Declarations and Domme’s Orgasms

I received the comment below and felt my lengthy answer really desrved to be a blog post rather than be hidden away as a comment response. So here is the comment I received followed by my answer.

Dear Mistress Scarlet,

If I may, I would like to make one comment and pose one question.

Firstly, I would like to comment on the life-changing power, perhaps under-appreciated by some, of the making of a formal declaration. It is one thing to see that a change (such as ever-lengthening delay between release) has ‘crept into’ your life; and to be told, in bold and explicit terms, that such the change is deliberate, recognised to be unfair, and utterly permanent. I have seen that a number of times in my relationship, most recently when Mistress announced that I was a Born-Again Virgin.

With an undeclared change, the sub can always cling onto the idea that it is temporary, inadvertent, or a mistake. That hope is dashed with a formal declaration. I also wonder what effect that has on the dominant woman. Which brings me onto my question…

In many posts and in your books, you state that increasing levels of dominance and cruelty ‘ratcheted up’ your sexual (and other forms of) satisfaction with your relationship with BB. But, on hearing about the frequency and intensity of your enjoyment, one rationalisation is that this must be because you (Mistress Scarlet) are an unusual and rare woman who just has the capacity for multiple frequent orgasms, and so other women cannot replicate similar levels of enjoyment.

So could I ask you to please clarify (and yes, I am aware that this question has overtones of the line from Life of Brian ‘If it’s not a personal question: are you a virgin?’) if, before you discovered BDSM, were you someone who had an unusual capacity for fulfillment from vanilla sex? Or (as I suspect) were you previously a person with a fairly ordinary level of response, and attribute your current degrees of arousal and satisfaction entirely to the levels of sadism and dominance which you practice? To put it another way, do you have an unusual responsiveness to the ‘drug’ or is it a medication from which anyone from benefit?

My Answer

An indication of how much I agree with you about the value and significance of declaring changes which are intended to be permanent, is that two chapters of my new publication, Addendum No.1, deal with this topic. Not just deal with it but provide suggestions to maximise the impact. The first section is about Recording Dates of the last time ever of an activity, so that anniversaries can be ‘celebrated’. The second is about A Cruel Countdown Procedure that can be used in the lead up to the last time ever of an activity. Neither can be employed without a declaration.

Putting aside the huge effect on bitch-boy of having made a declaration, the effect on me of having made a declaration is very powerful indeed. Having made my six week minimum gap for orgasms declaration; I feel totally pitiless, all powerful, decadent and truly cruel. A heady cocktail of feelings that do lead to arousal. Which brings me to orgasms for Dommes. (I sense you may have read my latest publication?)   In Addendum No.1, there is a large chapter on enhancing the number and intensity of the Domme’s orgasms.  

Although you ask very personal questions, I feel I must answer them to further my crusade to have more women enjoy the number and intensity of orgasms I enjoy. My story does cover the key issues. Firstly, I do not have a rare and unusual capacity for numerous, powerful orgasms. I do know what prevented me from so being, until my eyes were opened to a few facts.

Until I met bitch-boy I had never masturbated and had had hardly any orgasms; although I had boyfriends from the age of 15 and then a husband. (So no, I certainly am not a virgin!) BUT, the first night I spent with bitch-boy, I had more orgasms that one night than I had previously had, added together, in the whole of my life before that night. No wonder I fell for him!

This brings me to the first AND CRITICAL FACT that applies to me and to every single woman I have ‘converted’ over this fact. Relying solely on penetrative orgasms is a huge mistake. Clitoral orgasms is where intensity and large numbers of orgasms are found for most women. bitch-boy being submissive, (unbeknown to me at the time), had his head between my thighs that first night and kept it there for a LONG, LONG time. (I was much younger than him with an amazing body, I can understand he was driven by his submissiveness to secretly worship me that night the best he knew how.) He also told me that night that I should not attempt to have him get as much pleasure as me, because men are built for one orgasm and women are built for many. I felt it was unfair on him but he insisted and I went with it. Look where that has ended up! (Be careful what you wish for.)

A few years later when my dominance and his submission had begun in earnest, I read an article that set out how dominant women should masturbate because of the number and intensity of orgasms that are possible – without a man’s assistance! The article also suggested it is optimal to use a vibrator wand. (It suggested a Hitachi 5000- it was years ago.)

I experimented and the article changed my life! Then once I began to become a SERIOUS Domme; unsympathetic and unashamed in wielding power, gratuitously, cruelly and pitilessly, I understood the saying, ‘power is an aphrodisiac’. It certainly is! I am not alone by any means in my orgasm numbers. Every single Domme with whom I have engaged in relevant conversations, who uses a wand and who masturbates, enjoys the number and intensity of orgasms I do. I should stress this masturbation is most often in front of one’s submissive; it is not exclusively performed alone, although I do both.

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Making Comments on posts: Comments do not appear on my blog until I have moderated them. Comments that insult anyone will not be published, nor will aggressive comments. A wide range of views is truly welcome, we all have things to learn, however comments will not be published that take a contrary or critical view to any aspect of a post, but fail to explain why this contrary view is held, or fail to address the reasoning set out in the post to which the comment relates. (Such unexplained contrary comments are simply boring.)

Another big step change

Three weeks ago, 6th May, I made another step-change in my chastity and denial regimen for poor bitch-boy. A big one, that I will describe shortly in this post. It is not big in comparison to the regimen of the puppets of Miss Anne, or of Christine M, or of Brigite, but for bitch-boy it is HUGE. And for me too.

I will also use this post to mention that last September I began collecting entries for a new Journal. (It will be Journal No. 18.) But I only write an account for a journal if it involves something new, so given the lock-down, there had not until recently been many new things to write about. I mention the forthcoming journal because it is easiest for me to describe the latest step-change by way of an excerpt from the draft Journal No. 18 which describes events on the 6th May this year.

I don’t think I have ever made clear in this blog that on the 6th June 2020 I started a new chastity and denial regimen for bitch-boy. The two ‘new’ aspects were he was not allowed out of his cage even to wash his genitals, (he could do so between the cage bars), and, instead of having an orgasm, as a general rule every 10 days to 2 weeks, the denial periods became much, much longer. (This is all set out in detail in the impending Journal No. 18)

(In the 11 months of that new regimen up to 6th May 2021, he had only cum 5 times. On 6th May 2021 he had been 8.5 weeks without orgasm and he has still not had an orgasm as of the date of this post and he knows he will not be getting one until at least 7th June at the very earliest. The 6th June 2021 is his one year anniversary of his new chastity and denial regimen. )

Excerpt from my forthcoming Journal No.18, for 6th May 2021

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I stood in front of the full-length mirror looking at myself and I called him up to me. He entered the room and I heard him emit an outbreath of emotion. I turned to him and, while I spoke to him, I began the pose routine I had used earlier.

                ‘Am I beautiful puppet? Do I make you desperate?’ He was almost sobbing as he emotionally answered in the affirmative. I stayed my distance so he could take in all of my body without having to look up and down.

                ‘Given your age and your shape, I am totally out of your league aren’t I. You are so, so privileged to be married to me, with a body like this. Far more than you deserve. And that’s why you have to suffer isn’t it. Suffer for the privilege. Suffer a great deal. Like you are suffering now.’ I paused and he actually started making sobbing noises of, I assumed, sexual frustration. I was REALLY enjoying myself.

‘Well I have made a decision and I thought it only right I should be looking my most sexy when I advised you of this decision. You know in the last eleven months you have gone between six weeks and seventeen weeks between orgasms. And you know I am almost certainly moving you to a state of never having an orgasm again for the rest of your life. Well, your orgasm frequency this past eleven months has all been quite haphazard and while I am happy with that as a way forward in general, I have decided you will never, for the rest of your life, cum without at least a six week gap since the previous orgasm.’ He began to breathe in short gasps. He was about to speak but instead I continued.

‘The only way that will change is the six weeks will be increased. Increased to two months, three months, six months? I don’t know yet when or how big the first increase will be. Perhaps I will jump from six weeks straight to six months! And obviously the minimum period of six weeks will still only be the minimum denial period. You will frequently go periods of much longer than whatever the minimum period is at the time. Two orgasms six weeks apart will most likely be a very rare treat.’ He dropped to his knees, close to tears. My formalisation of what had been a random minimum was devastating for him. He has learned so many times that when there is a click of the ratchet, it NEVER gets clicked back.  My cunt was now very wet! He crawled to me and began kissing my feet while begging me to reconsider. He was holding onto my long heels while he kissed and begged. My only response was to tell him to let go of my heels. He did so and he put his palms flat on the floor. I remained silent. I simply looked down at him begging and worshipping in his state of extremely emotional distress. Such was my arousal I actually put my finger to my clit and very gently stroked while I looked down at my distressed puppet as he continued kissing my feet and pleading. I lived in the moment relishing my feelings of cruelty, absolute power and unreserved heartlessness.

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I should add that my orgasm count has increased quite dramatically as a result of his new denial regimen. Vanilla days before his new regimen, I almost never had an orgasm. I now have 2 or 3 orgasms on around 80% of vanilla days. And I tease him with my body for at least 5 minutes, around 80% of vanilla days. His constant and extreme sexual frustration and his suffering as a result, has me aroused every time I think about the cruelty of it and think about my levels of pitiless cruelty, my power over him and the extreme unfairness – Just from vanilla days each week, I have more orgasms than he will have in three years. And more orgasms every single DS day than he will have in 2 years.

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Making Comments on posts: Comments do not appear on my blog until I have moderated them. Comments that insult anyone will not be published, nor will aggressive comments. A wide range of views is truly welcome, we all have things to learn, however comments will not be published that take a contrary or critical view to any aspect of a post, but fail to explain why this contrary view is held, or fail to address the reasoning set out in the post to which the comment relates. (Such unexplained contrary comments are simply boring.)