Careful What you wish for, (author: Christine M)

I have written before about the theme of ‘careful what you wish for’ and ‘reality may not be fantasy’. Well, the wonderful Christine M, who I have featured before in posts, sent me the comment below, which I simply reproduce here as a blog post; because it is a fine read indeed.

[Links to previous posts featuring Christine M. – LINK    LINK    LINK    LINK.]

The irony of course, is that so many submissives who have no domination in their lives will read this and, despite the reality and warnings, still dream of being the husband of Christine. Or is it irony? Or is it actually, just how strong the craving to be dominated is; that Christine’s husband’s life is superior to that of a submissive experiencing zero domination. And given the choice between the two options;  Christine’s husband’s life is superior to that of a submissive experiencing zero domination. I can understand that to be the case.

I know bitch-boy stays with me because he cannot face a life without domination. And like Christine’s husband, I think if I took bitch-boy’s pleading into account and relaxed any element of my regime, he would be less content when his head hits the pillow than now. I often tell him he knowingly opened Pandora’s box. He introduced me to femdom, he only has himself to blame.

Christine’s Comment

Dear Mistress Scarlet
Rather belatedly, I started this email over one month ago; I would like to pass forward some comments on recent posts. I particularly would like to address those males who feel they so strongly desire a submissive relationship. From experience at home, and counselling work that I used to do; I must warn ‘Be careful what you wish for’ and ‘be realistic’.

It is one thing to read of male maids like Faggot, the tales of yourself and BB, Carla and those related by myself and other ladies at this site. It takes a very special person to cope with this level of submission all the time, and not just ‘when you are in the mood’.
Our relationship started, as mentioned by other ladies here, with us discussing David’s submissive ‘desires’. He asked to be strictly controlled and disciplined and for rules to be put in place. His first marriage had failed, as this aspect of his persona was not addressed. For me, I was naturally wanting to be in control, I have always liked things to be done MY WAY! I had also been strictly raised in my childhood, which lead me to want to be in control. I made it clear, if we were to take this trajectory, I would seriously be in total control, I wasn’t prepared to ‘play games’.

Our regime started gently, but it developed quite rapidly. I quickly started to feel very comfortable in my role, saw the many benefits it provided, and more importantly, I soon wanted MORE! What turned me on at the start, over time became blasé, I needed to push him harder.

E.g. it was a lot of fun when, early in our relationship, he was a little ‘temperamental’ in front of my sister, who knew nothing of our relationship at the time. I left him blushing ever so profusely when I announced, “When we get home you are going to be writing 100 lines for your impertinence!” She found it terribly amusing; and he spent two-hours writing lines that night. She and I both still laugh about that, but as time progressed, two-hours of him writing lines, didn’t excite me so much, even if he was more than happy with that.
He did understand and accept this, since I made it clear that we either progressed as I wished, or we went ‘vanilla’ again; I did not want to ‘play domination games’. Moreover, as I found he didn’t ‘break’ and, though always in hindsight and never at the time, he often looked back with ‘enjoyment’ at some of his ‘mistreatment’; just as I mentioned with the above tale. And so I keep stepping up the regime.

I know he truly wishes we could go back to a less demanding regime, but that would never satisfy me. So it will NEVER happen. However, he knows he cannot live a life where he is not disciplined; so he knows he has no option, and our relationship is very secure; and ever more enjoyable for me! The important point is that it develops as I want. So, gentlemen, think deeply about this.

To those males wanting this life-style; you MUST accept that whatever level your relationship moves to, it has to be your lady’s choice, NOT YOURS. If it is not to the level you wish, make the most of it, for it is NOT about what you want, EVER! You do not tell your lady what you want, you may, WHEN ASKED, share your interests and fantasies, share what worked for you and what didn’t; but don’t expect her to take anything on board, or for your ideas to be catered for. If you want to say what is to happen, go see a professional dominatrix; your partner will soon get fed up of you telling her what you want!

For many men, speaking from my counselling past, it is a game. They want it when they are aroused, but never when they have recently ejaculated; or when they are tired; or when they want to go out with their mates; or play golf; etc. This is not to denigrate that perspective, but males need to think very carefully, what they really want and discuss it openly.
• Do you want a full-time submissive role as many feel they do, and all that entails? Or,
• do you want it to be a game you play when you are both in the mood?

Be upfront and realistic. To emphasise this let me share a few reminders of David’s situation, which keep evolving. Then think about how you would cope… Do you really think you would want to suffer like this?

Imagine, you have a busy business agenda. Perhaps you arrive in your hotel late at night after a day of exhausting travel, perhaps it been a successful day and your colleagues ask you to join them for dinner, or to go for a drink, or to a Karaoke Club; or maybe there’s a big sports event on that everyone is going to watch at the Sports Bar… perhaps you want an early night, or just to relax a little at the end of the day, watch a movie.

Imagine that instead, regardless of what you want, regardless of what your colleagues say to you, and no matter if you shed very real tears… YOU have to go straight to your room.
And you don’t have time to chill out or slip on something comfortable. You have to rush into your required attire for the night. By the way, having torn his schoolboy shorts recently, and following suggestions from Mistress Scarlet, David now has a new travel uniform that he finds even more humiliating, especially when room service arrives! He has fifteen minutes to wash, toilet, dress, set up his desk and set up the electronics so I can visually look in on him.

This means taking off all his work clothes, suit, tie, underwear, everything. He then dons a pair a tight-fitting white nylon panties, very sexy against his locked appendage… then he puts on a navy-blue firm control girdle with garters. This not something sexy, it is old-fashioned (plain and firmly elasticated), and it is a size too small, so it is most uncomfortable to wear. Then come his seamed stockings, (better get those seams straight for inspection!); a pair of navy-blue cotton gym knickers; a long-sleeve white blouse; a winter-uniform school-girl’s pleated gym slip; school tie; V-neck long-sleeved school jumper; school blazer; black lace-up shoes; and finally an Alice band with a large ribbon.

As you well know he will then spend the next several hours writing lines, or a challenging (lengthy) essay. His last essay was, “Honesty is the best policy, but honesty won’t get your friend free birthday cake at the diner. Does society require constant honesty? Why is it (or why is it not) problematic to shift the truth in one’s favour, even if the lie is seemingly harmless to others? If we can be conveniently honest, what other virtues might we take more lightly?” I provide A4 size, 6 mm narrow-lined writing pads for his essay work. There are 45 lines on a page. Due to the narrower line spacing, (most people use 8 mm lines) this means smaller hand-writing, which means he fits about 15 words on a line. He had to write 6-pages, which is around 4,000 words! It took him well over 6-hours. Remember too, his essays are marked, so they MUST be thoughtful and neat, if he is going to pass. And a fail doesn’t just mean a caning, it means rewriting the essay too!

Yes, David introduced the idea of written punishments, but he did not choose them for when he was travelling; nor did he choose the attire, nor to write for so many hours, every night; nor for such complex essays. Would he change it if he could, of course he would…. But he can’t, nor can he go back to when he was not so well-disciplined as now; but he cannot he live without any ‘rules’ either – so he is trapped. And I love thinking of him tearfully toiling away in his lonely room, his appendage locked securely away, curtains closed, no clocks, no music, just many hours of tiresome work; and fretting at the consequences of failure.

So think very carefully about what you really want. Chastity is fun for a few days, it is less fun when it is several months at a time!

Think too, so many males want to be a maid. Forget the dressing up in a pretty dress though. Think of a reality. David does ALL our housework, on top of a demanding full-time job. Imagine you have commuted home from a hard day in the office, maybe you had to stay back late, you’re tired… but when you get home, you will face three or maybe more hours of chores. In my household, everything is ironed after being washed, including towels and linen! And every single day he has to sweep clean the kitchen floor, and we have a large kitchen, using a brush and pan; then he has to scrub it with a hand scrub brush, before he finishes it with a mop. All the bench tops have to be cleaned daily, the stove, microwave… and both toilets…

Think about this very carefully!

Let me though finish with one final thought, so you don’t think of me as ‘too cruel and selfish’, for the BDSM life-style is very complex. When David finally does get a full release, one that he has begged and begged for, and that is really explosive… there is still a part of him that is disappointed his chastity ended. Just as, if I were to ever excuse him lines on one of his travels, and let him go out with his colleagues; or excuse him kitchen duties just once… Yes, he would be ever so grateful and pleased, but I believe there would also be a part of him that felt less ‘secure’ as a consequence! We’ll never know though, because it will never happen!


I didn’t know, as a result of my suggestion, Christine had swapped David’s schoolboy uniform for that of a parody of a schoolgirl. There is no doubt that the creation of the internet and the subsequent swapping and wide publication of subjugation ideas from Dommes, has made the lot of probably all submissive’s worse. Who would have thought of such a consequence.

For info on my own BDSM manual, in several formats, click on an image below.


Second Interview with Jordan, Cortney’s servantboy

The first interview posted on this blog was very warmly received and greatly enjoyed by many. Cortney, (Fetlife username – MissCortney),  and Jordan have graciously provided more.

I will add one caveat. Jordan is obviously very lucky that, as he says below, he came out as a submissive to open minded family and friends. It isn’t always like that and I would be very, very cautious coming out to vanilla people. It can go very wrong indeed. I know this may sound wrong, but I suggest don’t come out to anyone you don’t need to, to live the life you want. Your choice of course.

Second Interview

What are some highlight moments from your day-to-day life as a submissive?

Being able to submit to you everyday. Having a partner that accepts me and loves me for who I am and being able to submit to you, as myself, on my knees serving and worshipping you. It feels content and more at home than ever before. Even through the rough parts I don’t like so much.
I really look forward to chances to cum because you control the frequency of my orgasms and I go days or more without them. It gets increasingly frustrating as the days go on but at that moment when you pull the keys out I get really excited in my chest. Obviously the feeling of the orgasm itself is amazing but I feel like that goes without saying.
Whenever I get your approval or praise anytime you’re happy with me or call me a good boy. That always excites when I’m pleasing you because I know that I’m doing my job and I feel useful in my place.

What are some ways my actions or words instantly send you into submission?

Anytime you call me ‘bitch’ or ‘servantboy’ or refer to me in any derogatory way or sexually tease me in anyway. Times when you randomly grab me by the hair, push me to the ground and tell me to kiss your feet. When you have terse commands, short and direct. There are times when you snap your fingers at me and tell me do something. Anytime you give me a command rather than asking for something really.

Do you think your submission has made you a better person outside of the relationship? Explain.

It’s made me more open to being myself out in public. It’s given me confidence in my day to day life to be more honest. This has become such an important thing and I care more about that and maintaining our relationship and not disrespecting you by trying to hide it from everyone – even though it’s scary and humiliating sometimes – I’m proud to wear your collar out in public now. I want to be that example for people. You don’t have to be afraid to be yourself out in the world and if people don’t like it they can look away or move on.

How do you handle pain as a sub? Any coping techniques?

There’s nothing I do, I just fucking take it. (laughing from both) Nothing I can think of. I’m completely lost in the moment. I’m not thinking of anything but the direct pain and if you have anything to say to me I’m listening whole heartedly through the pain. It basically gives me a single mind focus of you and what you’re doing and the pain I’m receiving, and there is no coping.

Do you feel submissive receiving pain?

Yes, I’m basically feeling like a piece of meat and feeling – I don’t know how to explain it – lost in this crazy fucking feeling. It is kind of like a high, but not exactly a relaxing high. It just puts me in this weird state of mind. I’m lost in the moment and I focus on each strike and the feeling. Thinking about it now, I’m scared of you but I’m revere you at the same time. It’s really hot to see your lack of empathy for me in those moments but it’s also scary. It becomes this trippy feeling in my head and mixing that with physical pain – I don’t know if that’s what subspace is?

How does ass licking and face-sitting/smothering make you feel? Has it always been a turn on?

It makes me feel really submissive! It was conflicting feelings at first. I’d seen it in porn when I was younger and was intrigued by it, but it also kind of grossed me out. I didn’t want to admit that I liked it because it was also humiliating – an ass is generally considered one of the dirtiest parts of a person. I found myself strangely intoxicated by the whole feeling. I find your scent’s intoxicating, my brain receives it in a positive way even though it’s not traditionally a pleasant smell. It puts me into a state that I think would be subspace. Presently, you’ve conditioned me so much over the years to be turned on by your smells and it’s humiliating to think that’s all I’m given to orgasm most of the time. Not always your ass, sometimes your feet, and used to be your armpits for awhile. Yet, it strangely gives me the contentment I need deep down.

What are your thoughts on subs that top from the bottom? And have you ever done this in the past?

Definitely did in the past somewhat. I wanted more of the pleasurable things and less of the servitude and work. I don’t know if it was topping from the bottom necessarily – I never told you what specific scenes to do – but I would try to push the bedroom stuff a lot more. I didn’t really want to do the chores and mundane tasks just to get what I wanted. I wanted all the pleasure without the pain or work.

It seems odd to me because if you’re really submissive then what you actually want is the person to take control. I think, sometimes, subs topping from the bottom are with people that aren’t really dominant or at least haven’t expressed or explored their dominance yet. And they are with a sub that has these fantasies and the way males get when we’re horny, we’re so single minded. At least from a males perspective, I can’t speak for a female submissive. As a submissive male, you get so horny and single-minded, and I imagine if you’re not with someone that’s expressing dominance much you might have a desire to guide it to a particular scene. But to me, I think it would leave you unsatisfied in the end if you had been the one topping and controlling the situation that happened, because then you’re not really even being dominated…

What advice would you give to a budding submissive?

If there’s something you seem interested in, try not to feel embarrassed or ashamed of it, because that’s something I know I felt from the start. Continuing to feel ashamed of something that you’re into, especially if you’re not hurting anyone, you’re basically making it into a bad thing yourself, by hiding it and harbouring all these negative feelings for it. The moment where I finally accepted my submission openly – not shouting it at the world but more, it’s here if you want to see it now – was so fucking freeing. For submissive men to be able to accept themselves and to just give in and go with it. It might open other doors to new pleasures you might not have otherwise. For lifestyle submissives specifically, be prepared to accept a reality that’s much different than the fantasy.

When you accepted your submission and told your friends and family about it, how were their responses and the entire experience of sharing your true self?

It was positive for me because it was a very underwhelming reaction from everyone. Everyone was just like, ‘okay’, and they were interested in it. I expected a much bigger reaction. It was definitely freeing to see people not judging me. That being said, I know there’s tons of people out there that do or would judge me for it, but I guess it doesn’t matter to me as much when it’s just random people. It’s the people in my life that I was more concerned with their thoughts/opinions.

What do you think has made our female led relationship as successful and strong as it has been?

Open communication is number one, for sure. Honesty. Consistency from both sides. That’s when I noticed a big difference in feeling subjugated everyday as opposed to in short bursts. You are literally always on me now. You’re always controlling. You enforce rules which I have to live by, or else. That in turn, keeping me in my place all the time, has allowed to me to grow as your sub, and serve you better and more whole heartedly.

In our relationship specifically, what are you most grateful for?

You, Mistress.

Shaming Video Premiere

Last November I posted a link to a shaming video of husband-slave pussie made by his cuckolding Mistress-Wife, Carla. The wonderful Carla. LINK. LINK. LINK.
The post and video received very little in the way of comment which surprised me. When the video was sent to me, Carla felt pussie’s voice should be edited out so he could not be recognised. I had bitch-boy do the grunt work for this editing, leaving only the sound at the end of the video, of Carla’s delightful, mocking laughter.
Ever since though, petrified pussie has been teased over a second version of the video being posted with his voice not edited out. He has been fretting a long time and constantly tormented about it. Well it has been decided by his betters that the unedited video version should be posted. And it has been: HERE.
Carla has decided to have a movie premiere party and is inviting 10 guests to her home to watch pussie see the unedited version have its first public showing.
Below are two emails I received from Carla about the details of this.
I will plan to have the premier party next Friday evening, January 24th.
So let me tell you what I am planning. Today pussie is going to write out invitations to the party. The invitations will read something like this:
Please join me at my home this Friday at 7:30 pm for the premier of the world wide posting of  pussie’s hilariously humiliating cheer video. Following the cheer routine, pussie will be providing further entertainment for everyone! Cocktails and dinner will be served.
Very soon pussie will hand deliver the invitations to the guest list – ten friends and family. The sissy will be wearing the spiked chastity device, pink pom-pom pants and pink ski sweater which fits tightly over its stuffed 38DD bra ( you have pictures of both), pink mohair mittens and 3″ mary jane heels.  The guests all live within a 15-20 minute drive from my home but pussie will be made to walk and use public transportation so it will take the sissy 2-3 hours to deliver the invitations.
pussie will of course serve at the viewing. After the viewing (and I am guessing many cocktails wine etc) I am going to tell everyone that the poor sissy has not been allowed any relief since Thanksgiving. I am going to ask for a vote, by a show of hands, as to whether pussie’s video performance has earned the sissy the right to try for relief. If no, well too bad, but if yes I will have pussie pass out the following ballot questions, ( no I did not think of the ballot idea myself but read about a similar idea)
  1. May pussie play with its wee-wee as is or should the wee-wee and balls first be prepared for playing?
  2. If prepared first should the wee-weevand balls be?
    a. scrubbed with sand paper
    b. scrubbed with coarse burlap
    c. smacked with wooden ruler, and if smacked how many times
    d. any combination of a,b and/or c
  3. Whether or not prepared as in 2 above should the wee-wee and balls be lubricated before pussie plays with it?
    a. If lubricated should it be with baby oil
    b capsaicin creme
  4. If lubricated with either baby oil or capsaicin should 1,2  or 3 coats of lubrication be applied?
  5. What position should pussie be in while playing with its wee-wee?
    a. standing straight up legs spread open or not
    b. kneeling with legs spread open
    c. sitting cross legged like little girl
  6. How should pussie be allowed to stroke its wee-wee?
    a. with both hands
    b. with one hand only
    c with index finger of left hand only , other fingers taped back and other hand tied in back ( just to be clear using one finger is meant to resemble a young girl masturbating herself. As pussie is right handed, using the left index finger will make it more difficult for the sissy to apply pressure to the wee-wee so more frustration!)
  7. How much time should pussie be given to make sissy dribbles?
    a   one minute
    b   five minutes
    c   ten minutes
    d   no limit
  8. Should pussie be made to drip dribbles, if made , into
    a. its hand
    b. floor
    c. doggie bowl
  9. If pussie does make sissy dribbles, should it
    a. be allowed to wipe up dribbles with paper towel
    b. rub dribbles all over face, and if so how long before sissy may wipe dribbles off face
    1. immediately
    2. rest of evening
    3. 24 hours
    c. lick up dribbles on all fours like dog
  10. if pussie does not make sissy dribbles should it:
    a.allowed to resume serving with no further punishment
    b. punished by
    1. wee-wee smacking
    2. spanking, paddling etc
  11.  After all is done should wee-wee:
    a. be left alone
    b. rubbed with baby oil or soothing creme
    c. rubbed with capsaicin ( and if so how many additional coats?)
Each vote will be by a show of hands.
To be honest Scarlet I am more than a bit excited about this LOL!!!! I of course welcome your or anyone elses thoughts and suggestions.
pussie is already busy at work writing out the invitations. A bit time consuming as each word must be written using pink, red, violet and yellow inked pens alternatively! Oh and the sissy is wearing its thick white lopi wool mittens with no fingers or thumb. Any error and pussie must redo the entire invitation. It has taken an hour so far to do two of them. So amusing to see the sissy struggle!!
When we use hand votes for each item, it will also allow discussion if anyone has other suggestions. My guess is pussie will find this a most miserable experience.  But then again maybe my guests will take pity on the sissy:))
I will let you know how this all turns out.
Good Morning Scarlet,
Great! pussie has just left to deliver all of the invitations. Have to say the sissy looked positively ridiculous in the pom-pom pants outfit:). Having pussie swallow a Viagra pill before leaving insured that the cruel spikes in its chastity device will be digging into the sissy’s wee-wee for the next few hours. Poor thing will be both  humiliated and miserable delivering the invitations-but that is the way a sissy should always be!!

Actual Scientists suggest the cat parasite cause of submissiveness!

Having reflected on the previous comments on this topic that dismissed the theory I put forward out of hand, without suggesting any alternative theory at all, or any  that stood up to scrutiny, and without any specific analytical challenges to the theory steps I set out,  I did wonder if the most discourteous, dismissive rebuffs were because a theory on a matter of science had come from a silly woman rather than proper scientist men.

(Love these headlines in vanilla! newspapers.)

So I now provide a link to the 2016  research paper, by proper scientist men that proposed, among other things, that sexual submissiveness was a result of the cat parasite. The paper is entitled: The Relation of Toxoplasma Infection and Sexual Attraction to Fear, Danger, Pain, and Submissiveness.

I do not however suggest you read the entire, very turgid, research paper. It is hard going! You may of course choose to. I did myself post on this blog about the research paper in 2016. As I mentioned, the authors are both men, I think, which should help those giving the most outright dismissive comments, who seem outraged that a foreign invader entity may live within them that controls some of their brain activities.

I have to say these scientists appear to be very vanilla and have no expertise at all about BDSM stuff. They get a bit lost on it. For instance, they seem to conflate submissiveness with masochism which we know usually exist as two very different mind-sets. Not always but usually.

Perhaps the dismissive nay-sayers have also forgotten, or never read of, the recent medical science papers explaining how our gut bacteria have a role in determining our moods and send signals to our brains to release certain hormones around the body. These foreign organisms  in out guts are so important that faecal transplants are now given to those who have had their own gut bacteria killed by strong antibiotics.  (I am not into things scatological because of the illness communicating possibilities, but perhaps those subs that have suffered scatological degradations may have gained important gut bacteria as a result! Just a thought.)

On a much more personal note, I had never asked for details of bitch-boy’s first submissive feelings beyond knowing they occurred between the ages of 6 and 9. He does not know exactly which year. Well he has come clean about them and they are remarkable given this cat parasite issue. He had never before gone into detail because the ‘fantasies’ were so utterly bizarre! (He had a pet cat at the time.)

At the time there were movies on TV about Roman slaves being thrown to the lions in the colosseum, and there were movies about knights in suits of armour. He had a teacher at school and she was young, very attractive and quite strict. In his very first submissive sexual fantasies, the teacher was in charge of what was happening. Now all this got conflated – so she had him in a suit of armour that covered his entire body except his butt and genitals! And she would lock him into a cage of LARGE FELINES, probably lions. They would scratch at his butt and genitals! Until my recent blog posts he had never thought about the significance of the large cats. Isolated anecdotes do not of course constitute scientific evidence. Simply fascinating though!

At the same time for bitch-boy, role play games of doctor and patient, pirates and victims, robbers and victims, cowboys and indians, etc, were played out of school and bitch-boy always wanted to be the controlled patient or the tied up victim. HE REALLY WANTED THAT!  Although he had no idea why.

I know that one of the biggest barriers to people understanding science is the need to accept science facts are often very counter intuitive. They ‘feel’ wrong. My favourite example being the FACT that time is not a constant, and slows down for an object according to the velocity of the object. 100% proven fact by how they have to set the clocks on satellites to run slower than clocks on earth so they all show the same time – because the satellites are travelling at around 17,000 mph in relation to clocks on earth.

Obviously there are many other counter intuitive science facts. The earth spinning at 1,037 mph at the equator. The earth travelling around the sun at 67,000 mph. And for those flat earthers, that the earth is a sphere!


Present for a sissy?

Well I am not going to get into the debate about the appropriateness of this transgender doll. I guess it has been produced to further the acceptance in society of trans gender people which seems a good thing on the face of it. It has been spotted on sale in Siberia, Russia of all places, and has been reported in the UK tabloid press.

There have been transgender dolls produced in the USA before but I think this is the first with a little birth defect. Poor Ken and Action Man didn’t have a birth defect of any kind.      :-(

Of course, my take on it immediately focussed on how humiliating I think it would be for bitch-boy and other sissies to have the doll in his dolly collection.

I had already followed such an approach with the male doll I transformed into a sissy doll for bitch-boy; but it was absent a little birth defect, which I think gives this doll from Russia a huge edge in terms of humiliation. The nature of the mocking, comparative comments an imaginative Domme might make are mouth watering.

Of course it has apparently shaved genitalia, in fact shaved all over which is perfect for a sissy. I would also shorten its little dress so its useless birth defect was on show all the time. Giving it its own little chastity device would be very amusing too I think. Perhaps made of of some flexible wire. Alas, I don’t think the doll will ever be available outside of Russia, but who knows.


My 16th journal –  LINK


Comments going to the spam folder

Just a note to all of you who leave comments. I do publish all the comments I receive, (including those in wholly unnecessary rude, discourteous and combative styles from people who should know better).

I have just discovered that some comments have started to be automatically put in my comment spam folder. It seems quite random. It will be another default task for bitch-boy to check through the huge daily spam intake and move the genuine comments to the correct folder.


Controversial post

Well my previous post certainly seems to have been controversial! Many thanks to all those who commented and allowed me to test out my theory with their challenges to it.

On the upside I think it is fantastic that 100% of commenters indicated they are happy to be submissive and did not want to change that.

Having paid careful attention to all the arguments, it still seems my theory is a strong possibility and other theories either do not stand up to logical scrutiny or are spurious correlations. So the  scientific  FACTS remain that:

  • the parasite is capable of radically changing the desires of mice to seek out, rather than run from, dangerous, powerful entities,
  • the parasite has infected many humans,
  • correlations have been observed between the parasite in humans and neurological alterations.

But despite these facts, my deduction is a step too far.

If only there was a developed country that does not have cats. That would be a rich source of evidence. Alas it seems cats are prevalent in all developed countries.

Most likely cause of submissiveness

The latest scientific article, (summarised below) on the effects of infection by the ‘cat virus’ Toxoplasma gondii, makes interesting and compelling reading in relation to the cause of submissiveness in humans. I think, in this community, we underestimate just how extremely irrational the submissive drive is. Identifying the cause fascinates me but of course; I adore that the phenomenon exists! So many amazing, beautiful relationships in the world between submissives and their dominant partner! Like mine!

It cannot be argued that a deep craving to have things happen to you, you would rather didn’t happen, and a deep craving to be helplessly in the power of a cruel dominant who will ‘abuse’ that power, IS VERY  IRRATIONAL. But we know from hundreds of thousands of comments on this and similar blogs and from the amount of femdom porn on the internet and the number of professional dominatrices there are, that this irrationality is common.

I have researched the causes of irrationality in humans and, at the end of this post, I do provide the results of my research, probably though of little interest to most blog followers! None of the other sources of irrationality make sense for the existence of submissives.

My interpretation of the latest research is that submissives are infected by the virus at a pre pubescent age and their sexuality development is distorted by the virus and so they cannot be content unless their sex life involves them being ‘in fear’ or under the control of a cruel person. The more ‘frightened’ they are, the more controlled they are, the more content they are.

Their sexuality development is affected because, as with the majority of people – especially males, sex becomes one very dominant emotional  force in their array of drives. The parasite affects the emotional drives, in the Amygdala structure of the brain, because that brings the parasite the most success; eradicating fear, replacing fear with desire for jeopardy from more powerful creatures.

Summary – The latest science

The parasite Toxoplasma gondii infects animals, including humans. Its objective is to reach the intestines of felids, (all feline species), the definitive host in which it reproduces sexually. To do so, the parasite first infects mice and drastically alters their behavior. The natural fear of mice toward cats is transformed into attraction, making them easy prey. How does the parasite achieve this feat?

University of Geneva (UNIGE) researchers, Switzerland, show that the parasite is not limited exclusively to ridding mice of this natural predator fear; it alters their overall behavior relating to anxiety, stress and curiosity. The more pervasive the cyst burden in the brain, the more uninhibited the mouse becomes. These findings disprove the myth of a specific alteration of the mouse’s fear of cats, showing instead that the rodent’s general behavior is altered.

Toxoplasma gondii is a neurotropic parasite that establishes a persistent infection by forming cysts predominantly in the muscle and brain tissues, in all warm-blooded animals including humans. A person can be infected by eating undercooked, infected meat, or unwashed fruits and vegetables, or by cat contact like cleaning out a cat’s litter tray.

A parasite that leads to loss of fear and of inhibition

In the intestine of felids the parasite is able to undergo sexual reproduction, leading to the shedding of highly infectious oocytes in the faeces. Several studies have revealed that the parasite succeeded in altering mice’s behavior so markedly that their fear of cats was transformed into attraction.

In the laboratory of Ivan Rodriguez, professor of Genetics and Evolution, work is being conducted on the innate behaviors of rodents, such as interactions between prey and predators. Researchers exposed infected mice and control mice to bobcat urine. “Unlike healthy mice, mice infected by the parasite were all attracted by the smell of the urine, which normally frightens mice away,” adds Boillat. The scientists then extended the experiment to other predators of mice such as foxes and, to a greater extent, rats. “We placed a sleeping rat in the cage of the control mice; they immediately exhibited a reaction of panic. By contrast, the infected mice went as far as to walk over the rat!” comments Rodriguez.

These experiments show that, contrary to what is asserted in most of the scientific literature on the topic, it is not only the fear of cats that is inhibited in infected mice, but their behavior as a whole that is affected.

What about humans?

In humans, among whom 30% to 80% of the population is infected, correlations have been observed between toxoplasmosis and neurological alterations. “The behavior of an infected person appears to be slightly altered depending on the degree of inflammation of the brain, but humans remain an accidental host for the parasite, and, barring immunodeficiency, their immune systems manage to control the development of cysts relatively well,” concludes Soldati-Favre.


Boillat et al. (2020) Neuroinflammation-Associated Aspecific Manipulation of Mouse Predator Fear by Toxoplasma gondiiCell Reports. DOI:


Sources of irrationality

It cannot be argued that a deep craving to have things happen to you, you would rather didn’t happen, and a deep craving to be helplessly in the power of a cruel dominant who will abuse that power, IS IRRATIONAL. But we know from comments on this blog, the mount of femdom porn and the number of professional dominatrices, that this irrationality is common.

(I do wonder; are there countries that specifically do not have a culture of keeping pet cats? And are professional dominatrices rare in these countries? It would be an interesting correlation!)

All my research of neuroscience data suggests there are five causes of irrationality in ‘sane’ adults.

  • ‘Facts’ children between the ages of three and puberty are told by adults.
  • The innate pack mammal drives in us all.
  • Personality traits derived by nurture.
  • Believing untrue facts about the context relevant to the irrationality.
  • The ‘cat virus’.

Each of the above can form the topic for a whole book so I will crudely summarise.

‘Facts’ children between the ages of three and puberty are told by adults.

Evolution requires adults to pass on data to infants for the success of the species. While the power of this phenomenon is immense, its value is still related to 200,000 years ago, as a species roaming the savannah as hunter gatherers. Don’t touch fire. Hide from lions. Don’t fall from great heights, etc.  No argument! These facts are welded into the child’s brain. Things a child in this age range are told by a trusted adult stick; and are very hard to shift even in adulthood. Religious indoctrination is a prime example. The more extreme religions have their children believing and acting on the most irrational facts imaginable all their lives! Racism is another solid example.

If any male children are told during this age range to take pleasure in being sexually submissive to cruel women, they are so rare as to be irrelevant to an explanation of adult sexual submissiveness!

The innate pack mammal drives in us all.

These drives like tribalism, for consuming calories, to be competitive (primarily in men), to repeatedly have sexual congress, are millions of years old and mostly very unhelpful in the modern world and generate irrationalities.

Securing territory and resources from other tribes, and seeing your tribe as something other than the whole human race is irrational, when collaboration exists as an alternative. But many of you will already have felt annoyance as you read that. Such is the power of the tribal drive buried deep in the subconscious. Combine the tribal drive with the competitive drive and you get the male driven unnecessary conflicts and wars that have ravaged humanity for eons.

I have never read of an innate pack mammal drive for males to be sexually submissive to females. In fact the drives push strongly against submissiveness in males.

Personality traits derived by nurture.

Extrovert or Introvert. Bold or cautious. Liking change or liking things the same. Etc. These personality traits develop as part of our adult personality, mainly by modelling adults  significant to us in our day to day lives as we grow up. They only result in ‘irrationality’ when someone is so far at one end of the spectrum of a trait that the resultant behaviour could be considered irrational. Someone so cautious they will not leave their house.

As the vast majority of adults keep their sexually submissive behaviour a secret from their children, the children have no sexual submissiveness to observe or model. I know some submissives, in front of their children, will be deferential to their dominant and perhaps carry out most of the chores. But the children very rarely witness cruelty from the dominant and do not see any linkage to sex. In addition most submissive males witnessed no submissiveness in their fathers. So it is clear the vast number of submissive males are not submissive because they witnessed male sexual submissiveness.

None of the many domme/sub couples I have met allow their children to have any idea at all about their dom/sub relationship.

Believing untrue facts about the context relevant to the irrationality.

Many people exhibit irrationalities simply because they believe something that is untrue. Yes, I would say Flat-earthers are irrational in the context of the shape of the earth! Sometimes a woman who has been cheated on believes the ‘fact’ that all men are unfaithful and her subsequent relationship behaviours, relationship life and feelings are infected by and guided by this untrue fact.

I cannot see how submissives with deep drives for submission have these drives because they believe an untrue fact.

The ‘cat virus’.

This leaves the cat virus as the only viable explanation that could explain every submissive I have ever had an interaction with.

Freudian style and other psychoanalytical nonsense!

You may have noticed that I have not included any nonsense relating to psychoanalysis or Freudian style psychological mumbo jumbo. Often I have had ‘outsiders’ say it is the submissive’s upbringing  that has made them submissive. Abused as a child is a common proposition. But most submissives I have interacted with did not have abuse in their childhood, nor excessive discipline, often they were wonderfully nurtured. There is no  single style of upbringing consistent to submissives.  (Except perhaps exposure to cats!)


Brief Interview with Jordan, Cortney’s servantboy

Given the extremely positive and numerous comments in response to the post about Mistress Cortney and her servant boy, I publish this post in which are the contents of a brief interview with Cortney’s servant boy, Jordan. I am sure this post will be received in the same very positive way.

The only comment I will make is about Jordan not now knowing if he is a switch or not. It does seem to me that many submssives are capable of deriving some pleasure being dominant to another submissive.

Certainly my lesbian submissive, Play-toy, took CONSIDERABLE pleasure seriously abusing bitch-boy. And bitch-boy would find pleasure in ‘interfering’ with a female sub in profound and vulnerably exposed bondage. Not that he ever will get to do so! (I know this though because of once being contacted by an attractive female sub who fantasised about being put into profound and vulnerably exposed bondage and being ‘interfered’ with by a mixed gender couple, and I checked with him. But I decided against.) But given the choice of a life of only topping, or of only being submissive, both Play-toy and bitch-boy would not hesitate for a nano-second before picking a life of only being submissive!

I guess a short period of topping would be a novelty pleasure for them, but they know without being properly dominated, they would be miserably discontented.


Cortney asks the questions:

The Brief Interview

How does submission appeal to you and some thoughts on your day-to-day.

I’m often thinking of you and how I can serve you. Or sometimes to be honest I’m thinking I really wish I didn’t have to do this right now because every aspect of my life is controlled through you so there’s often times I’m doing things that I wouldn’t do if it was up to me. And not doing something I would want to do.. So it’s a constant thought of you, and it gives me this weird feeling – I can’t really explain it – just the contentment and it definitely makes me happier through the frustrating stuff. Sometimes it doesn’t necessarily make me happy in the moment – it isn’t obviously pleasurable – but then later on how it makes me feel is weirdly happy I guess. When you control me and dominate me it satisfies something inside of me that nothing else does, but I don’t know why and I don’t know exactly how to explain it.

What thoughts were you having around the time you were realizing you were submissive?

It was just more in the bedroom. I think I was just a switch – and I think I maybe am still a switch in certain ways – I don’t even know if I am a switch. Like honestly, I don’t know. I feel like you’ve just been beating the fucking dominantion out of me. I rarely ever fantasize about that stuff. I can’t even remember the last time I did. When I am fantasizing it’s just about you and it’s always me being submissive to you and wishing I could have you.

I don’t think I really wanted to be submissive so much (before the relationship) as I liked the porn aspect of it. Then, there was lots of stuff I’d seen, starting with ass stuff, I didn’t think I wanted an ass in my face because it was kind of gross. It’s like how your disgust factor goes down. This is really embarrassing. I feel like I was into it for the fantasy of it and then as soon as I would cum it would be like “oh, thats fucked”. I didn’t like the idea of being submissive because I was kind of always submissive socially and that often made me feel bad about myself.

Did you feel guilty or dirty from the first time I was sitting on your face?

Yeah, definitely. I loved it! But it also made me feel like, embarrassed and I wouldn’t want anyone to know. For me, I don’t like the taste of ass. It’s not like “mmm it tastes good” ya know? Everyone talks about “so tasty” and “delicious” and it’s not like that for me. I don’t know if it actually is delicious to other people. It’s not about the taste being good it’s like the – maybe I didn’t understand it back then – but it’s kind of like the degradingness of it.

What would you say to someone that questions or doesn’t understand D/s or a FLR? Like, if someone calls me a controlling bitch or thinks I’m manipulating you, how would you defend it?

I would tell them I’m really happy and this is something we’ve worked at together, it’s not a one-sided thing even though it may seem that way from the outside. I’m putting in effort, as well as her, to maintain this. I’ve relinquished my control to her, of my life, because that’s what satisfies me. And she’s giving me the gift of taking that control and giving me something that I need, that no one else can give me. Much the same way as any other relationship works. To each their own, if you don’t understand it, I guess.