Tag Archives: control

Article for Cosmo

I remember women’s magazines like Cosmopolitan used to have many articles on the topic of women improving the number and intensity of their orgasms. Do they still publish such articles?

My recent research on comparing the number and intensity of orgasms for cruel dominant women compared to vanilla women leads me to fantasise about writing, and having published, an article in such magazines.

ARTICLE – So you want more and better orgasms – get a submissive!

So many articles appear on increasing the number and intensity of women’s orgasms but never is mentioned the following GAURANTEED strategy.

There are many, many true submissives in our population. (Why do you think there are soooo many wealthy professional dominatrix?) These true male and female submissives usually discover they are sexually submissive before they reach puberty. They are only truly content if they are dominated by another person. Truly dominated, at least some of the time; not a game.

In order to feel truly dominated, things must happen to them they would prefer did not. They might be coerced to do tedious chores, or be spanked just that bit longer and harder than they believe they can cope with, or humiliated, perhaps a male having to wear pink panties, (as a starter), humiliated just that bit longer and more intensely than they believe they can cope with.  

Having to do chores or be spanked or humiliated – a little more than they believe ‘they can cope with’ proves to them that it is not simply a domination game. This other person has total control and is proving this domination and control is REAL.

What has this to do with my orgasms you ask! Well I am a dominant  woman and I have done some research and found that power truly is a MASSIVE aphrodisiac. Women who have adopted a life, or sessions of, real power over their sexual partner ALWAYS move from average at best orgasms, to numbers and intensities previously only dreamed of. ALWAYS! Many like me, having perhaps a dozen HUGE orgasms during a few hours of dominance. Aching, shaky legs from those orgasms!

And the relationship intensity and intimacy and loyalty is as strong as can be. When those things the submissive do not enjoy are all over, they adore their dominant and sleep the most contented sleep, knowing they are helplessly in the power on another.

I can almost hear those judgmental do-gooders among you screaming, ‘These true submissives need help and therapy. They need converting and rescuing’. Well this is what was shamefully said about gay people not so long ago! I can assure you true submissives do not want to change. They adore the intensity of feelings and relationships they experience.

If you really want to be a do-gooder, go and find a true submissive and begin a dominant relationship with them. Then you will be doing good for them! And you! Best estimates suggest the number of discontented, unfulfilled male and female submissives out there currently outnumber dominants by about one hundred to one. And honestly, anyone can become a dominant and get hooked on, and benefit from, that aphrodisiac power.

As long as you are able to raise a middle digit to conservative societal values, (which remember only 50 years ago condemned gay people to prison and worse), then you can become a dominant; and become an orgasm Queen into the bargain!


Sweet for her, nasty for him.

To what does the heading refer? I refer to tone of voice and demeanour.

One thing I REALLY love, which you occasionally see in Femdom videos, is the schizophrenic tonal style Dommes can adopt when there is more than one of them present with one sub male.

The females speak to each other with sweet voices and a pleasant, patient, demeanour; BUT, in an instant, when their voice is directed at the male sub, sweet and pleasant is replaced with malevolent and impatient and irritated. Then, speaking to the sub is over, and the tone and demeanour of sweet and  pleasant and patient returns as the Domme addresses a fellow female.

Two Dommes or several Dommes applying this schizophrenic tonal style alternation is a delight to witness. It is something Mistress Nicola does sometimes when visiting bitch-boy and I, and it is a joy to witness.

The implication is clear. The Domme applying this schizophrenic tonal style alternation demonstrates what a considerate, contented and polite person she is when addressing a fellow female, but then, when addressing the sub she shows her utter contempt of him and absence of patience or leniency. She is irritated the male exists at all. Slow responses will not be tolerated. The smallest infractions will not be tolerated. Delightful!

Curt instructions new years resolution.

At the end of last month I published two posts on the pleasure and effect, during vanilla times, of issuing curt, impolite instructions to your submissive instead of polite requests. Publishing these posts, and seeing the numerous comments from submissives passionately endorsing how much curt instructions in vanilla times affect them deeply, I decided to ramp up my own use of curt instructions during vanilla times.

Well what a pleasure it truly is, bringing a little power rush almost every time, especially when the instruction is as curt as it can be. And then seeing bitch-boy obediently scurry off to carry out the instruction obviously feeling quite bullied and exploited by my behaviour. Delightful! (And obviously no, thank you, when the instruction has been carried out).

Get my yoga bag, top up my wine, put my shoes away, load the dishwasher, get me a cup of tea, defrost my car, get me a towel, tidy the kitchen, get my gym shoes, get my book from the bedroom, get my cell phone, put my cell phone on charge, etc, etc.

I may well make it one of my new year’s resolutions to maximise issuing curt instructions at every opportunity. I have noticed it becoming much more natural and subconscious to me. It feels soon it will be a natural thing I do in vanilla times without thinking about it. Poor bitch-boy will be even more subjugated to me and addicted to me. And I’ll have little hits of extra pleasure every day.

So Curt Is Good!

It seems yesterday’s post really struck a chord with a number of submissives. (See quotes at the foot of this post.) And I can attest to its considerable effectiveness with bitch-boy. I think this makes ‘curt instructions’, a TOP TIP! For Dommes it is a very  special delight when an activity:

  • provides pleasure to them,
  • subjugates the submissive to be more in awe of the Domme,
  • has no cost involved,
  • has no effort involved like dressing up or bondage,
  • can be undertaken during vanilla times,
  • actually takes less time than not undertaking the activity!


Submissives’ Comments.

Certainly Madam understand the submissive psyche in ways that few do. Your methods are awe inspiring Ms Scarlet…thank You for sharing Your lifestyle.

Feeding our submissive souls – curt commands, humiliations & discipline – you are so, so accurate MsScarlet!

You are absolutely correct, the issuing of orders in a vanilla situation and leaving no one in doubt that you are to be obeyed is thrilling. Even now in the supermarkets when being asked if help is needed at the checkout, my wife will always answer,” no he will do it, he’s been trained”. Or if her mother is visiting, ask me things like, have I ironed a particular dress or cleaned a pair of boots……………

My Mistress of days gone by issued very short and curt orders to me. Down Boy meant get my tongue busy on her pussy, knees, get down fast and kneel…… Out in public she used hand signals to give the same orders as well as using soft commands that could be overheard by nearby persons, to cause me much humiliation, and i loved her so much for it.

I like curt because it makes it so clear what I need to do to please and I over think things. Getting over my tendency to over think things and doing a better job of responding inmediately is one reason discipline is so important to me. Letting go of thinking for myself and handing over the power to a loving authority is very fulfilling. Empties my crowded brain

You are very right Mistress Scarlet. MK uses curt commands constantly during the day. “Get this for me.” “Put this away..” Sometimes she uses one word with a harsh voice. “Water.”

I believe she takes special pleasure asking me to do something when I am busy with something I am doing such as filling up the dishwasher. I have to stop immediately and do what she has commanded.

Mistress enjoys handing me her handbag while we walk so her hands are free. “Take this,” she says as she shoves the bag into my arms.

And, there are consequences if I do not respond immediately. IMMEDIATELY. MK is a very experienced with hand spanking. She works out at home and in a gym so she is strong and very fit. Her hand spanks hurt. When she is very angry, I am caned with hard strokes.

MK LOVES watching me jump to her commands.

This or that? This then that!

Something I read years ago in one of the good old Madame magazines, was perhaps the best example of the hottest Domme sub dynamic I know of. The ‘rock and a hard place’ choice.

A girlfriend had her boyfriend in long term  24/7 chastity and from time to time would have him helplessly strapped down and naked on a bed. The purpose of the activity was straightforward. Torturing him to scratch her sadistic itch, and reinforce her power over him. She would remove his chastity device and tease him to hardness and then smack away with a twelve inch ruler. Medium smacks with perhaps one in three smacks being  very hard smacks. She would work her way around his shaft until it was red all over. He would be close to sobbing at this point. Then the GENIUS! She would say to him.

‘When you want me to stop smacking little puppet, just say so and I’ll stop and apply some lovely soothing cream.’ (He knew by, ‘lovely soothing cream‘, she meant extra strength, nasty Ralgex embrocation cream). On hearing this, he would hold out for a while but begin sobbing because of how unfair the ‘rock and a hard place’ was. Eventually he would ask her to stop and a generous application of Ralgex was rubbed into the already very sore shaft. Proper little-girl-tears and wailing followed, and the Domme playing with herself for multiple orgasms while she listened.

Another example, again from the good old Madame magazines was about a Domme and her sister and friend and a boyfriend in long term 24/7 chastity. The first time he was locked up she explained that soft, floppy penises were nice and sweet BUT stiff, hard penises were bad and naughty and had to be punished.

Two or three times a week, or more often for the fun of it, she and her sister would bind the boyfriend and then remove his chastity device to ‘wash’ the little object. Warm soapy hands would get to work,while he was told, in no uncertain terms, that if it was naughty and became hard, it would get smacked and then creamed. Of course, it always became hard and was always smacked severely and then creamed with a nasty cream before being locked back up. And there was no mercy or pity as he sobbed, while he was told he knew very well that hard penises were naughty and he was simply being defiant and disobedient.

Perhaps my submissive blog followers could comment on the following question. Is the rock and a hard place dynamic one of the most affecting dynamics there is, causing high levels of awe for the Mistress involved?


For info on my own BDSM manual, click on an image below.

How long for orgasm denial?

I received a comment on my last blog post along the lines of how I normally allow an orgasm for bitch-boy in the region of once every three weeks and, if I  ‘….ever decide to change it up a little bit and instead of letting him orgasm in this situation, make him wait an additional three weeks, will I kindly let my readers know how he reacts…

Firstly, to be precise, it is normally between ten days and three weeks denial period. This is to maintain prostate health. And of course this does not mean exactly three weeks. It is never exactly three weeks. It is sometimes three weeks and a day or three weeks plus two days, or minus a day or two days. But certainly there have been and will be, much longer periods than three weeks, as a special or as a punishment experience for him. But as the exception though and not the norm.

This is a VERY COMPLEX topic with several factors to be balanced and prostate health is only one of them. The first is the importance of irregularity. Those Dommes who say allow once a month release say, the last Saturday of every month, miss out on the pleasure of, and subjugation value of, having it beg with all its heart. No point begging before the last Saturday of the month because it wont be happening. And no point begging on the last Saturday of the month because its guaranteed. bitch-boy knows his denial period could be as little as five or seven days or as long as several months, so after only a few days the frustration has built and the heartfelt begging begins during teasing, often to be rejected of course. That begging with all his heart is VERY AROUSING to hear and, especially when rejected, gives him a 100% definite piece of evidence that he is CONTROLLED and has no power. So even if he has counted up three weeks, he does not know whether it might be much longer still.

Then there is the feeling of frustration. Chastised blog followers may wish to comment on this. In my experience there seem to be several step changes when frustration jumps to a new level. The first after around three days, the second after around ten days and the next after around three weeks to a month. BUT HERE’S THE THING, I am not sure the physical sensation of frustration is much different between say four weeks and seven weeks. So diminishing returns?

Associated with this point is the CONSANT FRUSTRATION I desire he feels. It does seem to be the case that if denial has been for say, a week or more, then one single orgasm for him, even a massive one, does not prevent the gnawing frustration from returning within a few hours, whereas two or three orgasms for him in a day, expels the frustration for a few days. I do not want that. Associated with this is the use of prostate milking and spoiled orgasms which most males report gives no pleasure but a small minority report quite a lot of pleasure. Followers of my blog will know that although I use this technique, I do LOVE to gift bitch-boy a massive orgasm quite often when I allow orgasm as he then knows exactly what I am capable of gifting him but so often choose to deny giving him. But it is fair to say that a regime of prostate milking or spoiled orgasms for prostate health with no proper orgasms ever is VERY CRUEL INDEED! Very subjugating. Particularly in tandem with cuckolding.

Then there is the pack mammal trait of competitiveness I have written about before. The drive shared with many social mammal species effecting in humans say, 90% of males and 10% of females. I think this is an obstruction in a Mistress slave relationship when the male is driven to want experiences of MORE, just to push things to satisfy the innate subconscious competitiveness drive. (It is subconscious, we not aware when we are motivated by our innate drives.)

More strokes of the cane in one session, more consecutive days of denial, more consecutive hours in sensory deprivation, more pegs on the scrotum at once, more, more, more. It is actually topping from the bottom and I have zero interest in doing anything to please my slave, including pleasing his competitiveness drive, (even though he does not know when he is being driven by this subconscious force). It is about pleasing me, not him. This subconscious force on most men would no doubt be a little source of satisfaction and pride, a little dopamine rush, when they think to themselves, I’m now enduring ‘more cane strokes than ever before’, or ‘more consecutive days of denial than ever before’, or ‘more consecutive hours of sensory deprivation bondage than ever before’.  Well I don’t want them to have that little rush of pride or dopamine on their terms, although it is from time to time inevitable when for my purposes ‘a slave’s personal record’ is broken.

Perhaps bitch-boy, when unknowingly affected by this subconscious drive, fantasizes about longer periods of denial, BUT it clearly becomes an absolute irrelevance to him if, as an example, as little as a week of denial has gone by, he has been watching my girlfriend and me kiss and caress and I have edged him four or five times. Well then he is driven to sincerely beg with all his heart for that precious, precious relief from the terrible frustration built up at that moment. Begging most often rejected.

A complicated topic!

Don’t ignore the ears

The truly awesome Margot is one devotee of abusing ears. The ears in question belonging to Louis, her cuckold, chaste husband. (She is so sexy and classy and bitchy too!)  Whether using one ear as a handle to pull her husband along, or twisting and squeezing those ears to let off some steam.

The ears are quite sensitive. Pulling a male along by his ear is both painful and considerably humiliating, especially in front of female friends. Pain and humiliation, always a delightful combination. And prolonged twisting and squeezing leave a soreness lasting quite a long time. An enduring physical reminder that he is of lower status than the ear abusing female in question. Clothes pegs and similar spring clip items can be attached to ear lobes too.

The ears are also always readily available and so ideal for semi public punishment or fun. A quick squeeze in a quiet corner, or in the car, and he is reminded of his status with a lasting soreness and perhaps embarrassing redness too.

I had not thought to include ear abuse in my BDSM Manual, so for those of you who have purchased a hardcopy version, you may wish to pencil in a note on the following pertinent pages:  Page 92, in the introduction on page 109, page 141 and 159.

For more info on my manual, click on an image below.


The power of ‘nope’.

Following on from yesterday’s post really: When a Domme is utterly relaxed and untroubled in the face of serious, desperate pleading from her submissive, the status difference and supremacy are really brought home. And the simple word, ‘nope’, is a wonderful word in such circumstances.












When your sub in chastity has not had a proper orgasm for many weeks and you happen to be walking by, naked apart from high heeled mules and a totally see-thru dressing gown. Its all too much for him and he drops to his knees  and pleads, ‘Please can I have a proper orgasm, please Mistress, please Mistress, please.‘ Without even looking at him, ‘Nope’.

When the sub is all dressed up in his prettiest, most ridiculous parody of a little girl dress and the Domme’s friends are to arrive in half an hour. ‘Please can I wear something else, please Mistress, please Mistress, please.‘ Without even looking up from the magazine the Domme is reading, ‘Nope’.


Link to journal 12.




Malevolent Females – the good and the bad

It seems to me, by my study of submissives, that there are two types of Malevolent  Females. One type generates awe in submissives, the other type does not. Yet the relevant behaviours of both types are almost identical.

Some women are mentally weak and let down the gender I’m afraid. A woman who has easily lost her temper and is out of control, not thinking about the effects of her actions, while slapping a male’s face a few times. Not very awe inspiring. BUT, a woman completely in control of herself, calm, fully aware of the shame she is bringing to the male, while slapping his face a few times, and enjoying herself – well that inspires considerable awe in a submissive. Same activity but very different outcome.

Replace slapping the submissive’s face with kicking or spitting or any other type of bullying behaviour  and the issue is the same.

The waters are muddied when it comes to shouting or swearing because shouting and swearing is often associated with loss of control or an absence of vocabulary. A woman who has easily lost her temper and is out of control, not thinking about the effects of her actions, while shouting or swearing at a passive male is not very awe inspiring. BUT, a woman aware of the disrespecting impact of shouting and swearing at a passive male in a controlled way, who has an alternative profanity-free vocabulary she is choosing not to use –  again that inspires considerable awe in a submissive.

I am not someone who shouts or swears hardly ever. You, dear fellow Domme, may be the same. If so, you are holding onto a lovely little tool to shock and frighten your submissive from time to time. Someone shouting at you or swearing at you is offensive. It is disrespectful. Obviously, one of our pleasures and objectives is to have our submissive feel very disrespected. Second class. The lowest of the low in the pecking order.

So just occasionally I might shout at bitch-boy. The following scenario is an example: I am sitting chatting with two female guests in the sitting room. bitch-boy enters the room and curtseys. When I am ready, I look at him. He reports that he has finished the laundry. I make an enquiry. ‘Did you iron my pillow cases before putting the pillows in?’ He looks confused and anxious. I have never asked for this before. (But who says a Mistress has to be fair?) He answers, with trepidation, that he did not. I raise my voice and the final word is shouted. ‘YOU LAZY SLUT. WELL GO AND DO THAT, NOW!’ He looks humiliated, frightened and upset. He quickly curtseys and leaves the room. I turn  my guests smiling broadly. ‘It is so amusing to terrorise my little puppet from time to time.’

If you have read all of my journals, you will have come across one of the rare occasions I like to swear. In bed with a lover at the end of the night, ready for sleep. bitch-boy stands before us at the side of the bed, I give him his instructions for the following morning – quiet chores,  alarm call and breakfast in bed for my lover and I. Once he has received and understood his instructions, I deliver my final words to him of the day, ‘Now fuck-off to your lonely bed, bitch.’