Tag Archives: slave

Can vanilla ever compare? (post 2)

Well a rather low response to my post of 11 May on a comparison of the number/quality of orgasms Domme women get compared to vanilla women. But the comments I did get were of very high quality! Thank you so much to those that commented on this personal topic!

From my limited sample so far, plus my own experience, it seems pretty conclusive that both the number and the quality of orgasms Domme women get are hugely superior to those of vanilla women. This is perhaps an issue of importance I have underplayed both in my blog and in my published BDSM manual, as a component of convincing vanilla women to become Dominants.

I was VERY DISAPPOINTED with the many MALE submissives who read my blog who  have experienced relationships with vanilla women and then dominant women, but did not help me gather the data I was after. Shame on them. I would still however like more data on this topic because I like to make claims about BDSM based on evidence rather than intuition.

I understand many womens’ magazines have articles on female orgasms and how to get them or get more. I bet none has suggested women find a sub male (or female) and become a Domme!

I was and am surprised over the coyness of Dommes to talk about this topic. ūüôā Dommes who have no coyness at all over telling the world about their very depraved activities while using and abusing their male puppets, blushingly tight lipped about their orgasms. ūüôā I fear this may be societal / cultural conditioning. Men are quite happy to bang on about how, on average, they are born physically stronger than females and with better spatial awareness. But women too shy to mention, even on this blog!, that¬†can have a far superior orgasm count than males during a ‘sex’ session.

As an aside, it dawned on me how it must be a little less sexually satisfying being a male Dom rather than a female Domme? The male Dom experiencing a loss of interest in things sexual for quite some time after orgasm while for most female Dommes, interest immediately and fully continues!



For info on my BDSM manual, click on an image below.


Sweet for her, nasty for him.

To what does the heading refer? I refer to tone of voice and demeanour.

One thing I REALLY love, which you occasionally see in Femdom videos, is the schizophrenic tonal style Dommes can adopt when there is more than one of them present with one sub male.

The females speak to each other with sweet voices and a pleasant, patient, demeanour; BUT, in an instant, when their voice is directed at the male sub, sweet and pleasant is replaced with malevolent and impatient and irritated. Then, speaking to the sub is over, and the tone and demeanour of sweet and  pleasant and patient returns as the Domme addresses a fellow female.

Two Dommes or several Dommes applying this schizophrenic tonal style alternation is a delight to witness. It is something Mistress Nicola does sometimes when visiting bitch-boy and I, and it is a joy to witness.

The implication is clear. The Domme applying this schizophrenic tonal style alternation demonstrates what a considerate, contented and polite person she is when addressing a fellow female, but then, when addressing the sub she shows her utter contempt of him and absence of patience or leniency. She is irritated the male exists at all. Slow responses will not be tolerated. The smallest infractions will not be tolerated. Delightful!

DS advert for Louboutin heels

A great advert by Christian Louboutin for high heels,  (yes I have a pair). The twist at the end I saw coming but puts DS into mainstream which is always a good thing.

And on a separate note, what is it about a hand on hip, just like this, that is sooooo dominant and haughty ?????? Both to see and to do. I am theorising it firstly throws the shoulders back and chest out and chin up, and secondly indicates relaxed confidence and superiority.



My latest journal.

Volume 13: The Institute, Click on any link below:

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Dress up or dress down?

I mentioned in a previous post about exploiting when bitch-boy must perform very degrading tasks like cleaning the walk-in shower gully trap, which I have now diarised to be done every two months. (I have also found the dishwasher trap which needs regular cleaning; is a disgusting task, and that is now diarised for once a month.)

I determined initially to dress up to the nines, in an opulent style. Full make up, dripping in jewellery, high heels and expensive figure hugging dress and plenty of expensive perfume. He would be naked but for penis restraint and locked on rubber slave collar. I would sit sipping Prosecco while pointing out to him, in no uncertain terms, the difference in our status, while he toiled at his disgusting chores.

Now I have reflected on my recent post on everyday casual gear, (skin tight T-shirt showing an inch of flat stomach, skin tight leggings and almost knee high Ugg boot slippers.) while he is naked but for penis restraint and locked on rubber slave collar. Being dressed this way while he toils at disgusting tasks will make it abundantly clear that his life as a drudge and puppet is not a game I dress up for. IT IS HIS LIFE. I AM THAT BITCH! It is just an everyday event for me to be dressed normally while he is naked but for penis restraint and locked on rubber slave collar undertaking a disgusting chore as much for my amusement as for the utility.

Can I ask other submissives, which dress mode, casual or opulent, would you find the most subjugating? And Dommes, which would be your preference to wear? I always learn so much when I ask such questions.

Update of my BDSM manual?

Should I ever issue a second edition of my BDSM manual I worry this would be somewhat unfair to those who obtained a 1st edition.

Below is the first issue I would add if I ever publish a 2nd edition. I provide it here for those who already have the first edition.

This would be added at the end of the section entitled DS Mechanisms during Vanilla Time  and a reference made to it in the section entitled, (page 37 if you own a hardcopy), and a reference made to it (on page 67 if you own a hardcopy), at end of the section headed Subjugation.

Curt Instructions

As a result of exchanges with submissives on my blog in 2018 it has become clear to me that issuing curt instructions to them affects them so much more than I imagined. Issuing curt instructions:

  • is free,
  • takes no equipment,
  • takes¬†LESS time than not doing¬†it,
  • can bring more pleasure to the dominant,
  • can cause the submissive to be more in awe of the dominant,
  • can introduce DS into an otherwise vanilla moment,
  • provides¬†more subjugation and submissive contentment to the submissive,
  • is FANTASTIC to bolster DS emotions for both parties during vanilla time.A search of my blog with the word, ‘curt’ will bring up the four or five posts published on this topic that include comments from submissives describing the deep affect on them curt instructions have.The submissive assist in the learningBUT, I know the discordance for a dominant of being told by a submissive of a shortcoming, may be too much for some dominants to bear. Which I perfectly understand. As a¬†possible way to mitigate this and ensure there are no feelings of¬†being topped from the bottom, I suggest the dominant sometimes purposely fails to issue a curt instruction, or says thank you on purpose. If the submissive does not point this out, suitably respectfully of course, the submissive is severely punished! So the submissive is now conscious that they are under threat and duress in this ‘assistance’ to the dominant.Top Tips
  • Let us put submissive assisting in the learning of Curt Instructions¬†to one side and look at top tips.¬† Many of these have been collected from accounts of real life Dommes¬†and¬†submissives.
  • The submissive¬†must very respectfully point out if there was a suitable opportunity to give a curt instruction that was not taken or not taken to its maximum affect. They must point out if a curt instruction was issued which could have contained fewer words. They must point out if an unnecessary¬†thank you was given.
  • A curt instruction is an instruction given with no politeness, no please, (no thank you afterwards), and the minimal number of words possible. It is a very disrespectful, arrogant and condescending manner of behaviour. Various dominants use different styles to achieve this. Practice is probably required if the dominant, like me, was brought up to be polite! One option to speed up the learning is to ask the submissive to assist. Not¬†an option¬†to everyone’s tastes though!
  • Given these attributes, it would be wrong not to include full and comprehensive details.
  • Instead of ‚Äúget me a cup of tea‚ÄĚ, simply say ‚Äútea.”
  • Instead of ‚Äúget me my yoga bag,‚ÄĚ she would say ‚Äúyoga bag‚Ä̬†and possibly point to where it should be put.
  • Instead of ‚Äúget me my cell phone‚ÄĚ, just ‚Äúcell phone.‚ÄĚ and point to one’s feet, if it should be brought to the dominant, or perhaps point to a table if that‚Äôs where the cell phone should be put.

So dominant, if you fail to take every opportunity to issue a curt command, instead of a polite request, you are failing to take an opportunity to deepen the submissive’s subjugation to you, denying your submissive food for their soul and missing out on a lovely power rush feeling for you.

Feedback from submissives.

i have been subject to curt instructions and as you say, ‚Äúthank you‚ÄĚ is not a part of that‚Ķa more appropriate reply after he‚Äôs obeyed¬†an order might be‚Ķ‚ÄĚreturn to your duties‚ÄĚ or ‚Äúget back to work‚ÄĚ or “fuck off out of my sight.”

Social events and family gatherings sometimes provide those brief moments of just enough discrete¬†privacy for some subjugation. ‚ÄėWhite wine now.‚Äė

Mistress ‚Äď I didn‚Äôt comment on your earlier post about using curt commands but it has been a standard part of my Mistress‚Äô approach for a long time. It absolutely changes the nature of ‚Äúvanilla time‚ÄĚ from a partial respite from kink time, to an extension of it.

[By your description of Curt Instructions], certainly Madam understands the submissive psyche in ways that few do. Your methods are awe inspiring Ms Scarlet…thank You for sharing Your lifestyle.

You are very right Mistress Scarlet. MK uses curt commands constantly during the day. ‚ÄúGet this.‚ÄĚ ‚ÄúPut this away..‚ÄĚ Sometimes she uses one word with a harsh voice. ‚ÄúWater.‚ÄĚ MK LOVES watching me jump to her commands.

Feeding our submissive souls ‚Äď curt commands, humiliations & discipline ‚Äď you are so, so accurate MsScarlet!

My Mistress of days gone by issued very short and curt orders to me. ‘Down Boy’ meant get my tongue busy on her pussy, ‘knees’ meant get down fast and kneel‚Ķ‚Ķ Out in public she used hand signals to give the same orders as well as using curt instructions that could be overheard by nearby persons, to cause me much humiliation, and i loved her so much for it.

I like curt because it makes it so clear what I need to do to please and I don’t over-think things. Getting over my tendency to over-think things and doing a better job of responding immediately is one reason discipline is so important to me. Letting go of thinking for myself and handing over the power to a loving authority is very fulfilling. Empties my crowded brain

I believe she takes special pleasure asking me to do something when I am busy with something I am doing such as filling up the dishwasher. I have to stop immediately and do what she has commanded with a curt instruction.

Mistress enjoys handing me her handbag while we walk so her hands are free. ‚ÄúTake this,‚ÄĚ she says as she shoves the bag into my arms.

You are absolutely correct, the issuing of curt instructions in a vanilla situation and leaving no one in doubt that you are to be obeyed is thrilling. Even now in the supermarkets when being asked if help is needed at the checkout, my wife will always answer,‚ÄĚ no he will do it, he‚Äôs been trained‚ÄĚ. Or if her mother is visiting, ask me things like, “have I ironed a particular dress or cleaned a pair of boots‚Ķ‚Ķ‚Ķ‚Ķ‚Ķ”

Who says thank you?

I mentioned that, obviously, when a curt instruction has been carried out, the dominant should not say, “thank you.” The curt instruction theme can be taken yet further though, to highlight the huge difference in status between a dominant and their submissive. This is by the submissive having to say,’thank you’, when they have completed a dominant’s curt instruction. Deliciously unfair!

There are situations where the thank you could be argued is appropriate in the strange DS world we inhabit. For example:

When I sit on the sofa and I¬†have pointed to the floor between my splayed thighs and given the command, ‚Äėlick’, I delight in saying, once he has knelt in position and is about to begin, ‚ÄėWhat do you say?‚Äô Given the beauty of my soft skin, ¬†slim athletic thighs,¬† flat stomach and pretty cunt, it is unsurprising he genuinely and emotionally answers, ‚ÄėThank you Mistress.‚Äô¬† But the status implications of this¬†thank you are huge. He is denied sexual relief, he is never allowed to fuck; but he is genuinely thanking me for the privilege of being allowed to lick ME to a delightful orgasm.¬†And it will be one of many orgasms that day, despite his limited proper orgasms himself. His¬†vanilla grasp of the concepts of fairness and grounds for gratitude¬†driven from his mind by his submissiveness and my cruel dominance.

And there are situations where the thank you is an undiluted indication the submissive is living a life of unfairness and low comparative status. These thank you’s from the submissive indicate it is a privilege for them to be allowed to serve the dominant.

  • Having set down the tea in response to the curt instruction, ‚Äútea.” the submissive must say, ‘thank you’.
  • Having put the yoga bag down yoga bag in response to the curt instruction, ‚Äúyoga bag‚Ä̬†the submissive must say, ‘thank you’.
  • Having handed the cell phone to the dominant in response to the curt instruction “cell phone,‚ÄĚ the submissive must say, ‘thank you’.

Of course the submissive’s ‘thank you’ is amusing to the dominant, but is otherwise ignored.

The ‘thank you’ can be an optional extra, prompted by the dominant.

If you are at home, and the submissive forgets to say ‘thank you’ for bringing you something, then in your sweetest tone, you can say, ‚ÄėWhat do you say?‚Äô

Social events and family gatherings sometimes provide those brief moments of just enough discrete¬†privacy for some curt instructions. A quietly spoken, ‚ÄėWhite wine now.‚Äė And on the submissive’s obedient return, loud enough from you for just them to hear; ‚ÄėWhat do you say?’ and they must whisper, ‘Thank you.‚Äô

‘Thank you’ not linked to curt instructions

For the sake of completeness, I now set out other situations where I have bitch-boy issue a thank you.

When I have finished a punishment of him. A punishment gagged and bound, bent face down over the dining table.¬†Caned, strapped, paddled, tawsed and whipped. When I have finished, his gag is removed and, often still whimpering or sobbing, he¬†says, as he knows he must, ‚ÄėThank you Mistress for helping to make me a better slave.‚Äė He has learned to his cost that should he forget to thank me, he goes straight back over the table.

Another example is when I have him kiss my footwear. This he has to do whenever I, or we, are leaving the house, leaving a bedroom in a hotel or leaving a bedroom¬†in which we have stayed overnight as social¬†guests. He must kiss my footwear for as long as I talk at him about how lucky he is to have such a cruel and beautiful Mistress¬†wife and how there are a hundred submissives begging to take his place in a moment, should I wish to replace him. I have always ended my lecture with the words, ‚ÄėYou may stand.‚Äô But recently I have followed those words with, ‚ÄėWhat do you say?‚Äė As he is rising to stand he says, with genuine feeling, ‚ÄėThank you Mistress.‚Äô¬† Again, his¬†correct grasp of the concepts of fairness and grounds for gratitude¬†driven from his mind by his submissiveness and my cruel dominance; particularly as I may be wearing dirty snow boots or well-worn gym shoes.

My final example is a new thank you occasion and has arisen as a result my giving him spoiled orgasms under the sole of my shoe.


  • I have lifted my shoe from his clitty after his horrible, disappointing,¬†spoiled orgasm has ended,
  • and his semen pools in a food container, shortly to have water added, (and or my nectar), and become an ice chink for his funnel gag,
  • and I have shown off my body during the process and talked about how he will never, ever get to fuck that body,
  • and I will have had between 7 and 11 massive orgasms by this point in the day,

I say, in a mocking and unkind tone, ‚ÄėWhat do you say?‚Äė He answers, ‚ÄėThank you Mistress.‚Äô His tone this time is not so genuine, but it is extremely¬†poignant and sad and respectful. My question is truly powerful and affecting for him. Expecting him to thank me for inflicting such unfairness and misery. But he is deeply subjugated and would not dare do otherwise than thank me.

I get such a power rush from having just been such a cruel bitch and then asking him to thank me, and hearing his submissive, obedient, poignant and sad thank you, that I am close to requiring a supplementary orgasm for the day!

Once he has thanked me, I give him a curt instruction in a very cold voice, ‘clean everything up!’ then I walk off to sit and relax elsewhere.

For info on my own BDSM manual, click on an image below.


Curt instructions new years resolution.

At the end of last month I published two posts on the pleasure and effect, during vanilla times, of issuing curt, impolite instructions to your submissive instead of polite requests. Publishing these posts, and seeing the numerous comments from submissives passionately endorsing how much curt instructions in vanilla times affect them deeply, I decided to ramp up my own use of curt instructions during vanilla times.

Well what a pleasure it truly is, bringing a little power rush almost every time, especially when the instruction is as curt as it can be. And then seeing bitch-boy obediently scurry off to carry out the instruction obviously feeling quite bullied and exploited by my behaviour. Delightful! (And obviously no, thank you, when the instruction has been carried out).

Get my yoga bag, top up my wine, put my shoes away, load the dishwasher, get me a cup of tea, defrost my car, get me a towel, tidy the kitchen, get my gym shoes, get my book from the bedroom, get my cell phone, put my cell phone on charge, etc, etc.

I may well make it one of my new year’s resolutions to maximise issuing curt instructions at every opportunity. I have noticed it becoming much more natural and subconscious to me. It feels soon it will be a natural thing I do in vanilla times without thinking about it. Poor bitch-boy will be even more subjugated to me and addicted to me. And I’ll have little hits of extra pleasure every day.

Subjugated Born Again Virgins

A commenter on my last post on orgasm denial raised the associated point of denial of penetrative sex for the submissive male. I have written before about this but it is worth a mention as the commenter made a very relevant point on how it can link to the dynamic of orgasm denial.

The commenter wrote that ‘…….All of this is different than intercourse denial, which never gets old for me (or hasn‚Äôt yet)………………. I love and want intercourse and am totally frustrated when denied. My most honest and intense begging has been for intercourse. My Mistress can go long periods without intercourse….

Whether like the commenter, penetrative sex is rare for him; much, much too rare. Or for subs like my bitch-boy or Nicola’s pansy-piece or Rebecca’s sub¬†¬† penetrative sex is over for the rest of their lives, it is something I believe that, no matter how often a sub is¬†teased about or mind-fucked about it, they never manage¬†to easily cope with it.

One of my favourite examples of this is when I am with Nicola and she inserts her fingers inside me and taunts bitch-boy over how he is never allowed that feeling with even his fingers, let alone his little clitty. Without Nicola I often taunt bitch-boy over what she does to me and how amazing it would feel for him to push his stiff little clitty inside me and feel the tightness and heat and wetness. then I remind him THAT HE NEVER WILL!

If I ask him about all the terrible things he endures, including the very, very painful sessions, the hours and hours of humiliating tedium and the extreme humiliations if front of other women, and I ask, if he could change one thing about his life, what would it be?

He ALWAYS immediately answers, with such a¬†pleading and desperate tone,¬†¬†‘To be allowed to fuck your amazing body Mistress.‘ Obviously I smile, flaunt my body and then cruelly remind him that although¬†it would be so easy for me to allow that,¬†it will NEVER EVER HAPPEN! He is my little puppet and I love he is a cuckold, born again virgin. That status gives me sooooo much pleasure,¬†and therefore it will never change.

Worse still for him when he is bound in some way, is when I make his clitty hard and then hold the tip against my wet cunt and ask him if he can feel the wetness and the heat. I hold it still or rub it against my clit a little and he pleads, as though his world is coming to an end, to be allowed to push it in. Even just for a second. Even if he just holds it still and then withdraws. I string him along for a while and he is almost reduced to tears and of course, eventually I harshly tell him not to be so stupid and of course it will NEVER EVER happen!


Link to my journal 12.


YouTube Femdom video

I came across a link on Femdom Resource to this amusing mainstream music video on YouTube.


On the YouTube page, one suggested video was this video which may be a music video? I honestly do not know.


Then this video, with no English language, I found contained ethically confusing messages but was an interesting video up to the 4th minute. I would love to know what was being said throughout.


The last two just go to show that you do not need petticoating, nudity, bondage or physical punishment to create an erotic femdom scenario worth watching. (Not, of course, that I am opposed to seeing femdom related petticoating, nudity, bondage or physical punishment!)

It made me wonder what the best femdon videos on YouTube might be and how to find them.

It also had me thinking how I would like to write screen plays for videos acceptable on YouTube, yet still deeply erotic on powerfully subjugating femdom themes.