Ladies – adopt the lifestyle

INTRODUCTION

This blog section will be devoted to persuading and assisting other women to adopt the sort of lifestyle I enjoy. I can say with some smugness that I am the most content and happy woman I know. So many other women could enjoy the life I enjoy. I will add to this section from time to time.

You may be a single woman looking for Mr Right. You may be married to a submissive man. You may be married to a weak man who you do not want to separate from, but for whom you have very little or no respect. Perhaps in addition, he is addicted to food or alcohol or gambling or infidelity.

This blog section will be written on the basis that you have a submissive man but it will be relevant to all the situations I have described above.

SUBMISSIVE MEN

My bitch-boy is submissive. He has told me he knew this before puberty. He knows he thought submissively about women when he was 9 or 10 years old. He knows this for certain because it was before he joined senior school.

He has a submissive soul. He cannot be content without being controlled and dominated. If he is treated with cruelty, that is a clear reinforcement of how helpless his situation is and it increases his sense of being controlled. He truly hates many of his punishments, my tortures, his humiliations and his endless chores.  BUT, I know his soul is content. There are little signs. Not least of which, his worship and awe of me. If your man is truly submissive (and so many are) he will never actually be truly content without true domination – be warned.

I WANT A HUSBAND, NOT A DOORMAT!

Several times I have posted on women’s blogs who are playing at domination or chastity control and, in response to a question they pose,  I have set out a view of taking the steps required to move from a game to real domination. I often receive the response – I want a husband, not a doormat.

If only these women understood that a man dominated, punished and humiliated at home (or at selected friends’ homes) can still be your knight in shining armour when the need arises. My bitch-boy happens to be the most intelligent and courageous person I have ever met. Should we find ourselves in a dodgy part of a city at night, for instance, there is no one I would feel more secure with. If I have a tedious problem to resolve, he takes on anyone or any organisation on my behalf, with assertiveness and solutions to problems.

So I say to these women that play games. You can have your cake and eat it.

I am often asked by Dommes wanting to go for the full lifestyle, whether that means they must miss out on the companionship of their sub. I always respond by explaining how I carry on enjoying bitch-boy’s vanilla companionship WHEN I CHOOSE. I explain that there are times when I don’t do anything other than “hang out” with my sub. For example, sometimes, I get home from work and tell him that I can do whatever I want with him because I own him and tonight I am going to use him for his vanilla company. Its that simple for me. The same for family or work functions. bitch-boy is very intelligent and cultured so when watching a film or eating out at a very good restaurant, I want his vanilla company – his interesting and wise thoughts on what we are experiencing. Also, I like comedy – stand-up comedy and some TV series. Who wants to laugh alone?? So I will use bitch-boy for his vanilla company during comedy entertainment.

If we eat at a hotel with a top restaurant, I will tie him up and gag him on the bed at say, 6:00pm. I will give him a harsh dose of dickie-discipline. I will orgasm. Then I will release him and I tell him I now want his vanilla company while we eat the meal. bitch-boy understands that he is mine to use in any way I wish 24/7/365 and he understands that use includes that I will use him for his vanilla company at my whim.

MAKE IT REAL DOMINATION

Your man needs to feel 100% helpless and trapped. This is easy to achieve. For instance, start playing some bondage games and /or dress up games. Take a photo or two. Put the photos on a flash drive/memory stick and hide it away, or just tell him you have done so. Threaten to send the photos to someone or several people he would dread receiving them. Explain you have changed fundamentally and now cannot enjoy or contemplate the relationship without being the dominant partner and so you are 100% serious. Leave him in no doubt. A submissive man will be in awe of your actions and threats, especially if he knows the threats are not idle. Other men will quickly accept the situation. Like a wolf or chimpanzee in a pack, when a man knows his place in the hierarchy he is at ease.

Begin conditioning. Men, like Pavlov’s dogs, can be conditioned over time. You can move their sense of reality. Punish infractions with punishments that he is truly frightened of and desperate to avoid. Over time, doing all the chores becomes a normal (though dull) part of his life and there is an acceptance in him that that is the way it is. The same phenomenon applies to waiting on you hand-and-foot and to his restricted sexual relief and freedom. Get a chastity device. One involving a piercing is best. You will soon begin to experience the rush of having true power over another human being. Power is a huge rush and an aphrodisiac. It has been enjoyed, as such, by men over women for millennia, now women can enjoy it and become aroused and satisfied by it too.

Begin to experiment with your cruelty and sadism. In my early years of dominance, I could not bring myself to accept that I was a sadist. I found the word to be very distasteful. I was still foolishly fettered by society’s norms and standards. But after frequent experiences of intense arousal while inflicting physical or mental pain on my bitch-boy, I accepted that I was a sadist and that I loved sadism. Perhaps it is simply that sadistic activity signifies true power and it is the power that is the aphrodisiac? I don’t know or care.

REWARDS

Being sensitively woken and given tea or coffee in bed every morning. Being waited on hand and foot. Being utterly worshipped in mind and body. As many orgasms on demand as one could want. No household chores. No tedious paperwork or junk mail to deal with. A social life wholly of your choices. A 100% trustworthy partner who will never be unfaithful. Other sexual partners (in my case always female). The intense pleasures of power and sadism.

IT IS NOT FREE RIDE

Effort is required to maintain the lifestyle. Rules have to be written and it is critically important that all infractions receive punishment, although they can be written down for later delivery.  I have to be sensitive to what is going on in bitch-boy’s head, and if I think awe or obedience is waning, I have to take action. I also think I have a responsibility to add new things from time to time, to keep things fresh. Bringing in other women can be time consuming  and requires patience to find the right women. (But when you do, what a living nightmare it is for the poor sub and what a delight it is for you. Experiences that really keep the sub’s head in the right place!) Not for everyone, but for me, lots of physical exercise to keep my body in great shape. This adds to my power and assists when teasing and denying bitch-boy. But the lifestyle can easily be achieved without this facet. I wear high-heels more often than I otherwise would. But all this effort on my part is rewarded 1000 fold by my quality of life.

THERE IS RISK

Skiing off-piste, offering unconditional love in a vanilla relationship, playing contact sports – all these things carry a risk but many people take the risk to obtain the rewards. Adopting a life style like mine carries a risk.

I will leave it there for now but will add more in this section in due course.

140 Responses to Ladies – adopt the lifestyle

  1. chastysissy says:

    Dear Mistress Scarlet, I just wanted to write to thankyou for your wonderful blog and also your diaries. Having read the 1st and 3rd editions I’m also looking forward to edition 2. The very best of luck in your noble quest to promote the benefits of your wonderful lifestyle to other Ladies. The world would be a far better place if more Ladies could follow your example.
    sincerely and with adoring curtseys,
    chastysissy.

    • I don’t Think u know how popular It already Is, It’s Growing like wildfire so fast It can’t b contained, Everyday That I’m out with my sissy maids behind me other superior Fems are asking bout It They wanna know how They can do The same and I show em how I do It, They r so amazed by The feeling They Get when They have authority and not have 2 live n a patriarchal no mans land

      • jade Kim says:

        Can you be more specific why you believe the Female domination or Female Led relationship is growing? I am interested in it but when I talk about it with my friends I get a pretty negative response…Jade

        • My belief is based on the amount of times Femdom is featured in some way in mainstream entertainment and advertising. It never was 15 years ago. In addition clubs like Club Pedestal never had regular slots. And further, the number of Femdom couples on BDSM contact sites seems to have increased a lot over the last ten years.

          It is still a niche area though so I am not surprised your group of friends are uninterested. It may sound arrogant, but I believe dominant women have a collection of attributes most women do not have, such as, a comfortable ability to go outside society’s morals and norms, an expectation to get more out of life than the average person expects, a confidence in herself to be able to take absolute control of a man – (rare).

  2. Sweep says:

    Dear Ms Scarlet,
    I’m an avid reader of your blog. Ever since I found it I’ve been wanting to ask you whether you love your husband, but it seemed too personal a question so I’ve always refrained. It was very, very nice to hear your positive comments about him (paragraph “I want a husband not a doormat”). So good to hear that such an unequal lifestyle can be lived without being at the expense of one side’s affections. I wish you both every happiness (in your own ways!).
    Regards,
    Sweep

  3. deltaplay says:

    Thank you for your comment on Chastity Lifestyle regarding my little chastised pet Jimmy. I can assure you he is very grateful towards me, and any little negative signs of dissension are quicky dispersed by him having to fetch my cane. Thanks again…. Mistress B.

    • Hi Mistress B
      I just loved that you denied him release because he had not kept in position in the time allowed between strokes, even though he took the full 50. Such strictness from a domme is a real delight to read about. Just what is required to keep a sub suitable awestruck and subjugated.

  4. I absolutely agree with the “I WANT A HUSBAND, NOT A DOORMAT!” section (not that I don’t agree with the other sections!). Though Her 100%, 24/7 slave and servant without a doubt (despite the cursed constraints of vanilla life) I endeavour to always be strong, totally supportive and dependable for my Goddess. I am Her property in every way, but also Her man and protector whenever She needs me that way. The idea that a Dominant Woman can never show weakness or need advice, never makes mistakes, is absurd. I am whatever Goddess demands me to be. I am ALWAYS there for Her and it upsets me DEEPLY whenever I feel I may have let Her down, no matter how slightly.

  5. deltaplay says:

    Mistress Scarlet, I came across this website ‘ penectomy.tumblr.com’ and showed several pages to my little pet Jimmy.(I wouldn’t ever carry out anything like this, mainly because I love teasing and punishing his little clitty) but when I mentioned to him that his little chastity cage may be come redundant, his face was a joy to behold.
    I will keep him worrying and fretting for a few weeks.

    Yours. Mistress B.

    • What a great and clever mind-fuck Mistress B. He should fret because he must be able to see how loveley it would be for a Mistress to have a little sub with nothing between his legs. Just like an action man doll. An asexual servant and slave who could never relieve the sexual tension despite having to provide lots of sexual pleasure to others. As you say though, there is so much to miss! Its such a delightful pleasure atending to bitch-boy’s little clitty with a ruler or nettles or lemon juice or a spiked restrainer or simply teasing and edging and denying. Too much to miss.

      • Yourstouse. says:

        If I had the honour to be your slave, I would gladly submit myself for total castration by you.

        Perhaps afterwards, you would be kind enough to further humiliate me by cooking the removed material, and adding it as the meat content of your next meal.

        Which you would oblige me to watch you consume. After you had finished you would pat your by then full stomach, and say “I really enjoyed that, it was delicious, but don’t worry, you will get it all back in due course, after all you are my toilet.”

        If the operation also included giving me labia majora, then that would be a step in the right direction to achieving my dearest wish which is.

        I have always wanted to be a girl, at least that is since puberty.

        Yourstouse.

      • Mrs B says:

        Loving the nettles idea there!
        I am just rediscovering this side of me and am very much enjoying myself.
        Combining the pleasure in punishing a pathetic male with a device from one of my passions (gardening) is just delicious.
        I will be putting that one into practice when the opportunity arises (specifically when he ‘arises’ anyway).

      • John G. says:

        Being made into a eunuch husband for a Dominant Wife would be an honor, but since my clitty is useless for satisfying a Female, it just saves having to wear a chastity device. But I think the most important lesson is that we slaves are nothing without our Wives and all our purpose and meaning in life is derived by serving Her, and that means anything at all that She says or wants, anytime. It’s that simple.

  6. Great article. I enjoyed reading it. Its nice to see someone else put a bit of reality on the fantasy spin that dominates so many peoples hopes and dreams.

  7. Tommy says:

    Dear mistress, I am a sub sissy who wishes desperately to be slaved feminized and used without my control, I have been looking for this for a while and cannot find it. I have never been in a mistress/slave relationship and would very much like to recieve one, if you could be my mistress or could perhaps point me/ and or someone into my direction? It would be greatly apriciated

    • I fear I am no expert on this. I will give you my opinions but they might be wrong. First, I think contact sites, BDSM munches, fetish fairs and clubs such as club Pedestal are the main ways to meet such a woman. You may spot a woman with appropriate potential in your day to day life but that has very low probability. Second, I will list attributes in yourself you can work on, and the more of these boxes you tick, the more you may be attractive to a lifestyle domme.

      Being: # fit, good BMI and healthy, # reasonable income, # good cook, # good at ironing, # good with new technology, # good at pedicures and massage, # good at painting fingernails and toenails, # the ability to only speak when spoken to, # knowledge of current affairs, # good at massage, – You get the picture. (You can find ways to become good at many things on this list if you are not already.)

      Third, you have to be ready for the possibility of minimising, perhaps to zero, your time spent on hobbies and pastimes, and with family and friends, and on your sexual needs and on moving house. And you have to understand that your exact fantasies may not meet your domme’s desires and a very different regime is insisted upon.

      Finally, do not send money abroad to a conman or woman posing as a dome who needs the money to travel to you, or for a family member’s medical treatment, etc, and don’t send blackmail material to a potential domme you have hardly had any real contact with.

      • Sissymaid4life says:

        Hello mistress. I feel the same. I am looking to give my life over to a domme and become their sissy maid for the rest of my life. I have a qualification in beauty. I love serving women. I think they are the dominant sex or should be. Where do I find someone who would be interested in taking on a full time life sissy maid. If that even exists.

        • I suggest you work hard at perfecting skills like cooking, housework, laundry, ironing, massage, pedicures, cunnilingus, yard work, gardening. That you earn good money, and are physically fit – that you are not obese. Then seek a mistress by sensitive wooing. In all things, be tolerant, be patient, act with kindness, maturity and wisdom.

          If you are dating a likely candidate, serve her, for instance – start by opening all doors for her, waiting on her hand and foot, doing chores for her, giving her lots of orgasms while you have none, buy her flowers and gifts for no reason. (Do not buy chocolates or candy if she is trying to lose weight – that is lazy and insensitive). Keep all this up until she would miss such devotion were it to stop, then gently introduce the subject in tiny increments.

          If you are not dating, then I suggest BDSM contact sites, but it seems there about 100 submissive men for each dominant woman – so you are in a competition – you have to deserve a Domme to get one. You may perfect all the skills I mention and still not be lucky. Good luck and best wishes.

    • Malcolm Lord says:

      dear Tommy ,
      i feel the same as you do, i want to find a dominate lady who will control me and make me her slave, i want to become her doormat , obey her, take what ever punishment she may need to give me, and treat me with out any love or affection for me, abusing me and humiliating me constantly, even spitting in my face,
      but where do you find these goddesses,, if you are the lady i want please find and hate me……..Mally needs

  8. Bravo! More women need to control their man, and take control of his balls. The man should have to “earn” his infrequent permission to release! The woman should also tell a couple of her closest girlfriends, and in front of him, to further his humiliation and to “put him in his place.” Let’s all keep spreading the word! Bravo to you, fellow Goddess!

    • Love your comment, thank you. Adore your attitude so, so much and looking forward to more posts on your new blog!

    • As a submissive male since the age 11, I realized my intense desires to submit to the authority of females, when my sister who was 5 years older than me, would bring her girlfriends to our home. Mostly I would peek out of the window and watch them interact with each in their feminine ways, singing and dancing together and teasing each other about boys. I would always imagine being whipped as their male slave. It was only me and my older sister and my mom. My sister was always left in charge of me, while my mom worked from 3 to midnight at the tire factory, her job paid well in those days, so we never lacked for anything. But as soon as mom went to work, all of my sister’s girlfriends would come over and party. I would be sent to my room to watch tv, but I would always slip out and watch them, sometimes the girls would remove their blouses and bras to compare the breast sizes and compliment each other on the curves and shapes. Needless to say I was masturbating like crazy, until one the girls came out of the bathroom which I did hear, if anyone was in there. This girl that they called “bunny” yelled to my sister and said “ooooooooh Lisa your little brother is doing something nasty !” I then tried to zip up my pants quickly and in the process I zipped weiner and cried out in pain ! All of the girls laughed at me, as I was crying out, in pain, shame and humiliation ! My sister was so mad at me, but she quickly grabbed a bottle of Mazola corn oil and lubricated my zipper and my skin, that was stuck in it. Well it only took a couple minutes to unzip my weiner and my sister sent me immediately to my room. Unbeknownst to me, my sister and her 3 other girlfriends after about ten minutes, had planned my punishment. My bedroom door popped open and the stood my sister with belt in hand and her three girlfriends, I was told to strip naked, by my sister as the other girls stood quietly by, I began crying hoping I would get out of a belt whipping, but young girls and older women love teaching a male a lesson that he will not soon forget ! The girls held down my arms and legs and at different intervals took turns belting my ass, even though it hurt a lot, I enjoyed looking back at their faces as they belted my ass, what a look of determination and power that these girls felt and displayed. To make a long story short, I was never allowed to be in my room when the girls came over, I was made to stand in a corner with my hands over my head, and my mother eventually used the same belt to discipline me. I am now 55 years old and married to a very dominant wife of 25 years. My dominant wife has told me that I will be “castrated” at age 60, because she read an article online about males in the early 20th century who suffered from severe mental illnesses were often castrated, but in the process it was discovered that once the male body stop producing testosterone, those castrated males “lived 10 years longer” than the normal males !! Since the average males lives to be about 75 to 77 years of age. My loving dominant wife said that she wanted me to be around an extra 10 years of life to obediently serve her ! Women are so intelligent and efficient even till the end of the male’s life….I only wish that I could live to see the future of males, 800 years from now as today’s dominant women re-define “masculinity” for males, as they are quickly displaced from their roles as ‘breadwinners” and “head of household” So the only role in society for a male to fill is that of a “‘subservient male” in the future where the women will be the leaders of society and the world. My wife is constantly pointing out the many different scenarios in everyday life were the males are under the command of a female boss or the husband pushing the baby stroller or changing diapers, digging a ditch as the female boss looks on, wives and girlfriends humiliating their males in public to establish dominance, and most of all, behind the closed doors of almost every american household is the explosion of fetish toys that caters to the dominant female clothing, and males portrayed with leash and dog collars, on their knees, and males in maids uniforms……….the women are definitely sending a message to the male mind !!

  9. We all share ideas, don’t we? Isn’t it fun and exciting to tease a dick, and keep those balls in a state of agony? I think two orgasms a year are enough for any man!

  10. Of course, if you do not want to be as strict as I am, you can allow him 4 per year…one for each season, spaced three months apart! More than that would be uncalled for and silly!

  11. ted_subby says:

    I just found this amazing blog. I hope someday that my newly dominant wife will be to me half as cruel as you are to your bitch-boy. Your sadism comes through wonderfully in your writings and you hit the nail on the head describing what some submissive men (such as your bitch-boy and me) desire/need.

  12. sam9white says:

    Dear Ms Scarlet I cannot agree more totally with what you say. My belief in Female Supremacy dates back long before I met my Nicola, but she, just like you, knows exactly how to extract every last drop of submission from a man…testing me, humiliating me, punishing me…she constantly reinforces my worship for her.

    Thank you.

  13. shadenyx says:

    I agree completely.

  14. Veronica says:

    Mistress Scarlet, I absolutely love your blog. I do have a question for you. My boyfriend and i just started early stages of sissyfication. He shaved his legs, I waxed his bottom. He wears thigh highs throughout the day,girlie panties,and he just start walking in stilettos.. I have been “pegging” him from time to time. He worships feet and nylons. Can you give me suggestions or refer me to somewhere I can read up on Do I add more rules? I want to take it to the next level, baby steps I guess. Thanks

    • It depends on your long term objective. However notwithstanding whatever that might be, I would say two key things are rules and chastity control.

      In my humble opinion, the rules should be printed up and framed to be hung on the wall. Most importantly, if a rule is broken, punishment must follow which your sissy dislikes enough to genuinely try to avoid – so not play punishment. If your sissy is truly submissive, she will be unhappy about this during punishment, but overall become very content that her life is being controlled so.

      I have rules like – the toilet seat must never be left up, bitch-boy must kiss my shoes each day before I leave for work, he must clean the kitchen once a day, he must open the car door for me, he must wear knickers, etc. etc.

      Chastity control is another form of great power. It is also amusing fun!

      • They could also lick ur shoe’s, Sitting on Their face while relaxing Is another sumissiveizing Thing, Milking Them over an exam Table or something similar 2 where all Inferior male sperm Is worked out of em once a wk, Hyponsis and psychology Is helpful n keeping Them n Their riteful place

    • Female domination and other sites on The net Tell how 2 do That

  15. Thanks for sharing, Mistress Scarlet

  16. cgrim says:

    Although i feel unworthy of replying, i felt an overwhelming desire to do so. You are so obviously aware of the Power of Femininity. men have been ruled by in, and have lived in utter fear of it, since the beginning of time. That is why Women have been oppressed. But i believe a New Age is Dawning where most young Women are becoming more aware of Their Power over the helpless male.

    • This Is so correct and we need so many more believers like This 2 popularize This Great lifestyle

      • cgrim says:

        Grand Mistress Erin,
        Many men are in denial as concerns the Power of Women. But they are aware of It on some level. Women today are dressing sexier than ever before, teasing the hapless male with all the weapons at Their disposal. Feet, legs, breasts & derriere are provocatively and cunningly displayed to frustrate the male & to remind him Who is in total control. That is why men degrade or insult Women. It is because they know they are ruled by the Sexual & Intellectual Superiority of the Female.

  17. Should b able 2 promote This more on all The social sites, I have met many fakes on Those That only play It as a Game and really They need 2 wake The fuck up and Get serious bout This lifestyle, We need 2 Get laws made That enforce This like chastity laws 4 all Inferior males Then leash laws Then nudity laws where we can Take em out 4 a walk with em just naked collared and leashed or however we want It, Then Inferior males slavery legal and a federal slave register with enforcement That keeps Them from escaping us, If They run The pigs will b after em and will bring em back, Of course There would b far more legal freedom 4 us superior fems and we would Take away all Inferior male freedoms, They would b fucked Then, I’ve been n This all my life being raised by a strict mum who has believed n Fem supremacy 4 more Than 30yrs and so I have passed The Fem supremacy Tradition down 2 my Daughters who r crazy as fuck on Inferior males

    • sam9white says:

      Good, strong, harsh words that need saying, from an extreme Pro-Female. As a male dedicated to total Female Supremacy in everything I agree your ideas are exactly what we need in place. Good for you Grand Mistress Erin…keep the reality that Women are superior growing and growing until you own and run everything and males are nothing more than slaves.

    • Jason says:

      Grand Mistress Erin… I think we should stop talking about it and just do it. Enslave me… Keep me in permanent chastity and tease and punish me night and day to my dismay. Make me horny only to deny my pleasure and/or orgasmic relief, while I am forced to provide you with as many orgasms as you wish in whatever manner you wish for me to stimulate you to climax. Tease me to the brink of orgasm without allowing my release and then string me up and whip the shit out of me with a leather bullwhip, as you laugh hysterically at my pain and frustration… Keep me in chains and take me out only when you need amusement. Let’s do this and show the world how things should be.

  18. Bob , says:

    Loved your opinion want to be controlled, and punished but don’t know how to meet my domme ,am a quiet shy male frightened of females,and drawn to wearing female clothes and makeup.

  19. gsluxwar57 says:

    Hi Grand Mistress Erin

    I love your comments – I always find the more radical comments more interesting. I am working on a graphic novel about modern day Amazon warriors who have created a eutopian female dominated society where men are mere beasts of burden and are treated much the same as you describe above. I would love to share ideas with you as it sounds like you live it for real. Message me back if you would like to discuss and I can perhaps share some of the work with you?

    Thanks in advance

  20. Sheldon says:

    I am a male slave to my lesbian goddess. She is new to this lifestyle and wants to know more. Is there anywhere I can point her to to read on this, or a place to find a mentor?

    • The book, Owning and Training a Male Slave written by Ingrid Bellemare is quite good. I could email you for more confidential contact if you would like me to consider the mentoring role myself, which I do undertake from time to time.

  21. Sheldon says:

    Msscarlet9015,

    My lesbian Domme is open to asking you some questions. As mentioned she loves the lifestyle and would like to learn more. Can I give you her email address?

  22. alan rankine says:

    seen you at IONTAS on hyndland Sassy AND Classy Good on ya wish there were more Ladies like you or overtly like you Gawd, if only they knew what they were missing. So ”adopt the lifestyle” a clear win win situation my name? alan rankine GO GAL GO !!!!

  23. Lynne the New Girl says:

    Can any one advise on Dominance from a distance as I am a newby on this. I have recently made contact with a guy who is desperate to be controlled, and begs for instructions, but I am at a loss to give more than a few and he thinks I’m not serious. I haven’t met him yet and he doesn’t want to until I show him I mean what I say about the relationship. Please help, I want to control him and have plenty of ideas in the flesh, so to speak, but not via email or text

    • Perhaps I am cynical but I would be very wary of an alleged submissive who refuses to meet you until you show him you mean what you say about your dominance. That does not sound very submissive to me. You have plenty of ideas in the flesh – this is what counts. I suggest the situation should be completely different, and should be as follows. Unless he demonstrates his submissiveness by meeting you on your terms – he will not get to experience any of your ideas for dominance in the flesh!

      There are far more submissive men than there are dominant women – you call the shots!!!!!!

  24. Lynne Assinder says:

    Fab, thank you so much for the advice, I feel so much better. I thought I was the one in the wrong, like I was the one being controlled!! Bless you and here’s to strong women everywhere!!! xx

  25. 2fightdog2 says:

    Your ideas and thought are indeed correct.
    Men such as me were born to be submissive, I had no choice.
    I would love to be your sub.

  26. steph says:

    Hello Mistress

    I am in need to give advice to my younger sister, She is a very strong personality and her husband has always acted like a doormat. They are in their 50s and the last of their kids have left home, She has always been the dominant person in the relationship, pretty well taking all the major decisions in their life, financial, kids education, when they go on holidays and where to go, etc, Do I need to go on? He has been made redundant and hangs around the house, and as far as we can make out, does bugger all day long, and doen’t respond to directions. Drives her crazy. As far as I can tell, their sexual relationships have been pretty vanilla. She has mentioned the need to be more adventurous and dominant but is too shy to respond to my pressing her. How can I encourage her to explore your world? I think it would liberate her. I have been following some aspects of your lifestyle (though not quite to your level,yet) and intend to ramp up our activities as time goes by. He is not quite ready yet. In my new life style with the boy, I take on a male persona – seems to turn him on if I pretend to be a guy and he a slut. What do you think? I mentioned hypotheticall scenarios of this lifestyle to her, but although she seems interested, I always strike a block with her and I’m afraid to let on to what I’ve been doing with my boy. If I give you her email, would you be able to contact her direct, discretely at first and give her guidance?.

    Any suggestions welcome.

    • I am afraid I fell completely unqualified to become involved given I do not have an intimate knowledge of the couple. I would have thought the first step would be to let her know about your lifestyle, I would have thought knowing a sister gets up to these things would be reassuring. Obviously, even that carries a risk. She may be utterly horrified and disgusted. Only you can judge this.

      Perhaps you could suggest a very low key start whereby he gets some great sex if he does as he is told and then that sex is withdrawn if he fails to follow instructions and is only reinstated when he again follows instructions. If I think of any literature you could give her which I have read that sets out a gentle start to a femdom lifestyle I will come back to you.

      Of course, he may just be a weak person but not be submissive – which would be a problem.

  27. Steph says:

    Thank you Mistress

    Your advice sounds sensible. I think I will start giving her glimpses of my lifestyle afer a few Chardoneys. 🙂 We are planning a girls’ night out next week, and I know that a couple of the girls are fellow sisters. I think I will brief them to help me start up a “converstion.” Strength in numbers?

  28. Oma says:

    I have read your blog for quite some time, it has truly inspired me to explore femdom, i am new to the lifestyle, i need a mentor, please help.

    • Hi Oma
      Can I ask you some questions before agreeing to mentor you.

      I am assuming you are female? (I hope the question is not offensive).
      Roughly how old are you?
      Are you in a relationship with a male?
      If yes, to your knowledge is he submissive?
      What part of the world do you live in?

  29. Oma says:

    Thanks for your response, yes i am female, i am 30.
    I recently ended a relationship but have also found a man on the internet that wishes to be submissive to me. I live in the United States

    • OK
      I caveat all my advice my mentioning that I do not feel like an expert and I can only provide comment based on my own personal experience of dominating bitch-boy (for over a decade) and the shared experiences of dominating other men together with the dominant women I have met up with over the years. I am however keen to help as best I can because it is my mission for as many women as possible to enjoy the lifestyle I do, and probably in the process be ensuring a number of submissive males sleep with contented souls even if their waking hours are full of submission and endurance.

      What advice would you like at this stage?

      • Oma says:

        Nooo you’re way beyond the “experts” they should take lessons from you! I guess so far i’ll love tips on how to assert myself and once that is done how to maintain dominance, also there’s some difficulty dominating via the internet/technology, i wonder if any experience you’ve had with meeting people online and how you were able to maintain control

        • Is it your intention to only be dominating on-line and not in person?

          On-line, can I caution you against webcam behaviour on your part which could be recorded and published on the web. If you do use webcam, don’t do/say anything that you would not want your mother to see/hear. (Its a good test).
          One good online test of your power is to send your sub to a supermarket on a date selected by you and have him buy exactly what you want and then scan or photograph the receipt and email it to you, as proof. I read of one blackmail mistress who had her on-line sub buy a large cucumber, a pack of condoms and a tube of KY lubricant, and NOTHING ELSE! That is of course, a bit extreme. Perhaps you could instruct – a little girl’s comic, a box of feminine tissues and a box of Tampax. Just a thought off the top of my head.

          I have never dominated anyone on-line. It would not satisfy me.

  30. wonderful site totally dedicated to female supremacy and strict rulesof servitude and obedience so hope women will soon be grantedofficial status of the superior gender which their rite thankyou madam.

  31. Oma says:

    Absolutely not, we eventually intend to be together, hopefully long term if we fit. Thanks for the pointers, it has given me ideas of my own as well

  32. Going out on a whim here says:

    Hey there,
    (it’s gonna be a long one…)

    I read the article and it was very interesting. I always tried to avoid looking at femdoms because I really don’t see the beauty in the male body apart from very specific sections (no matter how perfect the men are). I see women as the superior species by right (that has been taken from them by force over centuries). And a lot of what you wrote makes sense to me. I am so genuinely fed up with watching disgusting porn that 100% doesn’t show how a woman would really want to be treated (that is, if she is able to look at the world outside of the brainwashing that we grew up on). And I enjoy watching women, that are beautiful, powerful, enjoy themselves (just don’t seem to find a lot of sites without a girl forced to suck).

    When I was reading your article, I tried to think if this could ever work for me. The reason I suddenly unlocked that place that I never wanted to see is because I got pissed at finding lists of “tumblr porn for girls” that were nothing that I would ever ever EVER want in my life (clearly NOT for girls, but to hopefully attract girls to show them what men want). I then decided that I really would rather see men suffer than women. I think I’ve seen women suffer enough for a lifetime. So I went on to the other side of tumblr and found then this gem:

    (I hope the pic works)

    Now I’d love that. I’d love having a man that first satisfies ME, and ONLY if I honestly AM satisfied and had my turn, I might think about pleasuring him too rather than having him push for it even if I don’t feel like it. so yes, this lifestyle of yours sounds about right! But I thought that domination involves a lot of care and utter love to the partner you’re dominating; that the femdom needs to be able to cater for his feelings in a way that is well thought out and very careful. That would be a problem for me because I am not planning on obsessing over any men in my life, even if it means training them to be the way they should be. You didn’t talk about this devotion in your article too much; could you elaborate on it a bit more, plz? + what would you, an experienced mind, say about what I think (except that I am an obvious dissatisfied feminist😛 )?

    I apologise for the MEGA long response. This is very personal and I have written things here that I probably didn’t ever even properly voiced in my thoughts before.

    • I thought that domination involves a lot of care and utter love to the partner you’re dominating; that the femdom needs to be able to cater for his feelings in a way that is well thought out and very careful.

      I guess the question you are asking boils down to the above sentence. My answer – Provided the man is submissive to his core, (which often means he became aware of his submissiveness to women before puberty), then you are able to do what you want and not what he might want – with a few provisos. The main proviso is that he must feel he has no option but to comply – so he is really truly under your power and he knows he has no option. IT IS NOT A GAME, HE HAS NO CHOICES about meeting your needs! There are a number of ‘technical’ issues that arise from that.

      I think you could have exactly what you want and have a contented, albeit dominated and controlled, submissive male as your loyal partner. There is a paradox with such men. They have to endure one or more things they truly do not want to endure, in order to feel/know/be clear that they are helplessly in your power – but that plays exactly into your objectives.

      I suggest you read my exchanges on this page, LINK, and then come back to me with any further questions. I really want to help. There is also quite a good book, Owning and Training a Male Slave written by Ingrid Bellemare which you should be able to find free as a PDF. (I do not agree with all she says – (on Analingus among other things) – but the thrust of the book is spot on. I could probably email a copy if you would like.

      If you read my most recent post, you will see that you are a buyer in a buyer’s market – you could have a queue of sub suitors desperate to serve you exactly as you wish!

  33. Alex says:

    dear Lady Scarlet, I was wondering what difference of age existed between Your man and Yourself…

  34. J.W.Baccaro says:

    I love my Wife with all my heart. However, most of the time I am more of the Alpha. Like all of us, she has her tribulations, and I have to be there to help her. That is what life is about IMHO. Other. At the same time, I so crave to be dominated. And yet I wonder if I’m truly a submissive, because I find that I only like to be dominated during sexual activity.

    Beautiful post, Mistress. *Kneels out of respect*

    • Mila W. says:

      J.W., perhaps I can shed some light on your predicament as I went through a similar stage with my husband. He always claimed to want to be submissive, to be punished and submit to my will. Yet I soon learned that he only wanted to be punished on his own terms and only for his own sexual gratification. After he would orgasm, he would revert to his former self. He would disobey a rule and claim to be willing to accept whatever punishment I had in mind. My preferred methods are caning and public humiliation. Early in our relationship, I would tie him down and begin caning. After the first stroke or two, he wanted no part of it, demanding to be released and telling me he had “changed his mind” about his submissiveness. He would go so far as to threaten to leave me as he stated I couldn’t love him if I could hurt him like that. I would always stop and the cycle would repeat itself, over and over. I’m not naturally dominant – or at least I thought I wasn’t – and I became frustrated, overwhelmed even, as I didn’t know what to do to break the cycle. And then I found Mistress Scarlet and this blog and it was as if the seas parted. I finally understood that no man whether “truly submissive” or not could be broken or controlled unless pushed beyond his limits. As Mistress Scarlet continuously reinforces on these pages, punishment cannot be fun. If I only played at punishment as he preferred, I was only reinforcing his belief system and perpetuating the cycle. I will never forget he first time I pushed through his limits as well as my own. 3 strokes became 5, which became 10 and then 50. He screamed and swore and threatened and cried. After the caning, I asked him if he understood that things had changed and that I would no longer be bullied and that I would be firmly in control. He agreed as I had hoped but had been dreadfully afraid he wouldn’t. I told him to lay there and really think about it. Several hours later I asked if he would accept his new role and any punishment I might decide on. Again, he agreed and asked if he could be untied. No, I told him and warned him not to ask again. I went to bed and in the morning asked if he was ready to begin his new life. He started crying and told me that he had been waiting for this since we first met and, yes, he was ready. Good, I told him and took out the cane once again. I gave him 50 more lashes and this time there were no words, no threats – only tears. That was just over a year ago and I have implemented more of Mistress Scarlets philosophies into our relationship which is now better than ever. He no longer asks to be submissive and to be punished. He just is. Thank you, Mistress Scarlet.

      • It is very gratifying if I have helped in any way. You appear to be a wonderful Mistress.

      • J.W.Baccaro says:

        That’s wonderful if it works for you. Man, that poor dude. ^_^ *teasing*

        I think I only crave Domination when sexual aroused, at least for the most part. Toward the end I often like to take over and “finish” her. However, if I’m performing or doing something she doesn’t desire so much, I’ll stop. I strive to please above my own desires.

        I gather I’m more of a middle ground kind of male, lol. I’m sure some Mistresses here think I just haven’t had a severe punishment yet.

        So many thoughts going through my mind…so many. 🙂

      • sissy jamieanne says:

        I truly enjoyed reading Miss Mila’s story here…She persevered and finally got what She truly deserves…and obedient and properly submissive husband! My humble respect to You, Ma’am!

  35. Yourstouse. says:

    Thank you Mistress Scarlet for your truly magnificent blog. The reading of which is for me a huge turn on, especially so when I read,

    “But after frequent experiences of intense arousal while inflicting physical or mental pain on my bitch-boy, I accepted that I was a sadist and that I loved sadism. Perhaps it is simply that sadistic activity signifies true power and it is the power that is the aphrodisiac? I don’t know or care.”

    Were I to have the honour to be one of your slaves, I would just love to submit to receiving from you, “physical or mental pain” in order that I might be the one who has the honour of enabling you to experience the, “the power that is the aphrodisiac”. I want so much for my pain to be your pleasure.

    You truly are the supreme Goddess, I worship you, in fact I worship the very ground you walk on. I do hope you don’t think that I worship myself, as I would just love to be the “the very ground you walk on”.

    Yourslave.

  36. kenny says:

    hi Mistress Scarlet, just happen to see your blog and I know you are a true dominant. I really admire you. I am a 30 year old man and I know I am submissive all the way to woman long time ago. I’ve been looking for female dominants (mainly online) for many many years (8+) but I could hardly ever find any. Loads of online female dominants out there are taking it as business and doing hourly sessions. This is certainly not what I am looking for. I take domination/submission a relationship, a lifestyle, a state of mind, a loyalty to a particular someone. I don’t take it as a money game and I really can’t immediately drop to my kneels to any woman I first meet in a minute. More importantly, I don’t think those kind of ”money mistress” or ”professional mistress” are really that dominant in their mind. They pretend to be dominant, but what they are really only looking for is – money.

    In real life, it’s difficult to tell a woman I love her, and it’s a lot more difficult to tell a woman (even one in love) I want to be submissive to her all the way (they will just think I am kinky and laugh)

    Is it really that hard to find a real someone (female) to live for long-term with me in this way? I think a lot of male submissive have the same problem as me. They are looking around for years but hardly ever found anyone.

    rubberloverhk

  37. Bob says:

    Love your sight and advise.
    Many sights talk about S&M or Female Domination and it puts women off. I prefer the term Female Led. I never thought my demure church going Seventh Day Adventist Wife would ever become a stern demanding Keyholder, but she exceeded anything I could have fantasized about.
    The other term that puts women off is Cuckolding. There has to be something that sounds nicer and is more acceptable. Perhaps “Half Open marriage” where only the Wife’s half is open and the husband remains faithful to her.
    My Wife has kept me locked in a CB-6000S almost all the time the past 8 years and the preceeding 6 before that were spent ramping up to fulltime all the time chastity. Because when she is stern and demanding when she speaks to me I always immediately obey her she now almost all the time speaks down to be with complete authority because she knows it will get my immediate obedience.
    You’re right on the money when you talk about Pavlov’s dogs.

  38. Mistress Supreme says:

    Hello Mistress Scarlet,
    It was a delight reading your views and I’m happy to find someone who enjoys and genuinely understands this lifestyle. I have been a Mistress for quite sometime now. I have no problems in being myself (being a dom) but sometimes I feel like there is lack of awe.. and that maybe my slave is slipping to like some other Mistress.. what can I do in such a situation? . the approach I earlier followed was laughing at his choice, degrading, punishing and keeping him hard but not allowing release. Things are perfect right now. but I would like to know, how would you tackle such a situation. There were times I wanted to get rid of him cause he made me so angry. I wanted to remove him from my slave title. is that normal? and how would you handle the situation?
    Thanks.
    -Mistress Supreme

    • Thank you for the contact Mistress Supreme. I adore hearing from other Dommes who have a live-in slave. I am not sure I am qualified to give advice, bit here goes with my best attempt. In such a situation, I would not denigrate any other Domme. I would covertly look to see if the other Domme might use behaviour which I do not use and which could be useful to me in keeping my slave in awe of me. If there was, and I might enjoy such behaviour, I would experiment with it to see if I did enjoy it. Apart from that, I would always remind my sub that (apparently) there are around 100 sub men for every single Domme, so 99 out of 100 sub men may never find a Domme who will have them. True Dommes are free to pick and choose – sub men have to work very hard to be worthy of a Domme. I would also remind that – the sub could be dismissed at any time and a queue of potential replacements would instantly form, from which to find a younger or richer or better endowed, or fitter or, etc. etc, sub. Finally I would undertake punishment/teasing/humiliation or bondage to the extent that the sub genuinely begs with all his heart for some mercy and I would ignore the begging and continue making the torment more extreme. This usually engenders awe.

  39. Daniel says:

    Dear Mistress Scarlet

    My name is Daniel B, I am really seeking a female led relationship, and I am a through and through submissive. It has been difficult for me to spark such relationship with the women I have been with. I was wondering if you can show me the ropes a little and point me to the right direction. I am a bit of a world traveler but I have a permanent Address in Toronto, Canada.

    • I suggest you work at skills like cooking, housework, pedicures, cunnilingus. That you earn good money, and are physically fit. Then seek a mistress by sensitive wooing. If you are dating a likely candidate, start by opening all doors for her, waiting on her hand and foot, doing chores for her, giving her lots of orgasms while you have none, etc, Keep this up until she would miss such devotion were it to stop, then gently introduce the subject in tiny increments. Good luck and best wishes.

  40. Andy says:

    M S
    A very clear view of how ig can be .with your permission I will print it for M to digest.

    Thank you for writing it .
    a

  41. menjilat says:

    Good Morning MIstress, im a very big fan of you..
    Im writing here beacuse i need your help as a developer of Female domination.. Few days ago i found a post with a quuestionnaire, about how to help husband be a slave, was very intresting, before there was a text that spoke of ‘attitude to have, then a questionnaire that the wife should do to her husband.. I talked about it to my girlfriend and she really wants to do it, we both know a lot about my needs, and why i have it, and we are happy to find the right way to treat it, so, please, are lots of hours that im online searching for that, can you help me?
    Best Regards, Alessandro..

  42. kneelsonriceatyourfeet says:

    Hello Mistress Scarlet — I just wanted to say hello and tell you how much I love reading your blog. It has made me think so much about what I’m doing with my life — which is to say, suppressing my deep desire to be enslaved. … Reading about your life has inspired me to pursue my lifelong dream …. Thank you!

    • My very best wishes to you. Please remember the ratio of dominant women to submissive men appears to be about: one Domme to every 100 submissives. I am thinking that possibly with young women today that is changing and more dominant women are appearing, however it may be just wishful thinking on my part.

  43. Minxski says:

    I have read many of your books over the years and have just come across this wonderful blog. My submissive husband and myself entered the club scene in london many years ago. And I use to love going out meeting new people in a similar situation. Over a short period of time i had become a wonderful Mistress with many similar friends that we often use to private party together. Now since moving away from the UK to a country that is very reserve (4 years ago) I have been struggling with my self confidence. My husband is crying out to be fulltime, but i have seriously struggled and on many occasions it has lead to me feeling completely useless as a Mistress and always feeling i am missing opportunities that my husband sometimes points out to me. On many occasions all our stuff has been put away, making me feel very lost. We have a son in the house who is obviously aware of our lifestyle but sometimes i feel like my head is jumping all over the place. I want to take it away from just play and to be relaxed enough to make it work fulltime, even with vanilla life in the way. Please help me Mistresses.

    • I have delayed responding because I so much want to help but I fear I am not qualified to do so. Let me try though. I have to say at the outset that we may be quite different. I have never wanted to make friends of other couples as part of the BDSM scene. I do not get pleasure socialising based on a BDSM affinity. I adore to make friends with Domme women, of course! And enjoy ‘session’ times with them.

      I think you should start by thing about how you would like your life to be and then shaving that down to match which is actually practical. I think your sub is being very unhelpful pointing out to you opportunities you have missed after they have happened. I do not see how that moves you to a place of confidence at all. That annoys me! If you were to set out how you would like your life to be and how you would like to be, within practical limits) I may be able to help more.

  44. vinayan says:

    I love this lifestyle but i confused

  45. Its so wonderful finding a group of like minded powerful women. To share experiences and to learn from each other. You try to reach out to other Mistresses on other website and end up having slaves asking to be dommed, so disrespectful, it drives me mad. My sissy maid had a busy day yesterday with involved lots of food shopping, house work and being fucked by me. She was then allowed to escort Mistress out to a very expensive restaurant for a well deserved meal for Mistress. I love this lifestyle and will stop putting pressure on myself, i will relax and enjoy every minute. Here’s to a great 2015.

  46. Stephen says:

    You are correct and very wise. Women are superior to men. Am finally humbled to admit and confess submission. I respectfully request information on supporting your agenda. Please, how would I find a full time relationship with a dominant supreme women, who knows what’s best ? Thank you…submissively, Stephen

    • I suggest you work hard at perfecting skills like cooking, housework, laundry, ironing, massage, pedicures, cunnilingus, yard work, gardening. That you earn good money, and are physically fit, that you are not obese. Then seek a mistress by sensitive wooing. In all things, be tolerant, be patient, act with kindness and wisdom.

      If you are dating a likely candidate, serve her, for instance – start by opening all doors for her, waiting on her hand and foot, doing chores for her, giving her lots of orgasms while you have none, buy her flowers and gifts for no reason. (Do not buy chocolates or candy if she is trying to lose weight – that is lazy and insensitive). Keep all this up until she would miss such devotion were it to stop, then gently introduce the subject in tiny increments.

      If you are not dating, then I suggest BDSM contact sites, but it seems there about 100 submissive men for each dominant woman – so you are in a competition – you have to deserve a Domme to get one. You may perfect all the skills I mention and still not be lucky. Good luck and best wishes.

  47. Ms. Amy says:

    Hello Mistress Scarlett,
    I’ve met a very sweet and handsome British sub. He lives there, I live in the states. We met online through a “vanilla” dating site. I’ve never dominated anybody beyond just being my natural, controlling dominant self. I’m very interested in properly learning the ropes and he is very eager to serve me. I just feel like I have so much to pick up. He has had long term experience at the hands of a very strong Mistress in his past. I must admit to you, I feel a bit insuperior at this juncture. Not good for an up and coming Mistress😐.
    I’m having him gather literature and helpful forums for me to read. This was the first one he suggested😊. Being apart makes the learning curve extra awkward and difficult. We talk and type and we’ll Skype when I’m ready. Any pointers youre willing to share, any suggestions for those of separated by distance, anything pertaining to my particular situation would be helpful and appreciated.
    Thank you in advance and I’ll be looking forward to more of your blogs to come.

    • You will not like what I have to say I am afraid. But I have your best interests at heart. Unless, very soon, one of you travels to meet the other face-to-face and you spend time together, AND unless one of you is fully prepared to (and able) to obtain a work visa for the other’s country, this relationship is going no where – especially for you. The ratio of female dominants to male submissives is reported to be about one to one hundred. So each Domme has a choice from 100 submissives. I believe the USA has a population of about 230 million. You will be much better off finding a sub in the USA. On-line sub/domme relationships serve the sub, not the domme. He gets his thrills – you do not get served in any way, not waited on hand and foot, not able to push him past his boundaries for your wicked pleasure, not able to experience a serious power rush. You may be able to have some fun with him, WHILE YOU LOOK FOR A USA BASED SUB. In this regard, providing you do exactly what you want all the time and push your on-line sub to where he does not want to go, you need feel no lack of confidence. You are in charge.

      Please, please do not do anything on SKYPE that you would not be 100% happy for your parents, siblings, friends, boss and work colleagues to see. You risk this humiliation and you also risk blackmail.

      Things you can do with an on-line sub can include having him write lines, like a schoolgirl in detention. Have him write 500 lines of your choice and send you a photo of all the pages to prove he has done them within the time you have set. If he does not do so, he does not get to have contact with you for a period you determine. Another thing I have heard about is sending him to a supermarket (like Walmart) and instructing him to buy a very specific and humiliating list of items. He must buy them all and add nothing extra. Say to start with, some tampons, some lipstick, a cucumber and one item of his choice (to ease the humiliation). Or, (Very cruel!) a cucumber, and some KY lubricant. Nothing more, nothing less. You could do one-way SKYPE so that you can see him and he cannot see you – he can only hear you. Then for instance, you can have him edge himself while you verbally abuse him and then have him put Icy Hot or similar on his cock.
      I hope you find this helpful.

  48. David says:

    I hope and pray I will find that kind of love. I have tried so many times to be the patriarch in the world the way I am conditioned to be, but I am happiest serving. I don’t always enjoy it and it can be dull but there is a sense of calm that comes over me. I am still a virgin and have not so much as kissed a girl. I often feel I will never find someone and will most certainly have to settle for someone who doesn’t understand me or risk being alone forever. I have so much love to give I just don’t know what to do. Your blog gives hope. But I also will be 33 in 2 weeks and like they say I am not getting any younger. If you have any advice for me please let me know.

    Respectfully,
    David

    • I suggest you work hard at perfecting skills like cooking, housework, laundry, ironing, massage, pedicures, cunnilingus, yard work, gardening. That you earn good money, and are physically fit – that you are not obese. Then seek a mistress by sensitive wooing. In all things, be tolerant, be patient, act with kindness, maturity and wisdom.

      If you are dating a likely candidate, serve her, for instance – start by opening all doors for her, waiting on her hand and foot, doing chores for her, giving her lots of orgasms while you have none, buy her flowers and gifts for no reason. (Do not buy chocolates or candy if she is trying to lose weight – that is lazy and insensitive). Keep all this up until she would miss such devotion were it to stop, then gently introduce the subject in tiny increments.

      If you are not dating, then I suggest BDSM contact sites, but it seems there about 100 submissive men for each dominant woman – so you are in a competition – you have to deserve a Domme to get one. You may perfect all the skills I mention and still not be lucky. Good luck and best wishes though.

  49. David says:

    Thank you for the helpful suggestions and for responding. I don’t know how successful I will be as I am only going to be a nurse. But I am already quite good at cooking as my sisters have told me. I love treating others well. I worry that since I am a virgin I might never be able to get good at pleasing a woman without being in a relationship first. I also know that either through chastity or even extreme measures like castrating may be most appropriate since I am not well endowed and don’t want to limit my partners experiences and rights to pleasure. I do plan for now to get the piercings following school and get a secure device. I also go to the gym 4-5 days a week and watch what I eat your right with lots of competition I need to put the best foot forward if I want to stand out. Once again thank you for your help.

    Respectfully,
    David

  50. SomethingSomethingSomething says:

    Hello Mistress Scarlet,

    Have posted a message on here before, but I can’t remember my username. Anyway, I continue to enjoy your blog, but I do have to say – the whole 100:1 domme/sub ratio thing is rather outdated (and was likely always a myth pushed by embittered subs). If you look on places where it’s easy to categorise people as such, you’ll find that the ratio is far lower – something around 6-8:1 (if you exclude pro-dommes and ‘fin-dommes’ as well).

    This is of course, if you assume that all males who call themselves subs are actually subs and not bottoms or HNGs..which is absolutely not the case and if there was an reliable way of telling, would drag the ratio even further down.

    On the plus side, it does seem that younger people are much more open to exploring their sexuality and traditional gender roles. Perhaps one day it will be as ‘OK’ to be a domme or msub as it is to be gay or lesbian today (not that things are perfect for those two groups).

    Keep well and please continue writing!

    • I guess we have no concrete up to date data. I think your calculation may be flawed because it assumes all subs and Dommes that exist use contact sites. I think probably only 10% of subs and 50% of Dommes use contact sites (or an even lower percentage of subs because of society’s dislike of submissive male sexuality). So the Dommes numbers need to be multplied by 2 and the subs by 10 giving – Dommes ratio to subs as 35 to 1 or greater? Although it could be that only say 3% of subs use contact sites. I don’t think we will ever know. BTW I think the percentage of Dommes who use contact sites is so much higher than for subs because part of being a Domme is an acceptance of what you are and need. I think many subs struggle to accept they need the lifestyle that would meet their sexuality. Its all theory though isn’t it.

      I really hope LGBT people are not offended by my next comment. But I think submissives are born with that sexuality and they should be protected from discrimination and ridicule as much as LGBT people. Subs cannot help being of a sub sexuality any more than LGBT people can change their sexualities. .

  51. or ano says:

    Having read through many of the posts on this blog i have found that i can identify with many peoples variations on the Femdom Lifetyle Theme here’ most of which stimulate me and inspire me to some degree or another; but alas i am still an unrequited male submissive who would dreams that one day his very ‘own’ Mistress will take him under her wing and mould him into an acceptable ‘slave’.
    My lifetime experiences as a submissive have been composed of some good but mostly bad introductions, mostly by letter or online but some through actual meetings. with professionals.
    .
    I have been in touch with my ‘submissive need to obey women’ status ever since it first began when I was only 5 years old. I was in painting class with a Girl called Kathleen when she came over to look at my painting; then asked me to look at hers. It was much better than mine and she knew it. She even told me that it was and said these immortal words;” Im better than you”. These words stuck with me all my life until during puberty and being enamoured by a very pretty girl in school my submissive nature again started to blossom.
    Of course i fantasised about her every night and she became my Unobtainable Princess; My Queen and Empress and of course my Goddess all in one but i never had the courage to engage with her and would simply go red at any mention of her and the word; ‘slave”.
    With a few girlfriends in between .some of whom treated me to a few minor engagements that never really came to much. After i received my first whipping in London at the hand of a professional i got ever bolder and made every attempt that i could to meet a girl of my dreams.All i could muster were
    professionals and i left them feeling ever needful of a True Life Mistress in my life Despite all my concerted efforts all of my meetings have ended up as simple one off occasions.
    Will i ever meet that Woman of my dreams ? I wonder and am wondering still.

    Yours Truly,
    Roger

  52. jamiv says:

    i am a masochist male like to marry a sadist lady who often provides caning.Any one interested mail me to jamivkv@gmail.com

  53. Mistress Hannah says:

    Good day to you Mistress Scarlett.

    First of all let me just say that I am so grateful to have found your blog at such a turning point in my life.

    I have been in the BDSM scene for a couple of years as a female submissive, but have only recently in the last 4 months started to explore my Dominant side and have found myself a wonderful submissive male to have my fun with.

    I am coming to you in the hope that perhaps you would be kind enough to offer me some mentoring? as I feel like having someone to communicate with for reassurance and guidance would greatly help my journey into being the heartless Dominant women I know I can be.

    Of course I realise your time is precious and so would completely understand if this is not possible and simply thank you for the resource both in your blog and your journals as they have been quite simply a gold mine!

    Kind regards
    Mistress Hannah x

    • I would be more than happy to mentor you as best as my imperfect knowledge allows. Were you simply thinking on-line, or were you considering visiting me to double-dome bitch-boy with me, and then me reciprocating by visiting you and us double-domming your sub? And of course I have friends that may be interested in making the events triple-domming events.

  54. Lady N says:

    Good evening, i contacted you a few months back inspired by the nettle punishment idea.

    Well, things have certainly progressed!

    My dominant side is still emerging and it is such a fantastic journey. My primary slave is deeply submissive and it is a huge turn on for me. Your blog is very helpful for breaking down those socially imposed barriers about ‘hurting’ another. I’m chipping away at them gladly.

    I have just started the process of recruiting a younger boy (20s) and look forward to training him up, and using him to further humiliate my primary slave (late 40s). Such fun playing with both of them, using each to further humiliate the other.

    Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences – inspirational.

    Best

  55. slavemeat says:

    There is such a lot here that both inspires and interests me that i keep coming back and reading more and more each time. From my own experience of my submissive soul and the way i recall it emerging its origin has most probably always been known to me from a very early age indeed.
    I am talking here of the age of 5 years old. How you might ask can a boy of five recall his submissive origins. Well i can tell you that when i was a small boy of 5 years it chanced that one day i was in a painting class and was doing a painting when a girl approached me of about the same age. She took a look at my painting and probably made a good assessment of it but then asked me to look at her painting. When i did so i was astonished because she had done a very good painting of cliffs and a seashore ! She then plainly and proudly stated that ” I am better than you”. Those words have haunted me for a lifetime. I am 66 now and am still seeking that elusive perfect Mistress even though i am married.! The strangest thing of all is that for the greater part of my life i never saw her again Except for one solitary occasion when i worked as a Caretaker in a block of flats on a Council Housing Estate. I found myself on one floor level when a woman approached me and she told me that she knew me from when i was 5 years old but she did nt actually say that she simpty drew my attention to the fact . I had not even recognised her and then came the Blockbuster; She then proceeded to mention the one and only time before in my life that we had ever met…..
    She said those very same words again,” I am better than you ” , and in much the same way as she did before too ! I was stunned. It was as if a Ghost from my past had come back to haunt me again.
    I still recall her name: It was Kathleen.
    She then quickly left and i have n seen her since !

  56. Catherine says:

    Hello there Mistress B,

    I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed your blog! I have a website called http://femdoming.com/ and I would LOVE to publish some of your articles on our page. Please check out our site and if this sparks your interest please get back to me! I look forward to publishing your articles!!

    Catherine
    femdoming.com

  57. Pingback: Use him for everything | Real Life Female Domination

  58. Karl says:

    Where can I find a woman like this. Karl

    • I suggest you work hard at perfecting skills like cooking, housework, laundry, ironing, massage, pedicures, cunnilingus, yard work, gardening. That you earn good money, and are physically fit – that you are not obese. Then seek a mistress by sensitive wooing. In all things, be tolerant, be patient, be unselfish, act with kindness, maturity and wisdom.

      If you are dating a likely candidate, serve her, for instance – start by opening all doors for her, waiting on her hand and foot, doing chores for her, giving her lots of orgasms while you have none, buy her flowers and gifts for no reason. (Do not buy chocolates or candy if she is trying to lose weight – that is lazy and insensitive). Keep all this up until she would miss such devotion were it to stop, then gently introduce the subject in tiny increments.

      If you are not dating, then I suggest BDSM contact sites, but it seems there about 100 submissive men for each dominant woman – so you are in a competition – you have to deserve a Domme to get one. You may perfect all the skills I mention and still not be lucky. Good luck and best wishes.

      • Lady Normall says:

        What an excellent reply to the question.

        I find it rather annoying to be considered some sort of seedy fetish object, I’m a woman. Who is sexually (and generally too!) dominant, among many other things.

        I have to say finding reliable slave males can be a chore, so many fantasists – so little time. Maybe it’s because I don’t behave like a fantasy figure, confuses the poor little minds.

        Please keep up the excellent work Ms Scarlet.

        Lady Normall

  59. John belcik says:

    I am excited that you are promoting this lifestyle with women and I do hope that more and more women will adopt it. I personally have been looking for a long time for a loving long term female led relationship preferably marriage. I think living in Alaska has hampered my search as there are few women there compared to men. I am now in position to travel and am presently on a four month road trip and so can meet someone who is interested. anyway thanks for promoting the most beautiful of all lifestyles…
    respectfully,
    John

  60. codyhusser says:

    Im codyhusser i dream of being a sissy girl slave forever please help me im beging you please email me at codyhusser484@yahoo.com im ready to start today please provide my transportation. To my prison pink cell thank you and love you

  61. I truly appreciate this blog and, in particular, Your comments on this topic. I long for the day when the F/m ratio is more like 1:3 (I would hope that Mistresses would still have the option of multiple slaves) and this lifestyle becomes accepted in mainstream culture. Hopefully, Your words will contribute to that eventuality.

  62. ThisDisfree says:

    Amazing to find this blog, I’m 53 and have had countless failed relationships. I short while ago I had a “light bulb” moment and discovered I am and always have been a Dom, my problem was I had always tried to be it within a “straight” relationship. My dominance initially attracted men, but within a short while I would either be expected to be more submissive (never going to happen) or the fights about me being so dominant would start. I am about to embark upon my first D/s relationship, it’s daunting, a steep learning curve but ultimately for the first time in my life I know it is what is right for me! I can only describe how I feel as I’m guessing similar to a gay or lesbian finally coming out. They say the truth will set you free and it is. Thank you for a wonderful, insightful blog. I’m reading all I can find on the subject but any serious reading matter you can suggest would be really appreciated.

    • Helpful reading matter is hard to find. Most authors of such material can’t help but make suggestions which move a relationship to where they specifically wanted their relationship to be and we all want something slightly different. I don’t know if you read the content under my ADVICE tab, you may find this helpful. One suggestion I would make is during activities ask your male, ‘on a scale of one to ten – how submissive do you feel’, I find the answers help a lot in learning how to affect you male while also getting what you want. Always come back to me with specific questions. Happy to help in any small way I can.

  63. I LOVE this article. I have been my wife, Miss Laura’s sissy maid for about 10 years and I couldn’t be happier. My entire existence revolves around her happiness. She is all that matters.

  64. William Blue says:

    Where can I find a true Femdom, I have been searching my whole entire life, it’s the same response always, ugh, what’s wrong with you, why do you like to be mistreated, help me?

    • I suggest you work hard at perfecting skills like cooking, housework, laundry, ironing, massage, pedicures, cunnilingus, yard work, gardening. That you earn good money, and are physically fit – that you are not obese. Then seek a mistress by sensitive wooing. In all things, be tolerant, be unselfish, be patient, act with kindness, maturity and wisdom.

      If you are dating a likely candidate, serve her, for instance – start by opening all doors for her, waiting on her hand and foot, doing chores for her, giving her lots of orgasms while you have none, buy her flowers and gifts for no reason. (Do not buy chocolates or candy if she is trying to lose weight – that is lazy and insensitive). Keep all this up until she would miss such devotion were it to stop, then gently introduce the subject in tiny increments.

      If you are not dating, then I suggest BDSM contact sites, but it seems there about 100 submissive men for each dominant woman – so you are in a competition – you have to deserve a Domme to get one. You may perfect all the skills I mention and still not be lucky. Good luck and best wishes.

      It may be the contents of the first chapter of my new manual, when published, could help you too.

  65. William Blue says:

    Thank you for your words of encouragement, my life is so incomplete with the guidance of a femdom to run it, I hope that I can find one really soon!

  66. hello, well for me I would love to find a dominate fandom lady ,who hated men and was able to castrate me and make me her personal slave, to bathe wash and dress her , then to be placed in a dark broom cupboard ,only to be taken out for her to work her own pleasure of sexual torment on me

  67. I was wondering if Mistress Scarlet had ever practised Neuro-Linguistic-Programming and if so could she train a man to cum on command simply by snapping her fingers. Its just a thought but i can imagine the tension as the man was expectant to cum, (and maybe thought he could nt )and then came gushing at the finger snap moment or even to the tune of a Clicker ? I am guessing that a man might be programmed to obtain an erection upon command at least so if thats true it ought to be possible i guess… Any comments, experiences, answers?

  68. Cat wife says:

    I’m relatively new to this lifestyle and although enjoying it have encountered a few issues as I’m sure people do. Need advice as I’m Struggling with certain aspects but have no one likeminded or in the know to talk to! Your blog is great and looks the place to help! My husband needs me to be more dominant we have been living the lifestyle on and off for almost 2 years but I struggle with being strict and he completely becomes uninterested as soon as he has been allowed to come and loses all submission for a week or so no chance getting him back into cage or abiding my rules! I leave him begging for up to a month at times! I’m then left feeling very frustrated upset and angry…. I have a slave for weeks then he comes and I lose him! Actually very depressing! Am I doing something wrong to lose his submission by not being dominant enough or is he just not truly that way?! He started this, I never knew about this stuff before he encouraged it but now I’m in it’s hard to lose it at times. Any thoughts are appreciated. Never posted on anything like this so a little apprehensive!

    • My husband needs me to be more dominant we have been living the lifestyle on and off for almost 2 years but I struggle with being strict and he completely becomes uninterested as soon as he has been allowed to come and loses all submission for a week or so no chance getting him back into cage or abiding my rules!

      I am afraid I have questions on the content of your paragraph I have repeated above before I can make detailed suggestions.
      1. How do you know your husband needs you to be more dominant? Does he tell you that? If so. what does he say?
      2. The day following his orgasm, have you said to him words to the effect of: ‘Start wearing your chastity device NOW or I will not dominate you any more.
      3. What do you mean when you say you struggle being strict?
      4. Do you know when he first had submissive feelings towards women? Was it before puberty?
      5. Apart from chastity control, does he have other fantasies regarding femdom? Other things that affect him?

  69. Kirk says:

    Mistress Scarlett

    I found your post very intuitive and thougough. I’m a 50 yr old male who maybe a year and a half ago got into watching femdom videos and in last 6 months started training with a mistress. Luckily I am in a stage in my life where I can afford weekly training. But I find myself addicted. A couple of hours after a lesson I find myself wanting to connect with my mistress . Is this normal

    • I would say it is normal for a ‘true’ submissive. That feeling of being completely and helplessly in the control of a cruel, heartless woman provides you with endorphins, sometimes not until the moment it has concluded, which you cannot obtain from ‘normal’ life.

  70. Sarah Riles says:

    Hello Ms Scarlet, this is one of my favourite blogs to visit. So many creative, interesting and exciting ideas that you come up with. I love the humiliation and emotional angst you put bitch-boy through.
    I have my own boyfriend who is completely in love with me. I so enjoy taking advantage of him, making him feel weak and sad. He’s such a wimp he just takes what I hand out. I’d love to have him end up in the same situation as bitch-boy.

    Keep up the fantastic work!

    • I really love your attitude and approach. You sound deliciously cruel and dominant and it sounds like you are into humiliation – of the sort I enjoy inflicting.

      I would love to hear more detail of what you currently do to/with your boyfriend, and what you plan for the future.

  71. Sarah Riles says:

    Hey Ms Scarlet,
    Well basically we met a few years ago at university and my boyfriend was pursuing me for a while. He was cute (if a bit wimpy) and it was kind of fun to string him along for a while though eventually we started dating. He quickly fell in love with me so generally I’m the one with the power in the relationship and he’s the one who carries out my whims at a moment’s notice. I would like to develop things further and see how far I can push him

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