I have written before about the theme of ‘careful what you wish for’ and ‘reality may not be fantasy’. Well, the wonderful Christine M, who I have featured before in posts, sent me the comment below, which I simply reproduce here as a blog post; because it is a fine read indeed.
The irony of course, is that so many submissives who have no domination in their lives will read this and, despite the reality and warnings, still dream of being the husband of Christine. Or is it irony? Or is it actually, just how strong the craving to be dominated is; that Christine’s husband’s life is superior to that of a submissive experiencing zero domination. And given the choice between the two options; Christine’s husband’s life is superior to that of a submissive experiencing zero domination. I can understand that to be the case.
I know bitch-boy stays with me because he cannot face a life without domination. And like Christine’s husband, I think if I took bitch-boy’s pleading into account and relaxed any element of my regime, he would be less content when his head hits the pillow than now. I often tell him he knowingly opened Pandora’s box. He introduced me to femdom, he only has himself to blame.
Dear Mistress Scarlet
Rather belatedly, I started this email over one month ago; I would like to pass forward some comments on recent posts. I particularly would like to address those males who feel they so strongly desire a submissive relationship. From experience at home, and counselling work that I used to do; I must warn ‘Be careful what you wish for’ and ‘be realistic’.
It is one thing to read of male maids like Faggot, the tales of yourself and BB, Carla and those related by myself and other ladies at this site. It takes a very special person to cope with this level of submission all the time, and not just ‘when you are in the mood’.
Our relationship started, as mentioned by other ladies here, with us discussing David’s submissive ‘desires’. He asked to be strictly controlled and disciplined and for rules to be put in place. His first marriage had failed, as this aspect of his persona was not addressed. For me, I was naturally wanting to be in control, I have always liked things to be done MY WAY! I had also been strictly raised in my childhood, which lead me to want to be in control. I made it clear, if we were to take this trajectory, I would seriously be in total control, I wasn’t prepared to ‘play games’.
Our regime started gently, but it developed quite rapidly. I quickly started to feel very comfortable in my role, saw the many benefits it provided, and more importantly, I soon wanted MORE! What turned me on at the start, over time became blasé, I needed to push him harder.
E.g. it was a lot of fun when, early in our relationship, he was a little ‘temperamental’ in front of my sister, who knew nothing of our relationship at the time. I left him blushing ever so profusely when I announced, “When we get home you are going to be writing 100 lines for your impertinence!” She found it terribly amusing; and he spent two-hours writing lines that night. She and I both still laugh about that, but as time progressed, two-hours of him writing lines, didn’t excite me so much, even if he was more than happy with that.
He did understand and accept this, since I made it clear that we either progressed as I wished, or we went ‘vanilla’ again; I did not want to ‘play domination games’. Moreover, as I found he didn’t ‘break’ and, though always in hindsight and never at the time, he often looked back with ‘enjoyment’ at some of his ‘mistreatment’; just as I mentioned with the above tale. And so I keep stepping up the regime.
I know he truly wishes we could go back to a less demanding regime, but that would never satisfy me. So it will NEVER happen. However, he knows he cannot live a life where he is not disciplined; so he knows he has no option, and our relationship is very secure; and ever more enjoyable for me! The important point is that it develops as I want. So, gentlemen, think deeply about this.
To those males wanting this life-style; you MUST accept that whatever level your relationship moves to, it has to be your lady’s choice, NOT YOURS. If it is not to the level you wish, make the most of it, for it is NOT about what you want, EVER! You do not tell your lady what you want, you may, WHEN ASKED, share your interests and fantasies, share what worked for you and what didn’t; but don’t expect her to take anything on board, or for your ideas to be catered for. If you want to say what is to happen, go see a professional dominatrix; your partner will soon get fed up of you telling her what you want!
For many men, speaking from my counselling past, it is a game. They want it when they are aroused, but never when they have recently ejaculated; or when they are tired; or when they want to go out with their mates; or play golf; etc. This is not to denigrate that perspective, but males need to think very carefully, what they really want and discuss it openly.
• Do you want a full-time submissive role as many feel they do, and all that entails? Or,
• do you want it to be a game you play when you are both in the mood?
Be upfront and realistic. To emphasise this let me share a few reminders of David’s situation, which keep evolving. Then think about how you would cope… Do you really think you would want to suffer like this?
Imagine, you have a busy business agenda. Perhaps you arrive in your hotel late at night after a day of exhausting travel, perhaps it been a successful day and your colleagues ask you to join them for dinner, or to go for a drink, or to a Karaoke Club; or maybe there’s a big sports event on that everyone is going to watch at the Sports Bar… perhaps you want an early night, or just to relax a little at the end of the day, watch a movie.
Imagine that instead, regardless of what you want, regardless of what your colleagues say to you, and no matter if you shed very real tears… YOU have to go straight to your room.
And you don’t have time to chill out or slip on something comfortable. You have to rush into your required attire for the night. By the way, having torn his schoolboy shorts recently, and following suggestions from Mistress Scarlet, David now has a new travel uniform that he finds even more humiliating, especially when room service arrives! He has fifteen minutes to wash, toilet, dress, set up his desk and set up the electronics so I can visually look in on him.
This means taking off all his work clothes, suit, tie, underwear, everything. He then dons a pair a tight-fitting white nylon panties, very sexy against his locked appendage… then he puts on a navy-blue firm control girdle with garters. This not something sexy, it is old-fashioned (plain and firmly elasticated), and it is a size too small, so it is most uncomfortable to wear. Then come his seamed stockings, (better get those seams straight for inspection!); a pair of navy-blue cotton gym knickers; a long-sleeve white blouse; a winter-uniform school-girl’s pleated gym slip; school tie; V-neck long-sleeved school jumper; school blazer; black lace-up shoes; and finally an Alice band with a large ribbon.
As you well know he will then spend the next several hours writing lines, or a challenging (lengthy) essay. His last essay was, “Honesty is the best policy, but honesty won’t get your friend free birthday cake at the diner. Does society require constant honesty? Why is it (or why is it not) problematic to shift the truth in one’s favour, even if the lie is seemingly harmless to others? If we can be conveniently honest, what other virtues might we take more lightly?” I provide A4 size, 6 mm narrow-lined writing pads for his essay work. There are 45 lines on a page. Due to the narrower line spacing, (most people use 8 mm lines) this means smaller hand-writing, which means he fits about 15 words on a line. He had to write 6-pages, which is around 4,000 words! It took him well over 6-hours. Remember too, his essays are marked, so they MUST be thoughtful and neat, if he is going to pass. And a fail doesn’t just mean a caning, it means rewriting the essay too!
Yes, David introduced the idea of written punishments, but he did not choose them for when he was travelling; nor did he choose the attire, nor to write for so many hours, every night; nor for such complex essays. Would he change it if he could, of course he would…. But he can’t, nor can he go back to when he was not so well-disciplined as now; but he cannot he live without any ‘rules’ either – so he is trapped. And I love thinking of him tearfully toiling away in his lonely room, his appendage locked securely away, curtains closed, no clocks, no music, just many hours of tiresome work; and fretting at the consequences of failure.
So think very carefully about what you really want. Chastity is fun for a few days, it is less fun when it is several months at a time!
Think too, so many males want to be a maid. Forget the dressing up in a pretty dress though. Think of a reality. David does ALL our housework, on top of a demanding full-time job. Imagine you have commuted home from a hard day in the office, maybe you had to stay back late, you’re tired… but when you get home, you will face three or maybe more hours of chores. In my household, everything is ironed after being washed, including towels and linen! And every single day he has to sweep clean the kitchen floor, and we have a large kitchen, using a brush and pan; then he has to scrub it with a hand scrub brush, before he finishes it with a mop. All the bench tops have to be cleaned daily, the stove, microwave… and both toilets…
Think about this very carefully!
Let me though finish with one final thought, so you don’t think of me as ‘too cruel and selfish’, for the BDSM life-style is very complex. When David finally does get a full release, one that he has begged and begged for, and that is really explosive… there is still a part of him that is disappointed his chastity ended. Just as, if I were to ever excuse him lines on one of his travels, and let him go out with his colleagues; or excuse him kitchen duties just once… Yes, he would be ever so grateful and pleased, but I believe there would also be a part of him that felt less ‘secure’ as a consequence! We’ll never know though, because it will never happen!
I didn’t know, as a result of my suggestion, Christine had swapped David’s schoolboy uniform for that of a parody of a schoolgirl. There is no doubt that the creation of the internet and the subsequent swapping and wide publication of subjugation ideas from Dommes, has made the lot of probably all submissive’s worse. Who would have thought of such a consequence.
For info on my own BDSM manual, in several formats, click on an image below.