Tag Archives: infantilsm

Journal 16 is Published

My 16th journal is now published.

This Journal is all about what goes on under my roof, or at least within the boundaries of my property! It will shed more light on my last post about how I have jumped another step change in cruelty which I mostly put down to having so much time on my hands and also having come to the conclusion that bitch-boy truly is unbreakable! Within a day or so of some significant use and abuse over many, many hours, he is back to normal.

Journal 16 is available as paperback and ePub as an eBook, both on LULU.com and also available on Amazon KINDLE.

KINDLE by country.   US   UK    DE    FR   ES    IT   NL    JP    BR    MX    CA    AU   IN

In time it will be available on NOOK, KOBO, Scribd, Apple, Barnes & Noble, etc. I will let you know when it is. I will also then provide a Universal Book Link from Books2Read.

Photos – shoes, bows, bells, sissy dress, etc!

I have lately in my journals provided dates of blog posts that contain photos of equipment that is referred to in journal entries. I think readers find this useful and I think it helps confirm authenticity to see the actual things I use.

I have for some time put together what I call bitch-boy’s – full-on sissy little girl outfit. Obviously a ludicrous parody of a little girl! Not a real 21st century little girl. The various items have taken about three years to come together and it is the go-to outfit for maximum shaming of him; that I cannot find a way to make more humiliating. Especially as he has to hold one of his dolls when so dressed. He truly, truly, HATES it; especially when a mocking guest or two are present. Many of the items are padlocked into place which seriously adds to his sense of helplessness in his extreme humiliation.

Well I had a brainwave. Why not put all the photos of the various items of his full-on outfit all in one post. Here is that post.




Note the padlocks to his shoes and reins. The ribbons with bows I actually have on his wrists.

< His three dolls. Sally-no-socks, Suzette Simperkins and Likkel Dolly.

His head harness > is actually pink, not black. Notice the padlocks. His huge pink ribbon bow on his head clips onto the top harness strap. The padlocked harness can also be used to secure his dildo down his throat past the gagging point.



This is not bitch-boy but a sissy model. The dress has a padlock at the back of the neck. bitch-boy does not get to wear panties when wearing the dress which is even shorter on him than the model. His head bow is about 30% bigger than the one in the photo.

When in the dress he is usually in his DOUBLE PADLOCKED CHASTITY CAGE or has a CLIT STICK. (Use the links)





His Disney Princess umbrella which he has to use outdoors for light rain and as a parasol when it is sunny.



His Disney Princess pacifier which is padlocked into place. (You can just see the padlockable buckle hasp.)


Frilly cuffs for his wrists and his ankles. On his ankles they sit just above frill topped white ankle socks. The wrist cuffs are augmented with the bows/bells in the first photo.

The most provocative images

The femdom area of the internet is full of photos and drawings of apparently dominant women. But my favourite images are rather rare. My favourite images relate to my previous post on Enduring Domination Sessions .

These are photos and drawings of a women who look as though they could well be dominant, but are relaxing on a sofa or comfortable armchair or sun lounger. No dungeon, no PVC clothes, no thigh boots or corsets, etc, etc.

Any age, dressed in marginally sexy clothes or everyday clothes, possibly some nice heels that would be comfortable to walk in. And what is she doing? Perhaps looking into the camera, but the target of her momentary gaze is not her main activity. She is watching TV , or doing a craft – like knitting, or reading a book, or chatting on the phone, or enjoying some social media time.

She could not be any more relaxed and contented and is fully and happily occupied. And within her field of vision, or perhaps in another room – possibly under the gaze of a baby monitor, is her puppet.

Wherever he is, he is writing lines, perhaps while dressed as a schoolgirl, or dressed as a little girl and  colouring-in with dolly, or playing a Disney Princess board game with dollies, or locked in a tiny, sound proofed and pitch black cupboard, or bound in sensory deprivation bondage, or cleaning a floor with a toothbrush. He has been at this an hour or more and will be for an hour or hours to come.

And as I wrote in that other post, the activity will not be a one-off. He knows, not just today will he endure those hours! He will do the next day, or two days next week, and the week after, and will be doing so for years to come! The sense of miserable helplessness cannot be moderated by thinking, ‘just get through this and I’ll never suffer this again’. Oh no!

This is serious and real domination that many of us are lucky enough to enforce. No PVC or corsets, no dungeon. Profoundly intense feelings for him and for her. When I see such an image of the woman I have outlined, I imagine the pleasure she and I would enjoy either at her house or mine. But in vast femdom area of the internet, WHERE ARE THESE IMAGES!!

I am not even so ambitious as to have such images that also include the suffering male. That would be too much to ask. (The wonderful, now defunct for many years, hard-copy Madame magazine did sometimes have such images. I guess because in the main it catered to Dominant Women as much as to submissive men. )

I do apologise if my theme is repetitive this month, or over the years, but I remain perplexed at the paucity of images, videos and content covering the depraved, potent leisure time theme I make reference to. Submissive males; how do you feel about this issue?

A photo of his reins with cuffs

It dawned on me that despite using bitch-boy’s adult sized baby reins on him for so many years, I have never provided a photo of them. I put that right with this post.

There are several things to observe. One is that I have put my 12 inch ruler in the photo for scale. (This is the ruler that has smacked thousands of times on bitch-boy’s birth defect over the years and will do so thousands of times more!)

You will also see in the photo, the padlocks in the buckle hasps of the reins. I think the effect of the reins is doubled or trebled when bitch-boy sees and hears the padlocks clicking closed. Securing him helplessly into the reins for as long as I see fit.  You can clearly see the wrist cuffs at the front of the reins. Recently, for certain activities, I have been putting the reins on him, back to front, and then his wrists get cuffed behind his back.

You will also observe how I mark my padlocks and their keys with one or two spots of nail varnish so I know which keys to use for which padlocks. I have two sets of four padlocks employed with the reins. Each set of four use the same keys.

I hope this post was of interest.

My recently published Journal. Click on this link for details.


Dominant Mother and Daughter

In accordance with my ne policy, (given the vast majority of dear blog followers do not read many of the comments to my blog posts), here is a comments exchange that you may find of interest. Please let me know if compiling and posting such a group of comments is interesting.

The comments below were initiated by my post of 5 May 2019, about ……..

……..The females speak to each other with sweet voices and a pleasant, patient, demeanour; BUT, in an instant, when their voice is directed at the male sub, sweet and pleasant is replaced with malevolent and impatient and irritated. Then, speaking to the sub is over, and the tone and demeanour of sweet and  pleasant and patient returns as the Domme addresses a fellow female…….


The two women that dominate me, are very much like this. They are mother and daughter and so have a lot to catch up on when a weekend visit is arranged with me in attendance. Once dressed as a baby and put in my playpen they will have a cup of coffee and chat away politely, but at any moment either of them might snap out at me and have me trembling with fear. They know that this sudden change keeps me nervous and very intimidated. I am also fearful that the situation might escalate and they will both start snapping at me till I crumble and start to weep. This can be hard to avoid but never receives any sympathy. Quite the reverse in fact. If I act like a cry baby they love to twist the knife and ridicule me all the more. They love it when I’m so scared that I wet my nappy.

The daughter was a professional who I visited to lose my virginity in 2008. Upon my failure to rise to the occasion, she suggested I would be better suited to visiting her mother – who had different specialities. After a few meets I was completely subjugated by her mother – Julia. Or Nana Julia to me. She found that I had certain work skills she could utilise and it has become a trade off of my abilities for the opportunity of spending time with her, and often her daughter. She must enjoy it for what it is though as she often orders me to visit even if she has no requirements of my skills in the preceding month.

They like nothing better than to tease and humiliate me during nappy changes or potty time. Sometimes they will do it gently and be amused when my ‘birth defect’ rises to its very best quivering 4 inches. I feel humiliated by my erection, my face flushed with shame at showing them my pitiful, attention-seeking willy. They find my embarrassment hilarious and more often than not their scorn and mockery makes it wilt pretty fast, but on occasion it will be tugged, and forced to squirt like a toileting chore. Post ejaculation I will feel utterly wretched, but they just pour on more scorn as they watch my red dick dwindling out of sight. They know I feel at my most uncomfortable at this moment and make the most of it. I have to cope.

Mother and Daughter take me to task regularly and enjoy themselves at my expense. It is not a 24/7 relationship but when they demand I visit I am completely there for the entertainment of the Mother. They like to keep me as their baby, but they have made it clear they don’t like baby boys and silly little wimps like me deserve relentless humiliation. I almost feel she is a MIL as the cruel mother role is well suited to her, but I do get to escape for a few weeks at a time. When she wants to play though, I have to attend

Regarding potties, I am forced to make the best of my white and yellow Mothercare pot though it can be very uncomfortable as my testicles get quite squashed by the front pee guard. I’m not always sitting either as it has been gaffa-tapped to my bottom so that I have to waddle around with my rubber pants around my ankles and my potty stuck to my bum. Almost a nursery version of a humbler – only much, much more humbling. It seems to amuse the two cruel ladies in my life

A new form of tease and denial

I have always loved tease and denial, linked to always punishing the birth defect when it is erect. In more recent years, I love the reports of denial linked to no erections allowed ever; even if the male sees erotic things or the male isinvolved in providing sexual pleasure for others. I have reported on these situations quite often.

husband sissy maid Chrissy and Mistress Pamela and candy floss


I would loooove to enforce such a cruel regime on bitch-boy as the shame would be so overwhelming for him, never ever allowed to be hard, or better still unable to ever get hard, but I would miss much too much, the sadistic pleasures I get from punishing his erection. One cannot have everything! (And I do spend a lot of time punishing that erection in lots of different ways!)

So I was amazed to come across a method of humiliating tease and denial that I had never heard of before, despite my 20+ years of experience in BDSM. (I LOOOOVE learning new things!!!)

Comments on this blog from eddieh, about the regime his ‘Mommy’ enforces on him, describe this new-to-me novel approach. The essence is that, far from never allowing him erections, or punishing his erections that arise, eddie is forced by his ‘Mommy’ to spend hours, under strict monitoring, touching himself and maintaining an erection, but he is NEVER allowed to orgasm.

‘Mommy’s’ mantra is, ‘Boys cocks stay hard and boys balls stay full.’ A basis for the theme appears to be that little boys are always fiddling with their cocks.

I provide the relevant comment below which I have edited as I think the writer has English as a second language(respect to him). I also removed the things not relevant to this bog post and added things that I think fill in gaps of data in the comment. (I have asked for more details to fill theses gaps but none has been provided)

I fear punishment ever so deeply and yes at times Mommy scares me to death.

 Mommy is to the point and blunt and doesn’t play around with words. Mommy hates men she will even go as far to say that she hates all men but will tolerate a selected few.

Mommy told me she noticed that I had a lot of air in my head (her way of calling me dumb) and explored me a little more. Mommy doesn’t come out and say to anyone that she is a lesbian the most she will say is that she enjoys females in every way.

Mommy considered I had a smaller than normal penis and that she would have no choice but to treat me as a small boy. I am now for all intents and reasons her little boy. I have no assigned age which ranges somewhere from just starting puberty to all the way back to a baby. She often tells me and some of her friends that I am her retarded baby. Most deem me as retarded for this or that reason. While that hurt me a lot at the start, I now find that term as a sign of endearment because I am not capable of being a real man.

When going out I am dressed like a small boy would be Dressed. A Disneyland character t-shirt and I only have light weight pants that have no zippers and cut with plenty of croch room in them. Mostly sweat type pants or scrub pants; that kind of thing. I am kept shaved from the neck down. 

Boys with little hairless pee-pee’s don’t need underwear, but sock’s can be worn in nasty weather. Mommy has no other name than Mommy and in the house or out in public. That is who she is and that is how she treats me. It is very embarrassing always being treated just like a small boy. This includes having to refer to her as Mommy when we are out and in front of her friends at home.

One thing that is very noticeable about Mommy is her almost OCD behavior when it comes to how she feels about males. Mommy believes that all males should be kept with a frustrated hard on. Hurting, horny and frustrated with very few or no orgasms. Boys cocks stay hard…Boys balls stay full!

I learned on my first days with Mommy, after my first body hair removal, that all little boys constantly fidget with their pee-pees and do not stop until they are told. So that is what I must do. To ensure that I will be doing this Mommy found the right size penis ring for me to wear. It fits around my penis and goes all the way to the bottom. When I am completely flaccid the ring slips off. That is a very big no-no.

When I am made to keep erect, Mommy checks at any random moment by telling me to hold my pee-pee straight down. The ring must not fall off! It does not take a lot work to keep my penis slightly large enough to keep it on. One hand fiddling with my pee- pee and I must have the thumb of my other hand in my mouth.

Of course that is not an all day or night activity, but I do spend a great deal of my free time that way. Many, many hours. Mommy has spent a great deal of time training me what erections without sexual release stand for, for her and me as well. So every night, sometimes after hours of being erect all day, I am locked into a chastity device. And I am locked into it whenever unsupervised.

You must understand that it is MOST important to Mommy that no one would think sex between us has ever happened nor, for me, sex of any kind with anyone or any gender other than my own hand has ever taken place. She reiterates this to all her friends all the time.

Mommy has me doing one of the 4 different types of erection training daily if not all. 1st is the normal fidgeting at the top to keep erection started and going. 2nd is the brainwashing erection with very slowly and light movements of the middle finger and ring finger. Fast enough to stay erect but slow enough not to cum. These can go on for an hour or more and always feels like a very, very, very long time to me.

3rd is I bring my knees to my chest with feet up in the air and rub up and down with a flat palm and fingers. Mommy tells me lots of times that is how she did it when she was a little girl.

4th most scary, Mommy has me on her dining room table tied and uses penis teasing of different kinds, many times with vibrations from wands. She is not testing me not to cum on such times though. She always pulls the vibrator away just in time. These are times I feel insanity will happen for sure.

When no more chores are left and Mommy doesn’t want my help, I spend a lot of time locked in my bare room. She has two cameras with mic and speaker. One is like a baby monitor she can take with her and the other is tied into her home security system. She also has a phone app that she can use to see and hear everything no matter were she is. She puts a bucket with a lid in the room that I can make pee-pee in.

I have to stay hard for hours and I do not even know if Mommy is looking at the camera wherever she is.

I also spend a lot of time in the living room on my baby blanket in front of Mommy’s couch. I have my black female baby doll, my blocks, coloring books and my tablet to watch infants’ cartoons on. This time is also used for breastfeeding or yum-yum time ( that can happen anytime all the time). Yum-yum time being providing oral sexual service to her.

Punishment spankings can happen any time too and they are painful and the way I am treated afterwards is just as painful. I feel many times my whole world is falling apart. I never want to make Mommy mad like that!

Making (Ice cream) her word for me that means ejaculation or cum is always met with a very severe punishment spanking. All males should be kept hard, horny and frustrated. Boys cocks stay hard and boys balls stay full. I fear these punishments ever so deeply and yes at times Mommy scares me to death.

Mommy has me dress up as her little girl from time to time and one thing she told me is that she gets lonely for female company and that helps her with that. Mommy normally likes the white sundress with a bow or ties in my hair. Mommy still doesn’t allow underwear I guess in this case I should say panties.

The Dolls!

A blog follower asked for information about bitch-boy’s three dolls. A request which took me by surprise but I am happy to oblige.

His very first dolly I bought him, a little rag doll I named Likkel Dolly. Then I read a huge dolly makes your sissy little girl look, and possibly humiliatingly feel, more infantile and small, so I bought Suzette Simperkins; as I named her. He does his colouring-in with Suzette.

Then most recently I needed a dolly that could sit on a potty for Dolly-Potty-Time, so we now have Sally-No-Socks; as I named her.

Of course he has to talk to his dollies in whole sentences, always including names, and while lisping, so he says, Thuzette Thimperkinth and Thally-No-Thockth. I choose names with lots of the letter S in, because I make him lisp.

I included in the photo a clothes peg so the size of each doll is clear. (Suzette’s eyes are closed in the photo but they open when she is upright.)


The last journal detailing what goes on under my roof,

Link to Journal No. 12.


Dolly Potty time a great success

You may recall a description of Dolly-Potty-Time in my blog post of 23 March 2019,  and also the sourcing of a practical adult potty looking like a babies potty in my blog post of 29 March 2019 .

Well I did buy the pink camping potty and removed the lid and handle and I bought a new dolly capable of sitting on a doll’s potty and of course I bought a doll’s potty.

I had bitch-boy undergo a deeply shaming and tedious Dolly-Potty-Time this week and he so deeply hated it. It was therefore a great success. I added a couple of my own ‘extras’ to the session too. (I have written a journal entry on the session for my latest journal. This latest journal will detail exclusively things that happen under my roof. I hope to publish this soon. There will be a further journal on The Institute published some time shortly after that.)

The point of this post is to mention, in case others consider buying the pink camping potty as part of a shaming routine for their little puppets, that the seat is very hard and not ideally shaped, so after about 45 minutes, the pain of the seat for bitch-boy overtook his humiliation and tedium. Not what I wanted. However the potty is, I think, the best thing on the market at the moment for the purpose I intend.

In order to ensure I can put bitch-boy through literally hours and hours of shaming tedium, (perhaps eight hours to start), I am planning a day where he spends 40 minutes enduring Dolly-Potty-Time with his new dolly, Sally-no-socks, then switch to an hour of colouring-in with his dolly, Suzette Simperkins, on his comfortable little chair. Then back to Dolly-Potty-Time then back to colouring-in with his dolly, and alternate from one activity to the other, all day!

I am gathering together foreign language, subtitled box sets and movies and a good novel and some craft activities so I have plenty to do in the gaps between bringing myself off, as his misery repeatedly arouses me.


My latest journal.

Volume 13: The Institute, Click on any link below:

Lulu.com –

Paperback version,       ePub version,

Amazon Kindle –

USA,    UK, 

DE,    FR,    ES,    IT,    NL,    JP,    BR,    CA,    MX,    AU,    IN, 

Nook – Barnes and Noble



The last journal detailing what goes on under my roof,

Link to Journal No. 12.



Gap in the shaming market

In my post of the 23rd March I asked for suggestions for sourcing a potty for sale on-line that is adult sized and looks like a proper baby’s potty. One big enough that bitch-boy having to sit on it for hours, just as Courteney’s  sissy must sit on his, does not quickly become cramp inducing.

Some kind blog followers have provided suggestions, the best I think being this.


Especially with the lid removed.

BUT, given the huge size of the adult baby market and the cheapness of manufacturing plastic products, one would think something like the item below, in adult size, would be available as a shaming device for submissive adults.


How shaming would enforced time on this be! Especially in front of guests!