits) I may be able to help more.

      1. Thank you for your comments Mistress, i have been enjoying your blogs alot and reading more books to boost myself with some wicked ideas. I guess my problem was taking it from occasional play to full time. I was putting to much pressure on myself and need to relax more. I miss having Mistress friends around me, so will just have to research more.

  36. Its so wonderful finding a group of like minded powerful women. To share experiences and to learn from each other. You try to reach out to other Mistresses on other website and end up having slaves asking to be dommed, so disrespectful, it drives me mad. My sissy maid had a busy day yesterday with involved lots of food shopping, house work and being fucked by me. She was then allowed to escort Mistress out to a very expensive restaurant for a well deserved meal for Mistress. I love this lifestyle and will stop putting pressure on myself, i will relax and enjoy every minute. Here’s to a great 2015.

  37. You are correct and very wise. Women are superior to men. Am finally humbled to admit and confess submission. I respectfully request information on supporting your agenda. Please, how would I find a full time relationship with a dominant supreme women, who knows what’s best ? Thank you…submissively, Stephen

    1. I suggest you work hard at perfecting skills like cooking, housework, laundry, ironing, massage, pedicures, cunnilingus, yard work, gardening. That you earn good money, and are physically fit, that you are not obese. Then seek a mistress by sensitive wooing. In all things, be tolerant, be patient, act with kindness and wisdom.

      If you are dating a likely candidate, serve her, for instance – start by opening all doors for her, waiting on her hand and foot, doing chores for her, giving her lots of orgasms while you have none, buy her flowers and gifts for no reason. (Do not buy chocolates or candy if she is trying to lose weight – that is lazy and insensitive). Keep all this up until she would miss such devotion were it to stop, then gently introduce the subject in tiny increments.

      If you are not dating, then I suggest BDSM contact sites, but it seems there about 100 submissive men for each dominant woman – so you are in a competition – you have to deserve a Domme to get one. You may perfect all the skills I mention and still not be lucky. Good luck and best wishes.

  38. Hello Mistress Scarlett,
    I’ve met a very sweet and handsome British sub. He lives there, I live in the states. We met online through a “vanilla” dating site. I’ve never dominated anybody beyond just being my natural, controlling dominant self. I’m very interested in properly learning the ropes and he is very eager to serve me. I just feel like I have so much to pick up. He has had long term experience at the hands of a very strong Mistress in his past. I must admit to you, I feel a bit insuperior at this juncture. Not good for an up and coming Mistress😐.
    I’m having him gather literature and helpful forums for me to read. This was the first one he suggested😊. Being apart makes the learning curve extra awkward and difficult. We talk and type and we’ll Skype when I’m ready. Any pointers youre willing to share, any suggestions for those of separated by distance, anything pertaining to my particular situation would be helpful and appreciated.
    Thank you in advance and I’ll be looking forward to more of your blogs to come.

    1. You will not like what I have to say I am afraid. But I have your best interests at heart. Unless, very soon, one of you travels to meet the other face-to-face and you spend time together, AND unless one of you is fully prepared to (and able) to obtain a work visa for the other’s country, this relationship is going no where – especially for you. The ratio of female dominants to male submissives is reported to be about one to one hundred. So each Domme has a choice from 100 submissives. I believe the USA has a population of about 230 million. You will be much better off finding a sub in the USA. On-line sub/domme relationships serve the sub, not the domme. He gets his thrills – you do not get served in any way, not waited on hand and foot, not able to push him past his boundaries for your wicked pleasure, not able to experience a serious power rush. You may be able to have some fun with him, WHILE YOU LOOK FOR A USA BASED SUB. In this regard, providing you do exactly what you want all the time and push your on-line sub to where he does not want to go, you need feel no lack of confidence. You are in charge.

      Please, please do not do anything on SKYPE that you would not be 100% happy for your parents, siblings, friends, boss and work colleagues to see. You risk this humiliation and you also risk blackmail.

      Things you can do with an on-line sub can include having him write lines, like a schoolgirl in detention. Have him write 500 lines of your choice and send you a photo of all the pages to prove he has done them within the time you have set. If he does not do so, he does not get to have contact with you for a period you determine. Another thing I have heard about is sending him to a supermarket (like Walmart) and instructing him to buy a very specific and humiliating list of items. He must buy them all and add nothing extra. Say to start with, some tampons, some lipstick, a cucumber and one item of his choice (to ease the humiliation). Or, (Very cruel!) a cucumber, and some KY lubricant. Nothing more, nothing less. You could do one-way SKYPE so that you can see him and he cannot see you – he can only hear you. Then for instance, you can have him edge himself while you verbally abuse him and then have him put Icy Hot or similar on his cock.
      I hope you find this helpful.

  39. I hope and pray I will find that kind of love. I have tried so many times to be the patriarch in the world the way I am conditioned to be, but I am happiest serving. I don’t always enjoy it and it can be dull but there is a sense of calm that comes over me. I am still a virgin and have not so much as kissed a girl. I often feel I will never find someone and will most certainly have to settle for someone who doesn’t understand me or risk being alone forever. I have so much love to give I just don’t know what to do. Your blog gives hope. But I also will be 33 in 2 weeks and like they say I am not getting any younger. If you have any advice for me please let me know.


    1. I suggest you work hard at perfecting skills like cooking, housework, laundry, ironing, massage, pedicures, cunnilingus, yard work, gardening. That you earn good money, and are physically fit – that you are not obese. Then seek a mistress by sensitive wooing. In all things, be tolerant, be patient, act with kindness, maturity and wisdom.

      If you are dating a likely candidate, serve her, for instance – start by opening all doors for her, waiting on her hand and foot, doing chores for her, giving her lots of orgasms while you have none, buy her flowers and gifts for no reason. (Do not buy chocolates or candy if she is trying to lose weight – that is lazy and insensitive). Keep all this up until she would miss such devotion were it to stop, then gently introduce the subject in tiny increments.

      If you are not dating, then I suggest BDSM contact sites, but it seems there about 100 submissive men for each dominant woman – so you are in a competition – you have to deserve a Domme to get one. You may perfect all the skills I mention and still not be lucky. Good luck and best wishes though.

  40. Thank you for the helpful suggestions and for responding. I don’t know how successful I will be as I am only going to be a nurse. But I am already quite good at cooking as my sisters have told me. I love treating others well. I worry that since I am a virgin I might never be able to get good at pleasing a woman without being in a relationship first. I also know that either through chastity or even extreme measures like castrating may be most appropriate since I am not well endowed and don’t want to limit my partners experiences and rights to pleasure. I do plan for now to get the piercings following school and get a secure device. I also go to the gym 4-5 days a week and watch what I eat your right with lots of competition I need to put the best foot forward if I want to stand out. Once again thank you for your help.


  41. Hello Mistress Scarlet,

    Have posted a message on here before, but I can’t remember my username. Anyway, I continue to enjoy your blog, but I do have to say – the whole 100:1 domme/sub ratio thing is rather outdated (and was likely always a myth pushed by embittered subs). If you look on places where it’s easy to categorise people as such, you’ll find that the ratio is far lower – something around 6-8:1 (if you exclude pro-dommes and ‘fin-dommes’ as well).

    This is of course, if you assume that all males who call themselves subs are actually subs and not bottoms or HNGs..which is absolutely not the case and if there was an reliable way of telling, would drag the ratio even further down.

    On the plus side, it does seem that younger people are much more open to exploring their sexuality and traditional gender roles. Perhaps one day it will be as ‘OK’ to be a domme or msub as it is to be gay or lesbian today (not that things are perfect for those two groups).

    Keep well and please continue writing!

    1. I guess we have no concrete up to date data. I think your calculation may be flawed because it assumes all subs and Dommes that exist use contact sites. I think probably only 10% of subs and 50% of Dommes use contact sites (or an even lower percentage of subs because of society’s dislike of submissive male sexuality). So the Dommes numbers need to be multplied by 2 and the subs by 10 giving – Dommes ratio to subs as 35 to 1 or greater? Although it could be that only say 3% of subs use contact sites. I don’t think we will ever know. BTW I think the percentage of Dommes who use contact sites is so much higher than for subs because part of being a Domme is an acceptance of what you are and need. I think many subs struggle to accept they need the lifestyle that would meet their sexuality. Its all theory though isn’t it.

      I really hope LGBT people are not offended by my next comment. But I think submissives are born with that sexuality and they should be protected from discrimination and ridicule as much as LGBT people. Subs cannot help being of a sub sexuality any more than LGBT people can change their sexualities. .

  42. Having read through many of the posts on this blog i have found that i can identify with many peoples variations on the Femdom Lifetyle Theme here’ most of which stimulate me and inspire me to some degree or another; but alas i am still an unrequited male submissive who would dreams that one day his very ‘own’ Mistress will take him under her wing and mould him into an acceptable ‘slave’.
    My lifetime experiences as a submissive have been composed of some good but mostly bad introductions, mostly by letter or online but some through actual meetings. with professionals.
    I have been in touch with my ‘submissive need to obey women’ status ever since it first began when I was only 5 years old. I was in painting class with a Girl called Kathleen when she came over to look at my painting; then asked me to look at hers. It was much better than mine and she knew it. She even told me that it was and said these immortal words;” Im better than you”. These words stuck with me all my life until during puberty and being enamoured by a very pretty girl in school my submissive nature again started to blossom.
    Of course i fantasised about her every night and she became my Unobtainable Princess; My Queen and Empress and of course my Goddess all in one but i never had the courage to engage with her and would simply go red at any mention of her and the word; ‘slave”.
    With a few girlfriends in between .some of whom treated me to a few minor engagements that never really came to much. After i received my first whipping in London at the hand of a professional i got ever bolder and made every attempt that i could to meet a girl of my dreams.All i could muster were
    professionals and i left them feeling ever needful of a True Life Mistress in my life Despite all my concerted efforts all of my meetings have ended up as simple one off occasions.
    Will i ever meet that Woman of my dreams ? I wonder and am wondering still.

    Yours Truly,

  43. Good day to you Mistress Scarlett.

    First of all let me just say that I am so grateful to have found your blog at such a turning point in my life.

    I have been in the BDSM scene for a couple of years as a female submissive, but have only recently in the last 4 months started to explore my Dominant side and have found myself a wonderful submissive male to have my fun with.

    I am coming to you in the hope that perhaps you would be kind enough to offer me some mentoring? as I feel like having someone to communicate with for reassurance and guidance would greatly help my journey into being the heartless Dominant women I know I can be.

    Of course I realise your time is precious and so would completely understand if this is not possible and simply thank you for the resource both in your blog and your journals as they have been quite simply a gold mine!

    Kind regards
    Mistress Hannah x

    1. I would be more than happy to mentor you as best as my imperfect knowledge allows. Were you simply thinking on-line, or were you considering visiting me to double-dome bitch-boy with me, and then me reciprocating by visiting you and us double-domming your sub? And of course I have friends that may be interested in making the events triple-domming events.

  44. Good evening, i contacted you a few months back inspired by the nettle punishment idea.

    Well, things have certainly progressed!

    My dominant side is still emerging and it is such a fantastic journey. My primary slave is deeply submissive and it is a huge turn on for me. Your blog is very helpful for breaking down those socially imposed barriers about ‘hurting’ another. I’m chipping away at them gladly.

    I have just started the process of recruiting a younger boy (20s) and look forward to training him up, and using him to further humiliate my primary slave (late 40s). Such fun playing with both of them, using each to further humiliate the other.

    Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences – inspirational.


  45. There is such a lot here that both inspires and interests me that i keep coming back and reading more and more each time. From my own experience of my submissive soul and the way i recall it emerging its origin has most probably always been known to me from a very early age indeed.
    I am talking here of the age of 5 years old. How you might ask can a boy of five recall his submissive origins. Well i can tell you that when i was a small boy of 5 years it chanced that one day i was in a painting class and was doing a painting when a girl approached me of about the same age. She took a look at my painting and probably made a good assessment of it but then asked me to look at her painting. When i did so i was astonished because she had done a very good painting of cliffs and a seashore ! She then plainly and proudly stated that ” I am better than you”. Those words have haunted me for a lifetime. I am 66 now and am still seeking that elusive perfect Mistress even though i am married.! The strangest thing of all is that for the greater part of my life i never saw her again Except for one solitary occasion when i worked as a Caretaker in a block of flats on a Council Housing Estate. I found myself on one floor level when a woman approached me and she told me that she knew me from when i was 5 years old but she did nt actually say that she simpty drew my attention to the fact . I had not even recognised her and then came the Blockbuster; She then proceeded to mention the one and only time before in my life that we had ever met…..
    She said those very same words again,” I am better than you ” , and in much the same way as she did before too ! I was stunned. It was as if a Ghost from my past had come back to haunt me again.
    I still recall her name: It was Kathleen.
    She then quickly left and i have n seen her since !

    1. May it please Mistress Scarlet………………………………..

      This lonely male extends the warmest sympathy to the correspondent slavemeat, who met his destined Goddess at age 5, then lined in silence for six decades, and met Her again. That surely must have been the most exciting and memorable day of his wretched life! Then, in the final irony of Cruel Fate (surely, “Cruel Fate,” personified, must be a sadistic Female, and therefore She deserves the respect of capitalized nouns and pronouns in my writing), Goddess Kathleen disappeared from his miserable life, leaving slavemeat to the perpetual torment of never being allowed to worship at Her Sacred Altar, to kiss Her Precious Feet, or to serve Her in any way whatsoever, for the rest of eternity.

      Surely, brother sub, you suffer more torment from deprivation than you could from a lifetime of nettles, whips, canes and humiliations at Her Beautiful Hands and Precious Feet. If you can possibly turn that anguish and agony into poetry, or prose, or art, you may be able to soothe your rightful tears, and maybe amuse the likes of the Divine Mistress Scarlet. If the Goddess of the Universe is merciful to unworthy swine like you and me, you might even bring a moment of minimal amusement or perhaps even pleasure, to your lost Goddess Kathleen, thereby justifying your existence in this world of tears and pain, after all.

      Take comfort, fellow sufferer, that Mistress Kathleen knew, from the age of five, that She was, and is, and always will be, better than you (and better than me or any male), and pray for Her happiness.

      ………………………………………………………..sincerely, bootlicker


  46. Hello there Mistress B,

    I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed your blog! I have a website called and I would LOVE to publish some of your articles on our page. Please check out our site and if this sparks your interest please get back to me! I look forward to publishing your articles!!


    1. I suggest you work hard at perfecting skills like cooking, housework, laundry, ironing, massage, pedicures, cunnilingus, yard work, gardening. That you earn good money, and are physically fit – that you are not obese. Then seek a mistress by sensitive wooing. In all things, be tolerant, be patient, be unselfish, act with kindness, maturity and wisdom.

      If you are dating a likely candidate, serve her, for instance – start by opening all doors for her, waiting on her hand and foot, doing chores for her, giving her lots of orgasms while you have none, buy her flowers and gifts for no reason. (Do not buy chocolates or candy if she is trying to lose weight – that is lazy and insensitive). Keep all this up until she would miss such devotion were it to stop, then gently introduce the subject in tiny increments.

      If you are not dating, then I suggest BDSM contact sites, but it seems there about 100 submissive men for each dominant woman – so you are in a competition – you have to deserve a Domme to get one. You may perfect all the skills I mention and still not be lucky. Good luck and best wishes.

      1. What an excellent reply to the question.

        I find it rather annoying to be considered some sort of seedy fetish object, I’m a woman. Who is sexually (and generally too!) dominant, among many other things.

        I have to say finding reliable slave males can be a chore, so many fantasists – so little time. Maybe it’s because I don’t behave like a fantasy figure, confuses the poor little minds.

        Please keep up the excellent work Ms Scarlet.

        Lady Normall

  47. I am excited that you are promoting this lifestyle with women and I do hope that more and more women will adopt it. I personally have been looking for a long time for a loving long term female led relationship preferably marriage. I think living in Alaska has hampered my search as there are few women there compared to men. I am now in position to travel and am presently on a four month road trip and so can meet someone who is interested. anyway thanks for promoting the most beautiful of all lifestyles…

  48. Im codyhusser i dream of being a sissy girl slave forever please help me im beging you please email me at im ready to start today please provide my transportation. To my prison pink cell thank you and love you

  49. I truly appreciate this blog and, in particular, Your comments on this topic. I long for the day when the F/m ratio is more like 1:3 (I would hope that Mistresses would still have the option of multiple slaves) and this lifestyle becomes accepted in mainstream culture. Hopefully, Your words will contribute to that eventuality.

  50. Amazing to find this blog, I’m 53 and have had countless failed relationships. I short while ago I had a “light bulb” moment and discovered I am and always have been a Dom, my problem was I had always tried to be it within a “straight” relationship. My dominance initially attracted men, but within a short while I would either be expected to be more submissive (never going to happen) or the fights about me being so dominant would start. I am about to embark upon my first D/s relationship, it’s daunting, a steep learning curve but ultimately for the first time in my life I know it is what is right for me! I can only describe how I feel as I’m guessing similar to a gay or lesbian finally coming out. They say the truth will set you free and it is. Thank you for a wonderful, insightful blog. I’m reading all I can find on the subject but any serious reading matter you can suggest would be really appreciated.

    1. Helpful reading matter is hard to find. Most authors of such material can’t help but make suggestions which move a relationship to where they specifically wanted their relationship to be and we all want something slightly different. I don’t know if you read the content under my ADVICE tab, you may find this helpful. One suggestion I would make is during activities ask your male, ‘on a scale of one to ten – how submissive do you feel’, I find the answers help a lot in learning how to affect you male while also getting what you want. Always come back to me with specific questions. Happy to help in any small way I can.

  51. I LOVE this article. I have been my wife, Miss Laura’s sissy maid for about 10 years and I couldn’t be happier. My entire existence revolves around her happiness. She is all that matters.

  52. Where can I find a true Femdom, I have been searching my whole entire life, it’s the same response always, ugh, what’s wrong with you, why do you like to be mistreated, help me?

    1. I suggest you work hard at perfecting skills like cooking, housework, laundry, ironing, massage, pedicures, cunnilingus, yard work, gardening. That you earn good money, and are physically fit – that you are not obese. Then seek a mistress by sensitive wooing. In all things, be tolerant, be unselfish, be patient, act with kindness, maturity and wisdom.

      If you are dating a likely candidate, serve her, for instance – start by opening all doors for her, waiting on her hand and foot, doing chores for her, giving her lots of orgasms while you have none, buy her flowers and gifts for no reason. (Do not buy chocolates or candy if she is trying to lose weight – that is lazy and insensitive). Keep all this up until she would miss such devotion were it to stop, then gently introduce the subject in tiny increments.

      If you are not dating, then I suggest BDSM contact sites, but it seems there about 100 submissive men for each dominant woman – so you are in a competition – you have to deserve a Domme to get one. You may perfect all the skills I mention and still not be lucky. Good luck and best wishes.

      It may be the contents of the first chapter of my new manual, when published, could help you too.

  53. Thank you for your words of encouragement, my life is so incomplete with the guidance of a femdom to run it, I hope that I can find one really soon!

  54. hello, well for me I would love to find a dominate fandom lady ,who hated men and was able to castrate me and make me her personal slave, to bathe wash and dress her , then to be placed in a dark broom cupboard ,only to be taken out for her to work her own pleasure of sexual torment on me

  55. I was wondering if Mistress Scarlet had ever practised Neuro-Linguistic-Programming and if so could she train a man to cum on command simply by snapping her fingers. Its just a thought but i can imagine the tension as the man was expectant to cum, (and maybe thought he could nt )and then came gushing at the finger snap moment or even to the tune of a Clicker ? I am guessing that a man might be programmed to obtain an erection upon command at least so if thats true it ought to be possible i guess… Any comments, experiences, answers?

      1. May it please Mistress Scarlet……………………….

        With the greatest of respect, Mistress, it is difficult to imagine any man not in the grip of some monstrous pathology being unwilling to ejaculate in response to a suitable and sufficient excitation. This bootlicker humbly suggests that a capable Dominant Woman can train Her male to do all that and more, if She wishes it to.
        Normally heterosexual men exist to please a Woman, and if She is amused to to train one to respond to such a command, it can and will learn to obey Her.

        With Your permission, this bootlicker would like to thank You, Mistress Scarlet, for hosting this wonderful website and allowing unworthy subs like me to post here.


  56. I’m relatively new to this lifestyle and although enjoying it have encountered a few issues as I’m sure people do. Need advice as I’m Struggling with certain aspects but have no one likeminded or in the know to talk to! Your blog is great and looks the place to help! My husband needs me to be more dominant we have been living the lifestyle on and off for almost 2 years but I struggle with being strict and he completely becomes uninterested as soon as he has been allowed to come and loses all submission for a week or so no chance getting him back into cage or abiding my rules! I leave him begging for up to a month at times! I’m then left feeling very frustrated upset and angry…. I have a slave for weeks then he comes and I lose him! Actually very depressing! Am I doing something wrong to lose his submission by not being dominant enough or is he just not truly that way?! He started this, I never knew about this stuff before he encouraged it but now I’m in it’s hard to lose it at times. Any thoughts are appreciated. Never posted on anything like this so a little apprehensive!

    1. My husband needs me to be more dominant we have been living the lifestyle on and off for almost 2 years but I struggle with being strict and he completely becomes uninterested as soon as he has been allowed to come and loses all submission for a week or so no chance getting him back into cage or abiding my rules!

      I am afraid I have questions on the content of your paragraph I have repeated above before I can make detailed suggestions.
      1. How do you know your husband needs you to be more dominant? Does he tell you that? If so. what does he say?
      2. The day following his orgasm, have you said to him words to the effect of: ‘Start wearing your chastity device NOW or I will not dominate you any more.
      3. What do you mean when you say you struggle being strict?
      4. Do you know when he first had submissive feelings towards women? Was it before puberty?
      5. Apart from chastity control, does he have other fantasies regarding femdom? Other things that affect him?

  57. Mistress Scarlett

    I found your post very intuitive and thougough. I’m a 50 yr old male who maybe a year and a half ago got into watching femdom videos and in last 6 months started training with a mistress. Luckily I am in a stage in my life where I can afford weekly training. But I find myself addicted. A couple of hours after a lesson I find myself wanting to connect with my mistress . Is this normal

    1. I would say it is normal for a ‘true’ submissive. That feeling of being completely and helplessly in the control of a cruel, heartless woman provides you with endorphins, sometimes not until the moment it has concluded, which you cannot obtain from ‘normal’ life.

  58. Hello Ms Scarlet, this is one of my favourite blogs to visit. So many creative, interesting and exciting ideas that you come up with. I love the humiliation and emotional angst you put bitch-boy through.
    I have my own boyfriend who is completely in love with me. I so enjoy taking advantage of him, making him feel weak and sad. He’s such a wimp he just takes what I hand out. I’d love to have him end up in the same situation as bitch-boy.

    Keep up the fantastic work!

    1. I really love your attitude and approach. You sound deliciously cruel and dominant and it sounds like you are into humiliation – of the sort I enjoy inflicting.

      I would love to hear more detail of what you currently do to/with your boyfriend, and what you plan for the future.

  59. Hey Ms Scarlet,
    Well basically we met a few years ago at university and my boyfriend was pursuing me for a while. He was cute (if a bit wimpy) and it was kind of fun to string him along for a while though eventually we started dating. He quickly fell in love with me so generally I’m the one with the power in the relationship and he’s the one who carries out my whims at a moment’s notice. I would like to develop things further and see how far I can push him

  60. Your blog has intensified my interest in sadism and masochism. My wife and I have been together for 20 years, and have tried a lot of things, but I never really thought in terms of S&M. Maybe physical pain has never been a huge turn on for me. Maybe cruelty has seemed to mean, and my wife is very warm and nice. But reading your blog makes we hope we experiment more with displays of loving cruelty.

    1. It not actually about masochism, its about submission and domination. It is about one person having all the power and the other person being powerless. The person with all the power may be cruel and may demonstrate their power by inflicting pain, but that might even be the mental pain of suffering humiliation. I am publishing a manual on this in March which you may find very helpful.

      1. Thank you. If I could rephrase my comment: “Your blog has piqued my interest in experiencing cruelty and humiliation while increasing my commitment and devotion.”

        I am drawn to some activities that give me a rush, but not exactly arousal, and sometimes even a mental battle with negative emotions ensues. For example, I’ve watched my wife with other people, but and I am mostly anxious in those moments (some men find this highly arousing, but I am not sure I am wired for that). Sometimes I train my mind not to panic under those circumstances. It genuinely scares me when fantasizes about having some level of a regular boyfriend. I “like” to buy feminine clothing and other items, but most of the time I feel self conscious and paranoid while I am shopping. I feel a large amount of frustration and sacrifice when my wife and I go through periods of orgasm denial. I sometimes have wondered whether this makes me an “emotional masochist”. But I can’t say what I experience in the moment is “gratification”. The jailbird is not exactly “comfortable”. It is hard to say I “enjoy” those experiences but we keep going back to them periodically. Is it worth going penetration free for a month or more, so that it will be incredibly hot for the few minutes when it actually happens?

        My wife and I have been together for 20 years and she is well aware of my interests, which we have played with on and off the duration of our relationship. One challenge is she is not very sadistic, and can feel guilty. Another is there can be some confusion over what is actually a “punishment”, i.e., something I truly hate, or really a disguised reward, something I actually want. The last few years, I am more interested in her testing me with things I truly will not like in the moment. I’ve considered the extreme—full cuckolding—to the very vanilla—taking me along to some event I know I will hate (a concert that she and her friends like?). It’s difficult to communicate and experiment with those very mixed feelings, even after 20 years of experimenting together.

        She was dating a married woman we met who was probably the hottest person she was ever with. An extremely good looking blonde. For long stretches of time, she’s claimed to have lost interest in women, but recently has shown more interest again. She admitted a crush recently on someone who is not available, and another time flirted with someone at bar. She loves Kristen Stewart’s new look. I’ve joked that we are both disorganized and could you a strict bi-curious lesbian to snap us into place.

        I look forward to your manual. Your blog isn’t new, but it’s new to me, and seems like it has been a while since I found such fresh material.

        1. I will take a stab in the dark and suggest you are ‘topping from the bottom’ as the saying goes. I think you have the power to stop things happening you don’t like. You have a veto power. So you are actually in charge. This means you never get to experience the feelings a true submissive craves – to be helplessly in the power of a cruel dominant with no options but to comply and to endure. No safe-word, no veto. (And your wife never gets to experience the exhilarating feeling of ABSOLUTE POWER.)

          My female submissive is a perfect example. Lots of the time she is with me she hates what I determine she must endure. BUT at all other times she is wonderfully content as a submissive helplessly in the power of a cruel dominant with no option but to suffer and endure. She knows that if she were to fain to be obedient when with me, I would refuse to ever see her again. She cannot cope with that prospect. So I experience REAL POWER over her and she experiences being ABSOLUTELY HELPLESSLY in the power of a cruel dominant.

          Could this be the issue? Perhaps your wife needs to tell you that she will do x and y and you have no veto and no safe-word. You just have to take it, or never be dominated by her again in any way. Her way, or no way.
          Your wife seems to be fantastic. My type of gal!

          1. Thank you for your thoughtful answer. Cuckolding by far causes the most stress out of any of our games, and an ongoing struggle over who makes the “rules” is part of it. I could imagine truly hating cuckolding and if she wanted to stick with monogamy I would be content. I’d like to be able to communicate my needs for this kind of play without “topping from the bottom.” It also stresses me out when she wants me to “make the rules” so that she knows she’s ok with me. That doesn’t seem to work. I’m most likely to be a supportive cuckold if she enforces strict denial, and works to connect with me before and after a scene. I would be happy to surrender to any instructions she has and it would make me feel more connected in the process. I don’t want a separate life. Maybe next time we play with this, we need to both accept we are jumping in with both feet. On a side note, how do you deal with it when both like playing a sub role?

            1. Do you mean you and your wife both like being in a sub role? There appear to be quite a few women who get huge pleasure from dominating their husband cruelly while also liking to be dominated by a male or female lover. This can be made to work. Is that what you mean?

              The main issue I think is that you have to ‘jump in with both feet’ and pass all power to your wife. It is critical to your cravings that you feel you have no control over the cruel things that happen, and that would also mean your wife, perhaps for the first time, would get to feel the exhilaration of having total power.

              I suggest you plan an event together, (does it have to be cuckolding?), where she sets out the cruel things she is going to do and you get the chance to beg for some compromise and limits for this one time. She can however reject any or all of your pleaded for compromises if she wishes and if she does so, you just have to accept that.

              1. We both like being in the sub role, but it is different for each of us. She has often told me that she could not imagine being married to anyone else, that she was not in love with any of her prior boyfriends, and that she picked me largely because I don’t try to control her. I have a demanding job, and am almost always in control, but when it comes to her, or occasionally other women, I am not controlling, and can feel humble/shy/embarrassed/submissive. We have been dominated by the same woman on a couple of occasions, and she was shocked at how much she enjoyed it. She thought she would find BDSM boring, and she thought she was over her curiosity in women long ago. She was spanked by some women at a party recently and really enjoyed it. She has an easier time admitting this to a best friend than to me. She gets flustered.

                She likes me being dominant in the bedroom sometimes, and can be impatient when she has a craving for this. Communication is not always great during these times. One of the most cruel things she ever said to me was that she needed another man because I was being too sub. She was actually mad at me when she said this, and it made me angry and turned on at the same time. She’s recently expressed more of an interest in women.

                Her interest in being dominated inside the bedroom does not translate into her daily life. She can be attracted to so-called “dominant” men but gets turned off when they want control over her (She has had a few crushes, of varying intensity and duration.)

                I like symbols of her control outside the bedroom, even if they are small or hidden (such as long term tease and denial games. She sometimes enjoys bossing me around, but she thinks of this as more fun, than sexy.

                I agree with you that we need to experiment with more events. I call it “realistic role playing”. It’s difficult with our other obligations. We live in a very large city, and we have enjoyed things like going to swinger’s clubs, and munches.

                1. You may be able to find a Domme woman who has a male sub like me. Such a Domme may well be happy to dominate you both, or together with your wife in Domme mode, she and her both dominate you — in exchange for your wife visiting the other domme to double domme her sub male.

                  1. May it please Mistress Scarlet………………………………

                    Perhaps fuzzy can negotiate a situation where his Mistress/Wife orders him to assume a dominant role for a specified period of time. As Her slave, fuzzy must obey, however difficult and distasteful it may be to his naturally submissive soul.

                    It’s the same as a short-term S/M contract, just turned round in reverse. She may impose restrictions and limits (not negotiate them, because She is still the Boss) and probably should agree not to retaliate later when the tables are turned back again to”normal” Female Domination.

                    Your wise suggestion of finding a Domme who is attracted to fuzzy’s Wife (apparently a sometime switch Herself) is the best answer to the problem, provided all parties agree to accept the situation and agree to accept each other in the roles they will take. It does, however, open ultimate control to a third party, and this can be dangerous unless there can be total trust all round. Of course, fuzzy will become Her slave as well, unless they arrange for fuzzy to be absent (locked in a basement cage, perhaps? What exquisite torture!) during Their sessions.


  61. I’m a primal & switch male, with a couple of long term relationships in my past, in which my female partners were predominantly submissive. I found the latter qualities to be a source of bore.

    I agree with a fair amount of what you have written in this thread, Ms Scarlet. The times I have been completely controlled by my significant other have been extremely rewarding, to both of us.

    My current partner knows that, by taking complete control of me, she will not lose the manly / alpha with whom she fell in love. At the same time, she is terrified of me no longer being attracted to her. Worse still, she is terrified of me no longer loving her, if she exerts the kind of cruelty about which she fantasizes.

    Part of this is because she feels guilt / shame for having such desires. Another part is she knows that absolute power corrupts absolutely. In other words, she is afraid she may want 24 / 7 control and that I will not comply.

    My being a switch means that I do have occasional, strong dominant tendencies. So my question is, how would you recommend handling this somewhat complicated predicament, Ms Scarlet?

    1. Hate the word ‘primal’ BTW! Just thought I would get that off my chest.

      It is 100% your job to convince her that she need not be terrified of you no longer being attracted to her when she takes complete control. The same for her being terrified of you no longer loving her, if she exerts the kind of cruelty about which she fantasizes. I suggest you agree a weekend experiment. Where you absolutely guarantee that when it is all over you will hold nothing against her because it was an experiment you craved to happen. In the run up to it, ask her what she intends to do and respond by being aroused and fawning over her. Telling her how amazingly exciting she is to have such fantasies and how lucky you are to have a woman with such amazing fantasies. Which is 100% true by the way. So tell her rather than feeling guilt / shame for having such desires, she should be proud because she is a one in a thousand women that hundreds of men would do anything to be with. This is also 100% true BTW. You should use me as an example and tell her that the result of absolute power corrupting absolutely, is women like me and her get to have our cake and eat it. I adore bitch-boy’s vanilla company when eating a great meal or watching a great film, a walk in the country or even a night when I get hone tired out and just need to chill. So I exploit using him as my whipping boy and human doll and ALSO his alpha, highly intelligent side whenever I want. I get to have both.

      When the experiment weekend is over you have to tell her it was the best weekend of your life and you have never been so in love with her and thrilled to be her man. Put her on a pedestal.

      I do not know what you should do about being a switch and occasional, strong dominant tendencies. Perhaps you will have to give those up. We can’t have everything we want in life.

      1. I understand your dislike for that word. I used it as a shorthand for my innate tendency to dominate people until they either break, or until they prove to be worthy adversaries. In the latter case, I will happily roll over with submission as needed.

        Her and I have definitely had the play sessions you recommend. I would like to see more of her inhibitions disappear in those instances. Eg., she laughs with joy at the idea of my liking her pissing on me – but she refuses to try it because, in her own words, she feels horrible about wanting to do that to anyone. Her own fantasies make her question her own morality.

        I’d also like to tie the two paragraphs above with another example. She enjoys putting me in chastity, but after a very short while, her own power high overtakes her ability to control herself – and thereby to control me. This makes my “primal” side exploit this weakness.

        My questions might be better recast as follows:

        How do you recommend we work through her own sense of shame?

        How do you recommend we work through her inability to control her own power high?

        How do you recommend I balance my nature of dominating those who lack the personality to earn my submission, while transitioning to a full time submission to my incredibly strong and intelligent partner?

        1. You write that her own fantasies make her question her own morality. Perhaps you could differentiate for her between ethics and morals. People often don’t get the big difference. Ethics are fundamental wrongs that apply in all societies. Wrongs like murder, stealing, dishonestly. But morals are rules created by each society. In some societies eating pork, in others beef, cutting hair, blaspheming, being an atheist, driving drunk, hitting your wife, cruelty to animals, etc. are immoral, yet in other societies, these things are morally OK.
          So I am a very ethical person myself, but I don’t give two hoots about societies morals – because they are based on nothing – just local ‘traditions od standards’.

          If I do something that is ethically OK, who is to judge me beyond that. If I urinate on one of my slaves, they hate it at the time, I love the cruelty and when it is all over, they come closer to their place of submissive contentment and they are in awe of me. They gain from it, I gain from it. If some people would find that immoral, when both parties involved gained and nothing unethical happened, I would say the person finding it immoral has a serious problem with logic and kindness. To condemn an activity from which two parties gain and no one loses is I think narrow-minded judgementalism and unethical!
          I am PROUD that I bring two submissives contentment through my cruelty (which brings me pleasure). I would be ashamed if I did not participate in such a wonderful symbiosis that circumstances have created. I would be ashamed of failing those submissives who need my cruelty, I would be ashamed of wasting the opportunity of a free pleasure that does not damage human, animal or planet, I would be ashamed that I had fettered my potential on this earth because of the potential opinions of some narrow-minded, selfish, judgmental ‘behaviour police’.

          I do not know what you mean by her inability to control her own power high?

          I do not know what you mean by, ‘balancing my nature of dominating those who lack the personality to earn my submission, while transitioning to a full time submission to my incredibly strong and intelligent partner?

      2. I like (hate) the idea of a weekend in absolute submission. My lover is afraid I will leave her or hate her if she is cruel, but she’s starting to find out from my own admissions that I’m terrified she will leave me and I go nuts when I don’t hear from her. I have never had a woman so dedicated to sexual satisfaction, as well as dominant, as well as sadistic. I can see it in her eyes and it is terrifying as much as intoxicating.

        I know she is precisely the woman that would put me in cruel submission. I hate the thought of BAV and it may never be for us, but I know the moment she discovers the true taste of power she will never go back and she will take it as far as she can drive it.

        I totally understand the powerful emotion of submission. I also enjoy being dominant when she allows. I think it’s her preferred status for a male, she enjoys being rough handled and I give her massive penetrative orgasms. But she also has me in chastity and she treats me as her pet and property. It’s not in my nature to pursue power, thus I tend toward submission more often than dominant pursuits.

        I’ve been reading your blog off and on for years, and this lifestyle is so mainstream now (comparatively) and it’s really nostalgic in a way to pour through the old archives. I’m a long time submissive, but I’ve learned to enjoy dominance over the pleasure of a woman, even if I know it is at the whim of my very dominant lover. Like the switch you replied to I know it’s something I would have to give up.

        The clencher for me is that I know she cannot go without the pleasures of an aggressive man, and I will certainly be cuckolded if I go down that road. I have not resolved that as something I can deal with, but the pure humiliation, submission and worship I feel when I consider it is undeniable.

        On a side note, I was with my lover at leather show when I met a vendor selling kinky (Femdom, I believe) coloring books and thought about bb. I fancied the thought of sending you a copy. I read recently that you do not wish to deny yourself the torture of bb with his current collection but just reporting those materials are out there.

        1. Your lover sounds FANTASTIC! You are very fortunate. I fear for you that, despite the contradictions in your words, she has ALL THE POWER and if she were to give you ultimatums of put up with x and y or you will never see me again, you would capitulate. I feel you would end up in submissive heaven if she decides to end her mercy, maximise her cruel pleasure and organise your lives entirely for her cruel pleasure. There are many cuckolding mistresses who enjoy being dominated by their bull lover while being utterly cruel to their sub.

  62. Is any of your sadism fueled by a sense of disappointment (sexual or otherwise) for bitch-boy? How did you decide to make him a born again virgin?

    1. I assume you mean a sense of disappointment ‘in’ bitch-boy, and not ‘for’ him.
      The answer is no. My sadism is fuelled by; the power rush of sadism, my desire to keep him subjugated and my desire to keep him in awe of my cruel personality.
      I chose to make him a born again virgin because it is so cruel, (especially given how good my body is), and it is a constant reminder to him of his low status compared to me and his absence of rights. And in addition I like clitoral stimulation rather than penetrative.

  63. Ma’am my mistress I am from India I want to serve my entire life to my mistress.24/7 can you give me a chance to serve you my mistress I serve you my entire life please I beg you on my knees take me under your feet my gorgeous goddess.

    1. Hmmmm, have a think about what you are writing here. Your fetish is absolutely OK but a person who fetishizes over being dominated and humiliated is ‘all kinds of fucked up’. I am sure many submissives will consider you getting hot over bare feet is ‘all kinds of fucked up’. Is your fetish OK but theirs not? Many people are born with, or by adulthood end up with, fetishes which the majority do not understand. Do you think it might be hypocritical when a fetishist says. ‘my fetish is good and healthy but your fetish is all fucked up’?

      1. Nah my fetish is fucked up too but I’d never humiliate or abuse my partner physically. Plus when I mention fucked up I’m talking more about the fact that there are no lines drawn, literally everything is a go (no sex (lol just lol), no safe-words(I assume). multiple partners(really?), doing chores (how this would turn anyone on is beyond me), etc). I’ll take my leave now. Ta-ta love.

        1. Still the same hypocrisy and narrow mindedness Hayley. You fetish turns you on even though other people would not be at all turned on by it and it would be beyond them, but because the fetish of a submissive does not turn you on, its beyond you and you imply judgemental criticism. Open your mind to other people not being like you but still being OK people, doing what they need to do. Come on Hayley, drop the prejudices and open that mind.

  64. Good evening Mistress Scarlet.

    I have had a relation with my Mistress and Wife for 10 years.
    We are not in bb:s and Your leauge.
    She is more into cuckolding and orgasmcontrol.
    I have a question if You have time to answer.
    I have like bb been tied with my balls to the bedpost and watch my beautiful Wife have sex.
    In my case with a man.
    We met him many times in different scenarios
    But in this occation i had not been allowed to cum for 2 weeks.
    I was watching them for maybe an hour with my balls tied to the bedpost and my wrists secured behind me.
    The scene before me was so arousing…that
    Suddenly i came in a long lasting ruined orgasm.
    When they were finished i was untied and had to do my duty…lick Her clean and this time the sheets aswell.
    My question is.
    Has bb accidently squirted when watching You and Governess Lexi?
    If. How do You deal with that?
    Another question if You are interested in answering and have the time.
    When bb has been teased and denied for maybe 2 weeks. You maybe have him take a cialis.
    You have dickidicipline and edged him.
    In the night when You maybe feel him still hard from the cialis and the smooth skin of Your back rubs against his erection.
    What will happen if he accidently cums in a “dreamstate”?

    I am a addicted reader of Your blog and have read 8 of Your journals and looking forward to buy the 9:th!

    1. bb has never accidentally squirted in the last 10 years or so.

      In the night I would not feel him still hard from the Cialis because the smooth skin of my back would rub against his polycarbonate chastity device, not the skin of his penis.

      He does not have ‘wet dreams’.

  65. Thank You for Your respons Mistress Scarlet.
    I have one more question, if You have the time to answer.
    My Mistress used to have me in chastity for two weeks. Then usually on saturday She walked arond naked the whole day, teasing me with Her beautiful body when i was in chastity.
    In the evening She gave me a Viagra-pill 100 mg (that makes me stay hard to late in the morning.
    She comes hard both of penetratingstimulation and clitorisstimulation.
    So She tied me spreadeagled to the bedposts, took of my chastitydevice and rode herself to a powerful orgasm.
    I was not allowed to cum.
    After i was untied i had to lick Her to another orgasm.
    If i did it good i was allowed to be inside Her from behind during the night if i didn´t move. If i did, i was out instantly.
    So frustrating to be hard inside Her and have to lie copleatly immobile.
    Sometimes during the night She woke up and pushed me out and down between Her thighs again.
    Same thing when She woke up in the morning and i was still hard.
    Before i was ordered to make her breakfast She rode me again. And this time i was allowed to cum after Her soundly cumming. She then put Her in position over my open mounth and let my cum drip into it.
    I was then in chastity for Another 2 weeks.
    My question is:
    How often do You give bb Cialis?
    How many mg are they?
    When do You get the moust out of it?
    Sorry, it ended up with 3 questions.
    I am going to download Your 9:th Journal.
    Are they still on Lulu or is it a better site?
    Thank You for Your time and have a wonderful weekend with bb.

    1. He gets a Cialis on days I intend considerable dickie discipline or when I will have a guest or two over and his shame will be off the scale.

      I get the most out of it when (A) I can keep him hard through teasing for a whole hour or two while I watch TV, (B) when I can make him hard in advance of serious dickie discipline he knows is imminent and then once it has happened and he is very sore, still make him hard for a second or third helping., for hard copy and ePub. Barnes and Noble for Nook, Amazon for Kindle.
      Your Mistress sounds fantastic!

  66. I wanted to thank you for refocusing me on a couple of practical things that seem to be working lately: 1) service submission—my wife has never been much for playing a stereotypical domme role, although she can be very assertive, strong willed, independent. I’ve put aside worrying too much whether she thinks my acts of caring for her have an erotic component. She seems to like the attention lately, and is getting more assertive about asking for it. 2) sensory deprivation—I’ve talked more with her about my love of bondage and how it might help decompress me. I’ve made itclear she can restrain me and leave me in the next room while she watches her favorite tv shows, etc. We’ve done this up to an hour, she wants to try two hours next time. She seems focused on the practicalities of me giving up control to de-stress. 3) another is chastity. years ago, she found it a little boring, but we’ve always played with it, a little. I’ve been more forthright that (for whatever reason) I am more able to give her what she needs when I am denied, and that cruel and long periods of denial help me. We are trying for about 35 days of chastity (on day 14 now).

  67. Mistress from a sub male thank you for your truly amazing site. One day the whole world will think this way Mistress and what a great place that will be with Ladies finally being in the position of power they should. Thank you for moving us closer to this Mistress.

  68. FLR/Femdom is so rewarding, empowering. I started my younger submissive fiancée down this path in July 2015. We married July of last year. I m the bread winner, she’s my sissy housewife! I’ve completely emasculated, feminized her. She’s in chastity for long periods, plugged, regular douches I call them giggling.. and when allowed to cum after I’m satisfied it’s by my strap on or ordering her to rub her tiny clit in her panties. No stroking! I rarely allow her to penetrate me, very small , may as well be a clit, besides her tongue, toys I have her use in me most of my being penetrated is with my strap on , Stephie wearing it but with my real feel no7 9 inch vibrating dildo. While telling her what position , speed, and how good it feels instead of her useless little clit. She waits on me hand and foot. I encourage all ladies to try the lifestyle!❤️

      1. Thanx. Yes she gets punished but usually it’s in the lines of longer chastity period. Does wonders for her mind, obedience 😊

        1. But when you punish me my beautiful Mistress K I deserve it! I’m so very happy to be married to you, to be your sissy wife, to serve, and please you❤️

      2. My Mistress (femdomw) told me to read your blog msscarlet , curtsy, I hope it can help me become a better submissive wife to my Mistress. I never thought I’d end up in this lifestyle , had never heard of it but Mistress K showed me, taught me it’s what I needed, wanted! She was kind to me tonight , after I had made, served dinner , did dishes, she ordered me to bathe, put something sexy on and then come to the master bedroom, she unlocked my clitty but cautioned no cumming, she knows I like the way my clit feels in my panties. She allowed me to lick her to a few orgasms before ordering me into her strap on for another. She then switched toys in her strap on locked my clit back up , had me suck her strap on cock then took me, my sissy pussy in a few positions.. It felt so good , I dribbled from my clit cage some. No release tho but she knows what’s best for me! She said I’ve been very obedient lately and has promised me a new matching panty and bra set👙

          1. Thank you very much msscarlet9015….curtsy 👗And yes I feel like the luckiest Gurl in the world. Up early , doing quiet housework etc… checking Femdom blogs Mistress K( femdomw) like to follow. She says there’s always more for me to learn on how to serve better, be more obedient and for her to learn ways to control me, humiliate, punish me

  69. Now I know that women know what guys dream of.You are a Special type if lady and deserve the best of both worlds as for the lucky man you find to live under you
    (You both deserve it)
    Thank you for sharing miss Perfect.

  70. Hello Mistress Scarlet. I don’t know if You remember me, but I bought all Your ebooks as You commanded a few years ago. I remember reading peoples’ comments abut how You were too rough with Your male slave. Honestly? I think it’s fantastic, and I understand. I’d want the same tretment if I was Yours. I understand that type of Domination. Women are Alpha. My pride has been tore to shreds by sexy, and Alpha Ladies by You. You are BEAUTIFUL and men everywhere should kneel down and kiss Your boots. ^_^

  71. I need to find this particular kind of Woman. I want to serve in a loving relationship with her at the lead. I can play the manly role in public, but behind closed doors or even in public if she desires, I will do as requested. Plus, having fun together outside of the bedroom helps a relationship as well.

    1. Depending on where you live, there are places to find online Domme’s like this: — For RL, you can peruse to your local kink clubs, look up ads on craigslist or dating apps with key words such as: FLR, or D/s or Femdom. I’ve seen male subs on Tinder looking for Domme’s. Put yourself out there.

  72. Thank you for your blogs and books, they’ve helped me tremendously. I want to tell you a brief overview of my situation because it’s been difficult to find a support group. Almost 17 years ago I met my submissive but I wasn’t ready. We were together on and off for 6 or 7 years (with me topping him) and then we broke up and I asked for no communication. Of course, he respected my request and never contacted me again. I spent the next 10 years in and out of mostly non-con D/s relationships (with me being the non-con s). Only 1 of those relationships was healthy. I missed my sub and thought of him often. A few recent events led me to contact him again, after a decade. He’s a year single and I asked him to be in service to me. We’re on a short trial period and it’s going very well. Your book, Gratifying Domination and Submissive Contentment: A Guidance Manual, in particular, has been more help to me than anything else. But I’m looking for even more information. Classes, a community, another Domme. I have friends in the lifestyle and have thrown out lines. I live very close to San Francisco so it shouldn’t be this difficult, but it is. All the classes are too expensive or don’t teach the basics. My sub is training me as I’m training him but I want to accelerate the process. I want to keep him in his sub space by being the Domme I know he craves. Already I’ve come up with some amazing ideas that I use to top him but I’m doing them in a way that keeps him feeling dominated. He’s also a chaste cuckhold and my mind reels with all we can explore. Why isn’t there a FB group or some other type of community for Domme’s to meet and exchange ideas? I’ve scoured Fet and all the kinky places near me… there’s really an under-serviced need here.

    1. Thank you for the kind words about my manual.

      It is such a shame you are not in the UK. I would love to have you visit me and I would demonstrate on my bitch-boy literally anything you wanted and of course discuss in depth anything you were interested in about how I live my life . I would also be happy to visit your place and the two of us could practice things on your sub. But obviously, geography precludes this reciprocal double-domming avenue. Huge shame.

      Keep looking for Dommes’ groups that meet up. I understand they do exist in most big cities. Perhaps this post will cause an SF Domme to come forward and let me know she is a member of such a group. Also if you attend munches and BDSM nightclubs, you might be told of such an SF group.

      1. Thank you, this is extremely helpful. I wish I was in the UK too! Maybe a future trip (with my sub) is in order!! I know he’d be up for it.

  73. Please can my soon to be wife message you we have played around with this life and she really enjoys it but is haveing a hard time adapting to being in total control. She could really use some advice… Please and thank you

  74. Dear Mistress Scarlet,

    Thank you for your website and books which I and my Domme wife have enjoyed and applied to our lifestyle for a number of years now.

    You have published detailed descriptions of the lifestyles of a number of dominant women now, who are (or were) clearly very dedicated to what they do – Pamela (Candyfloss), Geena P (Suzette), Mary from Maxstoke, Carla, and Christine M; as well as your good self and bb. Obviously they are all individuals whose practices differ, but I wondered if you have any thoughts on what (you and) they have in common. In other words, what are key characteristics, behaviours, or mindsets of highly-committed Dommes?

    Many thanks again.

      1. Dear Mistress Scarlet,

        Thank you for your comprehensive post answering my query, and for asking me to describe my regime. My account has been vetted and approved by my Domme wife, Mistress Alecto, as I am sure you would expect. I hope it is not too long or dull, but I felt it was only courteous to provide a reasonably detailed response.

        I have been aware of submissive tendencies since puberty and recall poring over the magazines in which the exploits of Candyfloss and Suzette Faggott were described; and indulging in self-bondage as a youngster. I had limited success with girls as a teenager, as I always felt overwhelmed when trying to approach a young woman (like I was approaching a goddess).

        My wife and I met at university and hit it off, slowly at first, but then started going out. Within the first few weeks I had revealed my fantasies and preferences to her, which (to my relief) she readily accepted and felt comfortable in the dominant role. We married after university, and started experimenting with bondage, chastity, and domestic dominance: we started attending munches and clubs in London. Then children intervened and for several years the DS side of our relationship became less prominent (though it was always there).

        In recent years, we have regained our independence, and started to ramp-up our relationship and going back to munches and clubs (such as Club FD/Pedestal) but mainly our DS is a lifestyle. I have described our DS relationship to kink friends as like a thermostat – the level is adjusted up and down as required, but it is always there.

        For many years, I have done all the domestic chores (not always to a satisfactory standard, sadly) – shopping, cooking, washing, cleaning, etc. I have been kept in chastity (Mistress Lori frenum tube) 24/7/365 for over a decade, with releases at Mistress’s pleasure, typically once a fortnight (unless extended as punishment). Needless to say she enjoys oral pleasure on demand (with me wearing an eyeless latex hood), in a ’69’ orientation, so that she can tease my frustrated ‘eggs and clitty’ with either alluring strokes or firm finger flicks to the eggs. Once she has had her satisfaction, I am often in an agitated state from frustration, which she dismisses with a curt ‘Do I care?’ before rolling over. Such sweet cruelty.

        I am obliged to wear feminine underwear 24/7 – panties, stockings, bra; and sometimes have to wear a skirt when I work from home – I do not identify as a transvestite: so this is a humiliation for me. Mistress has taken me to parties and clubs dressed as a sissy maid – I am happy to serve (I identify as a service sub) but submit to, rather than enjoy, the feminisation aspect. Mistress applies a heavy hairbrush and sometimes cane, on a regular basis, to keep me in check. She enjoys restraining me to the bed – often with rope bondage, sometimes in a straitjacket and leg irons; and usually hooded. I am then either left to stew, teased, or she rides my face for her pleasure.

        Mistress also enjoys scrubbing my ‘clitty’ clean before applying embrocations and chaining me in the corner handcuffed and writhing in agony, while she reads your Journal or other ‘stimulating literature’. For the past couple of years she has had me grow two tubs of nettles (from seed) in the garden and keeps teasing that she will use them: but so far she has not carried this out.

        In summary, I am happily in-thrall to my Domme wife. We are both avid followers of your website and have all of your books (though I am not allowed to read your Journal). Her dominance has grown over the years, but I still struggle to obey without question, and admit to sometimes making attempts to ‘top from the bottom’ – but Mistress is now quite skilled at spotting that, and pouring cold water on such attempts. Our relationship is perhaps not as extreme as others, but we continue to grow together in our DS lifestyle and both get great satisfaction from it.

  75. Mistress Scarlet *curtsy*… i write this on a rare moment of having some free time from both work and domestic servitude. Revisiting this feature (and replies) reminded me of how content i am to be submissive and controlled by my MistressWife, Serena. This feature is excellent and still inspires and excites. On behalf of us both, thank You.

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