Tag Archives: control

Amazing Samantha’s Amazing Regime Progress!

The amazing Samantha’s first contribution was on 5th January. Her second was on 31st January. We now have her third contribution and, oh my, how things progress at a pace for her pleasure and for poor, (but lucky), pipsqueak’s subjugation! I need say no more than leave you to enjoy this post from a very intelligent and very dominant woman who knows what she wants and what she deserves.

 

Samantha’s Update

I have learned the value and enjoyment of tedium relatively recently. When pipsqueak and I began a little over a year ago, we mainly explored D/s via role plays, a few times a month, and sex ‘play’. Frankly, vanilla times still dominated our life. Only chastity was 24/7 and even in that area I was lenient, to an extent I was topped from the bottom, as I followed his body language about when he needed relief.

I agree with Christine M and others it is in many ways an odd aspect for a dominant to enjoy. It feels mean and somewhat pointless. But once one starts playing with tedious chores and mind-numbing activities to any extent, it can become addictive. That’s my experience anyway. Role plays are a diminishing part of our life together, as are vanilla times. There is much less definition between activities now. 2020 is the year of blurred lines into a 24/7 lifestyle.

Pipsqueak, my husband, started this on his terms. I have gradually taken over on my terms. Therefore it’s much more about what I want now. I do still enjoy vanilla times and that will never change. I’m simply not into having a perma-doormat. But I demand and expect a much more constant arrangement than he originally envisaged. Tedium has the double benefit of giving me freedom whilst keeping him out of mischief. It has also changed both our mindsets.

Being 62 and retired, pipsqueak had lots of time on his hands. I found myself slowly adding aspects to make things harder, and ratcheting up my standards. I also changed my attitude. I began by being overly grateful as he took over chores from me; washing up, cleaning, polishing, ironing, even cooking to an extent. I’d be appreciative, thinking that would encourage him to do more and better. But I had an epiphany a few months ago and almost overnight started using the stick, not carrots, to manage him. Scarce orgasms are carrots enough without smiles, saying well done or thank you.

Scarlet has been helping me with my residual pangs of guilt about this lifestyle. These came about as I transitioned from casual to permanent Domme. Thanks to her I decided to put pipsqueak back to work. In truth, there was no way I could generate enough tedium in his daily life at home with me. Also, when he first retired, I enjoyed having him home all day after all those years commuting and at work. But as the months passed, I enjoyed more solitude again. So at Scarlet’s brilliant suggestion I recently found him a menial job at a Care Home. He now reports to a woman housekeeper and cleans patients’ bathrooms 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, according to a rota. It’s early days but I’m loving everything about it.

One might have thought it would be reasonable to reduce his workload at home to compensate. Not a bit of it. He no longer has to make us lunch, which is a cutback of sorts. But he’s now like most working husbands in D/s marriages, completing his chores in the evenings and at weekends. My new favorite moment of the day is when he gets home and comes into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. He finds the sink full of used mugs, cups, saucers, glasses, plates, cutlery and pans I’ve used during the day and stacked there for him. It’s such a simple but emphatic way of letting him know who’s in charge.

As Christine comments, there was a time when pipsqueak too might have sighed and rolled his eyes at what we called ‘my tricks’. No longer. I use sticks to ensure that he accepts all his tasks without showing any protest or rudeness. In fact, my goal isn’t merely to stop him showing opposition. It’s to stop him even feeling it. What is the norm now must feel like normality as well.

I agree the thrill is partly the power. I make the mess he tidies. I wear the clothes. He washes and irons. I use the toilet. He scrubs. But it’s more than that for me. It’s also partly payback after three decades of a traditional, patriarchal marriage, which I loved and resented at the same time. And it’s a sadistic buzz. My libido has been turned on its head these past 12 months. I’m sure that’s almost entirely due to our lifestyle. Like others, I find being orally worshipped at night, when pipsqueak is exhausted by chores, has a special thrill that nothing else compares with. I’ve been lying on the sofa watching TV and finishing my wine in preparation for sex, while he’s been mopping and wiping and ironing. And I can’t help chuckling that, deep down, this is what pipsqueak actually wants, even if he hates it.

Does the vanilla time make the DS stuff more appealing?

I know most of you do not read the comments on posts on this blog so you would have missed exchanges I have been having with a male who seems to read my blog intently and has done so for some while? but does not think femdom healthy and contends I am coercing bitch-boy in an abusive relationship he should escape from. These are comments on my post of 6 December 2019.

Well the latest comment from malepet is very perceptive I think. He suggests, because I do not give extensive details  of the vanilla time I spend with bitch-boy, many people who read this blog think there is no vanilla time; despite me frequently stating I often tell bitch-boy that ‘…..until further notice I will be using you for your vanilla company.’ I tell him this because it reinforces that I am the boss and he is my toy, even though there will be no overt domination until the vanilla time has ended. I even put this in my BDSM manual.

In this blog I often mention our vanilla time. Extensive and frequent travel at home and abroad, fine dining, cinema, box set bingeing,  good TV, visiting and entertaining vanilla friends and relatives, etc. I do not describe it in any detail. malepet contends the following:

…….. As an audience, some of us accept that there is adequate vanilla downtime to counterbalance your tyrannical dominance of bitch-boy. But, some readers don’t see it that way – they focus on every kinky activity you write about, and downplay all the vanilla time that comes up in between. And if a reader doesn’t see the intervening vanilla downtime, or the care and consideration you show outside of a “scene” they will start to think that the relationship has become so one sided that it has crept over the boundary to abuse. So inevitably you are going to get some pushback from where people draw the line, and it is made even worse by the very filtered perspective we get on your time with bitch-boy.

And he also writes:

…… did you get a Christmas Tree this year with bitch-boy in attendance? Was it basically a vanilla expedition? If it was, tell us about it. If it was kinky we would all like to know. But if it was rather boring and mundane, please tell us all about it, because it is that slice of life of a “normal” couple that makes all of the rest of the D/s activities more appealing. 

Buying our Christmas tree was very vanilla! I did make the conscious decision, when I began the blog, 9 years ago, to make it all about DS activity. I had seen so many lifestyle Mistress blogs where posts are all about minor illnesses, pets, sports teams’ performance they follow, current affairs; mundane boring stuff. I started the blog as I could not find a blog I wanted to follow that was exclusively all about real life DS without the boring bits of life! I wanted to have other women see it was an exciting, life changing, amazing lifestyle.

So blog followers would you find that a detailed  ‘….slice of life of a “normal” couple makes all of the rest of the D/s activities more appealing’ ? I have to say, I think not.

I was thinking about creating another website, linked to my intended communication with mainstream womens’ magazines as I had recognised that this blog is not suitable for fledging dominants and might scare them away. The original purpose of the blog was intended to be to get more women to be dominant. Am I now failing in that aim as I, and the blog, have evolved so much?  Perhaps I build that alternative site and make reference to it frequently, where vanilla time will be made much more clear.

(Of course something else I often point out is how far from extreme my lifestyle is, compared to the Dommes that no longer get any pleasure from vanilla time with their sub. So the full-on domination and submission is literally 24/7/365, every minute of every day. Ironically, my contact with males in such relationships suggests they are utterly content submissives living the life they always fantasised about.)

Article for Cosmo

I remember women’s magazines like Cosmopolitan used to have many articles on the topic of women improving the number and intensity of their orgasms. Do they still publish such articles?

My recent research on comparing the number and intensity of orgasms for cruel dominant women compared to vanilla women leads me to fantasise about writing, and having published, an article in such magazines.

ARTICLE – So you want more and better orgasms – get a submissive!

So many articles appear on increasing the number and intensity of women’s orgasms but never is mentioned the following GAURANTEED strategy.

There are many, many true submissives in our population. (Why do you think there are soooo many wealthy professional dominatrix?) These true male and female submissives usually discover they are sexually submissive before they reach puberty. They are only truly content if they are dominated by another person. Truly dominated, at least some of the time; not a game.

In order to feel truly dominated, things must happen to them they would prefer did not. They might be coerced to do tedious chores, or be spanked just that bit longer and harder than they believe they can cope with, or humiliated, perhaps a male having to wear pink panties, (as a starter), humiliated just that bit longer and more intensely than they believe they can cope with.  

Having to do chores or be spanked or humiliated – a little more than they believe ‘they can cope with’ proves to them that it is not simply a domination game. This other person has total control and is proving this domination and control is REAL.

What has this to do with my orgasms you ask! Well I am a dominant  woman and I have done some research and found that power truly is a MASSIVE aphrodisiac. Women who have adopted a life, or sessions of, real power over their sexual partner ALWAYS move from average at best orgasms, to numbers and intensities previously only dreamed of. ALWAYS! Many like me, having perhaps a dozen HUGE orgasms during a few hours of dominance. Aching, shaky legs from those orgasms!

And the relationship intensity and intimacy and loyalty is as strong as can be. When those things the submissive do not enjoy are all over, they adore their dominant and sleep the most contented sleep, knowing they are helplessly in the power on another.

I can almost hear those judgmental do-gooders among you screaming, ‘These true submissives need help and therapy. They need converting and rescuing’. Well this is what was shamefully said about gay people not so long ago! I can assure you true submissives do not want to change. They adore the intensity of feelings and relationships they experience.

If you really want to be a do-gooder, go and find a true submissive and begin a dominant relationship with them. Then you will be doing good for them! And you! Best estimates suggest the number of discontented, unfulfilled male and female submissives out there currently outnumber dominants by about one hundred to one. And honestly, anyone can become a dominant and get hooked on, and benefit from, that aphrodisiac power.

As long as you are able to raise a middle digit to conservative societal values, (which remember only 50 years ago condemned gay people to prison and worse), then you can become a dominant; and become an orgasm Queen into the bargain!

 

Sweet for her, nasty for him.

To what does the heading refer? I refer to tone of voice and demeanour.

One thing I REALLY love, which you occasionally see in Femdom videos, is the schizophrenic tonal style Dommes can adopt when there is more than one of them present with one sub male.

The females speak to each other with sweet voices and a pleasant, patient, demeanour; BUT, in an instant, when their voice is directed at the male sub, sweet and pleasant is replaced with malevolent and impatient and irritated. Then, speaking to the sub is over, and the tone and demeanour of sweet and  pleasant and patient returns as the Domme addresses a fellow female.

Two Dommes or several Dommes applying this schizophrenic tonal style alternation is a delight to witness. It is something Mistress Nicola does sometimes when visiting bitch-boy and I, and it is a joy to witness.

The implication is clear. The Domme applying this schizophrenic tonal style alternation demonstrates what a considerate, contented and polite person she is when addressing a fellow female, but then, when addressing the sub she shows her utter contempt of him and absence of patience or leniency. She is irritated the male exists at all. Slow responses will not be tolerated. The smallest infractions will not be tolerated. Delightful!

Curt instructions new years resolution.

At the end of last month I published two posts on the pleasure and effect, during vanilla times, of issuing curt, impolite instructions to your submissive instead of polite requests. Publishing these posts, and seeing the numerous comments from submissives passionately endorsing how much curt instructions in vanilla times affect them deeply, I decided to ramp up my own use of curt instructions during vanilla times.

Well what a pleasure it truly is, bringing a little power rush almost every time, especially when the instruction is as curt as it can be. And then seeing bitch-boy obediently scurry off to carry out the instruction obviously feeling quite bullied and exploited by my behaviour. Delightful! (And obviously no, thank you, when the instruction has been carried out).

Get my yoga bag, top up my wine, put my shoes away, load the dishwasher, get me a cup of tea, defrost my car, get me a towel, tidy the kitchen, get my gym shoes, get my book from the bedroom, get my cell phone, put my cell phone on charge, etc, etc.

I may well make it one of my new year’s resolutions to maximise issuing curt instructions at every opportunity. I have noticed it becoming much more natural and subconscious to me. It feels soon it will be a natural thing I do in vanilla times without thinking about it. Poor bitch-boy will be even more subjugated to me and addicted to me. And I’ll have little hits of extra pleasure every day.

So Curt Is Good!

It seems yesterday’s post really struck a chord with a number of submissives. (See quotes at the foot of this post.) And I can attest to its considerable effectiveness with bitch-boy. I think this makes ‘curt instructions’, a TOP TIP! For Dommes it is a very  special delight when an activity:

  • provides pleasure to them,
  • subjugates the submissive to be more in awe of the Domme,
  • has no cost involved,
  • has no effort involved like dressing up or bondage,
  • can be undertaken during vanilla times,
  • actually takes less time than not undertaking the activity!

A REAL WINNER!

Submissives’ Comments.

Certainly Madam understand the submissive psyche in ways that few do. Your methods are awe inspiring Ms Scarlet…thank You for sharing Your lifestyle.

Feeding our submissive souls – curt commands, humiliations & discipline – you are so, so accurate MsScarlet!

You are absolutely correct, the issuing of orders in a vanilla situation and leaving no one in doubt that you are to be obeyed is thrilling. Even now in the supermarkets when being asked if help is needed at the checkout, my wife will always answer,” no he will do it, he’s been trained”. Or if her mother is visiting, ask me things like, have I ironed a particular dress or cleaned a pair of boots……………

My Mistress of days gone by issued very short and curt orders to me. Down Boy meant get my tongue busy on her pussy, knees, get down fast and kneel…… Out in public she used hand signals to give the same orders as well as using soft commands that could be overheard by nearby persons, to cause me much humiliation, and i loved her so much for it.

I like curt because it makes it so clear what I need to do to please and I over think things. Getting over my tendency to over think things and doing a better job of responding inmediately is one reason discipline is so important to me. Letting go of thinking for myself and handing over the power to a loving authority is very fulfilling. Empties my crowded brain

You are very right Mistress Scarlet. MK uses curt commands constantly during the day. “Get this for me.” “Put this away..” Sometimes she uses one word with a harsh voice. “Water.”

I believe she takes special pleasure asking me to do something when I am busy with something I am doing such as filling up the dishwasher. I have to stop immediately and do what she has commanded.

Mistress enjoys handing me her handbag while we walk so her hands are free. “Take this,” she says as she shoves the bag into my arms.

And, there are consequences if I do not respond immediately. IMMEDIATELY. MK is a very experienced with hand spanking. She works out at home and in a gym so she is strong and very fit. Her hand spanks hurt. When she is very angry, I am caned with hard strokes.

MK LOVES watching me jump to her commands.

This or that? This then that!

Something I read years ago in one of the good old Madame magazines, was perhaps the best example of the hottest Domme sub dynamic I know of. The ‘rock and a hard place’ choice.

A girlfriend had her boyfriend in long term  24/7 chastity and from time to time would have him helplessly strapped down and naked on a bed. The purpose of the activity was straightforward. Torturing him to scratch her sadistic itch, and reinforce her power over him. She would remove his chastity device and tease him to hardness and then smack away with a twelve inch ruler. Medium smacks with perhaps one in three smacks being  very hard smacks. She would work her way around his shaft until it was red all over. He would be close to sobbing at this point. Then the GENIUS! She would say to him.

‘When you want me to stop smacking little puppet, just say so and I’ll stop and apply some lovely soothing cream.’ (He knew by, ‘lovely soothing cream‘, she meant extra strength, nasty Ralgex embrocation cream). On hearing this, he would hold out for a while but begin sobbing because of how unfair the ‘rock and a hard place’ was. Eventually he would ask her to stop and a generous application of Ralgex was rubbed into the already very sore shaft. Proper little-girl-tears and wailing followed, and the Domme playing with herself for multiple orgasms while she listened.

Another example, again from the good old Madame magazines was about a Domme and her sister and friend and a boyfriend in long term 24/7 chastity. The first time he was locked up she explained that soft, floppy penises were nice and sweet BUT stiff, hard penises were bad and naughty and had to be punished.

Two or three times a week, or more often for the fun of it, she and her sister would bind the boyfriend and then remove his chastity device to ‘wash’ the little object. Warm soapy hands would get to work,while he was told, in no uncertain terms, that if it was naughty and became hard, it would get smacked and then creamed. Of course, it always became hard and was always smacked severely and then creamed with a nasty cream before being locked back up. And there was no mercy or pity as he sobbed, while he was told he knew very well that hard penises were naughty and he was simply being defiant and disobedient.

Perhaps my submissive blog followers could comment on the following question. Is the rock and a hard place dynamic one of the most affecting dynamics there is, causing high levels of awe for the Mistress involved?

 

For info on my own BDSM manual, click on an image below.

How long for orgasm denial?

I received a comment on my last blog post along the lines of how I normally allow an orgasm for bitch-boy in the region of once every three weeks and, if I  ‘….ever decide to change it up a little bit and instead of letting him orgasm in this situation, make him wait an additional three weeks, will I kindly let my readers know how he reacts…

Firstly, to be precise, it is normally between ten days and three weeks denial period. This is to maintain prostate health. And of course this does not mean exactly three weeks. It is never exactly three weeks. It is sometimes three weeks and a day or three weeks plus two days, or minus a day or two days. But certainly there have been and will be, much longer periods than three weeks, as a special or as a punishment experience for him. But as the exception though and not the norm.

This is a VERY COMPLEX topic with several factors to be balanced and prostate health is only one of them. The first is the importance of irregularity. Those Dommes who say allow once a month release say, the last Saturday of every month, miss out on the pleasure of, and subjugation value of, having it beg with all its heart. No point begging before the last Saturday of the month because it wont be happening. And no point begging on the last Saturday of the month because its guaranteed. bitch-boy knows his denial period could be as little as five or seven days or as long as several months, so after only a few days the frustration has built and the heartfelt begging begins during teasing, often to be rejected of course. That begging with all his heart is VERY AROUSING to hear and, especially when rejected, gives him a 100% definite piece of evidence that he is CONTROLLED and has no power. So even if he has counted up three weeks, he does not know whether it might be much longer still.

Then there is the feeling of frustration. Chastised blog followers may wish to comment on this. In my experience there seem to be several step changes when frustration jumps to a new level. The first after around three days, the second after around ten days and the next after around three weeks to a month. BUT HERE’S THE THING, I am not sure the physical sensation of frustration is much different between say four weeks and seven weeks. So diminishing returns?

Associated with this point is the CONSANT FRUSTRATION I desire he feels. It does seem to be the case that if denial has been for say, a week or more, then one single orgasm for him, even a massive one, does not prevent the gnawing frustration from returning within a few hours, whereas two or three orgasms for him in a day, expels the frustration for a few days. I do not want that. Associated with this is the use of prostate milking and spoiled orgasms which most males report gives no pleasure but a small minority report quite a lot of pleasure. Followers of my blog will know that although I use this technique, I do LOVE to gift bitch-boy a massive orgasm quite often when I allow orgasm as he then knows exactly what I am capable of gifting him but so often choose to deny giving him. But it is fair to say that a regime of prostate milking or spoiled orgasms for prostate health with no proper orgasms ever is VERY CRUEL INDEED! Very subjugating. Particularly in tandem with cuckolding.

Then there is the pack mammal trait of competitiveness I have written about before. The drive shared with many social mammal species effecting in humans say, 90% of males and 10% of females. I think this is an obstruction in a Mistress slave relationship when the male is driven to want experiences of MORE, just to push things to satisfy the innate subconscious competitiveness drive. (It is subconscious, we not aware when we are motivated by our innate drives.)

More strokes of the cane in one session, more consecutive days of denial, more consecutive hours in sensory deprivation, more pegs on the scrotum at once, more, more, more. It is actually topping from the bottom and I have zero interest in doing anything to please my slave, including pleasing his competitiveness drive, (even though he does not know when he is being driven by this subconscious force). It is about pleasing me, not him. This subconscious force on most men would no doubt be a little source of satisfaction and pride, a little dopamine rush, when they think to themselves, I’m now enduring ‘more cane strokes than ever before’, or ‘more consecutive days of denial than ever before’, or ‘more consecutive hours of sensory deprivation bondage than ever before’.  Well I don’t want them to have that little rush of pride or dopamine on their terms, although it is from time to time inevitable when for my purposes ‘a slave’s personal record’ is broken.

Perhaps bitch-boy, when unknowingly affected by this subconscious drive, fantasizes about longer periods of denial, BUT it clearly becomes an absolute irrelevance to him if, as an example, as little as a week of denial has gone by, he has been watching my girlfriend and me kiss and caress and I have edged him four or five times. Well then he is driven to sincerely beg with all his heart for that precious, precious relief from the terrible frustration built up at that moment. Begging most often rejected.

A complicated topic!

Don’t ignore the ears

The truly awesome Margot is one devotee of abusing ears. The ears in question belonging to Louis, her cuckold, chaste husband. (She is so sexy and classy and bitchy too!)  Whether using one ear as a handle to pull her husband along, or twisting and squeezing those ears to let off some steam.

The ears are quite sensitive. Pulling a male along by his ear is both painful and considerably humiliating, especially in front of female friends. Pain and humiliation, always a delightful combination. And prolonged twisting and squeezing leave a soreness lasting quite a long time. An enduring physical reminder that he is of lower status than the ear abusing female in question. Clothes pegs and similar spring clip items can be attached to ear lobes too.

The ears are also always readily available and so ideal for semi public punishment or fun. A quick squeeze in a quiet corner, or in the car, and he is reminded of his status with a lasting soreness and perhaps embarrassing redness too.

I had not thought to include ear abuse in my BDSM Manual, so for those of you who have purchased a hardcopy version, you may wish to pencil in a note on the following pertinent pages:  Page 92, in the introduction on page 109, page 141 and 159.

For more info on my manual, click on an image below.