Tag Archives: fem dom

The Beginners Guide; more positive feedback

You may recall that in response to requests, I wrote   a guide    and published an alternative  website specifically designed to persuade vanilla wives and girlfriends to have a try at becoming dominant.

I am not sure there is anything else available like this guide;  specifically written to entice wholly vanilla women to try part-time or full time domination of a submissive male. EVERYTHING is excluded that might, to a novice woman,  seem scary or unpleasant or perverted or excessively demanding.

I have received more positive feedback from Cardim about the effectiveness of the Guide.

Hi Scarlet,
Two weeks ago, my gorgeous wife read section two of  your book, A Beginners Guide, I never saw her as mean, as yesterday. I can see that she likes it more and more to be mean and dominant. Also in vanilla time. I never felt so dominated before, even though nothing extreme happens.

This follows earlier feedback from Cardim

Hi Scarlet,
A month ago, i bought your ‘Beginners Guide’ on amazon.
It is unbelievably good. I have been trying for almost a decade to convince my wife to be my mistress, with little succes.(i now understand, it was because of my expectations) Since i have read your ‘Beginners Guide’, i learned that i did everything wrong, while is was trying to teach my wife how to be a mistress.

Now that my wife has read just the first section of your ‘Beginners Guide’ and is experimenting with it, she is really really enjoying the dominance. The big change is that she can get into this new dynamic in our relationship at her on pace.

We are only a few weeks far with some DS time and mostly Vanilla time, but i am already scared of what she is going to do to me in the future, because her eyes tell me that she really likes this new dynamic now.

I would like to say a lot more, but my English is not good enough to explain everything i want to say.

So thank you very much for writing this book.

The above right menu tab, Tempt her to try dominance,  is an important read for submissive males think of buying this guide for their wife or girlfriend.

Lock down activities (No. 4)

This new activity was loosely inspired by my post of 1 May featuring who I now know to be, Miss Panic. I did since find she has a couple of videos on PornHub as well as the, often very wicked, short clips on the Twitter site I references in my earlier post. The video for which I have provided a link, also has her on her signal, having her arm pit covertly licked,  in public.

Lock down activity No. 4 is that bitch-boy now has a garnish added to every single drink and every single meal he consumes.  Normally it will be a mouthful of spit deposited into his mug or glass before he begins to drink, or I drop a mouthful of spit onto each plate or bowl of food he is about to consume. (This is during all the vanilla times. Obviously during DS times, it is my nectar from a jug that is added instead of, or as well as, my spit.)

He must always say, ‘Thank you Mistress’,  when I have added my spit garnish, and I always then respond, ‘I should think so!‘ The lock down does mean this applies to every single thing he consumes every single day, day after day after day.

I love his expression of humiliation and hurt both when I drop the spit, and when I say, ‘I should think so!’ in answer to his thanking me. And I feel a lovely little power rush and a reaffirmation that I own this submissive human being and I can use and abuse him howsoever I please.

Sometimes we will be in a 100% vanilla activity, when I have chosen to use him for his wonderful vanilla company, say watching a great movie or box set. The atmosphere of near equality is pierced as I drop my spit and we have our verbal exchange. Then gradually the atmosphere of near equality slowly returns, rather more quickly for me than for him though.

Lock down activities (No. 3)


Ideally the small spherical type as in this image but I guess any bell or bells will do.

Attach bells to your sub so they tinkle when the sub moves. Just a little humiliation that is quite sweet and it means the Domme, whenever in earshot, knows exactly where the sub is if they are moving about.

Top Tips

Places on the body that do not move very abruptly, may not produce a tinkle; such as on a collar D-ring or chastity device. If you wish to have a bell in such a location and want it to tinkle more, hang it on a length of string or fine ribbon about the length of a smart phone.

Bells to ankles will always tinkle when he walks and bells to wrists tinkle if the hands are being moved about.


For info on my own BDSM manual, in several formats, click on an image below.


My impact punishment array

I do not know why I have never posted a photograph of my little collection of my favourite impact punishment implements I use when bitch-boy is secured face down over the dining table. So here it is.

I have described this collection in a number of my journals but, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. In the event of vanilla visitors, the whole array can be lifted by the two chains and locked in a cupboard upstairs as it is, the cupboard has two hooks inside the door. So it takes only seconds to return the array to the dining room wall once the vanilla visitors have departed.

Hook by hook, from the left: 1. The cock gag, cat collar for wrists and another for ankles, and yellow strap for binding his thighs together. 2. Red rubber paddle. (The underside has a fine diamond pattern of  little raised triangular ridges. It is VERY NASTY!) 3. My favourite cane; I have had for so long. 4. My agitation whip. 5. My dressage whip. 6. My large leather paddle. 7. My plastic cane. 8. My quirt.

I have to admit that in most deterrent punishment sessions I use every implement, except the large paddle and plastic cane. Those I do use, I use without mercy. Then there are  punishments for actual infractions. For those, normally it is the dressage whip and cane.

In my journals, I have used words to describe the business side of the red rubber paddle. But,  again, a picture is worth at thousand words.

This paddle is VERY NASTY!

I have a routine where the more rigid implements are used first and directed at the central meaty area. (My favourite cane and the plastic cane if I use that. Then, using the rubber paddle,  I like to warm and redden the areas above, below and to either side of the  central meaty area. These areas are rather more sensitive and my puppet makes quite a fuss while I apply the paddle. I am not surprised. I did once test the paddle on the underside of my forearm. (The best place for testing.) It is as though it is red hot, such is the intense, painful heat it leaves behind! The third stage involves wraparound. (which I explain fully in my BDSM Manual. What follows, and seems revlevant, is an excerpt from my next journal, No.17, which is almost completed.

………………….. I began with light strokes while I talked.

                ‘For the avoidance of doubt little sissy; I know with my very flexible implements there can be wraparound. This dressage whip, the agitation whip and the quirt. And I know wraparound happens on the sides of your butt and hips and I know the further around the sides of your butt and hips I go, the more sensitive the flesh is.’ I landed a couple of hard strokes and the whip made its lovely whistling noise as it travelled through the air. I returned to talking.

                ‘So when there is wraparound, it will not be an accident, just to be clear.’ I landed a couple of hard strokes again. Again  the whip made its lovely whistling noise as it travelled through the air. I then again returned to talking.

                ‘I am an unashamed sadist. I get pleasure from hurting you. But also, it is very important to me that you are well marked from this punishment. I love to see those marks during the rest of the day. And wraparound makes the best marks, as you know. I also know that four inches of wraparound hurts twice as much as two inches of wraparound. But four inches of wraparound gives me twice the length of a clearly visible mark to enjoy. So what you need to understand is that if I am applying four inches of wraparound, or even six, I AM MEANING TO! And even if perhaps, with the occasional wayward stroke, I apply more wraparound than I mean to, when practicing my backhand, I will be pleased about that; NOT GUILTY! I won’t feel guilty because there was more wraparound than intended. I will be happy over my accidentally placed stroke. I just wanted to avoid any ambiguity maggot.’ On finishing my little speech I immediately began using the dressage whip full force and with about three inches of wraparound. He immediately began pleading and pleading. I was very aroused as I continued with the dressage whip.

Next came the agitation whip. I chose five inches of wraparound and he began to properly sob between bouts of pleading. I was so delighted to have avoided ambiguity! (A very painful episode, clearly due to a Domme’s negligence or ignorance, does not cause awe in the mind of the submissive, almost the opposite. And it is not that arousing for the Domme. Whereas a very painful episode,  as a result of the Domme’s expert knowledge and intended purpose………..


My 16th journal –  LINK




Always open to feedback

Before responding, I have allowed a few days of a sometimes heated exchange to play out in the comments section over what some have seen as an unwelcome trend of content on this blog, and others have defended. I thought I should reassure my loyal blog followers that there will never be a content shift that ignores the drivers of the majority of submissive males, but equally there may be periods focussed on specific topic areas that not everyone likes. I do respond to feedback however. I think before going further though I should briefly set out why I began this blog and its purposes.

I  began this blog because of an apparent vacuum. The demise of Madame’s magazines and the shift in the content of Petticoated.com from letters from Dommes about petticoat PUNISHMENT, to letters from Sissy’s who cannot wait to be dolled up in frillies, left a vacuum. I could find literally nothing that was content from REAL domestic Dommes. Why did this matter? It mattered to me because it was the content of Madame magazines and the original Petticoated.com that got me into being the dominant I am. bitch-boy introduced me to the concept of femdom, but these two ‘publications’ provided the revelation that there was a lifestyle, and there were many dominant activities, that I was SERIOUSLY attracted to. The rest of the internet had mostly femdom content that put me off!

So this brings me onto the purpose of this blog. It is to inform the women, who have decided to try femdom, of the myriad of femdom lifestyles and activities that exist. Hopefully helping them to create a symbiotic femdom relationship with a submissive male  making both parties very content indeed. For her to understand he needs stuff to happen to him he does not like in order to sleep contented, submissive sleep. To know it is alright to be cruel and to enjoy being cruel. Given there is a surplus of submissive males, it is females who need inspiration and inducement.  My strategy is to PROVIDE REAL LIFE INFORMATION to women. This I have tried to do. I have also wanted isolated submissive males to understand they are not alone or perverted and they should not be ashamed to be submissive sexually, (although it may need to be kept secret from the vanilla world).

I definitely welcome that most submissive males find themselves quite aroused a lot of the time they read this blog. I want them to be and to feel submissive and so to feel respect for women, and to want to seek out a femdom relationship. However I will not be pandering to males fantasies to the exclusion of broad information dissemination.

I will cover every aspect of real life female domination I think may be useful. So if, as a male, you find there is a theme for a while that does not make you feel submissive, just a polite comment communicating this is all that is needed. Or, much more importantly, if I have stopped covering a favourite theme of yours. If that view is enlightening to me, or shared by many, I will take it into account, but I will still cover every topic of real life domination I consider useful, so you may have to be a little patient. Of course, there will be many, many males who feel very submissive reading content that does not make a few males feel submissive at all.

A number of males have commented and a tiny proportion actually seem angry with me because of the current content. As though I owe them something with this FREE site they have used for years as wank fodder. Obviously these males identify themselves by their actions and emotions as submissives who will NEVER EVER find a dominant woman interested in them. (Especially those that take the trouble to comment to me that they will no longer be following my blog. (Just go; no need to tell  me you are flouncing off. Their petty nastiness in their futile desire to hurt me, the disrespect, the absence of loyalty, the impatience, the unwarranted sense of  entitlement.)

So, if you want to give me feedback, please do. As some have done so with polite, courteous, measured, feedback. I will take that into account. And a very warm thank you to all those who gave support and loyalty in the exchanges. I am very grateful.

(For completeness, the intention of this blog is not to persuade VANILLA women to try femdom. My alternative blog is intended to meet that objective.)




Real Life

Two wonderfully praising comments gratefully received recently. It is truly heart warming to receive such comments and I thank the authors sincerely. I have inserted links where that might add more context.

Comment 1

March 2020. To all Dommes & submissives who may be considering any/all the above, [the Journals], i hope the following comment will be of interest.

My MistressWife, Serena and i have led a FemDom lifestyle in varying degrees for 30 years. Serena isnt a natural Domme, but experienced and more than efficient. i have been submissive since early childhood.

We have all of Mistress Scarlets Journals, and Her superb BDSM Manual. i can say without fear of contradiction that all have been of immense interest and have enhanced our relationship beyond expectation.

We have been following MsScarlets blog for 6 years or more, and likewise subscribed to her above publications, and our D/s lifestyle since, has never been more rewarding.

We thank Her often, but can never thank Her enough.


Comment 2

Mistress Scarlet,

thank you very much for replying to my comment. I am honoured that you should take the time to respond and take any interest at all in my situation.

Your alternative blog is wonderful: an incredibly useful and insightful guide for women with submissive partners. The examples and testimonies you provide, along with your own comments and advice, are excellent.

It is a fantastic resource for those of us who are trying to explain our submissive feelings to our partners and the potential advantages a relationship built on dominance and submission can offer them.

I am not sure that my partner is quite ready, yet, for this amount of information. I think she is still trying to gain the confidence to practice relatively light and playful domination and I am very wary of putting any pressure on her to move too quickly.

I suspect that the thought of a more intense D/S relationship is still too uncomfortable for her at the moment, and so I am still reluctant to move too fast. I never want her to feel overwhelmed by my desires or put off by examples that seem too intense or extreme for her to understand. In the long term I am sure that she will be able to develop her dominance over me, but I love her very deeply and I do not want to do anything to risk upsetting her by trying to make her adapt too quickly.

Of course I do want to engage in more sustained and extreme D/S and I want to continue to try to show her how it can benefit both of us, but I am cautious about putting pressure on her or making it feel as though I am trying to persuade her to do something she feels uncomfortable with.

In time, when she is more accustomed to dominating me and feels more comfortable, your alternative blog will be an ideal starting point and will I am sure help her to grow in confidence and deepen her control over me. I will certainly encourage her to read it when she is ready.

Thank you so much for your help and encouragement. And thank you for all the outstanding work you do to help women embrace their superiority and take advantage of submissive creatures like me. You truly are an inspiration and your blogs and journals are a hugely important resource.

In submission and obedience,

slave 307




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The Beginners’ Guide works!

Two parts to this post. The first is another testimonial to the efficacy of  my alternative blog and to the Beginners Manual. Thank you to everybody who contributed to these resources. It seems three women I know of are now Dommes who would not be, but for these resources. How many might also now be, with whom I have had no contact?

The second part of this post is both a continuation of yesterdays post and some more on persuading vanilla women to have a go at being a Domme. What real life FLR is; and what isn’t it?


Hi Scarlet,
A month ago, i bought your ‘Beginners Guide’ on amazon.

It is unbelievably good. I have been trying for almost a decade to convince my wife to be my mistress, with little succes.(i now understand, it was because of my expectations) Since i have read your ‘Beginners Guide’, i learned that i did everything wrong, while i was trying to teach my wife how to be a mistress.

Now that my wife has read just the first section of your ‘Beginners Guide’ and is experimenting with it, she is really, really enjoying the dominance. The big change is that she can get into this new dynamic in our relationship at her on pace.

We are only a few weeks in so far with some DS time and mostly Vanilla time, but i am already scared of what she is going to do to me in the future, because her eyes tell me that she really likes this new dynamic now.

I would like to say a lot more, but my English is not good enough to explain everything i want to say.

So thank you very much for writing this book.



The strength of feeling of the comments on yesterdays post, from me, in writing it, and specially from Miss Anne and Carla who kindly commented on it, led me to think what would two lists look like? (A) Attributes of what REAL LIFE FLR is (B) What REAL LIFE FLR is not! Please feel free to suggest additions / deletions from each list.

REAL LIFE FLR usually, but not always, includes:

  • Chastity and degrees of denial for him;
  • Amazing orgasms and sexual satisfaction for her;
  • Most or all chores done by him;
  • An enduring, life long relationship;
  • A relationship intensity experienced by very few other relationship types;
  • She does what she wants all the time;
  • Two profoundly content people;
  • Hours of enforced tedium for him;
  • Hours of relaxation and pleasure for her;
  • She has as much financial control as she wishes
  • Continuing and evolving personal erotic growth for her;
  • Regretting what he wished for, for him, but he still feels so lucky and would NEVER leave.


REAL LIFE FLR very rarely or never includes:

  • Fully equipped dungeons, warehouses, abandoned buildings;
  • PVC and latex for her;
  • A focus on what he wants;
  • Supermodel beauty of face and body defines her;
  • Endless pegging of him;
  • A short lived relationship;
  • She does what he wants a lot of the time;
  • Discontentment in either party;
  • Hard work and effort for her;
  • Rows and arguments.



For info on my own BDSM manual, in several formats, click on an image below.


Public humiliation by MS Joan

I have been so very fortunate this past year with so many fantastic REAL LIFE Mistresses in stable relationships with a sub, contacting me. engaging with me in email exchanges and generously making comments on my blog posts. And I continue to be so very fortunate having been contacted by yet another REAL LIFE Mistress in stable relationships with a sub.

The latest treasure, Ms Joan. And just like Mistress Samantha, myself and a few others, another Mistress who does not work and whose husband has retired .  Ms Joan is pretty new to her dominance but a couple of examples of her life with her submissive husband, reveal what a fantastic dominant mind she has.

The first, in her own words, involving that very powerful thing, public humiliation in front of another woman who is unfamiliar to them.

………… Your style of dress and that of the other Ladies, who have given accounts on your alternative blog, is similar to mine. Never would I ever be seen dressing up in latex or any other silly costumes to satisfy my husbands cravings. My clothing is just normal everyday wear from the better high street shops. Although I do like to wear leather, but again this is normal clothing, jackets, skirts, trousers and a couple of full length coats amongst my many other clothes.

………………. We were going away for a couple of nights to a rather nice hotel, booked in my name of course. He was allowed a small overnight bag with 1 change of clothes, I had a medium size suitcase with several changes of clothes, dresses, skirts, tops, trousers, shoes, boots and a couple of coats and jackets in a long garment bag, these were all packed by him at home under my supervision. 

At the check in, with me signing in and hubby stood behind with the bags, I asked the receptionist, a nice suited Lady in her late thirties, where the bar was as I really needed a glass of wine after the drive. Then turning to hubby I said, ‘Wasn’t there something you wanted to ask?’

Red faced he asked if there was an iron in the room or if he could borrow one. Being told there was one in the wardrobe, I commented, ‘There you go darling, go and unpack and come and join me in the bar after your ironing, but please don’t leave any creases.‘ And with a smugness and a smile from the receptionist, I turned on my heel, heading for a dink and I didn’t even look back………………

Example 2 of the fantastic dominant mind of Ms Joan is her financial control and domination.

…………… My husband introduced me to your blog several months ago in the hope that I would dominate him…………. I have always known he is submissive and he even confessed this to me 40 years ago before we were married. Of course this was before the internet and there was very little written resources available. In reality we just played at this really as foreplay to sex, me calling him slave and having him lick my boots or shoes. Children, family and demanding work came along so it was rare that we ever engaged in these roles.

Now retired this has raised its head again and after much pleading by hubby I decided to try to be a Mistress of the house. One of the things I did learn within business, the person who controls the budget has the real power. Consequently I took away all his credit cards and cut them up, he is allowed a single debit card of which I can track and view any spending he has made. He certainly is never given cash to fritter away and spend as he likes.

Unless permitted by me to do otherwise, he can only use it to fill the cars with fuel and shop at supermarkets. He must give me the till receipts for me to check for any unwanted items like whisky which he loves, or rather vary rarely does nowadays!

Lock Down Activities (No. 2)

Number 2, of my suggestions for lockdown activities is the use of a collar on your subbie. The collar kept on as close as possible to 24/7 use.

With no visitors and no attending social functions, you may find you can keep a collar on your subbie 24 hours a day for many, many consecutive days. I have for bitch-boy a rubber collar that can be padlocked on. As it is rubber he can bath and shower in it so it need not be removed even for washing.

I padlock it on fairly loose so it rests at the bottom of his neck and that means it can be hidden by slightly high necked sweaters, or fleeces. So even if a delivery person arrives at our door or I have sent him out to work on our front garden (yard), he can continue to wear it.

You may not have a BDSM collar designed for padlocking on. It is however possible to padlock on almost any collar; by slipping a padlock hasp through the hole in the collar strap that follows the hole you used to secure the buckle. So a plain old dog collar can be used. The image below shows what I mean as it is quite hard to explain.


Emotions for me

I get a delightful little power rush whenever I see his collar locked onto him. Even in vanilla periods, if he is naked for some reason, seeing it on him together with his chastity device is simply divine. Free effortless, power-pleasure.

Emotions for the sub

I think the collar’s 24/7 imposition is quite subjugating for bitch-boy. The feel of it ALL THE TIME. The image of it, WHENEVER he sees himself in a mirror.  And having it padlocked on seems to have a VERY BIG extra effect. Do use a padlock if you can!



For info on my own BDSM manual, in several formats, click on an image below.