Final puzzle piece – REAL, not a game!

This post is on the same theme as the last – that of, erection prohibition. (I include later within this post some personal email exchanges between myself and Christine M.)

Learning from other FLR accounts as well as the experiences of myself and Christine M, it seems that both for the submissive and the Domme, permanent, or at least long periods of, erection prohibition are the last piece of the jigsaw that eradicates all notions the dominance and submission are some game, some sex game. My exhilaration and arousal levels are like never before from enforcing erection prohibition, while at the same time continuing to use and abuse bitch-boy for my pleasure and ease of life. Certain activities have become even more powerful for me and more affecting for my bitch when all sexual compensation is eradicated for him.

This is no sex game now, it is REAL domination, perhaps real slavery. And I can see that despite my bitch’s genuine hatred of the new regimen, he feels more awe for me than ever before, he feels I am crueller and more pitiless and more decadent than ever before, and he feels more truly dominated, (and as complex as the paradoxes are, more submissively content). Do not misunderstand though, he would adore that I allow an erection once a week or so, he begs and begs for a brief erection, but that IS NOT GOING TO HAPPPEN! And I feel exhilarated writing that. It is such decadent, heartless cruelty!

E mail exchanges

From: Ms Scarlet

Hi Christine

It has dawned on me regarding your recent update and how it is going for poor bitch-boy here, that the erection-prohibition is somehow made even more overwhelming, or is augmented in some way, by the imposition of chores and tedium/humiliation activities too. Although the two concepts do not seem to go together, I am finding my little bitch is definitely totally overwhelmed living with both regimen at the same time.

If you are finding the same, please could you set out the typical tedium/humiliation regimen you are imposing?

Scarlet xxx

..

From Christine M

Yes Scarlet, David has definitely found his tedium and humiliation activities more difficult than ever, to the extent that if I had not developed my Victorian Liniment recipe, I think there might have been occasions when he might have struggled to maintain obedience.  

There are four main areas of tedium/ humiliation that he faces. 

Chores. He does all the household chores. It is taxing, repetitive work that he finds bleaker and more depressing than ever. Moreover, he loathes that for doing it, having to dress in his maid’s uniform and apply his make-up.  

Corner time. This is my preferred way of dealing with him when I go out for the evening. Once he has finished his chores, he has to go into the laundry and wait quietly for my return. This means standing nose-and-toes to the wall, with his hands on his head for the first hour. He can then lower his hands. Typically, he will only be there for one or two hours, or so. 

Writing lines. This he mostly does when he travels, which is never for more than 2 – 3 nights a month. He only writes lines for about 3 hours. It is a Latin phrase, and he writes the same line every night he is away. 

Playtime. This doesn’t happen so often. He dresses in his princess frock, sings nursery rhymes, and dances with his dollies. He has to talk to his dollies, and respond using their different voices, as they take turns to sing too! He starts off in front of me and my sister (on FaceTime), before we get bored with him and tersely send him off to sing by himself. He is on video feed though, so he can’t stop his sissy routine. 

These have never been pleasurable experiences for him, but he struggles more than he used to. For example, I have often observed him, late evening, down on his hands and knees, looking very teary-eyed, while struggling to scrub the large kitchen floor with the vigour required, well knowing the trouble he would be in if he were to slack off for even a moment of self-pity. 

In discussing it with him, it seems he feels he has lost his masculinity, and more particularly, lost his male libido, now he is denied erections.  

We had been together for over seven years, before he got his first chastity device. Until then he was on an honour system. When we first got a chastity device, he could still erect in it. And even when we moved to his first Lori’s, with a piercing about three or four years ago, whilst he could not erect fully in it, he could still form/ feel an erection. 

So, previously, when standing in the corner, writing lines, etc. he would have erotic (submissive) thoughts and enjoy rock-hard erections. He could feel his sexuality, his purpose if you will. Even though he was highly frustrated, he felt ‘nice’ feelings. And, until very recently, I let him out for long teases, once or twice a week. 

Then, just over a year ago, I got him a much smaller, highly secure device. This is so small, that I have to ice his genitals to fit him into it. Erections are impossible. For the first couple of months, I used to still let him out a couple of times a week for long teases. Then I got some ideas from your Blog, and last November, I decreed he would have no more erections. He was devastated then, and it has only gotten worse for him. 

Now when he is doing these chores and exercises, he has no sense of masculinity, there is no mental pleasure, there is no nice feeling in his groin, there is simply no sexuality attached to his submission. It is just dreary, dull, boring, and repetitive.  

Warmest regards

Christine


From Scarlet

We are experiencing our puppets undergoing very similar feelings. 

Do you have video surveillance of him when you are out and he is going corner time? 

The two things that seem to most get to my puppet while in this new erection  free state is firstly, when I tie him down for a harsh whipping for my pleasure. Undergoing that with zero sexual compensation affects him deeply, including that I am capable of such unfair, decadent sadism with nothing sexual in it for him. 

And funnily enough, the other is his parody of a little girl activities. Colouring-in with dolly and especially if I send him out into the garden to play with a dolly while I get on indoors. (He still has to follow a strict ‘play’ routine in case I glance out of a window at him – which of course I do from time to time, and that can result in me needing an orgasm.) His very short dress leaves his chastity device, with flaccid defect locked inside, completely on show and I think this, plus what he is enduring, AND being outdoors, has him feeling utterly disregarded including sexually. No sexual compensation of any sort for such ‘extreme’ terrible humiliation/ tedium ! 

His submissive paradox is now at an extreme. It is pretty clear he is more in awe of me than ever before, now that I have removed sexual compensation from all he endures, yet also he HATES this new regimen and repeats how it is more than he can bear. I LOOOOOVE it! I have no sympathy or guilt though. His fantasy was being helplessly under the [power of a pitiless, cruel woman. I am now utterly pitiless and very cruel, so I am simply giving him what he wanted.

No erections much, much worse than no orgasms it seems!

Over the last few months more and more accounts from long-term Female Led Relationships, (FLRs), appear to be supporting the conclusion that submissive males find not being allowed an erection MUCH, MUCH HARDER to cope with than not having orgasms. This is a revelation to me and given my two decades plus of research and study of FLRs, I wonder if it is a revelation to others in our community.

My poor puppet’s reaction to a couple of months of 24/7/365 absolute erection denial has been fascinating. Given his emotional pleading and comments, I am sure that were I to give him a choice of, OPTION 1 – an orgasm once a month but no erections ever, or OPTION 2 – one orgasm per year but being erect and touched for an hour each week, he would choose OPTION 2.

I think the possibility of 24/7/365 absolute erection denial is a fairly recent phenomenon, made possible by the latest generation of very small chastity devices and the trend for keeping males locked in their chastity device for longer and longer periods.  

I know my puppet still feels the gross unfairness and gnawing torture of sexual frustration, when I tease him with my naked body and have multiple huge orgasms, BUT, it seems now it is all much, much worse for him. He feels like he has no penis. Like his sex organ has been removed, been deleted, like he is a genderless thing, an object not a human male anymore. I absolutely adore how he feels that he is completely impotent and without sexual gender.

I have to conclude that males get a very considerable masculinity-affirming-ego hit and powerful endorphin hit from simply being erect and touched, even when no orgasm is forthcoming. I invite comments on this apparent revelation but with the one caveat; that males who have not experienced 24/7/365 absolute erection denial may well not actually be able to imagine the full horror of it.

L’october, or much harsher

The heading is perhaps a little misleading, given first I will say to all those Dommes who do not have their submissives in 24/7/365 chastity, get them in that chastity device for the whole of October. On the journey of long-term female-led-relationships, (FLR), it is a very good step. He may well complain and whine but he will be so content, every night his head hits the pillow for sleep; if you stay firm, AND if you tease him relentlessly!

And there are additional prohibitions that can be enforced for all of October. (Ideas listed later)

Much harsher

But to those of you who have been following my blog for a year or more, you will know I consider the days in the run up to October can have a delicious and far harsher FLR use. These days are the time to announce the thing or things, the submissive will not be getting until next year, “Not until 2023.” Every single thing, vanilla or DS, that brings some pleasure to the submissive is up for prohibition. So much to choose from. And perhaps more than one thing. Before listing some suggestions, I will make clear no Domme needs to be fettered by tradition, rules or fairness. It may be the advice in my first paragraph is followed, but then why allow release on 1st November? Dommes make the rules. Dommes are not fair. On 1st November another week can be decreed, and another after that, or another month. And for those prohibitions until 2023, yes plural. It does not need to be just one thing. Also, a prohibition of something until 2023 could perhaps start on 1st November.

You can announce, “I have decided xxxx will not happen again, until 2023.

xxxx being one or more of:

(Just for October, or until 2023.) – No orgasm. No penetration of Mistress. No touching Mistress’s breasts. No touching Mistress’s butt. No touching Mistress’s legs. No touching Mistress’s feet. No touching Mistress at all. No seeing Mistress naked. No licking Mistress. No sleeping in Mistress’s bed. No sleeping in Mistress’s bedroom. No sitting on furniture for the submissive when the two of you are alone; sit on the floor at Mistress’s feet.

Just for October, or until 2023. No fast food. No alcohol. No watching sports. No out drinking with mates. No cakes, candy, crisps or chocolate, the 4 C’s ban. (the 4 C’s ban) – (Although in the UK it’s sweets not candy, and in the US it’s chips not crisps!) No playing golf or going fishing. No gambling.

I am sure these lists will be added to by many of whom comment on this post.

Here is a link to my L’october post of 2021 for those new to my blog.

I myself often leaf through my own copy of my published BDSM Manual when looking for ideas in circumstances like this.

Update from Ms Sonia Meloni and comment from Slave 307

An update from the majestic Sonia below. Link here to her previous update.

First though, a theme is developing on my blog at the moment of sub males denied for various periods, ALL erections. No erection allowed for even one second. Christine M and Sonia very long term, and my bitch, now 6 weeks+ erection free. (Oh how he has been pleading to end this new regimen! He is so upset!)

I include immediately below, comments from slave 307 on his state of permanent denial of erections and it seems from bitch-boy’s sulky agreement, the descriptions of how slave 307 feels are entirety accurate.

Comments from erection-free, slave 307

………….. I am in awe of Mistress Christine’s perfect response to her slave´s pleading. The penis is hers, along with the rest of the slave´s body, to do with exactly as she pleases. And since it is her penis, and its suffering has no impact on her whatsoever except to enhance her pleasure, the slave´s feelings are totally irrelevant.

Your accounts tally exactly with my (more limited) experience of wearing this type of cage for several weeks. Physically, it is as if the penis no longer exists as a sexual organ. It is still there, of course, but because it cannot grow or swell at all, you are overcome with a feeling of helplessness and impotence. You feel all of the frustration and longing, but none of the pleasure of arousal. I like to describe this sensation as a state of´helpless longing´. You feel the most intense desire but you are unable to express it or enjoy it in any way. It feels blocked, tantalisingly close but somehow impossible to reach. This frustration is constant and almost impossible to endure.

…… you crave any form of physical contact, and the desire just to feel your penis swell and harden even for a few seconds becomes absolutely overwhelming.

On an emotional and psychological level, the effects are also pronounced. You feel temperamental, easily overcome, almost tearful and sensitive, and at times you can be quite sullen or even depressed as you struggle to come to terms with the reality of being denied any sexual pleasure at all. For a man, the ability to have an erection is so natural and so symbolic of his freedom and sexual potency that when it is restricted or removed it makes him feel totally emasculated. The humiliation is very deep. It is as if you are no longer a man at all, but something else, something lower, a completely sexless being, useful to women only for domestic service and hard labour.

You are painfully aware that the longer you spend locked up, the fewer opportunities you will ever have to enjoy any sexual pleasure for the rest of your life, if at all. This can produce a feeling that I compare with grief as the loss of your penis becomes ever more real and permanent.

The penis may not literally shrink, but as it is contained in such a tiny cage it is reduced to little more than a nub of skin, far smaller than even the smallest male member (Mistress Scarlet´s recent photograph of her slave wearing his new defect deletion device is a perfect illustration of this effect). This also adds to your humiliation, especially if you are made to display your cage to other women or men and you are teased or ridiculed about your size and your sexless predicament.

You can only appreciate female beauty in a kind of spiritual or religious sense, cut off from the slightest sexual expression. This in turn feeds in to your worship of women, and makes you feel ever more submissive towards them, until their beauty makes you almost terrified.

Of course viewing pornography is completely out of the question for a slave, but slaves who are fitted with highly restrictive penis cages also have to try to avoid any kind of sexualised imagery and this is extremely difficult. Our society and culture is highly sexualised: in advertising, television, film, magazines, etc … and it is virtually impossible to avoid erotic imagery, pictures of models and actresses and so on … on a daily basis.

This is one of the most difficult things of all about extended denial of erections, as the slave cannot experience or express any sexual feelings towards women, feeling an overwhelming sense of frustration and longing towards them.

Of course for those who are not truly submissive, it is very difficult to understand why anyone would want to endure this. But as you have so often written, Mistress Scarlet, the true submissive can only find real happiness and fulfilment when he is under the power of a cruel, pitiless dominant, and giving up his penis and all forms of sexual pleasure for some, at his Mistress’s whim, is simply a part of that process.

slave 307

Update from Sonia

My dear Scarlet, darling Sister.

As promised, a bit more detail about the evolution of my dominance of slaveboy. (Of course you can publish this on your blog.)
It’s now more than two years since I forbade him to have his pitiful, ruined orgasms for the rest of his life and I must say that now I doubt he would be able to cum anymore, even with my eventual permission!
By keeping his pathetic dick continually enclosed in smaller and smaller cages (with sharp pins inside that tortured any slight erection he could have had), his thing now has become so small and soft that it could be easily mistaken for a large woman’s clit!
When I put him under the wooden stage and crush and rub his disgusting excrescence with the sole of my riding boots, trying to edge him to make him suffer more when I stop, I notice that he cannot make it grow anymore, or it seems have an orgasm.
He is now aroused mentally, but his body doesn’t respond to his arousal. That’s quite a victory for me!

Since my beloved Patrizia, like me, adores to have her orgasms while watching him suffer, I have now to slide a steel sound inside his thing, to make it longer and stiff enough so I can whip it with my special little quirt. I slash quite severely, while she incites me to give him more and harder lashes, so he ends up with the outer skin with blueish/purple markings.
After that, Patrizia and I almost always finish in bed, making beautiful, sensuous lesbian love, while slaveboy is leashed to one of the bedposts, watching us.

Just looking at his face, with that delightful mix of humiliation and frustrated desire, is enough to give me a few extra, powerful orgasms!

Every once in a while, when I see he would almost beg me to kiss my feet, or have at least a sniff of my pussy, I remind him that he has given himself to me of his own free will, to be my REAL slave, for a lifetime. He’ll never touch a woman again. And… I am just giving him exactly the life
he wished and begged for. Nothing more.

Hugs and kisses,

Your Sonia

Diary of a Mad Old Man- my review

FACEBOOK LINK TO EXCERPT

I rented the 1987 French film, Diary of a Mad Old Man (Director. Lili Rademakers.) £1.99 on UK Amazon Prime. This was dubbed into English, no alternatives for language or subtitles. The DVD can be purchased; I have no idea about options on the DVD for subtitles or dubbing. The story is that a very rich, retired old man becomes obsessed with his beautiful, daughter-in-law. A FLR of sorts develops.

First I have to say there is one very impressive and almost unique feature of this ‘mainstream’ movie. Compared to other attempts, it very accurately portrays the growth of a real life Female Led Relationship.

I write this because:

He is and knows he is deeply submissive to cruel, dominant women.

She initially has no idea such males exist.

She starts to realise her power and first uses it for material gain in the form of very expensive presents. She later-on begins to simply enjoy her power for its own pleasure.

This collection of phenomena is often played out in real life. It often results in a long-term DS relationship. With or without the wealth and the expensive presents element, very few mainstream femdom attempts include these three real-life phenomena.

Some of the dubbing is good. Some is atrocious. (I suggest focus on their eyes and not their lips.) The camerawork is sometimes very poor. The timeline is a complete jumble. But, her evolution is portrayed realistically and she is quite beautiful as a dominant; aesthetically and behaviourally. The writer clearly had some fetish over medical posture collars and tedium bondage which is shoehorned in. (I can’t be too harsh on that though because I do include in my BDSM manual the fun that can be had securing your sub into a cheap and very restrictive medical posture collar, for shopping trips where you will meet nobody you know, and for walks in the countryside.)

The moments of dominance, often only lasting two or three seconds, are extremely realistic. For example:

At a garden family-and-friends event, he asks to be allowed to kiss her. She says no, that would be disgusting. Then he watches as she walks over to another younger man, and she keeps her eyes locked onto the subs eyes, while she lingeringly kisses the younger man.

She is in the shower and he enters the bathroom. She holds one of her legs out of the shower cubicle and tells him he may, just once, kiss her leg below her knee.

The image at the top of this post is the result of him asking if they might kiss just before she leaves the house for the evening. No kiss takes place.

There is also quite a lot of activity involving her feet.

I think if I recommend it is worth a watch, I will invite much complaint from disappointed people who follow that recommendation. I can only write that, despite its huge cinematic flaws, I found this mainstream movie’s essence being so representative of real life, (such a rare thing), and the dominant evolving into such a realistic representation of a real dominant, that I got a warm feeling from watching the movie; particularly from the last half hour.

Christine M and her erection-free husband

It seems Christine and I are on the same path albeit Christine is somewhat ahead of me and somewhat more cruel. Following her account, I will comment about some phenomena she raises.

Christine’s Account

Sorry for not writing for so long. I started writing this ages ago, which is perhaps why it is now so long! David too has found himself desperately craving just to simply feel an erection, let alone have a proper release. He last had a proper release in March last year. He then ‘enjoyed’ a ruined release in November 2021. He has now not had an erection since the latter. His defect has been permanently confined to its steel cage, pushing into what he describes as a ‘nightmare world of extremist chastity’.  

I laughingly dismiss this as him just being a ‘drama queen’. It seems that erection denial is even more insufferable to him than the torment of chastity itself! I am delighting in this! His reality is, he will not have another erection until he draws one of his two possible annual releases, in his computer-controlled spreadsheet chastity program, and they will be but fleeting moments. I have however promised him that they will be proper releases, there will be no more ruined releases. 

(NB His annual ‘cycle’ for drawing his two releases commences on the first weekend in March each year. So the above two events were in his last cycle. He is yet to draw a release in 2022.)  

His steel cage clamps down so snugly that his defect needs to be completely flaccid in order to fit it. Once locked, he is completely unable to erect. Until November last year, I used to remove his cage for lengthy teasing sessions. This no longer happens, to his intense vexation. 

He has shed ever so many tears about his plight, tearfully explaining that his sexual frustration feels like it is eating him alive, ‘gnawing at him from the inside out’. The agony of his defect wanting, or as he says, ‘absolutely needing’ to erect, but being unable to do so, he advises “… is beyond anyone’s comprehension – there are no words that can come close to describing how hellish it is!” 

He has brought his predicament up in many vanilla chats. Less than three months into his erection free existence, he inconsolably explained how he felt things had gone too far and pleaded that I turn the clock back a few years. I simply smiled, and calmly advised that we can never turn our backs on progress; and besides, I was only fulfilling the fantasies he described when we first met. He beseeched that he never ever spoke of an absence of erections. I simply reminded him that he did desire a pitiless Mistress who would make the rules for him to follow, and keep him in ultra-strict, long-term chastity, and that’s what he has!  

In a chat last week, he shared how extended chastity was always intensely hard to contend with, but being unable to even erect or touch his defect, was a thousand times worse. He reminded me how he used to describe extended chastity as ‘the most bittersweet torture’, the ‘sweet’ being his throbbing erections. No matter how frustrated he got, and he was often left ‘crawling up the wall’; it felt good to have an aching erection. Now he says there is no ‘sweetness’, just intensely bitter torture and beyond extreme, agonising frustration. 

Those weekly sessions of teasing though, he explained, kept him going, through the trauma of his extended chastity. It was such ‘sweetness’ to enjoy a thumping erection for those periods, which usually lasted for an hour or more. And even though it drove him even wilder when I finally stopped and locked him back up, leaving him even more desperate to come, it was exhilarating to have been so hard and so turned on. ‘Despite the torment’, he explained, ‘he craved the teasing and still does. Without the intense teasing, his chastity is simply too much to physically endure.’ He implored me to at least allow him monthly teasing sessions free of his cage.  

Given my continued disinterest in his need for an erection, he finally entreated, “I seriously don’t think I can keep going like this. I just can’t cope with it being permanently locked away so tightly that I can’t ever erect. I never dreamed this would happen, nor how dreadfully unbearable it would be…. I can’t keep going without having erections. It’s not humanly possible for a man of my age! I’m begging you to please understand how vital it is for me to have erections.” 

I devastatingly dashed his hopes, by benignly replying, “I really don’t see what you are making such a fuss about, David. It is my penis and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest for it to go without erections. In fact, I very much prefer keeping it erection free. And, I can tease you just as well without it needlessly poking its head up and spoiling the smooth lines of your lingerie!” This left him ever so distraught, as I concluded, “Now, I don’t want to hear another word of complaint.”  

My feigned disinterest to his predicament frustrates him enormously. I say ‘feigned disinterest’ since the reality is, it really excites me to know the effect being erection-free is having on him.  

I have also explained to him how, “My life, could not be better sexually. I never dreamed I would have so many, nor such explosive orgasms as I do now. Each year I keep having more and more, and they are getting bigger and better too,… and your being locked up without erections only enhances them!” 

There was a time when David would share his feelings in our vanilla times, and I would take his concerns on board, and sometimes ease back. Even now this can happen. I recently accepted that standing with his hands on his head for more than an hour has become too much physically for him. So, after an hour, he is allowed to drop his hands and stand to attention instead.  

More interestingly, in previous years, especially when we were in the early stages of our relationship, there were often times when he shared how I could be stricter or more severe with him. Indeed, as I have also been reminding him, there were times when he suggested I could be stricter with his chastity regime since, much as he loved to have a big release, he sometime felt let down that his chastity period had ended so soon, and he felt that I had been too lenient with him! Needless to say, it is several years since he last made any such suggestions! I have well and truly exceeded his dreams for a pitiless Mistress. Careful what you wish for! 

Though I have never shared this with him, these vanilla time chat ‘confessions’ have only served to excite me more, and make me more committed than ever to maintaining his erection free existence.  

Keeping him free of erections has meant addressing two issues; changing his cage, to the smaller more punishing cage I use for his travel trips; and how to punish him with my Victorian liniment. These have both been resolved, though with the latter, I do miss the previous ‘fun’ preparatory steps of scrubbing, spanking, hot flannels, etc. This is a small sacrifice though for the joys that flow from permanently denying him erections, as I know he is now suffering immensely every single moment of every day when he goes erection-free. 

I think I have written more than enough for now, but If anyone is interested, I can share how these issues were resolved. 

Best regards, Christine M

My comments

I have experienced a good number of the phenomena Christine has described. Incredibly identical in fact, but I have not shared these with Christine so it suggests our subs have an identical reaction to the erection-free regimen, as do Christine and I from imposing that regimen. My imminently to be published journal No.20 includes very full details of these and more, and what I thought was a slight tweak on my almost perpetual erection-free regimen for my bitch, that produced an unexpectedly huge reaction from him.

My bitch has to bought up his erection denial regimen in vanilla chats and I have loved his deeply emotional pleading that is answered with the fact that, once I click a ratchet, it does not get clicked back. I have not told him, not to raise it anymore, because I love how emotional he is about it as he pleads. I have not used Christine’s line that it is my defect not his, and as I am quite happy with the erection-free regimen for that morsel of my property, I will be sticking with it. It is not for him to pontificate about as the defect attached to his body is mine not his. I will stress here he will probably be allowed erections every six weeks or so, for the short term future at least as I have things I like to do with an erection as I also detail in my next journal. It goes without saying, he will never be erect without wishing he was not! (I, like Christine, miss similar activities to – preparatory steps of scrubbing, spanking, hot flannels, etc.)

L has accelerated the dominance and cruelty!

Previously, in Account 2 in a blog post [LINK] 2.5 months ago, there was a brief account from submissive M about his wife’s growing dominance; the wonderful wife L. Their lifestyle has very quickly become quite extreme in some respects. It is already a glorious symbiosis. I provide his second account below; detailing their current lifestyle.

It is so pleasing to read that my BDSM manual has played quite a large part in that perfectly symbiotic relationship. I will mention here The Addendum to that manual I am not sure it is widely known about. I published this low cost book a few years after the BDSM manual and it contains fresh activity ideas, including but not only, those activities involving smart phone apps and new technology; not available when I wrote my BDSM manual. I believe you are rather missing out if you have the manual but not the Addendum too.

M’s second Account

Dear Mistress Scarlet,
Thank you for publishing my comments on our lifestyle a few months ago. Things continue to progress. I thought you (and maybe your readers, if you see fit) might be interested in how we got where we now are. Your blog and BDSM manual were instrumental in giving L the confidence to take control.

A few years ago we were in a rut, I have never enjoyed a vanilla sex life, I have always known that I am a submissive. I have an average size member, but have never had as much control as is necessary to satisfy a woman properly through penetration, so our sex life had fizzled out.

We had been together for 4 years & I hadn’t really felt able to discuss my submissiveness with L but it was clear that something had to change. I thought that introducing her to chastity would probably be safe place to start, so next time the subject of our (non-existent) sex life came up, I explained that while I’d like to be able to satisfy her, as she well knew, I’m not able to, so have always had to use other methods for her to achieve orgasm & that I liked the feeling of frustration (a feeling I now have to live with more than I could ever have imagined) & the loss of control.

After a few months of playing, when I was allowed to orgasm whenever L saw fit, it was decided to start taking it more seriously & I was limited to one per month.

At some point during this time, I was feeling quite submissive & craving humiliation, something I hadn’t felt for several years. When L made a passing comment about putting me in a maid’s outfit for cleaning, I opened up a lot more. I explained that this wasn’t a new concept to me & had been done in previous relationships, not only that there were a few dresses packed away in the attic, some brand new & unworn. Inevitably this caused me to have to get them out & parade round the lounge in each one in turn. Heading down the stairs in the first I was terrified. After being laughed at for some time, I wasn’t sure how L felt about what she had just seen. We sat (me still in a dress) and talked about what this all meant for our relationship.

I had been following your blog for many years, & read various bits of your journals, so thought introducing those to her would be an introduction to stepping things up.

After reading your BDSM manual, L gained a lot more confidence, but all decisions were still discussed & were almost by mutual consent.

It was agreed that cleaning was now my job & had to be done in appropriate attire, a list of rules were drawn up. Not long after this, having broken a few rules it had been around 3 months since my last orgasm, I was horny, submissive & obedient by now, we discussed how to maintain this state & it was agreed that another 3 months would be added until my next release. The chastity device was to be worn as much as practically possible, it is not always possible, due to work & regulations surrounding rather dangerous hobbies.

By now various other things had been added and L was starting to make decisions without asking for my input. When the next release was due, it was decided that I didn’t deserve it, so it was cancelled & another 6 months added. I could see how L was enjoying her power.

Next tedious tasks were introduced, these are set on a Sunday evening & must be completed in my own time by the following Sunday, I must be dressed in an outfit of L’s choosing, these tasks could be colouring, lines, jigsaws, simple sewing, or even practicing my walking and curtsying. I don’t like the tasks, nor do I like having to get dressed up to do them, L says she enjoys watching me struggling to complete them in time & seeing me sat at the table, dressed working away, on something completely pointless, just because she can make me do it, & because she enjoys watching me.

L had ordered me to purchase some more sissy dresses which she had chosen & was making another for me, my task that week was to sew miles of lace trim onto the edges of what would become the layers of the petticoats.

So 12 months after my previous orgasm, I was informed that, once again, there’s be no release, I was not very happy about it, but agreed that it is probably necessary to keep me chaste longer. L told me and often mentions the power rush she gets from such decisions, while enjoying the conversation, asking me how I feel about such things, almost revelling in my disbelief at what she has decided for me. Pushing the boundaries… More & harsher punishments continued to be introduced, along with various suggestions from your manual, including curtsying, walking holding my skirts out to my sides, bells sewn onto my stocking tops. The step up in punishments was her way to ensure more control & obedience. Her enjoyment of watching me in uncomfortable & difficult position is evident, she gets very turned on by leaving me for long periods holding a penny against the wall, while she relaxes on the sofa, so the length of time spent doing such things was increased, to make it harder.

The awe I feel towards her when a particularly horrible punishment has been completed, that she has put me through it for her own satisfaction, is sometimes worth the pain & discomfort.

Forgetting one curtsy results in me having to perform 15 minutes of curtsying practice every evening for a week & being caught walking not mincing holding my skirts, is a. hour per night of observed walking practice up & down the lounge. Several times I received these punishments, I still sometimes miss a curtsy, especially if I’m concentrating on my cleaning or task & don’t spot L entering the room.

At the 18 month point, I was informed that L could see no reason at all why I needed to orgasm again, so had had my last & that’s that. I was horrified, but complaining wouldn’t get me anywhere, well it would, it would get me chained to the towel rail in the bathroom with a bar of soap in my mouth. L said at the time that she knew it was the cruellest thing she could do at that point, denying me any further orgasms, knowing how it would make me feel on 2 levels, the upset & disbelief along with heightened submissives & feeling awestruck at her power over me. She loved her power.

L’s needs are fully taken care of. She frequently does so herself. At times I am called upon to bring her to orgasm, with my hands, tongue, or whatever toy she may be in the mood for, sometimes I have to penetrate her with a strap on, this is very humiliating, as it is much bigger than I am, it is also a huge turn on for me in a strange way. Satisfying her in that way, pretending to be a real man, while my clitty strains at is cage, I have a love/hate relationship with it.

So things continued to progress, I have to wear night dresses every night, am subjected to a wide range of punishments for L’s entertainment as well as for misdemeanours, such as holding a penny against the wall with my nose, being locked in a large pink dog crate for hours, (L has told me that locking me in the crate for hours, while she gets on with her day is very enjoyable, she knows exactly where I am and that I’m not able to do anything I’m not allowed to do. I sometimes find it difficult, especially on longer lockups, the discomfort takes hold & there is nothing I can do about it, but wait to be set free.), time spent on spreaders, whippings, my normal chastity cage being swapped for one of the iron maiden type the day, the list goes on.

When L came across your golden rule, it was applied to whippings, she enjoys whipping me to that point where I am desperate for it to stop. I am normally gagged for such whippings, so am unable to beg for her to stop, but it is clear when I am indicating that I have had enough. [The golden rule is: When punishing always go at least a little further than the sub thinks he can take.]

I have had to make a “sissy rack” something that I saw online several years ago & mentioned to L recently, this consists of a wooden board, with 2 heart shaped vertical sides & a bar linking them. The bar is at a height so it fits under the arch of my high heels. From this weekend I have been informed that whenever I am in a dress, if I have finished what I am doing, be it working on a task or my chores I am to go & stand in silence on the sissy rack, holding my skirts out & wait until I’m dismissed. It is located in the lounge, so I can be observed. Whether it faces the wall or the room is L’s decision, it can be either way.

Obviously if L is busy, upstairs, on the phone etc, I could be there for hours, I fear I’ll be spending a lot of time there in the future, as so far there have been very few things introduced which have later been retracted.
I am far more obedient these days & more helpful around the house (mainly because I have to be). I feel very different to how I did before we started heading down this path.

Accepting my position is a very strange process, L has taken things much further than in any of my previous relationships. I am now a sissy & am referred to as such. I’m not allowed to have any sexual pleasure, my clitty is kept locked as much if the time as possible, I have cum three times in the past 18 months, all while locked & was severely punished each time, the last resulted in 2 hours on the spreaders, with knickers full of nettles, which were replenished with fresh ones after an hour. The last time I came, L did not appear very angry at the time, but told me that I would be punished for it the following day, I sometimes wonder if she makes me cum in my cage deliberately, so she can punish me for it, I get almost no satisfaction from cumming in this way & almost no sub drop. I always feel very humiliated, that I have cum from no more than a few seconds stroking my caged clitty through my satin night clothes.

I have to live by a strict set of rules & have to be completely obedient at all times, or suffer the consequences.
In the evenings I am frequently found in dresses, writing lines, doing colouring or jigsaws, or being punished at L’s will.

Our relationship is stronger than before & we are both happier. I think the decision to not allow me any more orgasms is the right one. While I’m horny & desperate to orgasm, at the same time I am in awe of L, her making that decision, taking my sexual pleasure away completely is the cruellest thing she could have done, when my clitty is straining it it’s steel prison, whenever I feel aroused I am reminded that I am never going to enjoy the feeling of another orgasm. It is very strange having to come to terms with it & I frequently ask if her mind has been changed, but I know it never will be.

We have discussed at length our current lifestyle. L feels that she is finding her way, that things are still very much evolving. It has only been a few years that we have been living this lifestyle together & she was completely new to it. I am always surprised at how quickly she has taken to it, how unbelievably cruel she can be & often wonder what may come next.

M

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A calm and relaxed, but very cruel, FLR

I have received a good number of comments from Brett over recent times and I recently asked him to provide lots of detail which he did with his last comment. I adore the relaxed and calm but very cruel style and attitude and punishment techniques of his wife. I provide below some earlier comments and end with the last comment containing more detail.

Brett’s account

I remember how I felt when on December 31, 2017, my wife/mistress told me that she was going to rub me thru my panties and allow me to mess them, but it would be my last orgasm for a full year. I was stunned. Up to then she had allowed me to cum about 3 times a year by her hand (I am a member of the BAV register) and the thought that I would now have to wait a full year really saddened me. My wife said she wanted to see how I would react to teasing and denial for a very long period. She then asked me, “don’t you want to join the one-year club, it would make me happy.” Of course I may never disagree with her, so I told her yes I do want to join. She said she was glad I agreed and to think about how great my next orgasm will feel in 12 months.

The next four months were very difficult since I knew I was only at the beginning. My wife teased me often, edging me and causing me beg to be allowed to cum. So much so that she said from now on I am never allowed to ask or beg to cum. If I do, she would add another 6 months onto my wait time. Her rule still applies today. She says she decides and nothing will ever change her mind

The middle four months actually got a bit easier. I suppose I knew I was half way there, depending on the month. The edging continued, as she loves doing that, and still does it so well today. She said she was glad not hearing me whining about not cumming anymore. Of course I would not ask, as she would add another 6 months.
Wearing silky panties 24/7 in pinks and pastels added to my arousal each day. She would sometimes unzip my pants and reach in to give me a rub, stopping just in time before I would cum. I had to ask her to lock me in my CB 6000 chastity device many times as the feeling of needing to cum on its own gets more intense and the chastity device actually keeps me calmer.

She doesn’t like the device as she feels it is an artificial method of control. If my wife says I may not cum, she feels her telling me is all I need as I may not disobey her. She says often that if I were not wearing the locked device, would I cum behind her back and disobey her? No, I say, it just acts as security so I cannot get an erection from being too aroused. Although a male does not need an erection to cum, it does help me in times of extreme arousal.

The last four months were very difficult again as the built-up arousal over the previous eight months really hit hard. I was leaking all the time, so my wife bought me panty shields to wear in my panties. And the teasing continued. I had to give her body rubs while she was completely nude, spending a lot of time eating her pussy, rubbing her breasts and using her vibrators. She still always tells me, “ a wife should never be horny, that’s only for husbands”.

January 1, 2018 arrived and that morning she asked if I wanted to cum. I said yes please yes, and she rubbed my cock thru my panties and I exploded in less than one minute. Strange though, it did not feel super wonderful, just ok. Maybe because of the build-up of cum.

Since then I was allowed to cum about every 4 months, losing the chance, if I had to receive any punishments from my wife if my behavior, housework, ironing and cooking are not to her high satisfaction. Of course I am very careful about my housework and my attitude as she will add 4 months very easily. She still gets her orgasms about twice a week, she will have 10 to 15 large and small orgasms each time. Lucky her!!!

#

Women are so much more observant than men. When I shop with my wife, I must hold her purse, all of her possible try-ons, stay 6 feet behind her and may not speak unless she or another woman asks me something. Men just glance at me thinking I am just being helpful. Women know what is going on. They look at me and my wife and smile or make comments. Comments such as, “how did you train him so well”, “does he have a clone”, or “can I borrow him for a day”? Especially women over 40. Younger women smile and say to my wife, “I’m going to make my boyfriend (or husband) do this”. Women over 40 just know we are in a WLM. (wife led marriage)

Sometimes a woman will tell my wife, “we are the lucky ones. OUR husbands do as they are told”. One woman shopkeeper told my wife on our second visit to her shop that she also had a sub husband. She just picked up on it quickly. She said he was home doing housework and preparing her a nice dinner for when she gets home. Then she added, “if the house isn’t immaculate and dinner isn’t excellent, he gets punished”. Then my wife said, “same thing applies to him” as she pointed to me.

#

My wife enjoys having me be her footstool. I will be told to strip leaving only my panties on and get on my hands and knees while she sits on a comfortable chair or couch. I must face sideways away from her tv. She then puts her legs on me using me like that for several hours.
Or after an hour or so, she will tell me to sit up and she will place her legs on my shoulders. I must face her and suck her toes and lick her feet. All the time she ignores me treating like as an inanimate object that is not allowed to speak, just humiliated as her footstool or foot cleaner.

She also has several small hand bells throughout the house which she rings to have me come to her immediately. Maybe she dropped something and I must pick it up. Or she wants a foot rub or a cup of tea. All she does is ring the bell and I come running.

She also wears regular everyday clothing, no leather dresses with excessive cleavage. Some of them are nice sexy clothes, but she wears what pleases her. I wear panties 24/7, many different pastel colors. That has been her rule for about 16 years.

#

My last orgasm was January 1 and my wife only allows me 3 a year. No penetration in her pussy, she will rub me thru my panties, tell me I have permission to cum in them, and then I will explode. I thought she would allow me an orgasm last month in April, but I displeased her one day so she said I lost my chance and will have to wait an additional 4 months, which hopefully will be August. Absolutely no chance of changing her mind, in fact she says if I complain, I lose the next chance also and will wait a total of one year. She did make me wait one full year back in 2017 and it was awful, so I will make sure I am on my best behavior. Do all my housework, ironing and pampering her perfectly

My wife has not restricted my ability to have erections. She has never brought it up. I know she likes that I do have erections often and that I cannot do anything about them, Some mornings if she has me in my CB6000 she will unlock my CB 6000, slide off the tube, pull my panties back up and give me a nice tease and deny session. I do get hard and she will always comment that since I am her slave there is nothing I can do with it. No pussy and no cumming allowed. When she is done I must wrap some ice around my penis until it goes down and then she puts the shaft of the chastity device back on and locks it. She loves that she has edged me over and over and I am not allowed any relief. Yes, I am so very lucky to have such a wonderful mistress wife who I worship and adore.

In our WLM my wife wears what she wants and feels comfortable in. No pvc, high boots, etc like you mentioned. I will be cleaning the house or ironing and she will be reading, watching tv or on her computer. I know what I am expected to do and do it without her having to stand over me with a whip.

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When she wants to lounge on a float in our pool, I must stand next to her in the pool with a large umbrella and keep the sun off her. She will ignore me the whole time. She will drift around the pool and I must always keep up with her and keep her shaded. During this time, which is usually one or two hours, she will read or relax with a glass of wine and maybe nap. Very vanilla, she expects me to keep her under the umbrella and I do, again without threats. My arms get tired but I know I am never allowed to complain. That would upset her and lead to some punishments for me.

#

It is a pleasure to answer your questions Mistress Scarlet.
First, my wife is so content with our WLM. We are both retired and I have been her total slave for over 15 years. Since we both retired it got much more intense since we have more time together.

She will tell me that she is going into our pool and get ready. That means I prepare her pool lounger, ice water and perhaps a cold bottle of white wine on the pools edge and get the large golf umbrella. I also have to change into one of my three ladies swimsuits she likes to see me in. I have 2 two-piece bathing suits and 1 one-piece. We purchased them a local thrift store for a fraction of their original price. Her favorite is the newest, a black two-piece with blue flowers. It has a wood ring in the center that holds the two cups together. My wife says the two-piece suits, especially that one create interesting tan lines. Since we live on a golf course we occasionally have a golfer come thru our shrubbery looking for an errant golf ball. He will see us and usually leave right away. So she wears a bathing suit when she is in the pool.
As she is on the pool lounger, she is relaxed and content, and never has to tell me what to do. She will float for an hour or two with me constantly holding the umbrella over her, shielding her from the sun. I do this all of the time and she never has to yell, or threaten me if I fail to hold the umbrella correctly. She may take a quick nap since she feels so content. I am simply doing what is expected of me.

As for sexual satisfaction, there is so very little for me. I have been a member of your BAV club since September 2013. Prior to that date I was allowed to enter my wife’s pussy 3 or four times a year. She usually told me I was not allowed to cum and had to stop and pull out when I was almost there. Maybe once a year she would tell me I was allowed to pull out and cum into a plastic cup I had next to me. Then she felt that being in her pussy was too great a privilege for a slave/husband. So she said I would never be allowed inside her again, forever. She gets orgasms about twice a week from me orally and I use one of her many vibrators. She says a wife should never be horny, only husbands.

I do have a CB 6000 chastity device that I wear mostly as a punishment. For maybe a month at a time for minor infractions. My wife says the chastity device is an artificial method of control. She says if she tells me I may not come without her permission, that’s it. I should not have to be caged. Just obey her. Nothing more. I must obey her. And I do.

She likes to edge me and will do that about once or twice a week. I wear panties 24/7 and she rubs me thru the panties until I am ready to explode and then stops. My wife only allows me to cum three times a year, about every four months. But that happens only if she has been totally pleased with me during those months. My housework has to be perfect, ironing and meal preparation and overall attitude perfect, otherwise I miss my chance. After she edged me a few weeks ago, she said last month my attitude one day, and housework twice, was poor so no cumming in August. So I must wait another four months until hopefully December. If she allows me to cum then it will be eight months of wait time.

When she says she will allow me to cum, she only gives me a minute or 90 seconds to cum while she rubs me thru my panties. She shows no interest as she lays propped up on the bed with me next to her and she is checking emails or texts while her left hand rubs me. But she does check the seconds. One time I did not cum in time and had to wait another four months. But I am always so horny and frustrated I cum very quickly and make a mess in my panties.

If she edges me and I have a wet-edge, which is when some leaks out 5 to 10 seconds after she stops, I will be punished. She doesn’t like to whip or spank me because she sees how hard and excited I get. She likes punishments in which she doesn’t have to do a thing. On a day I am doing housework she will remind me that I am to be punished and make me clean the floors on my hands and knees with a very small sponge. She then tells me I missed a spot and makes me do it over again. Then after I am done she will say I missed another spot (which I didn’t but I am never allowed to talk back or argue) and I have do the floors again; a third time. We live in a big house with tile floors and it will takes 4 hours or more. For house work she has me wear a baby-doll nightie. If I have to do windows inside and out, I will be dressed. Again, she will find a streak and say do them all again, and then again.

If I have had a wet-edge or have a wet spot on my panties bigger than a half inch she will punish me for not holding it in and for releasing some cum without permission. Even though she knows I cannot control leakage, she will punish me for it. I must strip, lay on the bed and she puts a disposable diaper on me. Then I must drink a large glass of water; she says so I don’t get dehydrated with a smile, but I know better. She leads me into her large walk-in closet, ties my hands together with thin rope, puts it thru the eye hook fastened in the ceiling and pulls my hands up high. Then fastens the other end to a cleat on the side wall. This way she can come in and raise and lower me as she wants. My wife will keep me tied up for 3 to 4 hours and I may not speak during this time. She will say I am not allowed to wet the diaper until she gives me permission. She used to keep me naked and come in after about 3 hours with a coffee can and put my cock in it and allow me to pee. But she felt that was too degrading so she switched to the diaper. After about an hour or so, no clock so I guess the time, I start feeling the urge to pee. I have held it several times but several times I could not and wet my diaper. She checks me every hour and feels the diaper. If I am dry she will say “good boy”. If I am wet, this leads to further punishments like corner time and doing housework items over and over again all day. She really enjoys punishments that she does not have to physically exert herself. She says a slave can never do enough housework.

For corner time, I have corner time for an hour a day for the next 15 days. I will have to strip to my panties, go into the living room corner and she puts a pair of her worn panties between my nose and the wall and tells me to hold them there. She then ties my hands behind my back. If the panties drop the time starts all over again. Sometimes I am there for 2 or 3 hours, for many of the 15 days. She laughs when they drop telling me I must like corner time since I obviously don’t want it to end.

I believe I have answered your questions, and by the length of this, in detail. We have a wonderful WLM and I am so very lucky to have a very dominating wife.