I read a science article recently on Big Think about childhood bullying. Most of it was irrelevant to my blog but one statistic caught my eye. Of the 3,600 people studied, 1,257 admitted as children to have systematically bullied one or more other children. That’s 35%.
Why do I raise this?
Well I often attempt to help hesitant but enthusiastic wives and girlfriends of submissive males become dominant and also sadistic. I go into some detail on this topic in my BDSM manual and point out that cruelty, taking pleasure from inflicting physical or mental pain, (sadism), takes the intensity of emotions up for both the Domme and the sub. In a nutshell, the sub feels utterly dominated and controlled because there is much more power exerted by inflicting gratuitous sadism than by simply giving orders to have chores done, etc. And a greater power rush for the Domme for the same reason.
In my manual, and often on this blog, I point out that gratuitous bouts of bullying happen in packs in the animal world as a way of issuing reminders of hierarchical position in the pack. Lions, chimps, etc. And I believe from this, through evolution, bullying is innate in humans. Given it is clear that the power rush of sadism releases endorphins and endorphin releases only ever come from innate reward systems. Sadism does however conflict with conditioning as a child – that being mean is wrong and bad. The wives and girlfriends I try to help are fettered by that past conditioning.
It seems to me that the research to which I refer shows that an amazing 35% of children do get past that conditioning. I think that supports my contention that bullying is innate.
I will mention the incorrect platitudes so often spouted by society because society is ashamed of the extent of childhood bullying that exists. Bullies are cowards. Hmmm, rarely so I am afraid. Bullies are unintelligent. Again this is not often the case. Bullies come from ‘broken’ families. Rarely true.
Finally I must stress that I truly hate and abhor the extent of childhood bullying and would love that it did not exist. Like many Dommes I am full of compassion for those in the world under any form of tyranny, (except true submissives who need it to be whole). Perhaps society should face up to the realities rather than making up falsehoods if the terrible extent of childhood bullying is to be addressed. Bullies are generally not cowards, are often intelligent, they most often come from good homes, they get endorphin rushes when they bully and bullying is innate and natural.
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While I do think you have a point about bullying being an innate ‘desire’ in human beings, research has also shown that children with a lack of empathy are more likely to be bullies and also get bullied. Bullying might serve a purpose by confirming hierarchy and thus creating order, on the other side of this, humans and the animals you mentioned usually live in groups in order to maximize their chances of surviving and empathy plays a key-role in making this possible.
Well the logical result of your comment is that both empathy and (hierarchy reaffirming) bullying are innate and natural. This does make sense to me as I can completely compartmentalise the two behaviours. And if they are both natural and part of living in a pack, these apparently conflicting traits must get compartmentalised by animal pack members too.
Mistress, in your treatment of bitch-boy do you draw a distinction between disciplining him and bullying him? Are there certain punishments or treatments which you specfically classify as “bullying”?
Absolutely. Disciplining punishment for infractions are verbally described as such and are usually caning / whipping and / or an increased period of sexual denial.
Bullying is every other activity which results in physical or mental pain and discomfort for him.
Sometimes I will strap him down, announce he is to be caned for x or y infraction and cane him. Then having reduced him to sobbing, I will stop for a moment and decree the punishment is over, but the caning is not – as the rest of the caning will be simply for my sadistic pleasure.
That is a wonderful image.
I recently watched a video of a German mistress with her rubber slave. Her punishment for it was entirely fetish-based – head to toe latex bondage, enema discipline and so on – but every now and then she would slap and shove him, pushing him completely off-balance so he would stumble and almost fall. She laughed out loud when she did so, like a bullying schoolgirl. It was apparent that the sub felt far more humiliated in those moments than he was by the other sexually arousing punishments. Her bullying made the scenario more cruel.
I love the straightforward bullying moments. All about the cruel amusement for the Mistress at the cost of the sub’s dignity. Not erotic at all for the sub, just how it should be. One very simple example is when ordering a sub to go fetch something for you, and after they have turned to leave and taken a few paces, shouting, ‘run!’ The shame radiates from them as they begin to run. So amusing.
Another example is the simple foot shove. If the sub is on his knees doing whatever. A push with the sole of your boot sending the sub sprawling to the floor. Done for no other reason, than just because the Domme can. Obviously, pushing, kicking, slapping and spitting in the face too.
I think the key is that the act is spontaneous and is a demonstration of the absolute power and the spitefulness of the Domme and the helplessness and weakness of the sub.
The caning treatment is more than exciting to read about.
I think every sub strives to do their best for their mistress but I have learned that this in itself is a form of ego – to be the best slave one can be – and is therefore irrelevant to the Mistress who is the only person in the relationship who matters. Whether the submissive does well or poorly by her is for her alone to declare; the capricious quality of the bullying you describe emphasises this.
In contrast to the BDSM imagery of discipline “academies” and “training” and so forth, and certainly in contrast to clients who pay professionals to be disciplined, for the true submissive there is no reward or achievement, no pride, and certainly no respect from the dominant.
I purchased the manual that you have linked on this post. I am very much excited to begin this journey with my husband. He is most definitely a true submissive and I am finding my dominant side which has been made much easier and clearer because of your wonderful manual. Thank you!
Thank you for your kind words. Nothing gives me greater satisfaction than the thought that I am helping another woman enjoy the sort of life I do, and as a side effect making a true submissive content, although no doubt ‘challenged’.
I occasionally read him passages when he gets too curious. He has commented that he is not sure he likes me reading your manual. That gives me pleasure. You are spot on in your assessments and I have never been so fulfilled in my relationship. Thank you!
You sound like a fantastic Domme. Your slave is very, very lucky.
Thank you for the generous comment.
I am a straight male. I am also a sadist but I was never a bully. I don’t like to hurt any human, animal or the environment itself. I have compassion for those who are suffering under tyranny but I get a sexual rush from inflicting pain on a girl who is willing to be my slave. A new thing that I realized only recently is that I am more on the submissive side than on the dominant one but I am not very masochistic although I am a sadist.
I don’t enjoy pain physically but the idea of being completely under control of a sadistic mistress thrills me and my submissive side will be very content if I am being tortured helplessly by a dominant woman and made to do things that I hate.
I think not being masochistic is actually good for subs as they will really hate the things that their sadistic mistress does to them and it will only increase their arousal due to the feeling of being helplessly under the total control of a goddess whom they love from their heart and not being able to do anything about it.
I find it weird that I realized my sadistic dominant side even before puberty hit me and kept developing fantasies and later discovered BDSM and learned a lot of new things. But then suddenly for some reason, I just felt deeply submissive and it only increased to a level that I now don’t even find domination interesting. I think that side was buried inside me from childhood due to societal conditioning and when I started watching BDSM porn, I occasionally used to get FemDom videos in recommendation but I never watched them. Then with time, I watched my first video and it was fine neither boring nor thrilling. Then time passed and suddenly one day I imagined myself to be in such a situation and found my deep submissive side and. From then on it exploded and now I only think about submission. Maybe it was there inside me since childhood but it didn’t come out for some reason.
Submissives can be masochists but most are not. The submissive contentment comes from being helplessly under the power of a cruel woman. Her power and cruelty can only really be evidenced by inflicting physical or mental pain or both. When the submissive endures physical or mental pain he does not like, he unambiguously gets that feeling he craves of being helplessly under the power of a cruel woman.
I have known, although rare, confused masochists who are not submissive and get turned on being hurt physically. They are often confused because they think that makes them submissive. It does not. They usually want to top from the bottom and have no interest in whether the Domme involved is getting any pleasure.
(By mental pain I mean humiliation or degradation.)