I have noticed one quite distinct difference between domination sessions that by necessity must be relatively brief and sessions that can regularly go on all day and night, or longer. I know some couples have children at home and or other vanilla things that prevent sessions being for longer than say a couple of hours. And also many sub males visit Dominatrices, again most often just for an hour or two.
I know such sessions can be intense and rewarding but for those of us, (and there are quite a few who make contributions to this blog), who have the opportunity of regular sessions lasting several days and nights, it seems universal that a torment technique becomes a key part of the regime that can only be enabled by having hours and hours of time. The Humiliation/Tedium torments.
The sub must write lines, perhaps while dressed as a schoolgirl, for literally hours and hours. The sub is dressed as a little girl and must colour-in with dolly, or play a Disney Princess board game with dollies, for literally hours and hours. The sub (in chastity) might be locked in a tiny, sound proofed and pitch black cupboard for literally hours and hours. The sub might be bound in sensory deprivation bondage for literally hours and hours. The sub may have to clean a floor with a toothbrush and then re-clean and then re-clean again and again for literally hours and hours.
And very importantly, the chosen activity will not be a one-off. The sub will know, not just today will he endure those hours! He will do tomorrow and the next day, or two days next week, and the week after, and will be doing so for years to come! The sense of miserable helpnessness cannot be moderated by thinking, ‘just get through this and I’ll never suffer this again’. Oh no!
And the Domme will get the most divine, complex feeling of serenity, power, pitilessness and arousal. Arousal that will usually be satiated by masturbation many times in those hours. And as well as the orgasms, there is truly relaxing; – watching TV, or making phone calls, or reading or doing a craft activity, or sunbathing, or shopping, or gym, or sleeping.
It is often mooted that getting older, and also retiring, can be a bad thing. I guess my point is, if you are a Domme currently fettered by circumstances like say, children at home, or you and your sub are both working long hours, then think ahead to when it will just be you and him, day after day after day. One HUGE compensation for thinking about growing a bit older, for children leaving the nest, for retiring; is you have the DIVINE FEELING to look forward to that I have described above!
For info on my own BDSM manual, in several formats, click on an image below.
Mistress Scarlet's Blog 
What a totally mean and cruel bitch you really are! Also bitch boy must be truly brain washed by you and have zero self-esteem to endure this ridiculous and meaningless existence.
Well you have shown so much ignorance and got so much wrong. The only thing you got right was that I’m a totally mean and cruel bitch. (And rather proud of that I am too.)
If you were to meet bitch-boy in the vanilla world you see how wrong you are about his self esteem which is healthily significant. Why shouldn’t it be? He is a force to be reckoned with in the vanilla world, hugely successful and has a deeply contented submissive soul.
Me brainwash him? He introduced me to femdom, not the other way around.
He leads as full an existence as its possible I believe. All his vanilla activities are wholesome and admirable and pleasurable to him. Far from meaningless and ridiculous. And there are literally thousands of men that would do anything to live his life.
And how about you? You wish to deny me fulfilling his sexuality. Isn’t that rather selfish of you?
I guess you want gay people to be cured or converted. Anyone whose sexuality is not the same as yours needs curing, or has been brainwashed? Dear or dear.
How have you been on my blog, yet misunderstood do much? I believe this is the tenth comment you have left. Why do you spend so much time on my blog I wonder John?
I enjoy being submissive up to a certain extent towards my Wife. We both have our limits however. There is no way I would endure the tedium you force bitch boy to endure.
Has your wife seen your comment?
You can’t be submissive to a certain extent. That is a literal impossibility. That means you make the rules. That is not submissive, it is controlling. The fact that you impose limits on your wife means it’s playacting. The fact that you won’t submit to things beyond what you like, means its just a game
Surely you can’t feel good about yourself, displaying your ignorant, foul, insulting, aggression. What you do is just fine but what others do is WRONG! Really!
Who knows, perhaps your ignorant, foul, insulting, aggression comes from knowing that you do not have the courage to actually submit and relinquish all power to another who will then decide what happens with no thought as to what you think you can endure. That is submissive! That is the courage a true submissive has to have in order to absolutely feel what it is like to be dominated and have zero power.
Perfectly said
Right O.K. You win Mistress Scarlett.You are right, fem dom is just a pleasant game we both play. We do not make a living out of it like You and bitchboy.
Your obsession with the fact that people purchase the things of mine that are published is rather weird. You might be surprised to learn that clicks from my blog to a purchase site are extremely low, less than 3%. I maintain my blog for three reasons. One, is to help true submissives understand that there is nothing wrong with them for feeling like they do. Two is that I gain valuable knowledge and learning all the time from people leaving comments that I can disseminate, and three, most importantly, to try to convince more women to adopt a true submissive and enjoy the amazing, exhilarating, symbiotic relationship that can result.
I feel a little sad that your wife will never get to experience true power over another and has, instead, to playact in the games you insist she plays.
I am most perplexed by your aggression and spite and judgemental views.
“You can’t be submissive to a certain extent.”
I’d like to respectfully disagree on that. Person can agree into a D/s relationship that isn’t unlimited it can be still real. Some people wish for a stern hand and sense of being put into their place, but not a complete subjugation and domestic tyranny. I would call it a relationship between a boss and a servant: not an equal one, but not tyranny either.
I, for one, am in a relationship where there’s no question who calls the shots (she does), who does the housework (I do) and who decides when we have sex and how (again, she does) and when I need to be corrected for my behaviour. But at the same time it is clear that there are things that I want to do in my life and things that I would not stand, and she respects my limits. For example, I would never do that colouring-in or write lines on a work trip unless it was a punishment from something stupid that I had really done. If she would propose something like that as as condition for our relationship, I would walk away that instant. And not look back. I still have a backbone.
Why oh why did you have to end your otherwise well written and well reasoned argument with a judgemental, aggressive, prejudiced, bitchy insult to all the males who have chosen to experience their submissive sexuality by giving up 100% of their power in their DS relationship?
Ironically, that seriously smacks of a lack of backbone, self esteem and of insecurity. (The main reasons people show aggression and prejudice and spite.)
I don’t know how many times I have to set out THE FACT that most submissives who give over 100% of their power, have in the vanilla world, great respect, loads of self esteem and are forces of nature; like bitch-boy. More back bone that you I imagine as he would never feel the need to lash out with prejudice and insults because someone was different to him. And it takes backbone TO GIVE OTHER 100% OF YOUR POWER TO ANOTHER. It takes no backbone to compromise.
I would have liked to explore whether you take for granted how lucky you are and how difficult or impossible you would find it to find someone else like you Mistress. The most likely outcome of walking away being, you would never experience such a relationship again. But I cannot be bothered to engage with you.
Well, no need getting upset here, have we. My sincerest apology, I came through unclear. I’d never say that somebody giving up all control _willingly_ would be without backbone. That’s actually pretty courageous.
But, should he (or she, for that matter) do it for a fear of losing the relationship or due coercion, that would be lack of a backbone and just it. What I mean with having a backbone myself means that I will stand to my ground and my principles whatever the cost might be, even if that would mean being alone or in a vanilla relationship the rest of my life. And actually that is the reason my Mistress loves me so much.
I hope you can be open minded in the consideration of this but I am afraid, ….. principles whatever the cost might be….., absolutely is not backbone. Backbone is courage.
…principles whatever the cost might ….., is inflexibility; stubbornness. A failure to weigh up pro’s and con’s without animal emotions getting in the way. Principles whatever the cost might be……, have for thousands of years caused misery and worthless futility. I am unable to believe that your wife loves you because of your inflexibility and stubbornness and a failure to weigh up pro’s and con’s without animal emotions getting in the way.
And you have continued the same prejudiced, insult that you are better than the submissives who have given 100% of their power over.
According to your own argument, they too are principled. They stick to their principles. They stand their ground, that they will endure, (whatever the cost might be to them), anything their mistress requires them to endure.
Given you have had stab at rewording the very same position you posited before, I can only assume you are actually made to feel less of a submissive than those who give over 100% of power and are therefore trying to justify why you do not have the courage to do so. Believe me, no justification is required. No one is judging you. Why don’t you stop judging them? You are not better or worse than them, just different to them.
I would love to be in bitch boy’s place Ms Scarlet. I have always craved for that feeling of true submission that can only come long after it’s no longer a game. My soul was made to endure the whims of a wonderfully cruel and creative woman, and as much as I would probably hate every second of coloring with a dolly while you’re relaxing or otherwise enjoying yourself in adult pleasures, it would however fulfill some very deep seated needs and desires that can not be satiated in any other way. Your bitch boy is a very lucky man, and I can’t thank you enough for sharing your life with us.
Thank you for providing the perspective of a courageous and true submissive male. I always hope such perspectives will help tip the balance of females considering being dominant to give it a go and reap the rewards.
Indeed, that is something to look forward to!!!
Thank you Ms Scarlet for publishing the full thread and allowing us to read the responses. Why shouldn’t you do well from your writing? You have a unique ability, style and insight into the submissive male and dominant female mind. There is a lot of taboos about domination and submission in society. It is a challenge to not unconsciously sign up to the projections of uninformed people who have a fixed idea of what is ‘normal’. Personally, as a male who enjoys being dominated, I find it difficult to acknowledge my own desires with the people I love because of the fear of being called a pervert and my preferences are relatively mild. To accept ones self and be accepted by others for who we are is liberating. Your writing is a triumph in erotic self expression. More power to you!
Thank you for the kind words.
Thank you Mistress scarlet for all your writing as I have almost all of your journals. It would be great to be in the live of BB. May I ask how much female domination you have known prior to meeting BB.
I have taken your comments about me seriously.I promise never to comment on this blog again and I offer my sincere apologies.
Obviously I welcome your comments as long as they are not judgemental or aggressive. We are all on here to learn from each other.
Having never written a reply to anyone’s blog entry before, I do so with some trepidation, but I strongly felt the need to do so with this post.
I’m always saddened to see comments such as those from John and it’s mystifying to me why some people seem to be driven to make them. As a long time follower of this blog I’m well aware that, far from being ‘brain-washed’, it was BB who encouraged you into the lifestyle you now enjoy and he did so in a caring and sensitive fashion. In my view this shows intelligence, love and personal insight on his part and a great deal of courage to place himself so entirely in your hands. You’ve also written many times of BB’s strength and prowess in the vanilla world and it’s hard to see how this equates to ‘zero self-esteem’.
As for the sarcasm and insinuation that you’re only in it for the money, well I’m reminded that those who cannot win a debate with reasoned argument often resort to spiteful personal attack. Just look at some of our politicians for evidence of that.
Like you I’m sad for John’s wife, but I’m also sad for John that he seems to be compelled to make such disparaging, hurtful attacks. I would not presume to attribute motives to anyone, but can speculate that perhaps he’s has had disparaging attacks made upon him in the past and, in repressed anger, feels justified in making them on others; perhaps he has some condition that leaves him with an inability to empathise with others, or perhaps his attacks help protect him from some underlaying insecurities he has when confronted with people who do not share his view of the world. Whatever the cause, I hope he can develop the insight and courage to find it within himself to identify it, make a change, and bring light into other peoples lives rather than trying to be hurtful.
I have the greatest respect for both BB and yourself and for your commitment to each other and feel grateful and privileged to have read about your lives. Whilst I understand that, to many of us life-long submissives, BB may seem to be a very lucky man, in my view he has made his own luck with his choice of partner, his love for you and his total commitment to being submissive. I wish you both a long and happy life together and, as ever, I look forward to hearing more about it in the future.
Thank you
This is the part of femdom I find the most exciting, fascinating, and terrifying!
Misstress Scarlet may I ask, what’s the most extreme example of this that bb has endured? I don’t recall you mentioning him locked in a box before? And is there something of this nature you haven’t tried yet but want to in future?
I am confused by your questions. A bit vague?
By ‘box’, do you mean cupboard as I mentioned in the post?
What do you mean by ‘ this nature’?
Yes sorry, I meant the cupboard idea you mentioned in the post. I don’t remember reading about that before, but maybe I missed it. I wonder what the most brutal type of act like this you’d done before was? I remember you saying he’d been in sensory deprivation bondage for 6 hours?
I meant do you have any of the type of acts you mention in this post that you haven’t done yet that you’d like to try?
A long time ago if I had to work at home on the PC at weekends, I would do so with bitch-boy shut in a cupboard in the room in which I worked. I was busy so could not play, but I had this lovely warm feeling of bitchy power while I worked, that my toy was shut away in the dark cupboard, in chastity, wrists cuffed in front of him, in the dark. It greatly reduced the pain of having to work at a weekend.
Yes when my lesbian sub, play-toy, used to visit, while I played with her I would have bitch-boy in sensory deprivation bondage, in diapers and plastic pants. I always played with her for five or six hours straight. Then he would be released and she and I would abuse him for a couple of hours.
I’m always thinking of new activities of this nature, or I read of a relevant activity I like that another Domme does. There are two I have done recently that feature in my Journal No. 16 I am working on; which will be published before Christmas. One of the activities, I loved so, so much and bitch-boy hated to the point of truly profound begging for it to end! That one will become a regular.
Dear Scarlett
As you know, sissy slave led me to your blog and one of the many main reasons why I find it splendid is that it treats with clarity and competence an aspect of the Femdom that does not appear habitually, that is, that of a relationship truly based on its essence to the total domination of the Mistress over her slave. Unfortunately, what you see in most sites is about erotic fantasies where domination is a way of having sex like any other. The man meets the woman, they have a BDSM session, after the session they cums and then they return to normal; maybe with the woman who goes to deal with some household affairs and the man to watch the game on television.
Obviously I have nothing against those who do this and I have nothing even against the look of the dominatrixes in the mainstream sites (on the contrary I confess I have always loved a very aggressive look and I don’t mind wearing very fetish clothing at all, especially shoes and corsets)
The reason why I like your blog is that it treats those who live Femdom as a true lifestyle and as true form of total female freedom. In my daily experience, in every ‘vanilla’ relationship, partners must necessarily give something to each other and, normally, for a thousand reasons related to social conventions, the one who gives the most is the woman.
I have never been able to tolerate this. It will be a form of selfishness, but above all I have always placed my absolute and total freedom to choose for myself in life and sexually without having to give an account to anyone.
Furthermore, I have always loved to dominate, command, be served and revered and adored. It is in my nature. That’s why when I discovered Femdom I was fascinated by it!
Then I met Marco (the real name of sissy slave m) and his natural submission magnified my hedonism, my innate sadism and my desire for absolute power over him.
And today, therefore, ours is a symbiotic relationship in which I take everything, and he undergoes everything. I am fully satisfied, and I become crueller every day, while he, judging by how he swears his love in the tears of his sufferings and humiliations, still seems to be certainly in his place.
Coming to the content of your post, I fully agree with the great pleasure that comes from subjecting the slave to long, interminable torments and repeating them again and again, more and more cruel, with the passage of time.
In our relationship, as my pathetic sissy husband wrote, the ‘vanilla time’ is practically absent and, therefore, the time he spends directly under my yoke is very very long.
I divide it into three phases (obviously it is a very general division that cannot describe the entirety of the relationship)
1. THE BDSM SESSIONS
Obviously, I love practicing long BDSM sessions in which I torture, humiliate and subdue (even sexually – I love the strap – on against his chastity) in an intense way and with the utmost cruelty sissy slave. I enjoy immensely his acute and extreme suffering. My sessions are frequent and long but, obviously, they last only a few (sometimes many) hours.
BDSM sessions are fun and exciting but satisfy only the most outward and “bloody” part of MY sadistic and cruel nature as dominatrix.
2. SERVITUDE
All the time, then, and I mean all the time, sissy slave m has to serve me as a queen and a goddess. Everything in our home and in our life is organized according to my cravings and my desires and my preferences and sissy slave m. he is responsible for everything (housework, bureaucratic aspects of life etc ..). For my enjoyment, then, sissy slave m. must ALWAYS serve me in one of his uniforms as a servant or maid, always completely feminized and always with some bondage element.
This satisfies my hedonism, my narcissism and my desire for absolute supremacy.
3. FREE CRUELTY
When sissy slave m. it is not directly in service and I am not using it in a BDSM session. I ALWAYS submit him to what you call tedium – humiliation torment. I leave him for hours and hours locked in a cage, or in a closet or keep him for hours in the SDB. Or I make him do some housework with particularly restrictive bondages or in humiliating ways (cleaning the bathroom floor and sanitary ware with his tongue, polishing the soles of all my shoes with his tongue). Or I force him to repeat humiliating rituals again and again in my absence (walking back and forth in a room with increasingly high heels performing predetermined gestures of humiliation – practicing receiving in the mouth or in the ass fake cocks and dildoes). Or I use it as an inanimate object at home (tied and immobilized to serve as a footrest or chair – tied in the bathroom with a hood and a funnel in the mouth to serve as a toilet – food tray – lamp holders and the like). I like to indulge in these activities literally for hours and hours, totally ignoring sissy slave m or going to him from time to time to torture him directly or humiliate him or, given his desperate abstinence, teas him to tears (just playing with his nipples).
These activities, combined with the many occasions when sissy slave m. it is dominated by third parties, perhaps they satisfy the deepest nature of my sadism and cruelty. I am the pleasant context in which my life as an absolute dominatrix and mistress takes place, like sweet background music.
Just the beauty and gratification that can be drawn from this third type of activity makes different the relationships your blog talks about from all the others and makes our life splendid and that of our slaves a hell (just to say I feel wet); a hell from which they would not escape even if they could.
Best wishes
Mistress Francesca
A fantastic comment Francesca! I loooove it. Thank you for the kindness of suggesting my blog has a unique element.
Humiliation – tedium linked with partial ignoring is I agree exquisite and it is amazing what a turn on given almost nothing is happening. I think it is the sheer cruelty of it that provides the visceral power rush that simply seems to be at a continuous peak level.
When you announce such an activity is about to be imposed, does sissy slave m beg and plead?
Do you use a baby monitor when you force him to repeat humiliating rituals again and again in your absence (walking back and forth in a room with increasingly high heels performing predetermined gestures of humiliation – practising receiving in the mouth or in the ass fake cocks and dildos)?
Thanks Scarlett!
Your blog is truly exalting me!
Yes, sissy slave m. pleads and begs when I announce one of these activities … and I love hearing him beg and please and than slapping him or spitting in his face and imposing what I want on him. He must also thank me! (it’s amazing to hear him as he desperately thanks me for the treatment I’m going to subject him to).
Before, I used a baby monitor. Now I use an old mobile phone connected to an application on my smartphone. Sissy slave m found the app. I’ll let you know what it’s called.
Now I am writing to you from a SPA where I am with my mother and sister. sissy slave m. is at home in chains, doing weekend cleaning. I think when I get home he will undergo one of my treatments … I will keep you updated …
a warm greeting
Mistress Francesca
I very much look forward to your update!
Hello there! I know this is kinda off topic however I’d figured I’d
ask. Would you be interested in exchanging
links or maybe guest writing a blog article or
vice-versa? My blog covers a lot of the same topics as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other.
If you’re interested feel free to shoot me an email. I look forward to hearing from you!
Great blog by the way!
What is your blog URL?