Every thing you do must be founded in deep empathy. You MUST put yourself in her head-space. When the time comes, you must try to imagine what she is thinking, her mood, how much she knows about the topic, how much she knows about you, how bold or cautious she is, how much she likes things to be the same or if she likes trying new things and likes variety.
But………………….. a lot of people are very low on empathy. If that is you, then in the months before you approach her on this issue, you must learn to think and behave with empathy AT ALL TIMES. And this is not just about approaching her on the topic, it is about how receptive she will feel from living with you day after day. As a woman, considering the notion of dominance, one is far more likely to be able to imagine it working well if one’s man is an empathetic man. If he is an empathetic man, it gives one a feeling of being treasured and valued which makes the jump to dominance seem much more realistic.
I will be suggesting, as part of approaching her you have her read my alternative blog. This has been designed in conjunction with others specifically to introduce a woman to what innate submissiveness is all about and the benefits of becoming a dominant.
So you need to read it and know it well before you have her read it. (And be empathetic! If she does not like reading blogs on a screen, print it off for her. If she does not like reading at all, perhaps when the time comes, suggest for instance, you run her a hot, scented bubble bath lit with candles, and you read it to her while she relaxes in the bath. But if she does not like baths then don’t! Be empathetic!)
Do stuff for her in the months of the run-up to the approach if she will be OK with any of the following suggestions:
Foot rubs, housework, child care, putting fuel in her car, defrosting her car windows before she uses her car on winter mornings, buy her flowers (not from a fuel station!), or perfume etc, for no reason. Don’t buy her candy or chocolate if she wishes to lose weight, (Be empathetic!). If her life is one big chorefest while you often go out with your buddies or watch loads of sport on TV, then do not even bother approaching her about dominating you in any way. Forget it. You have got to be putting at least equal effort into the relationship household as she does.
If you have allowed her life to be one big chorefest while you often go out with your buddies or watch loads of sport on TV, or similar, then do not even bother with an approach until you have rectified that for at least two months!
I suggest your first approach involves the contents of my alternative blog as it has been written for exactly that occasion. But if you have something better to show her and to say then go with that. I had help searching the internet for other material that would be useful, but it all had one or more serious flaws. It all lacked empathy too! So that brings me onto what not to do.
What not to do
- show her anything else on the internet about Femdom, including this blog,
- apply emotional blackmail that you will leave her or see a dominatrix unless she becomes dominant,
- buy her any fetish clothing or footwear,
- at this stage, buy any Femdom equipment,
- admit or show her anything secret you have bought or own to do with Femdom,
- rush her if she wants to think about it all,
- offer up any of your fantasies.
If she asks what your fantasies are, do not offer up anything that is outside of what is in the first steps content of my alternative blog and or talk about simply needing to feel dominated in whatever way she would be most comfortable trying. You have been fantasising for years and those fantasies have developed to be quite extreme. She is totally new to this!
If you have done any of the things in the above bullet points, you need to visit my other page, Approached her before, but no success
Write her a letter?
You might want to write her a letter with your approach. Your communication needs to cover something like the following, amended to suit your circumstances:
First I want to apologise for troubling you with this, but I cannot go through life if I did not do so; which I think you will understand shortly. Not that there is any expectation on you at all, beyond listening. I am asking for you to listen and nothing more.
I have a submissive streak in me. There is a blog written by a wife who is married to a man like me and she started out with no knowledge of this subject. She has spent over 20 years interviewing hundreds of men like me, and dozens of associated women. She exactly knows the minds of men like me. She has written a blog for women who discover they are married to a man like me.
Please would you read just the home page of the blog; which I have attached. Please can we talk once you have read it. If you wanted to read more than just the home page, I can print more off for you, or the blog address is; https://scarletsguide.wordpress.com/.
I know you are likely to have reservations and concerns and I fully understand that, that is just natural. I know I cannot coerce you or put pressure on you in any way. Any concerns you have after reading the blog post, I would really appreciate being able to talk about with you.
All I can do is request you have an open mind.
If that does work, you could then request she reads the blog page, Your Partner is Submissive. But first YOU MUST ask her what her concerns are and either answer them there and then or ask for time to come back to her on them.
You can add to that, if necessary, that she cannot fail whatever she might decide to try. You will simply be grateful for her trying, whatever the outcome. Trying is just an experiment. It is not a commitment to change in any way.
If your approach works, please give me feedback on why you think it did. If it does not work, please give me feedback on why you think it did not. I truly think the world would be a better place if there were more female led relationships and feedback may help me be able to help others even more.
My Guide for beginners
I have worked hard producing a low cost Guide for Beginners. I worked hard on, as best I could, making sure there is nothing in the Guide that would scare or deter a vanilla woman from trying out dominance. I believe there is nothing else like it anywhere.
Do not give her this guide though, if that is what you are thinking, until after she has read my alternative blog and has agreed to try out being dominant. You may not need to give her the guide at all.
Further details HERE.